All Comments on 'Crime & Punishment Pt. 01'

Kudos to author for his ambition and 'trying' to make this story special. The peeks behind the legal curtain definitely threw off sparks and took this out of cliches rooted in betrayals on domestic front. Yet the characters never came alive and their dialogue was stuck in morality play mode. There's no denying, however, that extra effort went into conception and execution of the story.

As a debut exercise in marital deceit, this was pretty good. There was a certain irony in narrator debasing his professional ethics to pay back spouse for her lapses. I wish the author had toyed with that concept more. Looking forward to next installment, it does seem that all worthy adversaries have been vanquished.****

Good story so far, I hope there is some redemption for Pat. It is sad to see a man destroy himself over a woman.

Fantastic first effort! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.

Great first tale. What a start! It seems you covered a lot of ground in chapter 1. Got rid of a cheating cunt wife, garnered favor with a sheriff and got revenge on an asshole boss who tried to keep him down. What's next?

Whatever you do, please no reconciliation.

I believe him changing his thinking is the best thing that could happen. He was being pummeled from all sides because he just went with the flow. With him taking charge things will change for the better. When all the business is completed he will still be an honest man, just a little wiser and a little more street smart. Sometimes you need that edge to survive. I know now.

hopefully he'll be in a position to further destroy Frank and Laura in chapter two.

what he's done to them is a good start, now it's time to make them bleed

...I have read this one with interest. Please keep your line. There are already way too many authors celebrating cuckoldy on this site.

The main character in this drama has taken about all he can take and played their game and now he can not take it any longer. Something tells me that something or someone is going to get in his way and I hope I am wrong.

Thanks for sharing.

You could maybe explain away the FIRST time she cheated as something she felt she had to do to get the partnership, but to continue cheating AFTER she made partner? That's ALL on her.

BTW, while I'm glad you've given us at least a partial conclusion in Ch 01, I hope you don't make us wait too long for future chapters.

Very well written. The author obviously knows the environment in which the story takes place. He has developed his characters well enough to make their actions believable. I never vote before the story completes, but this would get a five from me so far. I hope we don't have to wait long for the rest.

Great start and a fantastic first contribution to this site. Looking forward to chapter 2.

I liked it. The writing was great and I loved the little When We Were Married tease.

Its a test for the author when his readers think of the characters and re-write dialog. I found myself doing that. The confrontation with Laura could have gotten wordy and melodramatic, and I was leaning that way, but after rereading it was unnecessary. He is clear eyed and determined, no fluff, forged steel.

Please continue and don't leave months between episodes then put the last one on a pay site. That behavior just shows contempt for loyal readership.

That's where Hubby ends up in this great first effort. He basically throws away everything he believed in to get revenge on the cheating Wifey and her Asshole lover. All that's left now is, basically, him moving on and hopefully getting his moral compass straight again.

5 Solid Stars for the riveting tale.

and very DQS like tale, with the Tony Maitland reference, and insight into the DA.criminal defense/political world.

Hope it is all written and you can post consecutively. You have written before and it shows. Looking forward to more.

Really enjoyed your first piece. You kept it interesting and flowing. Waiting on the follow up.

Great first chapter. Revenge is always sweeter when you hit the cheating parties finances. But I hope the guilt won't eat him up later. He is a morally good person so I hope his wife's cheating and him almost getting screwed over at work doesn't change him.

for another great story...this one has caught my attention just like the WWWM story. Please continue quickly...you are doing a fine job and I look forward to where you take us!

Good characters, hope we learn a little more about them and the ultimate consequences to their actions.

BDEarth

Keep up the good work!

This is a decent concept, badly written. Your editor did you no good, or you added a bunch of mistakes.

First, your punctuation makes some passages very difficult.

Then, you have a candidate 'handedly elected' -- is that left-handedly, or right-handedly? Or maybe you meant 'handily'.

Then there's that whole keeping things 'as quite as possible'... Q-U-I-E-T. Quiet.

The worst part is the jaw-dropping number of comments praising this as good writing. Oh, here come the flamers. Gotta go.

Just get a new editor, or learn to write.

Thanks for the read. A great start. Glad to see a story of a good man fighting back against the jerks.

this intro seems very well done. OK, is it perfect? No, but then, not much around here on these Literotica pages ever is. For a first original story idea, I say this is way better than most. I think you are off to a great start telling HIS dark story and tale of woe. However, you can't forget that his story IS even more effectively told in the characterizations of those that surround him. If you ONLY shine the Noir spotlight on him but him alone for the duration of the story, then the surrounding landscape remains too dark to see any outward point or objective within the storytelling exercise. Try to avoid a drama that ends with folks left holding the bag on "just another depressing waste of time and energy" for readers AND the author. Getting your feet wet with purpose-filled emotion and angst IS good, but so far this chapter actually reads with him rather detached emotionally. He is feeling more wronged than hurt. He is more pissed off than sad. I actually liked his statement about NOT crying, but still, this a slippery slope. Scenes from his marriage when things were "happy", help to provide comparison and contrast to the events of now, and serve to provide some depth for a character who is stunted in conveying his emotions outwardly. I do wish we had a better sense of HER. So far, I seem to understand her motivations (shallow as they may be): money, power, a dependent-on-her hubby to take care of the house and any future progeny while she selfishly stays the career focused breadwinner. OK, but did he really fall ass over tea kettle in love with her? Is their communication so lacking that she really has no idea of his goals, fears, and concerns? You really rushed through their courtship and early years. Sometimes that stuff CAN be boring (especially in narrative format- when you gloss over the sex parts), but I'd say overall it is worth it, to establish the depth of the betrayal, and to build character development. I understand that this was a busy chapter, as you had a lot of ground to cover and a lot plot hooks to sink in. Sometimes, flashbacks can work in later chapters to fill in some of these gaps, but they need to be used judiciously, and outline something relevant to current time self-discovery.

I happily give you 4 stars, and this is odd for me, as I usually don't like to vote until the completed story has posted. Good luck, and I look forward to chapter 2. Thanks!

Why do writers feel the need to explain how a couple met ten years prior to the time of the story when it has no bearing on the plot? I will never understand that need. This story has my interest, but the paragraphs were a bit long and the writing a bit dry. Shorter paragraphs, fewer words, and more emotion will make this an even better read. You get bogged down in minutia now and then. Tighten it up a little. Good story!

There is a plot which is interesting.

There are sub plots

There are real characters which you believe in.

There is something going on beyond just sex.

There is verisimilitude in the setting and the description of the attorney's work.

I can't wait for the next part. Please tell me you wrote it already.

I look forward to the rest of the story. It has a great plot and so far nothing is "out there" too far and the characters are believable.

If you continue to write like this, you'll end up being one of the best on this site.

Very nice job. Great plot and character.

Thanks for giving us something to look forward to. So much that is posted is such trash. A+

Amusingly enough I feel it is a complete tale as it is. Of course, you could rack him with guilt or hang him for blackmail in the next chapter... If you wanted a short story you have it. Now it will become a novel.

Hell of a story so far. I hope we don't have long to wait for the rest of it. There were some instances of wrong word usage which can break the flow of the story, but less than many other stories on here. Please continue!

Why would the wife agree to getting screwed in the divorce? He has no leverage on her, only on her boss.

Other than that, the story is okay. But you could drive a truck through that plot hole.

I found your story riveting. It is very dark but powerful. I respectfully disagree with HDK about not explaining how Pat and Laura met. Laura looked at him as less than equal; she hired him and even seemed more interested in his colleague Edward Kincade. Laura proposes to him, she picks the house, she sets the time frame for their marriage and she fucks it up. Laura doesn't notice his lack of interest in sex once she has fucked herself into partnership status.

I thank you for having the chapter end in a logical conclusion. Prosecutors make deals all the time for a variety of reasons. It is highly unlikely that Pat would tell his boss he would throw the case, he would just do it. Laura should understand that Pat would never live with a prostitute she can move on to her next target. I guess one thing missing is a sense that Pat and Laura were ever really in love. 5 stars

Good storyline - well-elaborated characters - excellent writing.

One Anon took the misspelling of "quiet" vs "quite" as reason to condemn you - but doing that he condemns a lot of the authors on this site; I found this or comparable errors in nearly every story on Lit. Don't take such critics on face value!

I hope Part 2 follows immediately and tells us something about the wife and her reasonings.

Please finish it as good as you started, no wimps or cuckolds, cheating wife punished badly!!

Or, did you just change your pen name from DanielQSteele?

Excellent; there is plat and character development. Please don't take too long for the follow up.

Anon.1

But the punchline was delivered a bit too quickly for me

I really enjoyed this. Interesting plot with all-too-credible political/judicial realpolitik; some very involving and dramatic human interaction. Short, punchy sentences kept the tension going nicely.

Some of the dialogue was terrific:

"Do you really hate me that much?"

"Yes".

Right on! Nothing about "I don't hate you but I hate what you did...blah,blah, etc., etc", lessening the impact.

I wish I knew more about the wife. She is able and intelligent but a you might think that good lawyer would have had some fallback plan in case her seduction of her boss was discovered. Her ambition seems to have totally warped her judgement. She appears to have totally underestimated her husband but, even so, it must have occurred to her that in preventing her from making the affair public her employers could ensure that her leverage in the divorce was minimal. What on earth was she thinking?

As others have noted, sometimes regrettably rudely, the editing, punctuation and sentence construction 'leave a lot to be desired.'

strange Bedfellows Rule. TK U MLJ LV NV

will come back into his life. TK U MLJ LV NV

Veerrry interesting. I liked the anticipation and then the suspense. Lo and the axe drops! Cheers!

Almost forgot! BTB!

@MajorRewrite

It isn't a plothole, man. Wifey accepts getting shafted in the Divorce or her activities become very public knowledge. Hubby didn't come right out and say that, but it was definitely implied. Great consequences tale.

She didn't respect him and now is worried about his soul,when you push a man to far he will do anything.

State Capital*--- is spelled State Capitol

Can't wait to read more of the Story.

Please don't make us wait to long for this to continue. I liked the Maitland reference, but I thought they had two kids- not three. I only hope that this doesn`t wind up as sad as WWWM, at least for Pat. Laura and fuckstick deserve some grief. Laura seems rather arrogant and condescending in her attitude toward Pat. When Pat overheard her in the restaurant, she had no qualms about cheating. Her only reluctance was in getting caught - "I don't want to hurt him." instead of "I won't cheat on my husband." Then, when she was finally confronted with her cheating, she says "Please don't do this. I know you won't be able to forgive yourself." She's more or less saying that she has enough superiority over him that she doesn't need to be concerned with morals, but she's disappointed with what she's driven him to do. This story leaves much possibility in continued chapter(s)

Thanks

Well written and an excellent start. Anxious for the next chapter now.

Thank you

While the Anon was correct on those tiny mistakes, I think focusing too much on tiny spelling, grammar, etc. is not the correct way to go, WITH THIS PARTICULAR story, at least.

This is one of those stories that everyone knows the AUTHOR spent sometime thinking about.

It has some serious discussions and contemplations on and about corruption; and that EVERYONE OF US is involved in corrupting ourselves and others: --- the author, his characters (Steven, our hero, Steven's cheating slut of a wife who's supposed to be the most beautiful our hero has ever laid eyes on; the local sheriff, the local political bosses, the various high power firms, etc).

This is a FUN story to read, if one is not stuck with correcting every tiny spelling or grammar error.... because the story has complex and interesting characters, bad or good and in between; it has sub-plots carefully orchestrated by the AUTHOR. Dialogues are good.

Whether the AUTHOR succeeds, in up-coming chapters, taht's another story. But so far, it is a fun story to read. This is what FICTION is supposed to be: a stone for two or more birds: ---- fun, humorous, dark, tragic, etc. on different levels, with all kinds of ugly and interesting characters, as it is the case in real life...

Spelling and grammar can and do ruin simple stories, if they are too ubiquitous, with a below-average-story; but again THIS STORY is complex and interesting enough so that a few spelling errors like "handedly" (when it should be "handily") or "quiet" (when it should be "quite"), etc. are NOT ENOUGH to detract us, the readers (most of us anyway), from enjoying it tremendously....

Ditto HDK and FD. This author reminds me of DQS. Interesting to see this guy succumb to the dark side. Wonder if he has enough self discipline to refrain from ethical lapses or whether he will just degenerate. Silly wife - she would have made partner anyway.

I hope the next chapter is recovery and redemption for Pat.

Someone asked why would she agree to such a divorce? To keep her lover out of jail and to keep from the partnership the fact that she fucked a senior partner to get her promotion.

This one DID remind me a bit of DQS, only the Hubby in this one actually has a pair. In all honesty, this was much better written than WWWM, and wasn't even close to being as maudlin as that DQS tale.

The only request I would make of the Author is not to turn this into a RAAC in a future chapter. Have Hubby move on and find a better woman who won't betray him. The Trust is gone with the soon-to-be ex-Wifey.

This one is definitely a masterpiece.

I absolutely loved this story! It has great plot development and interesting characters. Please submit part 2 soon. The flow of the story reminds me a lot of one of my favorite fiction authors, V.Z.

This is a great first installment. Seduction to the "dark side" of both the main characters. I look forward to the next chapter.

Please don't keep us waiting long.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Brujay

I enjoyed this readable, well-paced story. Haven't read the comments yet, and, with 55 already, I'm sure I have nothing left to add. I don't really understand why the wife would agree to such a draconian settlement; if she is already partner, how much pressure could the asshole exert on her (and why did she sleep with him after the partnership was secured, if she seemed to love hubby so much? etc., etc.?). Obviously, a few questions remain to be answered, so I guess it's good that a Ch. 02 is coming.

I thought the wife's pleading was interesting-she seemed to regret the hurt husband's personality change into a cold, calculating no-longer-innocent, as much as anything else. It goes to the heart of infidelity-the "purity" of the relationship, if not of the individuals in the marriage, is forever stained. Very effective theme.

That said, I like the remade hero a lot more than the little boy playing hero lawyer he was; he seems to be more of a grown man.

waiting to see if it ends as many other wimpy fairy guys.

4 stars for; awaiting next episode.

Fine first effort. Keep them coming.

,,,you also wrote...When We Were Married?

New moniker?

Nonetheless, good story, just don't make us wait days and weeks for follow up chapters...that's annoying and insulting!

I enjoyed it, but I also feel the story is complete. I don't care about the sub plots. They're mostly boring to me. Thanks for sharing.

So good. 5. Keep it comming.

I am impatiently waiting for more! Bravo!

However, it is too harsh and unforgiving for my taste so I deducted 1 star and rated it 4 stars.

Like your way of writing. Looking forward to the next part.

very very good.

More chapters please.

again, excellent work 5 stars

It's hard to believe this is a first submission. Loved your work and thanks for sharing with us. I hope you follow up soon and often.

Obvious nod to DQS aside (Mr. Maitland?) please exercise a little more judicial restraint (like Rehnquist) and publish subsequent chapters in a timely fashion. WWWM took over a year for the first part to be completed on Lit and the ongoing saga is still ongoing. You are going to have a lot of fans waiting impatiently for the next chapter(s).

That said...

Great story, thanks for sharing!

STOP!!!!!!!!! DO NOT PASS GO!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT COLLECT $200!!!!!!!

DO NOT POST ANY MORE UNTILL YOU AND YOUR EDITOR READ AND UNDERSTAND ----- COMMON ERRORS CH 1 - 6 ------ FOUND IN WRITER'S RESOURCES..........

A great first chapter for a first time author. Don't mess with characters personalities (no wimp reconciliation) - I would make one comment. Your view of the legal practice is spot on. However, while you recognize that a successful trial lawyer is rare you don't make the connection with Pat. If he is indeed a successful trial lawyer he can write his ticket anywhere. He is not bound to the DA office or his slutty wife. Perhaps that is character flaw you intended - that he doesn't recognize his full potential and has let others dictate to him for too long.

Wow, it seems that this is your first story here and what a wonderful tale.

You nailed it, great job. I can't wait to read more from you. xo Bev

Like the story and characters. She made a Faustian bargain and now has to face the consequences. At some point, people mistake kindness for weakness, the consequences can be devistating.

Look forward to the next section.

Thanks,

Wow !

Rheinquest is that you ?? Except for this occurring in New York state. This story, style is very similar.

Could use a little more emotional pull . Still ,good enough for 4*s.

Give us more depth and action . Get the reader to know the characters to a greater depth. And easily a 5* story.

I wait with baited breath, oh boy

AMerryMan

Nope ! I really enjoyed this story. As a 55 yr. old I laugh that my comment so lovestruck, lol ( is that so bad). LW went 3 days with out a good story. Then RG

came out with this GEM !! I just wax lyrical or is it poetically ? Ha

Don't worry about the technical stuff, that is for the editor. Just keep the story

Coming. It has been a long time since we had a multi- part epic I hope this is the

beginning of one!

AMerryMan

This site is an amateur author's site, and is froth with amateur authors trying their ideas out for each, their own reasons.

Sometimes stories are so mistake laden that they are impossible to read (for me at least), but by and large, I think that to condemn a brand new author for miniscule mistakes is not appropriate.

That said, I find this story completely readable, interesting and welcome a fresh, intelligent contributor to the Loving Wives category.

To the author, go ahead and let it fly. Try the waters, burn your bridges behind you, take no prisoners and have a lot of fun. It appears you have the qualities to stir quite a few dust ups around here. It'll be very interesting to follow you as you wend your way through the different agendas that present themselves here as "anon.".

5*

Best regards,

-Pultoy

The complicated revenge is more Presumed Innocent than WWWM. A straightforward revenge would have been Pat trying the case and convicting the asshole of felony DWI with the fallout including the slut's denial of partnership. This way better plot is in Grisham territory. While in general agreeing with HDK's remarks, the crux of this story was the from two different worlds relationship between an older Ivied Big firm girl and a gritty Brooklyn guy that began with the interview on Joralemon street.

This is a good first offering and I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Long winded, could have been done in half the words, just don't reconcile them or you'll be like every other writer in LW these days.

Any lawyer must have a bit of moral ambiguity to function. A lot of the comments refer to our hero losing something of himself for his revenge, but I don't see that. He has already compromised by going for the conviction of the construction worker. That's just the way a prosecutor has to be. I think his actions for revenge and job security are very in line with his character and no worse than any of his colleagues. Makes me wonder what is actually required of an ADA in New York.

to a interesting plot line. Seems to have a little of the DQS style to his writing. Hopefully Richard will not leave us hanging as DQS did so many times.

Can't wait for the next installment. Hopefully it is in the next few days.

Different plot than most stories on this site, now I question why? Would he want such a scorched earth divorce ,taking every material thing she has worked for. To protect her lover I think not , now that she got the partnership she does not need him. Or is it keep that partnership she now holds. My choice would have been to convict him so he losses his law license for 2 years and divorce and use that to get a good divorce settlement and alimony . But to take everything is as close to destroying her for her indiscretion in breaking her marriage contract seems to much. But his other motive is to seek justice for what his law colleges are doing to him at work and also using that cash to future his career. So part 2 what will he really do. Well see.?

have to agree with gr. know. in hoping the future contributions are done in a timely manner.

Amazingly detailed story hun and keep em coming! :3

I like this guy. When's the next installment?

This story is very enjoyable! Please continue with this story. Please make Pat get more REVENGE on other's People that had shitted on him? Also why not get Extra Revenge on Frank & Wife? like getting them Fired from their Law Firm???? Please do not make us wait for the NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!

A certain commenter is conspicuous by her absence. Where are you KarenWoods?? Why haven't you said anything on this wonderful story?

Because you can't find a reason to rake it over the coals with your venom, you ignorant slut.

Great story.

Seriously, you've nailed it! Please don't keep us waiting too long for the rest of the story.

What more could you ask for? 5*

Read the story for a 2nd time,I did. The characters, the plot all good.

Probably needs a little more emotional depth to go 5*s.

What a set of actors. Even in the sub-plots. Lori the witness that committed perjury.

Working as TRINA,lol. Dex the office hated rival , stopped from becoming boss. Etc ,

etc.

Would hope future chapters cover the ex-wife Laura. Maybe Patrick starts a relationship with Katrina. After your description of her RG, I know I would,fast! Ha

Yes in this case Laura's story, after the divorce could be riveting !

As always I'm

AMerryMan

Cant wait for part two. Is there a massive 'set up' in the plot here?, I hope so.

Since I have not started to read this mt impatience is growing ! When are you going to add more or finish this so I can read it?

Seriously, good story. Can't wait for Part 2. Hope to see it soon!

can't get enough! can't wait for part 2!

This is an enjoyable read and it's written quite well, but my only issue with the story is that it seems Patrick's retribution against Frank and his wife seems awfully insufficient to me. I mean he should have asked for more money seeing as he's already spent the 200K. I sincerely hope that Patrick isn't through making their lives especially Frank's as miserable and as rock-bottom as he can. I also hope this isn't a story where Patrick breaks down and takes his wife back at least not until he's run her threw the wringer first.

I like the story, and your writing, a lot. If you can improve the punctuation, and fix the (too numerous) run-on sentences, your scores will get even better.

next time when you get the work back from your editor and proof reader don't mess with it. Way more than a few crept in.

cant wait for part 2

GEEZ ! how long between postings?

"in my opinion" to your comment LordSlamdawgg, as not many others agree with it.

..."You were wonderful. I'm really going to miss that. Can we do one more before Wednesday?"

Why knowingly let her cheat and then go postal?

...YOU are DQS and here we go again!!!

You are talented but egotistical and show nothing less than disdain for your readers who you feel are subhuman and lacking in intelligence - next to you!

I doubt you have any friends, maybe some colleagues who HAVE to deal with you and, of course, those that depend on some sort of monetary or mental encouragement that you deign to show them some support for their loyalty to your insults.

Do us a favour - get out of Lit, no one - NO ONE enjoys having to go back one and two chapters to bring their awareness back to your story so they can enjoy another chapter and then...knowing - you are going to do it again!

Did you think we forgot your insults - NO. Most of us are giving you the benefit of the doubt in hopes or respect that you may have grown up and become a decent human being - I haven't!

Wow!! Great story. 5 stars. Loved the way he finally "Had all he could take and was done taking it anymore". A reversal of "Hell hath no fury". Can't wait for the continuation / sequel

Outstanding story! While I feel it works fine as a stand-alone, I will definitely read the succeeding parts to see where Pat goes, now that his moral character has been broken.

With all due respect to HDK, I don't concur with one of his comments. While I usually agree that we don't need all the history on how a couple got together, in this case the backstory provided two important foundational elements: first, it showed how and why Laura was the controlling partner in the marriage (a point reinforced in the sex scene preceding her first tryst with Frank, as she completely took charge of the sex). Second, by devoting most of the interview to prying out information on Kincade, it showed her easy willingness to use someone (Pat, in this case) for her own purposes. The interview, as such, was very revealing of her character.

In fact, another revealing aspect: by describing the whole interview process as being something of a sham, all wink-wink-nudge-nudge, it helped set the tone for the legal/moral ambiguity of the lawyers later in the tale.