All Comments on 'Castaway Ch. 03'

Sort of shows that the previous chapters were unnecessary. When you can sum up two entire chapters in a short blurb to a guy you met in a bar, it really shows they were lacking.

There are a lot of romantic angles that could come about with this story already, Kim, Tanya etc. Be careful about how you do the plane crash, making him a castaway for too long would really make the story lose a lot. At least thanks to the divorce his daughter would get any money from his "death" if anything officially happened to him.

There's a chapter 4, too? No way.

You obviously have a talent for writing, judging from how well you painted the opening scene, putting the reader there on the beach with you. I was disappointed when the story went into all the dreary boring stuff after that. Finally there was some sex at the very end, seemingly thrown in as if you suddenly remembered that, except for the Non-Erotic category, Literotica is meant to be an erotic story site. It's what most readers come for here. I'm sorry but it's not worth more than one star.

now you have to use them, or you've wasted the reader's time. Major writing sin to do so.

Having a great time reading this. Plenty of scenery and a growing cast.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

you got to laugh at annoys comment "bbbboooorrrriiinnnggggg" he needs to go find a stroke story---Nicely written so far Rnebular 5

Hope the castaway portion is brief. Hopefully cyrus is out of the story for good as his storyline is done. One thing I do not get is the wife had an affair with cyrus? Not clear other than she was with him for a night after separation. Would like to see that explained.

I saw this as a transition chapter...Now it'll begin the "Robinson Crusoe" part, even if the title goes more in the line of "Cast away" movie staring Tom Hanks...As I can see it, when he returns to civilization all will be changed (as the character in the movie found out)...Let's see if this is what the writer has in mind...3* for this part...

the whole thing with tanya is unbelieveble & kind of ruined it other tgan that it was a good read would rather have that kim back in the story as a friend with benefits kind of way than that celebrity plot hope you write tanya out

my impression is that you are mired in minutiae. The kind of sandwich he made, putting the plate in the sink, calling the daughter and her not answering but calling right back, the drinks he made... it goes on and on. It does not add to the story and in fact, detracts from it. I am sure that I am not the only reader that has gone into "skim mode" on this. You need to weed out the excess verbiage, and there's a lot of it. You have potential, but your story telling skills need to be honed. In real life, do people interrupt you and/or lose interest when you are in the middle of recounting something that happened to you? We all know people that drag a story out far too long. You appear to be that guy, at least to me.

Naming his new company Puddle jumpers , reminded me of T.C.'s Island hoppers from my favorite T.V. series when I was a young teen , Magnum P.I.

In fact this chapter had the same vibe as that old classic.

So , this has veered off from the first two chapters storyline , but I'm digging it.

looking forward to the next chapter , please don't make us wait too long.

Another commenter , on another story , recently used the term " classic LW" , and indeed your story does have the feel of a LW stories that were posted a 8 or 10 years back . As is my silly habit of lumping authors together in my mind , your writing style reminds me a lot of coaster2 . And believe me , that is high praise.

4.5 so grading on the curve ,

5*'s

Overly long, plodding, unnecessarily long winded. This whole thing could have fit in three pages not six. I fell asleep twice reading this.

To be honest I'm enjoying it i was disappointed to see the end as each page finished. Don't worry about doubters and critics its holding my interest and painting great pictures of a fabulous new life in a fabulous place.

love this series as it shows how your life can change in more ways than one. funny how his ex wife said it was only one time but then he finds out that it must of be alot more than one time for his former partner to be going over to his house for the night. i think we will hear again from that guy as he still is at large. there got to be a reason besides trying to take the business away that he did what he did; hopefully the ex wife is out the picture for good. hope to see the next chapter soon

This is a story in search of a good editor.

Honestly, I scanned this more than read it. Your attention to detail is truly painful and often completely useless. (He paid his dinner bill and put the money on the table? Good God!)

It's not about quantity, it's about quality and right now you have too much of one and not near enough of the other.

As everyone had commented. Long, redundant, boring.

almost everything with Cyrus is poorly scripted. How he was committing his crimes. What he thought he would get out of shooting the main char and leaving him alive. Why the wife reacted as she did. Why the main char didn't go to the police when shot! How the government reacted when a company was being used to traffic in arms by one of its founders. How he got the corrupt FEMA official he wanted (as agency employees don't volunteer for companies, they are assigned). Why his wife would ever have let Cyrus back in the house knowing he was a major criminal and arms dealer and literally had just shot her husband.

The plotting just isn't good. Sorry for being so critical.

I see that the Hawaiian Island of Oahu is actually Irish, and is really named O'ahu. I never realized that before. I have no idea why you put an apostrophe near the end of Molokai. Moloka'i? Is the apostrophe meant be possessive, or what? I have never used a word that required an apostrophe i. So many details in this story. Ham sandwiches and Irish Hawaiian Islands. The wife sleeping with the guy after he shot and tried to kill hubby makes reconciliation a stretch for many readers. Beautiful women throwing themselves at him seems to be helping him get over the betrayal. This story is wandering all over the place.

It just doesn't add up. Or work . To many mistakes . How his ex wife slept with the partner after shooting him no one getting in touch with the police . Was she in on that too.the shooting. Makes no sense. All those women just falling for his manly charms totally out of space. The guy in s a wimp running off. And not taking car of business at home. This story is all over the place. To low to score for me.

I think your story has many elements that catch and hold a readers interest. I am looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks.

I enjoyed your story. Some people will bitch if they get hung up with a new rope . Just can't please them .

I'm actually enjoying the story immensely. I am upset with the way the main character has treated Caitlin though. He just isn't a big enough person to forgive ....

I think this story is missing the loving wives portion or is just significantly underdeveloped. It basically turned into a story about living in Hawaii. There are still a lot of questions concerning the betrayal. How long was the wife cheating on him? What were the details? There was hardly no detail of his so called business partner other than he shot him and was on the loose. These are the details that keep readers interested. Where is the emotional pull that keep readers interested. I eventually just skimmed to the finish of this chapter to end the frustration. I think details of living in Hawaii are important, but details of the relationship with the wife are more important for this type of story otherwise you loose readers interest. Hopefully the next chapter gives more "Loving Wives" appeal to the story. 2 stars.

The de Havilland Canada DHC-2 Beaver carries a maximum of 6 passengers.

My eyes got tired from skimming over the tedious irrelevant details, looking for something of substance to describe or explain what the character were doing, and why. You spent more time and detail describing and explaining the drinks, the boats, the plane, the islands, and the business arrangements than the reasons for his wife's and partner's betrayal. I'm glad we know the name of the fruit juice, but it would a little more interesting to learn why his marriage relationship imploded. Sex, romance, greed, blackmail, drugs, what? Every woman he meets wants to fuck his eyes out, so what happened with his wife?

And of course he will go from an aging cheating slut wife to a young wealthy movie star; happens all the time.

But perhaps the most stupid act in this story, aside from buying a plane built in 1957 without a complete FAA certified pre-purchase survey, which takes days, is buying a wooden boat. While all large boats are just holes in the water into which you pour money, a wood boat is a bottomless pit. He better hurry up and marry the movie star.

rnebular just has to be taking the piss with this story to see how many bullshit plotholes he can fit into one story!

Leaving out the usual characters acting like complete morons in chapter 1 by having a wife with a great marriage fail to notice the people in a picture of her husband cheating on her is actually her and her husband having sex in their own home and right away jumping on the dick of the asshole who showed her the photo is one thing. This was not out there enough for rnebular as he then has to the husband shot in front of wife by the asshole who not only tells her it was all a lie and reveals the rest of his evil plan but tries to frame the stupid bitch for her husbands murder!

Any normal author would probley consider this pushing reality a bit much but not rnebular, oh hell no! We then get in chapter 2 the wife who really, really loves her husband not only not does call the cops or an ambulance but abandons her just shot husband to the care of a work mate who also fails to call the authorities!

Then in this chapter coz the last two didn't jump the shark enough we have the wife sleeping with the villain once more after all of this has gone down and she still claims to love her husband!!! WTF!

If this was a good book I would be planning to read it straight through all night. Looking forward to the next chapter.

This read like a travelogue, had zero drama and way too much gay shit. There was no "loving wives" to it and after the first two pages is was so tedious I started skimming. Author is a decent writer, but needs something to say. This wasn't it. Much ado about nothing.

I was beginning to wonder about alternative meanings to the title! Now we finally got to the island. Delightful fantasy. I hope that the beautiful bird will fly again....

How come the score is so high? Could it be some people cheat and vote multiple times from different IP addresses? This is why LW scores get adjusted. Anyone can cheat this way but it seems to be the few usual suspects who always seem to have the time to mega-cheat. It really doesn't do this author any favors to make him believe his story is almost 5 stars when so few really think so. Meaningful comments help more. Remember, no one makes money on stories here and in the real world it's sales that count. Long boring tales don't tend to sell.

Finishing with the top cliche of all time: marooned on a tropical island!

I am enjoying the story so please continue to write it. I agree for the most part with what has been said but I think you have a good thing going here. I appreciate your efforts and thank you for sharing.

-Ahaz

Good third chapter waiting for the next instalment. Keep up the good writing.

Well written and I'm looking forward to more.

I don't see where the negative comments come from great story hard to stop reading

I just hope it doesn't take as long to get the next installment.

Yes, this is a long boring story, but you don't get it, yet. These kinds of stories don't have to cheat the scores. Any story where things wind up bad for cheaters is going to score in the low fours, no matter how bad, because that's what most readers want. They want the cheater to pay the price, so they give it a four or five. Stories where cheating doesn't have bad results are going to score badly, no matter how well written because that's what most readers hate. The site then adjusts those scores by throwing out all votes below a three. If they did that for scores already in the low fours, it would be blatantly obvious and all those stories would be close to hall of fame numbers. The good writers would desert the site and game over. Browse the LW archives and look at the scores. Nothing below three, cheaters punished stories get four+, cheaters not punished 3+. It's just the way the game is played. Demographics and site cheating.

I am really looking forward to the next installment! 5*

some where in chapter 2.

It started off with great possibilities, but for some reason you turned both main characters into assholes and when you can't like anyone you lose interest.

Maybe leaving him to die on the island or be eaten by cannibals would spark interest, but I'm not sure even finding out he is the only man on the island full of sex starved Amazons would help at this point. Don't give your next character the traits of honor and humanity and then kill them.

Going back now and read your other stories, I'm hooked.

Home-wrecking, gun-running drug-dealer gets caught by the Feds and the judge sets BAIL? GMAFB! Then slimewad goes back to a motel after spending overnite quality-time with Sweetie and is away before the PI notifies the authorities? Coulda called them when HWGRDD walked into Hubby's house the evening before!

If you are harnessed in before you crash, the instrument panel would have to hit you in the face, not vice versa! Don't plane owners retrofit airbags into their planes?

When Sweetie claimed she set-up a 'revenge fuck' on purpose for hubby to discover, Hubby came home EARLY ... and Maddy was unpredictable about when she might be back in the house ... details are just NOT being taken-care-of!

So the 'voluptuous' concierge with B-cups and petite hands, and the star-actress are ripe for Hubby's Hose at first sight? Good to be an island-hopping pilot.

3*

Have pontoons for water access? So why didn't he do water landing and anchor nextto the island?

There are no seagulls in Hawaii Otherwise a good story

What is this story for? Too long and no end in sight. Nearly boring. Sorry guy, stop this one and start another one with more emotions and thrill!

Some of these comments...I just read the stories for entertainment. As far as that goes, I am well entertained! 5*

I think this ending is great.

Even though a plane crash doesn't preclude a sequel.

For me "Castaway Ch.3" is the end🙅,lol.

AMerryman

Sure,it has some elements of the fantastic,but so what? It is a nice read,and has some suspense (like,who sabotaged the plane?is Shawn in league with his old partner?is Howard shady?whodunit?). What gal will he end up with? This isn't a typical wanker,and my only complaint is waiting on the chapters,compared to many of the btb shot da bitch in da belly,it is a quality read.

She is still sleeping with the guy who supposedly lied and tricked her, than tried to kill her husband in front of her. Pluss he was wanted by the police, that just was crazier than him sleeping with a movie star. But despite all that I still enjoyed it, thanks.

Its not non stop sex, but there are 100,000 of those on this sight.

Its a great read of a good story, the sexy bits just intensify it.

You have a gift keep it going!

FYI, you can't fly for at least 8 hours after drinking any alcohol.

re:

Little thing

FYI, you can't fly for at least 8 hours after drinking any alcohol.

---- ---- ----

I don't know about other countries.

But in the USA (of which Hawaii is a part) the Federal law is 24 hours between drinking alcohol and piloting an aircraft.

That is not from the beginning of the drinking but from the end.

It seems like if this author every has a story to tell, he'll be able to tell it well. This wasn't a story, this was a brochure about how great is is to live in Hawaii. It feels like it was written by a travel agent, not a loving wives author. I read these stories because they have tension and high drama. This one didn't. Even in the first one, the wife never made any sense. Huge plot holes you could drive a truck through

...going into a little more locational "color" to cement the familiarity of the area and the setting for major elements in your story.

Some of this has seemed implausible, suggesting a bit more effort to "make it believable" or at least to make it comfortable for us to suspend disbelief over those anomalous things.

The comments about drinking and driving (a plane) suggest more effort to get technical things right. It's asking a lot of a writer, but again reflection of reality makes believability...just as familiarity with locations and the details that familiarity offers bring far more realism to a story than those scant little nods to locations mentioned in many of the stories here.

You might go on to mention something like surface diving over the volcanic shelf just off Lanai less than a mile northwest of Manele bay and almost straight west of Lahaina, across the Auau channel. Or "turtle swimming" off Molokai or Maui, near Ka'anapali (the big Maui tourist attraction, but with nice beaches and lots of fun snorkeling areas.

Those kinds of elements offer a bit of side-tracking to the story, but present readers with a far richer experience. I note that one reader complained about the lack of drama and tension in the story. Well, high energy random fucking every three paragraphs isn't my idea of a good story, either. Just stay your course, you're doing fine. And I for one, immensely enjoy this journey you've offered us.

Thank you.

I will talk about writing.

Reading this, save for the two supposed cliff hangers of him getting shot and him going down in an aircraft, it is very 'blah'.

What do I mean?

It is like reading about a man watching a movie of his life. Except for him getting shot and crashing an airplane, what does he do ALL STORY?

He makes phone calls so OTHER people can do things for him.

-Curt digs up the dirt and even calls the cops to destroy his business partner.

-Tony dissolves the business, sells the business, finds a buyer and exits.

-Sandra makes ALL of the divorce happen. We never see the wife. No confrontation. No drama. No high emotion. Just an immoral Disney philosophy.

He is pointing and clicking his life. And we don't SEE any of these things happening. He is sitting drinking, he gets a phone call, and POOF, problem solved...by someone else. Off stage...so we have no tension or engagement or personal interaction with any of these people except him.

HE should be doing things, not these characters we don't know or care about.

One gets the sense that he's only gotten laid twice so far because he can't point and click automatically having sex from the comfort of his rum and beach chair (though Tanya came pretty close!)

The point of this sextion is about emotion. The emotion might be sex. You write lots of sex scenes. Okay. Meh. It could be the emotion of competing ideologies. Wife vs Husband. You removed all of that. It could be the emotion of hate as he wreaks wicked vengeance on his wayward wife. Do we get that? no.

No emotion, nothing but watching a guy drinking and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars like it was nothing with the occasionally hot as fuck dream model just GUSH how much she wants to fuck him.

Nice work if you can find it. Making a relatable character? No.

I found myself intrigued by your story, wondering when the partner was going to show up and try to finish what he started. Anyway, very interesting.

I am enjoying this novel in serial form. The characters are well defined and scenes are well described. I can let my imagination project your writing to my movie images in my head. I am anxious for the next chapter!

I'm just tired of these fantasies. Middle-aged guy is cheated on by wife with business partner who tries to kill him and take over his business.

Luckily, Cyrus is now a criminal and is on the run so get gets his just desserts, wife is served and divorced. And our hero? Why he sells his business and goes native in Hawaii where all sorts of gorgeous women throw themselves at him. This is a daydream fantasy written into a very lengthy story.

Another issue: there is absolutely no continuity of character's emotions or personality. Upon hearing her dad is divorcing mom, we get Maddy crying and yelling Noooo! And then within two sentences, we then have Maddy yelling, "WooHoo! We're going to Hawaii!" Really?

As others have said, this thing is all over the place. Wrap up inconsistencies, address plot holes, bring closure to open ended characters, and trim, trim, trim.

this could be so much better than good. What I think makes a story great is the interaction, the tension, the emotions between the characters in a relationship often when it is in trouble. I'll read and rate highly stories with those elements even if it has very little sex. This story starts with a marriage between two people seemingly very much in love and lust. We never find out really what happened. Was it just the lies Cyrus told that caused her to throw away her marriage or was it long term affair? If it wasn't long term, why did she fuck him again? Did Mandy ever find out what happened between her parents? She seemed perfectly happy to continue to live with her mom. It seems this story is nothing more than a sexual fantasy romp for James, but with him blacking out at the end of two out of three chapters. Is the next chapter going to make it three out of four? I really hope you have a direction for this story and not just fuck episode after fuck episode like many of the series on this site.

The tension is incredible! First there was tension in ch.1 with the adultery and attempted murder. Then there was tension in ch.2 with the fallout from the crooked business partner and the decision of to divorce or not to divorce. Now he finally starts to get his life together and the bottom falls out. Terrific writing from a rising star! A big FIVE to you. Keep it coming.

I am looking forward to the next chapter

Gave it a 4 for the sexual fantasy and the tension at the end but really need to find out everything about Caitlin and what the hell was going on with her and Cyrus.

I know you are far from done though and still enjoying the ride.

...especially about the main character's inconsistent actions (read: non-actions) in chapter 2, I see my own impressions confirmed.

What I cannot understand is the rating of mentionned chapter 2 and of the current chapter 3 as well. Who rates this story so high that it scores nearly 4.5? Are all the meaningless details about James' live in Hawaii really worth a 5*?

And more dreck... 1*

"..brownish liquid..."

Brownish liquid!?.

Diarrhoea is brownish liquid!

Good whisky is .." fiery liquid amber.."

'.. tawny golden elixer..."

Jesus, what plebean porridge!

good story line.

engaging main character.

Liking the new love interest.

Exwife is selfish and evil. She didnt eveen care for him after the shooting and cheated again even after the expartner shot him. That says it all.

Expartner sabotaged the plane maybe.

Hope he gets the new girl, the expartner gets caught/damaged, and we hear more about the exwifes suffering. One does wonder if she and the expartener planned the shooting together.

Cant wait for more.

Enjoying the journey sofar. Chapter 4 please. Update on his ex and his ex business partner.

Damn I waited until chapter 3 to start. I enjoyed your other stories so knew I would have a good reading experience on this one as well! NOW have to wait for next chapter at least I understand the title now - I was kind of wondering on title at page 3 of this chapter but at least that mystery is solved now just have to see if know why ex cheated not that it is a deal breaker to the story either way. So much was said about there supposed 'love' in chapter 1 makes me wonder?

Thank you for writing and Please continue this story and I will definitely keep reading.

Yes I did give a 5*

Lame, formulaic, poorly researche'd, incredibly boring and trite.

He was never qualified to fly a Beaver, much less with floats. Buys a huge sailboat without a crew or adequate experience as a blue water sailor. And pilots do not use MAPS, they use aeronautical charts. Big difference.

Give it up. This is a one star dead puppy. Waiting for Tom Hanks to appear, huh?

Thanks for sharing

There isnt much of a running plot, other than a story that started as traditional LW, turned into a Hawaii tourist ad, devolved into random sex scenes, then turned into a Tom Hanks plot in a state where thats basically impossible. Honestly, build your plot, set the pacing THEN and only then write your story.

As always, thank you to everyone that has read and commented on my story. I tried to make the overall story (not just each chapter) different from what has already been posted. The main problem with that, though, is that chances are someone has already written every idea that we authors can come up with. I simply aim to entertain, with ideas that pop into my brain. That said, I understand there are some holes, that still remain to be filled or explained. For characters and plot, Chapter 4 should make some things a lot more clear. For some of the technical details, well...

He didn't buy a huge sail-boat, he bought a 36' power boat (was stated), and I am not a pilot, so did as much research as Google could get for me on the Beaver. For any legitimate pilots out there, I apologize if I have butchered your profession in this series. Perhaps one of you could volunteer to proof my next chapter before I submit it, to validate the technical side of James' tale? Regardless, I value every comment and emailed feedback, and have not voluntarily deleted any. I did notice that it looks like the moderators deleted some for me?

Thanks,

RNebular

they are forever reborn. TK U MLJ LV NV

While I am sure you will work it back around to tie up the loose ends of the original storyline, this seems like a new storyline and a bit of a tedious diversion. I found myself skimming.

I had higher hopes for this story after the first two installments. You did a great job of building up the wife character in the first two chapters only to dispose of her quickly with the added detail that she was still seeing Cyrus. Now that's pushed to the background while we read a new storyline. It has digressed into the predictable LW pattern. Wife gets tricked into thinking hubby cheated, has sex in order to get revenge, hubby takes off, encounters surreal sex scenarios (meeting a movie star), we discover hubby is very skilled sexually, we discover wife is still cheating. The problem is that the numerous details you so laboriously provided are now appearing contradictory. The facts don't match. It will take Herculean writing skills to tie this all neatly together. We'll see.

Good story...has my interest...definite possibilities...lots of potential!

Chapter 4 was submitted last night. I hope that it will go live before the weekend is over, but it is now in the hands of the "Lit Admins".

Thank you,

RNebular

Please, don't add to the suffering. The ending here was perfect for this level of writing.

Sincerely yours,

AMerryman

P.S. You have abilities,development comes with new and different stories. Good luck.

The writing style is great and all but I think the plot is just way too much. I find its weird that the readers don't get to hear the wifes POV and what her thought process are? I want to know how long and why? The story is all about him and his new adventures, not about a crooked ex partner and a slut soon-to-ex-wife. There's absolutely no emotions! I find the story a bit of a bore. I see the high ratings and I thought this was going to be a masterpiece, instead it's a one sided story. There's a lot of characters but we don't get to hear from them, the whole Hawaii & boat thing seems like a new plot and I found myself skipping a few chapters--it was tidious & very boring! I'm trying to figure out where this story is going and will the ex finally come clean, will he tie up those loose ends first before he moves on to a new plot?The sex scenes were longer than the actual plot (slut wife believes scum over hubby). I'm not only interested in him I'm interested in all the characters otherwise why bother including them in the story? I'm sick of hearing from him.

Earlier i left a comment asking why he was flying a plane with pontoons but elected to land on an uninhibited island.

Welllll i read the crash scene again and realized he was shooting for a water landing and for some reason i read the inlet he shot for as land on the island. MY MISTAKE READING and no fault at all due to the author writing skills.

. . . this is just getting worse and worse. I started reading this garbage hoping that it would improve, but it's awful. I know . . . if I didn't like it, why am I continuing to read this crap? Well, I need to know how this weird story ends. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe it will get better . . . . .. . . . ....... . . . ........... .....

that any experienced pilot flying a seaplane would choose to set it down on the water WHILE he still had control. Not wait till the engine gives out and it's a crash landing.

The story starts in chapter 1 with a couple madly in love, and now we have a divorced man, and no story or closure so far on the wife. The 1st few chapters led one to believe that she strayed the one time as punishment, and now there is a strong insinuation that it was an actual affair. Long term? Short term? A one-time why the hell not, the dye has already been cast?

Your first chapter promised a lot but second and especially this one are confusing and boring.

You mentioned his wife only once. Why did she cheat and for how long. Divorce was easy,he bought a boat,sleep with two women and one of them is Hollywood star. Like wtf.

I'm only on Page 2, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but given that she's still sleeping with Cyrus when she supposedly hates his guts tells me that she had been having a long-term affair with Cyrus, and the whole "revenge fuck" was a set-up. Hell, SHE probably arranged for those photos of them fucking outdoors to be taken, and those were around a year old! And that's why she didn't call 911 and cleaned up the crime scene, because she knew that if the police got involved Cyrus would roll over on her!

"It meant nothing to me" - Another cheater's cliche; so you betrayed your marriage for nothing?

For the wise ass comment about the Irish O'ahu, check out Wikipedia, O'ahu IS an alternate spelling of Oahu!

As a guy, I never understood the reluctance to kiss a woman after a blow job. I expect her to kiss me after I go down on her, so why not return the favor?

"I saw how you were talking with Tanya yesterday, and was just worried that you were another leach, trying to get close to her and her money." - Did it ever occur to her to ask Tanya about the conversation?

Something seemed odd about his initial meeting with Howard, then Howard shows up again, and just happens tpo know someone who's selling a plane?

Then this?

The avionics was very interesting to a non pilot. Don't hesitate to do a Clancy on the techinical side i think the other readers would appreciate the new knowledge too.

Fun stuff, total wish fullfillment. Old guys getting younger movie starlets and hot concierges, who can complain? Now, my major complaint is the wife thing: she is a loving soulmate and then, not just a single indescretion, but she spends a night with the sleazeball after the shit hits the fan? I know it is supposed to cement the finality of the divorce, but it absolutely makes no sense. I've seen this quick transition from loving wife to serial cheater before and it never rings true. Unless there is some absolutely GREAT reason for her to dump her husband for a sleazeball in the story wrap up, I'll be greatly disappointed.

I was totally up for a reconciliation, until the beginning of this chapter. Not only did the slut fuck the guy AGAIN, but, at that point, she was fucking the guy that had tried to kill the husband she swore she loves! That was definitely a curve ball I didn't see coming! DONE! BYE CUNT!

You show little knowledge of boats

In this chapter he is going to live on a sea going boat/yacht. You describe it as a 36 foot with five berths and two heads and then go on to say that the character believes that berths = bedrooms and heads = bathrooms. You are correct that a head is the term for a bathroom on a boat but a berth is a bed not a bedroom. A sleeping compartment on a boat/yacht is a cabin or a stateroom.

Also because a lot of space is needed to operate a boat there is a lot less living space per foot than a land based house. There is no way a 36' cabin cruiser has 5 cabins, I would believe two at most. I would accept 5 berths on a boat this size where the owners stateroom has a double berth, the guest cabin has two single berths and a Pullman style fold down and the galley table folds into a bed but that's it.

You also several times refer to Howard yacht. (with two decks and a fly bridge above the water line as you describe it must be at least 95 footer motor yacht) but you call the main lounge a cabin. On a yacht the main lounge is a saloon. Cabins are for sleeping in.

To the Anon poster, thank you for pointing out my lack of marine knowledge. I did some research, but obviously not enough. I was referencing real boats that I thought were similar to the ones that Howard and James had, but obviously I need to dig a little deeper when it comes to the difference between cabins and berths. Thank you for the pointers!

My original comment months ago when I bailed on this microscopic, kaleidoscopic, pineapplologistic wackromp still stands: W.T.F is with these details!! Surprising he didn't start asking the hawaiian hottie what the ph of her beaver was as he was performing his miraculous post-divorce boudoir acrobatics. Did I say WTF?

Ha ha. Anyway, there is plenty that is done well in this story. The writer definitely has real nice raw talent. But the story just falls into a sinkhole when the details start flying.

There is a time for superlative-free, completely colorless stark reality and the balance between that and what this author has offered up will make for some good storytelling when that middle ground is attained.

The other side of that missive is that as far as plot construction goes, when it comes to a scintillating, beautiful wife of 15 or 20 years and her feminine charms and everything else that goes with a great relationship, a writer can't just chintz-up the story and having her turn into a wild-eyed psycho overnight. Now THERE is where the writer's effort at detail could have made a big difference in this story: just who is this woman and what if anything is in her heart and mind? One supposes - hopes - that this will be revealed later on.

As written now this has become something of a send-up.

But normally constituted readers don't like the crazy rug yanking trick. One realizes that this type of psychological crap has become popular recently, especially in film. But in the opinion of this reader (and apparently many of the commenters as well) it is a cheap substitute for the real meat in the plot of a story. Kinda like a Boca Burger vs a Whopper.

And boy, did the protagonist get called out for his drunkeness! Obviously it was reeled in (rather unconvincingly). But that is one glaring thing that really makes him unappealing. He is a died-in-the-wool drunk. Call it what you will, but he is another good time charlie, constantly drinking himself into a stupor. Is the reader supposed to like that? To laugh? To commiserate? He's supposed to be a pilot, not a jazz club owner!!

Sorry, but as written, he is a jagoff drinker jerk. And all of the tall tales of him and his magic pecker are pure fantasy with all of that alcohol in his blood.

One thing, though, to thank the author for is even though the reader gets an overdose of gayness, at least the story does not devolve into cheap political pandering. Thank you from the middle west.

On to Pt 4.

dumb shit.

She can't have one drink and fly home legally and a bad idea even if you want to ignore the rules. It's eight hours bottle to throttle. This isn't driving your grocery wagon slow home a few blocks from the bar.

While I'm typing I wouldn't trust Howard and the Beaver pilot for shit. Nor would I trust Kim. And even if Kim is honest, do you really want to jump from one slut to another? Yeah, I said Beaver pilot.

Maybe more comments when I have time to read the rest.

"cuck in a closet"

In the first chapter , you mentioned that at times she would do things with her girlfriends and that she had trouble committing to a date to get married. I’m guessing when this story comes full circle, that she was fucking Cyrus in college and couldn’t give him up. I’m also speculating there’s a possibility that Madison is not the biological daughter of James. I guess I’ll have to continue reading. I guess that I would agree that some of the descriptions are wordy and unnecessary, the overall story is good.

I understand this is a LW story (and a good read) and in the case of a series I usually wait to comment at the end. However, the Cait/Cyrus ongoing(?) relantionship seems out-of-blue with the rest of the narrative. You spent a long time on the setup and explaining the current/past relantionships and then... nothing. You had the 1st cheating after that she could have been killed or killed herself or Cyrus could have killed her. Maybe you intend to explain all of this after Cyrus is caught... and at this moment in the story it is an inconsistancy hard to overlook. I like a good "hook" for a story - this one point seems contrived to drive him away from reconciliation.

P.S. I have never written a story for Lit, so feel free to ignore my comment if you wish.

Can't understand how Cyrus managed to get bail... dealing with drugs and guns, almost all, if not all, of his money should have been frozen...

Plus, how did he manage to get before a judge so quick... AND the D.A. should have argued that since he was a pilot, he was clearly a flight risk, no pun intended.

She loves her husband so much she's fucking around...?

And she knowingly sees the guy who admits he tried to kill her husband...? And left her to take the rap?

Plus, why spend any time with a man who made a comment about dragging them both down to his level? She likes being dragged down? It's like you forgot what happened in chapter one...

Good story. Is his old partner still on the run? Did the asshole or his ex wife sabotage his plane? Did he do a complete pre-flight?

-

And Hastings Nebraska! my old stomping grounds. Go Tigers! (high school) Go Broncos! (Hastings College) Booo to anything Grand Island (big High School Rivals - at least in the sixties.)

With his old partner on the loose, James the idiot did not think of arming himself? what sort of moron doesn't look to future problems, when his asshole partner already tried to kill him once! The guy just doesn't believe in being prepared. Or is it just the author?!

Having Tammy and Shawn move to Hawaiian is inadvertently hilarious because it would never happen. You do not have an apartment or, especially, a house in Hawaii unless you have a job that pays a hell of a lot more than a service industry job or many other types of jobs that, on most of the mainland, would allow a middle-class lifestyle. Hawaiians with full time jobs, and often a second job, frequently share a one or two bedroom apartment with 5 or 6 people, live in a van, or sleep on the beach in a tent. Hawaiians buy spam by the case because it is cheap and they've developed a taste for it. Yes, it's a statist paradise where jobs, if you can find one, pay much less than the mainland and the real estate and other costs are typically out-of-sight.

The lesbian/homosexual riffs are annoying virtue signaling when they contribute nothing to the plotline of the story. Is this intended by an older author to show he's "With it"? "Cool"? "Woke"? "Up-to-date"? Who the hell knows, but the frequent, utterly gratuitous inclusion of the sodomite trope detracts from stories..

I don't understand the high score for this submission. This is an example of how you cc an narrate a tale to death. Quite boring- at least from my point of view

The guy James seems to be just wandering through life. If Tanya is the goddess he describes and he is all gaga about her, why doesn't he plan to pursue it? He says he's just in lust with her, then gets emotional when she leaves! What I don't understand, is how Cyrus the Snake jumps bail, then visits his lover Caitlin, driving a high profile silver BMW!!! And the authorities are walking around blind, deaf and dumb!! Not possible! Also, the Snake is walking around free but James the Moron is blithely walking around without a care in the world! The man is thoughtless, stupid and has no sense of anticipation. Now he plans to visit Tanya in California, without arming himself against any eventuality. Good story, if the details weren't so lazily ignored. 3*s.

6 pages of blather, nothing important happening here, just a string of banalities, the whole chapter about people moving to Hawaii and that's it. This is pain to read, I don't understand what kind of anal retentive exercise is writing this hogwash.

ONE AND DONE. IT WAS GOOD TIL YOU STARTED WITH THE LESBIAN AGENDA.

Good story. Here’s the but. Can there really be that many homosexuals in this world. You’ve taken the blue pill and it shows up in your writing.