All Comments on 'Claire and Chris'

Please stop using this email format. To be blunt, it sucks.

It is very difficult to read a 'story' like this, because to be honest, the dialogue gets boring pretty fast. Also, there isn't enough spice and sexual content to make a person want to keep reading.

Please, if your going to continue to 'write' then please 'write' a story, not a long diatribe.

1) As a previous comment states: The email clips suck in a a Literotica setting. It might work in a film, with some lame music playing behind the whole "montage" thing, but buddy, this ain't a film.

2) I know I'm not alone when I say that a story written from a First Person/Present Tense perspective almost always comes off as "I'm a pervert, and this is my fantasy." First Person / Past Tense (that is, "I remember how she looked that night" as opposed to "My dick is hard as I look at her", get it?) is much easier to pull off. And you didn't manage to pull this off.

3) Your grammar, your punctuation (or lack of proper punctuation), and pretty much everything about your writing style screams out that you don't have a clue about how to write, let alone, how to write well.

Go back to the drawing board, and don't come back until you can submit something that doesn't irritate readers so much, so they (or at least "I") won't have to take you to task for another piece of garbage like this.

Every writing mistake, you made it.

Hey, I liked it, while the grammar sucked and what not (and I hated email format) it was a good story nonetheless... keep writing man... and be sure to take english again

I'm not listing everything everyone already has against the story format. I thought I saw a plot sneaking in, but then the story ended. This is your only story, so consider a story format at least. I think you established that the girl is doing everything she can to cause trouble. The story has a so-so line in a voice that didn't work well. Start with more of a beginning perhaps explain a little of why the girl is pulling this shit. End the story with a real conclusion other than orgasms. All I can say.

RS

It wasn't all that bad.

I personally liked the format

And really didn't realize the mistakes.

Oh well right?

Dont let the losers who write negative shit scare you away. The story was very very erotic and nice and the grammar mistakes are not even worthy of noting. This is a very good solid erotic story and keep writing!!!!!

Wish I was Claire!!

Hey, ' two hands on the dude' the grammar wasn't that bad, it just needed better editing. Maybe you should go back to school? The format was interesting. Your ideas are great, but I wouldn't use the format all the time. Keep writing.

Fun, but we need more!