by Shadow_chaser
You might want to have someone proofread your work before you submit it. It has a decent plot... but the grammar and structure of the story seemed jerky and a bit frantic. It wasn't a bad story, but I think it could have been written a lot tighter, and posibly long enough to make it 2-3 chapters without adding any more "plot" to the story. This isn't your first submission, and the other one i just read has the same issues, so I'm going to call this a constructive 1 star.
Seriously, you don't have to write. At all. Keep reading for a while.