Daddy Blue Pt. 03

"OK, I am going to stop you right there, Dell, because—well, the premise of your question is just so wrong. Todd is not a dog."

"So he didn't put the moves on you?"

"Oh, yeah, he did that. Several times."

"I hate to say it, Charlie, but you are a sucker for a pretty face."

"Look, Dell, as I was trying to explain last night, Todd is basically a decent guy. All that talk I heard from Dad and his buddies was just that, talk, lots of hot air, though it probably isn't unfair to call Todd a player."

Dell harrumphed. "Player, dog—what's the difference? You still haven't answered the question, Charlie. Did you go home with him?"

"I wasn't going to, but then he happened to mention there was another tape."

A squeak of utter surprise escaped Dell. I could just imagine the look of total shock on his face. "Another one? Oh my God, do you have it?"

"Well, no. Todd wasn't about to part with that. That's why I had to go to his place to see it."

"So this dude actually convinced your dad to make a second tape. Who is this guy: some kind of frigging Houdini? OK, so come clean, how was it?"

"It was fucking surreal, Dell. My dad fucked Todd so good that he literally made the guy explode without even touching himself."

"Arrrrrgh, and I missed it! It's so unfair. Dammit, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd seduce Todd myself for one good look at that video. But surely this settles the question, doesn't it? You can't seriously doubt your dad is gay any more."

"No, I guess not. But the funny thing is that as far as he and I are concerned, things are more unsettled than ever. I know I can't put off talking to him anymore."

"I don't suppose you need me there, strictly for moral support of course."

"Not this time, Dell. This time it has to be just him and me. But I think it's safe to say it's going to get pretty intense. At least I hope it does."

"Call me after—OK?—and let me know how it all turns out. Listen, Charlie, there's another reason I called. There's something I need to tell you. I hope you won't get mad."

"Mad about what?"

"Not about what—who. Trey called me last night after he'd been over to see you."

"He called you? Why the hell would he do that?"

"He just wanted somebody to talk to—that's all. He was pretty upset."

"Was he now? Why the hell would he call you, of all people? And how the hell does he even know you?"

"Charlie, I wish you'd calm down."

"I'll fucking calm down when you answer the damn question: Why is Trey calling you?"

"You're forgetting I've known him longer than you have. Charlie, I'm the one who introduced you two at that party a couple of years ago. Remember: He used to date one of my cousins."

"Oh yeah," I said, hitting my forehead. "Sorry, Dell, but I had completely forgotten that. What with all that's been going on, somehow I'd managed to push that out of my head. So how long has he been calling you?"

"He called me out of the blue last night, and I swear that's the first time he's ever called me. He knew you and I were friends and he wanted to talk . . . about you. He must have gotten my number from my cousin."

"Jeez, that's just perfect," I groused. "I suppose he laid out the whole sordid mess to you."

"If by mess you mean calling him 'Daddy' right in the middle of sex, then yeah, he told me. It was a total shock, Charlie. I didn't even know you and Trey were back together."

"We are not back together. Look, he just showed up over here Friday and Saturday out of the blue, saying he wanted to see me, and then one thing led to another."

"So you aren't back together?"

"No way. In fact, I think it's safe to say Trey and I are over and done with."

"Actually, that's great," said Dell sounding quite relieved, "because he asked me out. I didn't say yes, of course. I told him I'd have to check with you first."

"He asked you out? I thought he called you to gripe about me."

"Oh, he did that plenty, believe me. But after a while, we just sort of moved on to other stuff, like what we like to do for fun. And we were having such a good time that suddenly out of the blue, he asked me if I would like to go out with him."

"And now you're actually asking for my OK. That's sweet, Dell, but you really don't need my permission to see Trey."

"That's it? Sayonara and good luck? I have to admit, Charlie, I didn't expect you to be so blase. There was a time you were totally freaking crazy about this guy."

"I know," I said with a little laugh. "And trust me, I can't believe how grown-up I'm being about this either. But yesterday, after I saw Trey that second time, I knew it was over. But, really, Dell, he is a good guy. You definitely could do a lot worse than Trey."

Dell giggled. "That's a dig at my teaching assistant, isn't it?"

"Far be it from me to tell you who you should go out with, Dell, but, really, what do you see in that married jerk? Can't you see he's just using you?"

"Sometimes it's nice to be used, Charlie, not unlike you and that guy Todd. Can you honestly tell me nothing happened when you went over to his place last night?"

"Point taken, Dell," I said. "I won't lecture you anymore about who you should go out with."

"I'm gonna hold you to that, Charlie C. Do you want to get some dinner tonight and hash this stuff out some more?"

"Not tonight, Dell. Tonight's the night I'm finally going to have it out with my dad."

"Can I ask what you're going to say to him?"

"I don't know what I'm going to say. Honestly, Dell, I have no idea. I'm gonna wing it, and let my heart be my guide. Let's see where it takes me."

"Don't forget he's your dad," Dell said, cautiously.

"You don't have to worry, Dell. There's no way I'm gonna forget that."

**********

For much of the rest of the day I parked myself in front of the TV and marked time waiting for Dad to come home. It was half-past eight before I heard the familiar sound of his car pulling into the garage. Since his patrol shift had ended in the late afternoon, I figured he had pulled an evening shift on his part-time security job at the grocery store. I hoped working the extra hours hadn't tuckered him out or put him in a bad mood. I had spent most of the day psyching myself up for the big talk, and the last thing I wanted to do was put it off again.

Dad wasn't just in a good mood, he seemed positively buoyant when he came into the den, though he was surprised to find me there.

"Hey, buddy, didn't expect to see you here. I thought you'd probably be out running the streets with Dell or another one of your friends, like last night. I don't think I've seen you since yesterday morning."

"I know, Dad, but tonight I'm here just for you. No place else I'd rather be," I said, shutting off the TV. "Listen, if you come in and sit with me, I'll whip up one of those whiskey sours I know you like to kick back with when you've had a long day on the job."

"It's a deal, partner, especially since I was planning on mixing something up for myself after the day I've had. There was a little bit of excitement over at the store tonight, and I need something to help me decompress before hittin' the sack. And who better to do it with than my number one son?"

Dad unbuckled and removed his holster and sidearm, dropping them onto an end table, and then loosened and began unbuttoning his regulation blue shift before coming around and depositing himself in an easy chair. I'd seen him do this routine a thousand times before, but tonight I couldn't tear my eyes off him as he went through the familiar motions. Even as I moved into position behind the mini-bar at the back of the den and began mixing the drink, I continued watching Dad like a hawk.

"This is nice, Charlie," said Dad as I set the drink down on a lamp stand next to the easy chair.

"We aim to please," I said, standing by to see if I had mixed the drink to Dad's satisfaction. "What's the verdict?"

"Perfecto," Dad nodded as he tasted the drink. "But, you know, kiddo, I wasn't referring to the drink. What's nice is coming home and finding you here the way it used to be. This house hardly seems lived-in without you around."

I returned to my seat on the couch. "I've missed you too, Dad, more than you know. So what was the excitement down at the store about?"

"We had a shoplifter—nothing special about that. But what made it interesting is he turned out to be a runner! I mean, the absolute worse place to have a foot chase is in a crowded store—too many people and too many damned obstacles. Anyway, what happened is that I got a text from the drug department about some teenager who was over there pocketing cold meds and other stuff. He was a twitchy little son-of-a-gun, and unfortunately saw me approaching before I had a chance to corner him. Quick as lightning he took off down one aisle while I raced alongside him on another aisle. He darted into another section with higher shelves so I wasn't able to keep eyes on him and all the obstacles really started to slow me down; so I just backed off and circled around toward the front of the store because I knew that's where the little cuss would end up sooner or later. Pretty soon I spied him trying to give me the slip at the entrance, and truth be told had the little jackrabbit made it to the parking lot my chances of catching him would have been scarce to none."

"So what did you do: Wait him out at the front of the store?"

"Well, yeah, basically that was the plan, but the wily little coyote seemed to figure that out and so he bid his time back in the aisles somewhere figuring I would eventually give up waiting for him and go back to patrolling the store. But what he didn't know is I knew where he was the whole time, thanks to checking in with some of the workers around the store and scoping out the overhead mirrors. I slowly stalked him, finally pushed him back into a corner of the bakery section, then did a short foot race and finally tackled his skinny butt. It feels mighty nice to know an old guy of 42 can still out-maneuver a wiry kid of 15."

I laughed. "Jeez, Dad, that's bunk. The way you're always running and working out, I think that 15-year-old never stood a chance against you."

"Well, OK, maybe so," grinned Dad, looking quite pleased with himself as he leaned back in the chair and sipped his drink. "I have to say, Charlie, it's good to see you looking relaxed and more yourself than you did the other night. I guess you worked out whatever it was that was bothering you."

"No, Dad, I haven't worked anything out which is why I was waiting to talk to you. This isn't something I can work out by myself. But I did have to work up the nerve to talk to you."

"Come on, Charlie, that's what I'm here for. Spit it out."

I took a deep breath and then did the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I clicked on the TV and DVD player and hit the play button, and then watched as the tape of Dad and Todd began to unspool across the screen. Dad stiffened and glared at me.

"Shut that off, Charlie."

"Dad, please. I want to talk about this."

Dad jumped to his feet and literally roared at me.

"Shut that goddam thing off, Charlie! Now!"

I did as I was told pronto. Dad was still glaring at me, but I didn't dare look at him. I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

"What's the meaning of this, boy? How the hell did you get your hands on that thing?"

"Dad . . . can't we just clam down and have a nice reasonable discussion about this?"

"Hell, no! Jesus H. Christ! You gotta lot of nerve, boy. The only thing I want to know from you is how did you get your paws on that tape."

"I found it upstairs in your dresser. I wasn't snooping, Dad, honestly. I just happen to come across it when I was looking for—"

"Yeah, cash, I know. So you found it. What I want to know is what gave you the right to take that and watch it?"

I went completely blank for an instant and just sat there, avoiding his gaze. I thought I was ready for this, ready for the anger and the accusations and whatever else might come, but now I realized that I wasn't ready at all. Dad's look of bitter disappointment was boring into my soul.

"Well, Charlie? Speak up, boy. I want an answer. What the hell gave you the right—"

"Nothing gave me the right, Dad—OK? You're right: There's no excuse for what I did. I invaded your privacy and I have absolutely no excuse for it, except . . . I guess I didn't know I needed one. You and me, we've been so close for so long that it never occurred to me that there might be any secrets between us."

"Dammit, Charlie," Dad said, his tone softening. "Look, boy, don't you see that what upsets me is not that you found out that I've been fooling around . . . with guys. The truth is I've been looking for a way to break that to you for some time. My problem is how you found out: rummaging around in my room, taking my stuff, and violating my trust by watching something that was clearly marked personal. You say you didn't think there were any secrets between us, but I'd be willing to wager that if I looked hard enough, I'd find plenty of stuff you wouldn't want your ol' man knowing about."

"So not true, Dad."

"Bullshit, Charlie, you must think I'm pretty naive. The simple fact is everybody has their secrets and that includes you."

"OK, well, maybe so, but what difference does it make if I found out you're gay or bi or whatever?"

"Well, it happens to make a hell of a difference to me. This gay thing: that's part of your world, Charlie, not mine. I grew up in a tiny little Texas town where men were men, and that was that. Nobody was gay—well, not if you wanted to be considered a real man. It never even occurred to me to question that notion. I was perfectly happy being a rough and tumble boy in a rough and tumble world. And it's that mentality that led me to become a Marine which is like the world's biggest boys' club. Even a few years ago when I realized my desires were starting to change, I still somehow managed to hang onto that old image of myself as a very macho guy. But now that that's gone, I don't know what the hell I am anymore."

"The world's changing, Dad, even in Texas. Would it be so bad to be gay—like me?"

Dad gave me a cryptic smile. "Nice try, Charlie boy. You know I love you and cherish you just the way you are. But I'm not you. I've built my whole world on some basic assumptions about what it means to be a man and have a man's dignity. Even my choice of profession was built on that notion: Cops happen to live a very macho world."

"But suppose that world was starting to change too, Dad? Recently I found out that there are a whole bunch of gay cops right here in Houston, more than I ever imagined. And guess what, Dad: they consider themselves just as macho as you."

"You don't say," said Dad eyeing me curiously. "Now where the heck have you been goin' that you've been meeting up with all these gay macho cops?"

"Uh, Dad, can we just focus on one thing at a time? Look, I know you're feeling embarrassed about that video, but you shouldn't. I know I shouldn't say this, but, Jesus, you look fantastic in that scene, and incredibly macho, and I'm not the only one who thinks so—"

The words were hardly out of my mouth before I realized what I'd said. Dad gave me a knowing smirk.

"So I'm guessing Dell saw it too. Of course he did. That no doubt explains why he was gushing all over me the other night."

Then Dad did something that threw me for a complete loop. He began to laugh and then threw his head back and laughed even harder. I had absolutely no idea what he was laughing at, but I was so relieved that I started chuckling too.

Finally I had to ask. "What are we laughing at?"

"We, Charlie boy, are laughing at the absolute craziest situation a father and son ever found themselves in. And If this isn't the craziest, it sure as hell ought to be. So what now, boy? The cat's out of the bag. The big secret is over, and I'd say we're none the worse for it—are we? At least now I know why you've been dragging around here for days acting like you've lost your best friend."

"It was a pretty big shock, Dad."

Dad grabbed his drink and knocked back a big swig of it. "I know, buddy. Sorry about that."

"And do you know what the biggest surprise was? I thought I had pretty good gaydar, but when it came to you it's like I had a blindspot. Can you at least tell me how long this has been going on . . . I mean, you know, uh, between you and guys."

"Another tough question. OK, Charlie, let me take a stab at it. The first—gay—experience I ever had was twenty-two year ago when I was 20-years-old Marine. Some guy, tough and mean as they come, came up behind me in the latrine and flat-out offered to suck my dick. And doggone if I didn't let him. Now by then I'd been a Marine long enough to know that sex between servicemen wasn't really all that uncommon. And so I told myself it was just an opportunity to relieve a little tension—nothing more. But somewhere deep inside, I think I knew better. Because, see, the thing is—I enjoyed it. Really enjoyed it. And I knew that someday, sometime, I would want it to happen again. And sure enough, it did happen again, not often, but from time to time, when opportunity knocked, when the urge came over me. But I mostly kept it under wraps. I didn't do anything. I mostly just stood there and let the other guy do it all. Sorry if this disappoints you, partner, but I was a big tough Marine, and I didn't want to think of myself as gay. So for the longest time, I just didn't."

"What changed, Dad?"

"Who knows? I got older. I mellowed out. I guess I reached the point where I decided that life was too short not to see where this thing leads me; so one day when we were hanging out and good old Todd put the moves on me, as he had done before, I shocked him and myself by saying: Sure, dog, why not. Let's give it a try."

"Whoa, Dad, that's amazing," I groaned, shivering a little as a heat wave washed over me. Well, I wanted to know the truth and I was getting it full bore. I blushed a little, wondering if Dad could see just how turned on his story was making me.

"All right, Charlie, come on, out with it. Something's up with you, I can see it. Now's the time to ask your questions."

"OK, Dad—why Todd?"

Dad smiled and shook his head a bit. "Todd doesn't matter. If it hadn't been him it would've been somebody else. I was ready for it to happen."

"I don't think that's entirely true. Todd can be very persuasive."

Dad grinned and cast a knowing look at me. "I think I see where this is coming from. You never did like him very much, did you, boy? What's the matter, Charlie? You think the Toddster's not good enough for your dear old dad?"

"No, Dad, you don't get it," I said, getting to my feet and approaching him. "I wasn't asking why fuck Todd. Actually I get that. He's a good-looking guy. I was asking why him . . . and not me?"

"I don't follow . . ."

In an instant I closed the distance between us, took by dad by the shoulders and kissed him. He froze for a moment, but I didn't. I used the opportunity to pull him into me and push my tongue into his mouth. A second later I felt his powerful grip seize me and push me away from his gaping mouth.

"What's the meaning of this, boy?"

"Let me go, Dad, and I'll show you. You might as well know that I'm totally fucking crazy in love with you."

"Charlie boy! Goddammit, what kind of dumb sick joke is this?"

"Look at me, Dad. Do you really think I'm playing?"

He took his time answering, and then to my surprise let me go. "Nope, I guess not. What the fuck am I gonna do with you, Charlie?"

I stood my ground. It would have been so easy to shrink back and run away from that fatherly gaze one more time, but for once that's not what I wanted to do. Somewhere over the last two days, I had managed to fall totally in love with my dad and now that I'd told him, the last thing I felt like doing was running.