by Archer2050
The story itself had potential, but you went overboard with how much each guy came and how many times that they did. It made the story unbelievable.
I dont really agree with the last poster about tim and her being overly prudish as out of character, though I dont picture a guy under sixty using the word wicked in a negative connotation, hehe.
The only thing that really turned me off about the whole story (besides the fact that I don't
like multiple guys in s story) was the very unrealistic amount of cum. I mean, fucking really?! Total bullshit! Heh. ...and while cumming on a girls face might be a novelty, Ive never, ever, ever had a desire to pull my dick out of a pussy to cum. Im in there and thats where I want to stay ;)
...gotta say though, really surprised tim didn't totally bail when the tits started coming out!
...laying here in bed, wide awake with the lights off and my iPad (cant believe spellcheck just highlighted iPad to let me know the p needs capitalized, how fucking sad is that? Hehe) set to the dimmest setting so the wife can sleep... Just set my phone alarm though for 4:45 so I can wake her up an hour early to pLay ;)
It takes you too long to get things going. And when they sort of do, the girl and "Tim" are unrealistically prudish. He, especially is just unreal—shouting and flailing about at the "wickedness" going on around him. (He then gets with it and actslike everybody else—why?)
Here's one of the greatest sentences I've ever read: "I like sex, but never wanted to get in over my head about it."
And here's a weirdo: "...as he picked up his pants and dove for Will's dick."
Great concept. Great execution. I want to swallow cum and I am a guy who doesn't do that. I would cum now, but I am at work.
I love a good cum-play story and this is the best ones I've read (other than my own, of course) in a long, long time. The action was hot, well imagined and clearly written and the characterless were fleshed out enough to be clearly distinguishable, rather than a bunch of cookie-cutter cocks & cunts. If I were to offer an criticism, it would only be that you spent too much of the early part of the story explaining what a prude Faith & Tim were before the party. I thought you illustrated ther frame off mind perfectly well without having to come out and say it directly. However, as I said, that's a minor thing. 5 stars from me.
this story was absolutely amazing,it got me so hard,i love this story.......just the idea of incest turns me on. i'd never do it in real life but it's more the forbiddenness,oh god damn this story was sexy,jizzful and well basically messy lol. i love it!!! keep up the good work!!