Confidence

"Unfortunately this has to be the end of our encounter."

Hearing that freezes me in my spot. What does he mean?

"I mean we cannot see each other anymore."

"Why?" I ask.

"You have to understand Haley, I'm not like you."

"That's what I like about you," I plead.

"I don't feel things the same way you do. You don't understand it now because you're only eighteen but at some point in your life you're going to mature. And then you'll reach another point in your life where you're going to mature even more. Your life is a constant evolution and each new you will make you look back at the old one and wonder why you ever thought the way you did. As you develop, your insights into the world will change, what's important to you will change, how you see other people and value relationships will change. And then there will come a point where you no longer are maturing because you'll reach that final point in your life and pass along to whatever is after this."

I nod, understanding what he's saying but not where he's going.

"You see," he continues. "I will never reach that final point. I will keep going, I will keep maturing and evolving. I've matured farther than any normal person simply because I've had the time to get there. And I will keep going. Life is not difficult for me because I've seen it all and I know it all. There's only one thing that is difficult for me, one thing that no amount of maturity will help me deal with. Can you guess what it is?

I shake my head.

"Watching the people you love pass away. It's my curse. All the wisdom in the world comes at the price of watching anyone you get close to eventually pass beyond your reach. I cannot get close to anyone, I cannot get close to you. I've made this mistake in the past and I've found the best way to avoid it, the thing that's fair for both of us, is to stop it before it starts."

I want to stop him from speaking but for some reason I can't. It's as if there's an invisible muzzle on my mouth. I wonder if he's preventing me from speaking.

"I am. I'm sorry about that but I need you to hear what I have to say before you interject. I wanted to help you and I believe I have. But this is as far as we can go. I'm sorry, but you will never see me after today."

May I speak now, I think.

He nods and suddenly my voice comes back to me.

"Please don't do this," I say.

"I have to."

"But we've only had one day together."

"Anything more wouldn't be fair to both of us. Think about it Haley, you would be committing to me for the rest of your life if we continued beyond today."

"No I'm not. We can take it slow if that's what you want. It's not like I'm asking you to marry me or anything!"

"And what if there came a point where you didn't want to be with me anymore? You wanted to move on but I didn't. Do you think you could just leave? Do you trust that I would let you leave?"

I'm about to answer him but stop. It's true. I could never leave him unless he wanted me to.

"A relationship only works if both people are equal," he explains. "I'm sorry but we are not equal Haley. Neither one of us is better than the other, but we are not equal. I don't trust that I would do the right thing if you wanted to leave me." He looks down at the table and I immediately recognize that face. It's the look of regret. "I've proven to be untrustworthy in this regard in the past."

I want to ask what he means but I decide not to. If he wanted to tell me, he would. I can tell this is hard for him to say. The only thing I have left is acceptance.

"I'm going to miss you," I say.

He looks back up, a smile finally breaking his gloom. "Haley Anderson, I'm going to miss you as well."

We stare at each other for a long moment, a beautiful silence between us. Neither of us speaking aloud or in thought. Finally, I'm the one who breaks it.

"Can I ask one thing of you before I go?"

"Of course," he says.

"Can I have you one more time? I want to know the touch of the man who helped me find my way one last time before I never see him again."

If love were a look, it would be Ethan. He looks at me like no one has ever looked at me before. Suddenly, I feel that familiar tingling in my body ignite. I grab the edge of the table with both hands bracing myself. I let out a moan to release the tension in my body as I feel the inside of my thighs become wet.

"No," I say between pants. "I want...to feel your touch...for real. No tricks."

As if I just hit a brick wall, the feeling is gone. I release my grip on the table and look at him. His desire is strong. He stands up and walks to my side of the table. He lifts me out of the chair and sets me on the table. His strength always surprises me. He seems to lift me like I weigh nothing at all. His hand caresses my cheek and I close my eyes and let his touch sooth me. Before I open my eyes, I feel his lips on mine and he embrace in passion and lust. The taste of his tongue sends a bolt of energy through me, and this time I know it's real. No more tricks. He leans back and looks down at me. I look up at him with eager eyes.

Take me, I think. I'm yours.

He gently pushes me down until I'm laying flat on the table. His hands go for my pants, undoing my button. He slides my pants off, revealing my wet pair of black panties. Then I feel his tongue on the inside of my thigh all the way down by my knee and he runs his tongue all the way up to my panties and takes a deep breath in.

I love the smell of your passion, he says in my head.

I grab the back of his head and moan out. "Yes."

My eyes are closed tight. My desire to feel his tongue on my clit is so strong I feel like I'm going to yell out for it. I feel him slide my panties off and spread my legs with his hands. Finally I open my eyes and look down my body at him. He kisses my leg all the way down to my opening. The anticipation makes me gush pleasure out of my pussy. Finally, his tongue runs from the bottom of my slit to the top.

"Aaahhhhhhh," I cry out. Again, my hands clamp around the edge of the table, holding me in place. He pulls me down and I no longer feel the table under my butt. He sits in the chair I was sitting in and buries his face between my legs. His tongue is powerful, flicking my pleasure spot with with the strength of all the lifetimes he's lived. It's in this moment I realize this man is the best I'll ever have. I'll never feel pleasure like this ever again. Normally that would make me sad but all it does is strengthen my desire. I manage to let go of the side of the table and grab the back of his head. Then I feel something I wasn't expecting. A tongue running along my neck. I look down at him and see his face is still buried in my pussy, but yet I feel a tongue. No, multiple tongues. They're all running along my neck, each hitting the spot that makes me squirm.

Oh my God, I think. He's licking my entire body all at once.

"Ethan! Oh Ethan!" I cry out.

His hands grab both my breasts and he starts to play with my nipples as his imaginary tongues and the real one continue to work my body. I've never felt so connected to another person before. It's as if I no longer have control of my body. He controls my pleasure and all I want is to submit to his feeling.

Suddenly I no longer feel the tongues on my neck but his hands instead. They wrap around my body and lift me upside down, his balls pushed into my face. We land on the floor, him underneath me. I feel his tongue run up and down my slit once again and I arch my back trying to release the renewed pleasure. When I open my eyes again, I look down and see his wonderful cock beneath me. I lean down and take him in with one gulp. As his tongue works furiously at my clit, my mouth bobs with equal fury up and down his shaft. We both pleasure each other on the floor of his kitchen. I want to take him all the way down my throat but I've never done it before and I'm afraid of gagging.

I'll help you, he says in my head.

I push my lips down and down his shaft until I feel his balls on my nose, never gagging once. It feels like I've never felt before. His cock feels like it's filled my entire body. One of his hands goes to the back of my head and he holds me there. His other hand wraps around my ass and I feel his index finger enter inside me. I jolt from this new feeling. No one has ever fingered my ass before. The combination of his cock down my throat, his finger inside my ass, and his tongue passionately licking my clit is more than I can take. My body explodes, juices flying out onto his face. His finger goes deeper inside me and I try to cry out in pleasure but no sound comes from my throat as it's filled with his cock. My legs clamp around his head and we both hold each other tight, like we're trying to pull the other into ourselves.

When my legs loosen their grip on his head, he releases the back of mine and I lift off his cock, gasping for breath. I didn't realize how long I'd been holding my breath. My saliva is thick and drips out of my mouth onto his cock. I feel him lift me up again and he spins me around and sets me on my feet as he stands behind me. His arms wrap around me and I can feel his warmth. I reach back and grab the back of his head, pulling him to the space where my shoulders meet my neck. He begins to kiss me, this time his tongue touching my vulnerable spots for real. I spread my legs and arch my back, awaiting his cock. I feel him bend his knees and in one motion he's inside me, the inside of my thighs slick with sweat and pleasure. His hand goes to my throat but he doesn't tighten his grip but simply holds me in place. His other arm is around my midsection. He begins to pump me and I feel my body bounce off of his.

You will be mine forever, I hear him say in my head.

"Yes! Please! I give myself to you!"

This quickens his pace and I can hear the squish of his cock slamming into my pussy louder.

You will never be able to resist me. I will own you.

"I give myself to you!"

His hands push me forward and bend me over. I grab the edge of the kitchen counter to brace myself against the strength of his thrusts.

You are mine Haley. You belong to me!

"Yes! Please!"

I feel my legs start to get weak and muster every last bit of strength in my body to hold myself up, but then my body seems to explode again. I cum harder than I ever have before. I actually scream at the top of my lungs, the pleasure too much to hold in and finally fall to the floor on all fours. My body starts to spasm and my back keeps arching up and down, trying to guide the orgasm to its resting point. But before it ends, Ethan is in front of me and he grabs my head and thrusts his cock into my mouth. He starts pumping me and again I can tell he's alleviated my gag reflex.

Is this what you want, he asks me in my head.

Yes! I think. Please Ethan. I want to taste you.

His head tilts back and I feel the veins in his cock pulse against my tongue. He explodes into my mouth, his cum sliding down my throat. His seed tastes beautiful. Warm and thick, like the feeling I get when he calms me down. His hands hold my head in place as he continues to empty his seed into me. Some of it starts to drip out of my mouth as there isn't anymore room for it. Finally, he pulls his cock away and a stream of cum falls out of my mouth and onto my body before I have a chance to close my lips. I relish the taste of his cum in my mouth for a moment.

This is what Ethan tastes like, I think to myself. He has marked me as his.

Finally, I swallow his gift and open my eyes to look at him. He's actually panting himself, something I haven't seen him do yet. The look in his eyes is a mixture of love and fear. I lean back on my legs and scoop up the drops of cum that fell onto my body. I've never really enjoyed the taste of cum before but his tastes so much different. I want it. I lick the drops of cum off my index finger as I scoop up the rest of it. Finally I look up at him, unable to stand yet. My body feels like mush, every muscle feeling like it weights a hundred pounds.

"Do you see?" He asks me.

I look at him confused.

"There was a moment there where I thought I wasn't going to let you go. I was going to take you as mine for the rest of your life. I almost lost control of myself."

I want to say that's exactly what I want but I hold my tongue when I notice the burden in his eyes.

"Even now I'm finding it hard not to take control of your mind and make you mine."

"Ethan-" I begin but he stops me.

"I know. You want me to do that. At least, that's what you think now, but it'll be the last thing you ever think on your own."

"No," I say correcting him. Finally the strength returns to my legs and I stand up. I take his hands in mine and stand with him, the heat of our naked bodies warming the other. "What I want to say is, I understand. I would give myself to you and gladly be yours for the rest of my life, but I understand now. You've given me strength, and to give it right back to you would be ungrateful. I think strength, sometimes, is admitting what you want isn't always the best thing for you."

In this moment, for the first time since we met, he looks at me as an equal. I can see he looks at me as if I have all the wisdom he's attained in his long life. His hand goes to my cheek and he caresses me.

"Haley Anderson, you are an extraordinary person."

"And Ethan, you are a savior. I will never forget you."

We kiss and I try to make it last as long as I can because I know it will be our last. When we finish, we start to put our clothes back on. He walks me to the door and we take one last look at each other as I stand in his doorway.

"Take care of yourself, Haley."

"You too Ethan."

I reach out for his hand and he takes mine, our fingers intertwined.

I love you, I think.

With all my heart, I love you too, he says in my head.

And with that, I take my hand away and turn to go. As I walk to my car I want to turn back and see him one more time but I know I shouldn't. My resolve to leave is standing on a knife's edge. When I get to my car, I walk around to the driver's side and look up at his house. The door is closed and he isn't in sight. The house looks the same as when I got there. It could be possible to think all of it was a dream if not for the feeling of sore muscles throughout my body. I get in the car and drive away from his house one last time.

The drive home feels so much shorter since I was in my head for most of it. I guess one should never drive after life altering sex. Distracted driving and all. I park in the driveway and make my way to the front door. When I walk in, my mom is standing in the living room looking at a piece of paper over my dad's shoulder. I'm about to walk by them when she turns and looks at me and I immediately know something is up. My mom smiles and without saying anything, she runs up and wraps her arms around me, hugging me tight. Erin runs into the living room at that point as well.

"Oh Haley," my mom says. "I'm so proud of you."

"Proud of what?" I ask.

She lets me go and I see my dad standing in front of me now. He smiles at me like I've never seen before. Like my mom, he wraps his arms around me and hugs me so tight I can't breath for a moment.

"I'm so proud of you, Haley," he whispers to me. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and lets me go.

"What's wrong with everyone?" I demand.

My dad holds out the letter he was just reading. I give him an odd look and he just smiles at me, nodding to the paper. I take it and see it's on Rutgers University letterhead.

Dear Haley Anderson,

It's with great pleasure that we welcome you to Rutgers University and offer you a spot in our Spring 2017 student body.

I was accepted! They actually accepted me! I look up from the letter to my mom and dad.

"Why didn't you tell us you applied?" My mom asks.

I stutter for a moment, unsure of how to explain it. Erin is next to give me a hug, wedging her way in-between my parents.

"Congrats big sis."

"Thanks," I say.

"They must really like you if they're giving you a spot for next semester." My dad says.

"Yeah, I guess so."

He puts his hand on my shoulder. He looks me in the eye with a stern and serious look.

"Haley. I've never been so proud of you." I can see his eyes start to gloss for a moment.

I'm speechless. My dad has never said that to me before, nor did I think I would ever hear it. He clears his throat, trying to cover up the fact that he's choked up.

"Don't get changed. We're going out to dinner."

"Dad said he's going to order us a glass of wine," Erin says with a big smile.

"Not you," he corrects her. "Just her. And that's only if they don't ask for ID."

Everyone disperses to get ready to leave. I stand there holding my acceptance letter and close my eyes, thinking of Ethan. How is it possible one person can change your life in such a short period of time? I don't know what he is or where he comes from, but I will forever be in his debt. He has given me so much. All my life I've always had a little voice of doubt in the back of my head. A voice that's always stopping me, making sure I stay lost. He's replaced that with his. From this point on, he will be the voice in the back of my head, a voice of love and acceptance. He has given me so much. He has given me strength, he has given me purpose, but above all else, he's given me the one thing I thought I would never have. The thing that lets some people know their worth, that lets some people strive for better things. The one thing that keeps us all on a path and keeps us from being lost.

He has given me confidence.

THE END.