All Comments on 'Courtney's Coming Out Ch. 03'

But listen, this is really crap. I dont even know where to begin! Fuck! And listen, I got nothing against interracial, but the story is really stupid! So is the author! Borrow some brains and try writing again!

"He puts his dick back in her mouth and starts slamming it down your throat" - That is a sentence above. You keep changing perspective all over the place. You need to write from a single persons point of view. It is either "He puts his dick back in HER mouth and starts slamming it down HER throat" or "He puts his dick back in MY mouth and starts slamming it down MY throat. You can't mix them or it ruins the story. Some will have both perspectives, but it is usually well segmented or clearly marked. No one changes perspectives mid-sentence. I think you have potential, and I think you should keep going but either get help via a mentor here, or just dig into what I am saying and fix that in your stories. They will be 50% better from this alone. Sorry everyone is so rude. It is the new world I guess. We have a bunch of sexually frustrated cowards that love to express their discontent via the keyboard.