Confessions of a Mailgirl Ch. 06

PAIN AND PLEASURE

Barbara walked around me without saying a word and picked up one of the leather Mailgirls delivery pouches she kept in the corner of the office. Then she walked over to her desk and picked up my folded clothes and shoes and stuffed them into the pouch. After punching something into her smartphone she began working on her laptop leaving me kneeling there in dread and anticipation.

Several minutes later the door opened and I heard someone walk in, although I couldn't tell who it was because my back was to the door. "I want you to take this out to the clothing donation bin in the parking lot and empty its contents into it," Barbara said to the person. "Use one of the side exits on the ground floor. I'll notify Security to let you back into the building when you're done. Then go to the locker room and collect Anna's clothes and do the same."

"You want me to go outside into the parking lot, ma'am? Naked?" I recognized Kelly's voice. The clothing donation bin was all the way across the employee parking lot and near a busy street.

"I understand you left the building earlier today during your shift, Kelly," Barbara said to her. "This time you'll do it wearing your proper uniform."

Kelly didn't speak for a few seconds and it was impossible for me to see her reaction. "Yes, ma'am," she said finally as she collected the pouch. Moments later I heard the door close as she exited the office.

Barbara returned to working on her laptop while continuing to ignore me as I kneeled naked on the floor. She'd left me now with no clothing in the building and I wondered if I'd be forced to walk naked back to the condo. The thought of it was intensely exciting.

I don't know how long I'd been kneeling there before Barbara finally got up from her desk and walked over to where I was kneeling and stood above me. "I hope you haven't unpacked your clothes yet, Danica, because I'm having someone go by the condo to collect them. They will also be donated to charity along with Anna's clothes if she even has any. You've lost all clothing privileges for the rest of the month as punishment for your insubordination today. After that you can request clothing if you want to go out and I'll decide whether or not to grant your request. If I do I'll provide the clothing and decide what you'll wear. The same goes for Anna."

"Anna did nothing wrong, ma'am." I said.

"No, but as long as she's with you she'll also suffer for your sins. Think about that the next time you decide to go off the reservation and completely flout the rules like you did today."

"Yes, ma'am." I knew she was already trying to drive a wedge between us and I'd have to have a long talk with Anna about everything tonight.

"Question and answer time, Danica," Barbara said abruptly. "I want complete honesty from you. I'll know if you're lying."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Tell me everything you saw that day in Hiromoto's office. Don't leave anything out." I proceeded to describe everything that happened in as much detail as I could. Barbara already knew about it so I didn't see any reason to hold back. After I'd finished she walked back to a cabinet in the rear of her office, unlocked it and retrieved several items from it. I gasped when she turned around and I saw what she held in her hands. In her left hand was a ball gag and in her right was a riding crop. She placed the gag on her desk and walked to me still carrying the whip.

"Is this similar to the whip that Hiromoto used on Mariko?" she asked.

"Y-yes, ma'am." I was beginning to tremble again as a combination of fear and nervous excitement coursed through me. Barbara reached out and placed the leather end of the whip against the upper part of my chest and my body jerked involuntarily at its touch as if shocked by an electrical current. She slowly slid the end of the whip down my left breast until reaching my hard nipple, then rubbed and teased it with the crop before moving it over to do the same with my right nipple. After a few moments it continued its journey slowly down my stomach toward my naval and beyond. When it reached my pussy my body jerked again and I let out a large gasp. My breathing quickened as she rubbed the end of the whip against my clit. She suddenly withdrew it and stepped back from me.

"Danica, tell me how you felt as you watched Hiromoto whipping Mariko."

"I, um..." I had to stop for a moment and take a deep breath to try to regain my composure. "I was shocked, ma'am. I'd never witnessed anything like that before."

"Did you feel anything else besides shock?"

"Yes, ma'am. I guess it excited me, too," I answered truthfully. "I'd never seen anything like that before, at least not in real life."

"But you had seen things like that before in videos, is that right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"When?" she asked.

"My freshman year in college, ma'am. I found them on the internet."

"How did you find them?"

"I googled things like 'naked slave girl' and 'bondage' and 'nude in public,' ma'am."

"Why?" she asked. "What made you suddenly curious your freshman year?"

I hesitated for a moment. It felt like I was revealing too much to her and was telling her things I'd never told anyone. "I saw a movie one night on HBO that got me interested in that kind of thing, ma'am," I told her. "It was called 'Secretary.'"

"Ah," Barbara replied. It was obvious she was familiar with the film. "So when you googled these videos did you masturbate to them?"

"No, ma'am. I was afraid my roommate might walk in on me. I would sometimes think about them at night in bed, though, and masturbate."

"Did you fantasize yourself in the role of a submissive slave girl?"

"Yes ma'am."

"What about the nude in public videos?" she asked. "Did you fantasize that you were willingly naked in a public place or forced by someone to do it?"

"Forced by someone, ma'am," I replied. "I fantasized that I was forced to do it after turning in a plagiarized term paper or something like that." I don't know why I was being so open with her about everything but I guessed the whip in her hand had something to do with it.

"You said all of this happened your freshman year. What about after that?"

"No, ma'am," I said. "I stopped after that."

"Why?"

"I thought I was weird or perverted or something thinking about those things, ma'am. I made myself stop."

"So you began suppressing those thoughts and feelings?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Barbara walked around me and placed the end of the whip on my neck and brought it slowly down my back until it settled on my right butt cheek. I braced myself for the slap but she withdrew it again.

"Did you ever have sex with a woman while you were in college, Danica?"

"Yes, ma'am. A few times."

"Was it your roommate?"

"No, ma'am. A friend. We did it in her room. She didn't have a roommate."

"And I suppose this was your freshman year and you stopped after that?" Barbara asked sarcastically.

"Yes, ma'am."

"So basically you're saying that you spent one good year attempting to discover who you really are and then became a seething cauldron of suppressed desires after that until I got ahold of you?" I didn't know how to respond to that so I didn't.

Barbara walked around me again until she stood in front, the whip still in her hand. "Let's get back to talking about what happened in Hiromoto's office," she said. "You told me that witnessing it shocked and excited you. Had you ever been spanked or whipped before that day as part of sex play?"

"No ma'am."

"Did you wish you could trade places with Mariko while you were watching?"

"I don't know, ma'am. I mean, I guess so. Part of me did and part of me of was horrified."

"So you had conflicting emotions about it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"But you've thought about it since then and wondered what it would feel like, haven't you?"

I was afraid to answer that because I'd fantasized about it a lot since returning from Tokyo and I'm not sure I wanted Barbara to know that. She already seemed to know the answer, though, and I was even more afraid of the consequences of lying to her. "Yes ma'am. I have."

"And when you thought about it how did that make you feel?"

I felt like I was on the couch being psychoanalyzed by her although I doubt any of Barbara's formal psychology training had involved whips and naked, submissive women. I decided the best way forward was to just answer truthfully. "It made me very horny thinking about it ma'am. I masturbated quite often thinking about it."

"Thank you for being honest today, Danica," she replied. Then she placed the end of the riding crop under my chin and raised my head until I made eye contact with her.

"I'm going to grant you your desire now but you have to ask me, Danica. You have to ask me to allow you to feel the whip."

My heart was thumping heavily in my chest as conflicting emotions consumed me. I wondered what would happen if I refused? Would she whip me anyway and maybe harder? Would she put the whip away? I suddenly realized I didn't want that to happen. "Please allow me to feel the whip," I pleaded, the desperate tone in my voice surprising me.

"Repeat that but address me properly," Barbara ordered.

"Please allow me to feel the whip, mistress." I don't know where the word "mistress" came from as I spoke it. Perhaps from my fantasies.

"No, don't call me that!" Barbara responded sharply. "You'll address me as 'ma'am' not 'mistress.' And you're a mailgirl not a slave, is that understood?"

I lowered my head and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Barbara picked up the ball gag from her desk and walked toward me. "I'm going to strap this on you now. We can't let them hear you down the hall." I was visibly shaking now and I don't know if it was from fear or excitement. Probably both. "What I'm going to do will hurt but I won't injure you or do any damage. I will never do that, Danica."

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself and nodded my consent. Barbara placed the ball in my mouth, then fastened the straps and pulled them tight.

"Get down on all fours," Barbara ordered and I promptly obeyed. "Now get down on your forearms and place your forehead on the carpet. Lift your right foot." As I raised my foot I felt Barbara place the end of the crop on the sole.

"I'll only do five on each foot for now, just to gave you a taste." I tried to brace myself but the slap came quickly and I felt a piercing pain in my foot. The gag muted my scream as I quickly lowered my foot to the floor. "Raise it again or that won't count," Barbara commanded. I quickly obeyed and closed my eyes. The second slap came just as quickly, then a third, fourth, and fifth. They weren't vicious blows but each one brought sharp pain.

"Now the left," she commanded and Barbara repeated the five slaps on it. Tears stung my eyes as lowered my foot to the floor. Barbara allowed me a minute to recover and as the pain dissipated from my feet it pulsated up through the rest of my body. With the gag in my mouth I was forced to breathe heavily through my nose.

"Now fifteen on each ass cheek," Barbara said and I flinched as I felt the end of the crop resting on my bare skin. She counted each slap until reaching fifteen then moved over and repeated it on my right side. The slaps hurt but were not as painful as they had been on the feet. What hurt nearly as much was the humiliation of being in this position as an adult woman, but with the humiliation and pain also came an intense arousal that was impossible to fight off even if I'd wanted to.

I remained on my forearms with my forehead touching the carpet, my ass and pussy rising up into the air, completely exposed. Barbara moved behind me and tapped the inside of each leg with the whip indicating that she wanted them spread wider, then began rubbing my pussy with the end of the crop. I let out a deep moan that was muted by the gag and my entire body was trembling now. "You're quite wet," she said as she removed the crop. I desperately wanted her to continue. "Remain in that position and bring yourself to orgasm." I lifted my right hand up my inner thigh toward my pussy. "No!" she commanded. "From behind."

I reached my hand around my outer thigh coming at my pussy from the rear and began rubbing it. Barbara remained behind me watching, and the blend of pain and pleasure surging through me were producing emotions as raw and intoxicating as anything I'd ever known before. I'd never felt so humiliated or been so completely at the mercy of another person in my life and that only intensified the experience for me. I understood now why the ball gag was necessary. It felt like my moaning would've been heard throughout the building without it. As I plunged two fingers deep inside myself Barbara began lightly slapping my right ass cheek in rhythm with my thrusts. A few moments later my entire body shook as I reached a climax that completely overwhelmed any residual pain I felt.

After it was over I returned my right arm to the floor and waited for Barbara's next command. "Get into your mailgirls kneeling position," she ordered. I felt completely spent as I lifted my head from the carpet and assumed the position. Barbara walked around me and placed the whip on her desk, then surprised me by kneeling down in front of me. She lifted my head with her hands until I was staring into her eyes. The intensity of her gaze made me uncomfortable but I forced myself to remain locked on her eyes.

"There's one more thing I want you to experience today, Danica," she said. "I have to attend a meeting now but your ass is red and I can't allow you to leave my office looking like that. I'm going to bind you now so you'll be unable to leave but I want you to give me your consent. It will be uncomfortable but it won't be painful." My eyes widened as I heard this. Unable to speak with the gag in my mouth I nodded my head in consent, still fixed on her gaze. For the first time since the punishment session had begun a smile crossed Barbara's face and she surprised me by leaning in and kissing me gently on the forehead. "Good girl," she said. "You're doing well."

Barbara rose to her feet and walked to a set of double doors and unlocked them with a key. When the doors swung open I saw it was a closet. I didn't know whether it normally held clothes or not, but right now it was empty. "Get on all fours and crawl over here." Whatever softness she had shown briefly was gone again.

I crawled across the office until I reached her. "Get into the closet and face the wall to your left on your knees, then place your hands behind your back." The closet was maybe six feet wide and four feet deep, just wide enough for Barbara to enter it and stand behind me after I had obeyed her command. I heard her retrieve something from an upper shelf in the closet and realized it was a rope as she began binding my hands behind my back with one end of it. The rope was made of soft fiber and wasn't abrasive to my skin. She wrapped the rope around my wrists several times and then made several loops around the rope between my wrists. When she had finished with that she took the other end of the rope and did the same with my ankles. She used what was left of the end of the rope to cinch my hands and ankles together, forcing me down into a position that was similar to my normal kneeling position, then tied it into a knot. The rope was the perfect length. It was clear to me now that the rope and the closet had been prepared for me, perhaps even before my very first meeting with her.

The rope was constrictive and it was impossible for me to move, but because it left me in something resembling my normal kneeling position it wasn't too uncomfortable. "Just one more accessory and we're finished," she said. I heard her retrieve something else from the upper shelf and I realized it was a blindfold as she pulled it over my eyes and cinched it tight. My world now was in total darkness.

"I don't know how long I'll be but I'll be back to free you today, I promise." I felt her hands reaching around to caress my breasts. She began rolling and pulling each of my already hard nipples, teasing them out to even greater prominence, then pinched them hard enough to cause my body to jerk in response. "So beautiful," she whispered in my ear. The next sounds I heard were the doors shutting, the key turning in the closet door lock, and her footsteps fading away.

I was alone in the dark now, naked and bound, left with only my thoughts.

BOUND

My breathing quickened as I tried to fight back my rising fear and panic. Fortunately I wasn't claustrophobic or I'd really have been freaking out, but being bound, blindfolded, and locked in a closet was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. All kinds of thoughts raced through my head. What if there is a fire? What if Barbara falls down the stairs and breaks her neck, who would release me then? What if Barbara is lying and leaves me here all night?

I finally forced myself to take some deep breaths to try to calm down. None of those things are going to happen, I told myself. Barbara will be back soon to free me. She wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to me. It took a few minutes but I finally began to relax.

I'd taken a yoga class in college which had also taught meditation techniques and I began to apply those now. I tried to empty my mind and focus on my breathing and the movement of my body. Every time a stray thought entered my head I gently pushed it aside and returned my focus to the movement of my chest, shoulders, and stomach with each breath. I'm not saying I reached a state of tranquility or enlightenment or anything, but at least I was able to eventually calm down enough to start thinking rationally about everything that had transpired.

It had all started last night when Anna's mom had showed up at the apartment. Was that really less than 24 hours ago? After that had been the police, the lovemaking with Anna, the order this morning by Barbara to move into her condo, Kelly's confession of her involvement in my recruitment, and finally my confrontation with Barbara.

Confrontation? I had to laugh at the use of that word, or would have anyway if I didn't have a gag in my mouth. It had gone about as well as Custer's confrontation with the Sioux at Little Bighorn. What in the world had possessed me to think I could possibly win that battle? Had I subconsciously decided to force Barbara's hand with its inevitable outcome and subsequent punishment?

A thought suddenly entered my head: I'm here because I've chosen to be here. I tried to push it aside. That's not true, I told myself. I'm here in this closet bound, gagged, blindfolded, and locked up because Barbara forced me into it.

No, I'm here because I've chosen to be here. The same thought kept returning until I stopped fighting it and decided to examine it. Could it be true? In terms of the immediate past I knew it was. Barbara had not only given me the choice today of walking out the door but had practically dared me to do it. And every step along the way after that she had asked my consent first and I had granted it.

I went farther back now, all the way to that very first meeting in this office. I could have easily walked out then when I first heard about the Mailgirls program. After that came signing the contract, Tokyo, the revelation I was going to be a mailgirl, signing the nudity waiver, and finally agreeing to move into Barbara's condo. I'd continuously been given opportunities to change course and every time I'd chosen the path that led me deeper into submission and bondage.

There's no doubt that Barbara had done everything possible to stack the deck in her favor but that didn't change the fact that I'd always been given a choice. I still had one. After Barbara released me today I could go straight down to HR to sign my separation papers, then leave and never come back. I knew now, though, that I wouldn't do that. She had known that all along that I wouldn't.