Courtship by Proxy

"So what changed?" he asked.

"Several things," she said. "First, I needed to be on my own in order to prove that I didn't need you to take care of me all the time. Think of it as a daughter leaving her father for the first time, because Kyle, my therapist has shown me that in many ways, you replaced my father in my mind. Even though we were the same age, you were the strong, mature, guiding male figure in my life and I worshiped you for that. It was extremely difficult, especially since I had been so cruel to you, and in my mind I had severed the bond between us to the point of no return. There were so many nights at college when I cried my eyes dry wishing that there was some way that I could undo things between us, but I sensed that I had to remain steadfast and quit Kyle Mason 'cold turkey'. My only solace came from Uncle Mike. He always kept in touch and provided me with the uncle I never had. It wasn't as fulfilling as what I had with you, but it kept total emptiness out of my life."

"Why didn't you ever come home to visit?" he asked.

"I did," she said. "I just did it when I knew that you were away. Once you went into the Air Force, the visits were much more frequent, but also more depressing because I had to witness your mom expressing the same fear and apprehension over your service as I lived every day. As you now know, when I heard about your injuries, I was by your side as quickly as Uncle Mike could make the necessary arrangements for me."

"I wish I would have known," he said.

"A few times I thought you did," she said as tears began to form in her eyes. "I would come to you in your room when I suspected that you would be asleep based upon your medication schedule. I would spend hours holding your hand and just crying. Your injuries forced them to position you in bed on your front with your head in that circular support so you could only see the floor. I wouldn't talk to you for fear of waking you, which almost killed me because I wanted so badly to tell you how much I loved you and how sorry I was for everything. A few times, while I was holding your hand, you would call my name. I would pull back in shock until I realized that you were talking in your sleep and must be dreaming of me. Kyle, I can't tell you how much hope the thought of you still thinking of me instilled in my heart. I vowed right there in your hospital room that I would do whatever it took to get you back into my life."

Kyle offered her the sleeve of his coat for her to wipe her tears and she accepted.

"Once I knew that you were going to be okay and be released shortly, I had to be more careful in my visits. Your medications were being discontinued and your sleep schedule was more variable. Sometimes I would just stand at the door to your room watching you rather than risk holding your hand and waking you up. I returned to the States the same day you did, and almost immediately began seeing a therapist that Uncle Mike found for me. That's when I started to realize just how totally screwed up I was where you were concerned. In addition to the father role I had assigned to you, I apparently also viewed you as a replacement for my older brother. This manifested itself in me using you to protect me from other boys during school and allowing you to look out for me in social settings like dances. The problem was that by seeing you as both a father and brother figure, any thoughts of you and me in a romantic relationship were tinged with feelings of incestuous guilt. Pretty screwed up, huh?"

"I'm no psychiatrist but I can see how all of this fits." Kyle said. "I just wish we could have worked through it sooner, and I wish I could have done more to support you."

"While I too wish it could have been resolved sooner, I now know that you couldn't have supported me Kyle. In order for me to position you in my heart and mind properly, I needed us to be apart during the process."

"Do you feel that you have accomplished your objectives?" he asked.

"I told you how badly I was broken and that I was almost totally fixed, and that's true. Your decision regarding us will make or break my life. I don't want to burden you with a responsibility that you had no choice in Kyle, and I would never want you to make a decision based upon anything other than what your heart tells you to do, but that's the bottom line Kyle. My life is literally in your hands."

She crossed her arms across his lap and lowered her head to lie on top of them. "You can never take care of me again Kyle. If you give us a chance it has to be each of us taking care of one another. It has to be a man and a woman sharing a life and caring for themselves as a couple and as friends. If your lack of confidence in me prevents you from accepting my desire to share my life with you, please consider how Cammy, Tara, or Lauren gave you hope. You have the option of sharing your life with one of them, and Karen Mayes will be out of your life forever.

"How did you do that by the way?" he asked. "How did you make yourself so totally different for each of your proxies?"

She raised her head and looked at him. "I confirmed that your top secret security clearance is still active or I wouldn't be able to tell you, so here goes. You were actually two projects for me Kyle, one personal – which we have been discussing, and one professional. It was the professional project that gave me the courage to finally implement the personal project. It provided me with a degree of anonymity that I felt I needed to approach you.

I am a Deputy Director within the Directorate of Science and Technology at the CIA. My department is tasked with providing technologies in support of field operations tradecraft. Think of me as sort of the character 'Q' in the James Bond movies. Anyway, while at M.I.T. I had started working on nanotechnology for muscle manipulation in humans. This 'Radical Appearance Modification', or RAM development work has continued at the CIA and we have produced several prototypes for nano robots that appear to work as designed. We needed a field test to confirm their function and reliability, so I used myself and my project with you as a test platform. If I could use the technology to disguise myself multiple times from a man who knows and loves me, then we would have all the proof necessary to move the development forward. So, you tell me Kyle, did my technology pass the test?"

"With flying colors," he said. "I would like to learn more about it, but that can wait. Right now I want to return back to our conversation about my decision."

With clear apprehension in her voice she said, "Of course."

"Good," Kyle said as he rose from the chair. "Wait here a second."

He stepped around her and walked through the bedroom and entered the bathroom. He returned almost immediately with one of the hotel's terry cloth robes. He held his hand out to help her stand and said, "Please put this on."

As he held the robe open for her, she put her arms into the sleeves. He then closed it around her and tied the belt in front. "Your reverence and vulnerability has been noted. Now I need to have you confident, secure and equal to me. Is that okay with you?"

She simply nodded and said, "I love you Kyle."

"I have no doubt of that Karen," he said as he sat on the couch and pulled her down beside him.

"Through Bubbles, I came to recognize that I have always loved you Karen, but over the past ten years this love had been almost entirely a fantasy. It was a love for what I envisioned we could have been if you had not rejected me. It was a love built on guilt, regrets, and false hope. I came to resent you for the love I felt for you, and it wasn't until Uncle Mike made me call you the other day that I even attempted to deal with that fact."

She sat quietly listening to him, afraid to look him in the eyes, terrified of what she might finally see there.

Kyle continued, "Contrast this with the hope I have found in the loving, sharing, passionate commitment I see from Bubbles and her proxies. Learning now that you ARE Bubbles presents me with a quandary to say the least. Which woman would I wake up next to each morning for the rest of my life? The scared, insecure, selfish one who didn't have enough confidence to share her pain and confusion with me, or the brave, giving, and passionate woman who has demonstrated her love and devotion in ways I had only imagined. What if I decide on you Karen and at some point you get scared again? What about children? Could I take a chance on having kids with you and not have to worry about your ability to show them the love of a mother?"

Staring at her hands she said, "Bubbles wasn't broken Kyle, Karen was. Bubbles didn't spend weeks at your side in the hospital when you were hurt, Karen did. Bubbles didn't sacrifice everything to try and win your love, Karen did. Bubbles and her proxies aren't real Kyle. Karen and all the love she showed you in disguise is real."

"Then I really don't have the options you proposed, do I?" he asked. "If you admit right now that no identity besides Karen is real, then you are my only choice, right?"

"I'm sorry," she said as she broke into sobs.

"What are you sorry about?"

"Oh Kyle, I am sorry for so many things. I am sorry most of all for the pain I caused you – that I caused us. You deserved so much better than me, and gave me so much more than I deserved in return. I'm sorry for not being stronger and for not trusting your strength. I'm sorry for throwing us away, and now I'm just so terribly sorry that you don't love me anymore."

"You hear, but you don't listen very well. You just admitted that Bubbles and all her proxies weren't real and that all the love I was shown that made me fall for her was really you, so how could I love her and not love you?"

"You love me?"

"From the time I first realized there was a difference between girls and boys, you have always been the one girl for this boy. Of course I love you Karen."

"Oh Kyle I promise, promise, promise with all my heart that you'll never regret your choice if you pick me."

"No more charades, no more proxies, and no more secrets?" he said.

She crawled into his lap and looked him directly in the eyes. "Just Karen loving Kyle and being loved in return if that's okay with you."

"I wouldn't want things any other way," he said as he brought his lips to hers for a quick kiss.

Karen smiled up at Kyle as she removed the rose from her hair. She inserted it into the button hole on Kyle's sport coat. When she raised her eyes to his once again, Kyle couldn't believe the look he was seeing from the girl of his dreams.

"Hello Kyle Mason. My name is Karen Mayes and I will be your companion for the rest of your life..."

Chapter Eight – Karen

Kyle rose from the couch, removed his smartphone from his jacket pocket, plugged an auxiliary cable between it and the in-room stereo, and then turned to her.

"You mentioned coming to see me in the hospital after I was injured, and had I known you were there, I probably would have given you a copy of this song then. You already know that I had been shot six times, with my body armor stopping all but the one that hit below it. The doctors predicted that the damage to my muscle tissue would heal without any issues and that I would recover completely. The three broken ribs actually hurt the most."

"Karen, my initial reaction to the prognosis of my injuries depressed me. I remember thinking that since you seemed to loath my very existence, I had missed a perfect opportunity to give you closure with satisfaction."

Karen gasped, "Oh god Kyle, no!"

He ignored her and continued, "One of my nurses was a country-western fan and frequently played her favorite songs while she was giving me baths, changing my dressing, or making my bed. One Billie Dean song that I heard struck a nerve with me, and I asked her for a copy of it. I have this burnt to a CD, already in an envelope to mail to you. I have almost sent it to you hundreds of times, but now that we're here, would you listen to it with me as we dance?"

Karen looked confused, but took his hand and rose into his arms. "I told you that once you admitted your love for me that the word 'no' would be stricken from my vocabulary where any request from you was concerned."

Kyle selected a song and hit 'play'.

As the lead-in music filled the room, Kyle pulled Karen to him and began to lead her around the furniture.

"You made up your mind it was time it was over
After we had come so far.
I think there's enough pieces of forgiveness
Somewhere in my broken heart.

I would not have chosen the road you have taken,
It has left us miles apart.
I think I can still find the will to keep going
Somewhere in my broken heart...

When the music stopped they stood holding each other for several minutes without speaking or moving. Karen pulled back so that she could look up into his eyes. They remained in place several moments longer just relishing the emotions evident in one another's eyes. Finally, Karen spoke.

"Will you make love to me Kyle?"

"I would love nothing more," he told her, "but that will depend on a decision that you will be asked to make a little bit later."

Karen was about to object when she considered how patient Kyle had been with her. She simply smiled and said, "I'm yours whenever you're ready Kyle."

Kyle leaned down and kissed her, but this time it was not a quick affectionate kiss. This time it was the bonding kiss of two lovers reuniting their passion for one another and it lasted for minutes. Karen was visibly shaking as their lips parted.

"Kyle, you just caused me to have an orgasm with your kiss," she whispered as they broke apart.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

She took his hand and placed it between her legs. Shuttering from his touch she allowed him to feel the moist evidence of her experience.

"Impressive" he said.

"Yes you are," she agreed. "That time you kissed me as Tara right after we stripped and dressed each other was the first time your kiss caused me to orgasm. I'm glad to know it wasn't a fluke."

"We have dinner reservations for a half hour from now," he told her. "I really want to share this with you Karen if you don't mind joining me."

"You made reservations for us?" she asked in surprise.

"I made reservations for myself and a guest. Not knowing the identity of Bubbles at the time, I couldn't use the oldest trick in the book and make the reservations in your name," he teased.

Caressing his face and smiling with adoration she told him, "I guess I'm going to have to work on your tradecraft."

Handing her panties to her he said, "I guess you will. Will you join me?"

"With absolute and most reverent enthusiasm," she told him as she took the offered garment from him and proceeded to get dressed.

"Wonderful. I'm going to call the valet and have my car pulled to the front so we won't have to wait. Do you need anything in order to prepare for dinner?"

Karen walked to the bedroom closet, opened the doors and indicated her luggage within. "I just want to wash my face real quick and then I'll be ready to accompany you. I picked up a change of clothes for you and a few other necessities so you won't be needing anything either. I thought it would be better to buy you the things you might need rather than to freak you out by getting stuff from your house without you knowing." She shot him a mischievous grin.

Kyle laughed and said, "You continue to intrigue me, and I don't want it to ever stop."

"I'll do my best sweetheart. Excuse me for a minute while I powder my nose and then I'll be ready to go."

"Okay," he said, "but remember that you are on the sixth floor and there is no window in the bathroom. I will be blocking the door to the hallway so you won't be able to pull one of your trademark 'powder my nose' disappearing acts this time."

"No more disappearing Kyle. You're stuck with me now."

Returning from the bathroom, Karen picked up her purse and took a card key out of it. Handing it to Kyle she said, "You should have a key to your own room."

"Thank you," said Kyle as he put his arm around her waist and led her out of the room and to the elevators.

Kyle's car was waiting for them at the front entrance to the hotel. He tipped the valet, held the door for Karen and then slid into the driver's seat.

"Would you like the top down?" he asked.

"Yes please. It's a beautiful evening and I don't get as many chances as you do to take advantage of the convertible top feature of this car."

"Do you have a convertible?" Kyle asked her as he pushed the switch to lower the hard top convertible roof on his Volvo C-70.

"I forget how much I have to share with you Kyle. For example, I have never had to make a decision on which car to drive. I always just bought the same model as you, trusting that you had done all the relevant research and were making the right decision. You have never disappointed me. From the Mustang you bought in college to the Subaru Forester you bought during your 'Wild Kingdom' period, to the Jeep you had before the Volvo – I followed your lead every time."

Kyle shot her his own mischievous grin and said, "I wish I would have known. I could have had some fun if I knew you were copying me. Maybe buying a motorcycle or something? Or maybe a nice domestic minivan to make you look like a soccer mom."

"It wouldn't have mattered," she said. "If it was good enough for you, it would have been good enough for me. I have trusted and worshipped you all my life Kyle. Nothing will ever change that."

"I have missed you so much Karen."

"Ditto Kyle."

The drive to the Orange Hill restaurant was quick and uneventful. Kyle turned his car over to the valet and helped Karen from the car. Upon checking in at the hostess podium Karen learned that Kyle had not merely made a reservation, but he had reserved the entire outside deck section of the restaurant. Dozens of hopeful diners were lined up outside the restaurant awaiting the diminished number of seats available due to Kyle's actions.

Kyle had timed his reservation to allow for them to be seated and drinking their before-dinner drinks as they viewed the sunset from the deck. The Southern California sky didn't disappoint them as it lit with the spectacular reds and oranges of a setting sun, followed by the panoramic view of Orange County lighting up below them.

"Karen, will you order for us?" he asked.

She sensed that this was a test. Staring into his eyes, she said, "No Kyle. I want to share whatever you decide upon. Please order for both of us."

Kyle returned her smile and said, "Only if you are honest and refuse anything not to your liking. Deal?"

"Deal," she agreed.

They shared the Orange Hill Sampler as an appetizer, decided against the soup and salad, and selected the Chateaubriand for Two. They both agreed that they were too full for dessert, but did decide to have one last drink before departing. After their drinks were delivered, Kyle stood from the table and moved beside Karen.

Kneeling beside her, he presented her with the ring he had purchased and said, "My love for you will never end. My desire to share my life with you will never fade. You can continue to make things difficult for me, or you can end my misery and agree to be my wife. Please marry me. Oh, and by the way, saying yes will guarantee that you lose your virginity tonight."

Karen never thought it would be possible to laugh so hard and cry so intensely at the same time. She wanted to speak, but she wanted to kiss him just as bad. However her need to hold him and squeeze him until their bodies melted together overruled everything else and she literally flew to his waiting arms.

Finally she said, "How long would it take us to get to Vegas?"