All Comments on 'Dark Fire'

5 Didn't expect that.

I didn’t start reading this expecting to cry; but here we are.

This is a masterpiece and you should be proud. You painted a picture of dichotomy and consistency, Longing and love, hurt and pride and Fulfilled it succinctly.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Really need help of an editor. There is a decent story that gets lost in a mountain of minutia. You give a backstop that is overly complex and detracts from the build up to your close.

Thanks for sharing...

Bravo...simply Brilliant! 5*

Too much psycho babble and then a ridiculous ending…so a 2 for the writing !

Well written, but way to depressing! I read to be up lifted by nice endings or the good guy winning of the bad.

But not this...........

Wow!

It is a shame that it got to that point!

It reads like a psychology or even a relationship textbook. All self examination, introspection, aloof, without life.

Wow, that was dark. And made more sense than 90% of cuck/btb waste in the category.

Thanks

This is the classic traditional cheating before feminism decided females too are entitled to cheat. My heart broke for Betty. Yes when I was little I heard this kind of tale where men were the asshole cheaters and wives just martyrs and patiently put up with their aashole husbands. Those tales made me at one point all for empowerment of women. Until modern women got too much empowerment and got drunk with too much entitlement and today society is one big trainwreck.

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Betty should have divorced Ron and clean him out financially but I do understand that Betty is of the traditional side. Like a lot of cheated women in conservative societies it unhinged her mentally.

/

Despite those many psychobabble I had to skim over, this was a pretty good well written story about how cheating were in the past. Tragic but good. Nice work @desecration.

Not sure what the point of this mess was.

Very meaningful.

Can't go home again? I'd settle for going back to a time before I wasted 20 minutes reading this.

All these introspection by Betty. All the psychological babble of the hows and dos and pros and cons of infidelity that happens in a marriage. But in the end…murre, suicide????

Previous comments have said it all, I simply gave it a 2 and now I'm moving on. Lit is certainly full of garbage today.

Torn on this one. She just seemed to clinical in pretty much everything. Not that he wasn't a waste of space as well, but they seemed pretty much doomed right from the start when she couldn't tell him that she loved him.

BORING!!!!! Couldn't finish the first page, its not clever or cute to write a text book. 1*

Wow! That was heavy. Extremely well written but seems like it should be submitted as a thesis rather than a piece of fictional prose.

Excellent writing. Fresh approach. I'll make sure to read other works by you. Not a fan of sad endings but their lives were what they were.

Very good. Very dark. Please keep writing.

Ugh. Philosophical twaddle until the end when everything goes off the tracks.

Ugh. Philosophical twaddle until the end when everything goes off the tracks.

Kind of liked this except for the end. Betty didn't deserve that.

I may forgive you

but did you have to make us examine our own lives?

Very dark and way too much rhetoric that just repeated over and over.

Reads like a college study course

"Class, how did they go wrong . What could be done differently? What would you do to change the results."

Nothing in this story is desirable. Didn't develop any emotional impact.

So she killed them both. Does anyone care ❓

Desecration this is the first time I was bored 🥱, with a story you posted.

Gave you 2⭐'s.

Thank you for the effort. Will be looking for the next story you post. I'm

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AMerryman

Wow not expecting this story. Sad that a couple come to this end. Could the marriage be fixed? Maybe, but not in this story. Thank you for writing.

Different, very dark...5

Whoa, did not see that ending coming. Very dark. Great psychological thinking.

Well done. Sad tale.

I did like this story, despite the dark ending. I did find all of the introspection to be maddening, yet true to life in a way.

Author working far too hard to slap a veneer of pseudo-intellectualism on top of this to try to make it more tolerable. Epic fail.

Many ways tooooo reel, also parts reed like textbook.

LOVE slap*hapy*papy. #9

These two were broken before they even met. I'm sure there were many other options rather than murder/suicide.

I thought this was a well written story, crafted around clinical analysis of two people who came right out of a textbook. I guess one could wonder if Betty should have chosen a different path, but her stated position was that she loved him and in the end if she couldn't have him on her terms, no one else would. That scenario is occasionally painted in the news media, but it is usually the male who is so possessive and takes it to the ultimate end.

True, the story is dark, but it makes me realize that my life is not perfect, but it is better than theirs. Monetary and societal success is not the ultimate answer for everyone. Good fiction after all is just a glimpse of real people in a different setting.

Definitely dark. A little too much psycho babble but still I read it through. 4 stars. Surprised. she did not say that final line to Greg, the guy's asshole brother who was just going to leave him so he could get some. "I'll take him home and we will be together, Greg. Just like before."

Just wow! Heart-rending…too real to easily contemplate! Thank you, desecration. Five stars ⭐️ for this one!!

Sad story all the way thru, written well, thought provoking, but I think most people want to read stories to escape, kind of like going to the movies. And in an escape, we'd like some happiness to happen, and justice to be done. So no, I didn't like it, but have to give it at least a 4.

I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. She had a mental break and couldn’t find a way through it. Death for both of them is the sad ending she could have avoided if she’d just divorced the selfish asshole.

That one was very deep, and a.little too dark. The ending was definitely an unexpected shock. This was a very good, well written story that I didn't like at all. Probably just too far over my head to really understand why a therapist specializing in problem marriages picked murder suicide to resolve her own problems.

Incredible ending to a sad, depressing tale. The only problem I had with the story was the characters were so clinical they lacked passion, making it impossible for me to relate to them in only a basic level. I didn't see the foreshadow until the end, so bravo for that subtlety. Unfortunately, since I felt no connection to the characters I didn't care...4*

Gave me a headache. A psychological textbook. No emotion in the entire story. Way too long to have no conclusion or ending. Not a single likeable character.

Beautifully told and horribly sad. Refreshing to have an intelligent offering in this category.

AUTHOR

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Scientists do not have God complexes. Are you like fucking retarded or just stupid?

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Scientists have egos but they do not have God complexes

Suicide ending, not good, not good at all.

2/5 that is all a suicide story deserves, no finesse at all.

Despair drenched. Poor Betty seemed driven insane by the desperate hopelessness of the situation. Rob seems completely unable to emotionally process the life he's been indoctrinated into. I have seen some sad stories on this site but this is saddest thing I have seen. Makes me want to cry for these people.

Hooo boy! You see what comes from messing around? This one took a "left turn"...sorry, could not help myself!

5☆...but don't do this to us again!

Amazingly well written, I doubt anyone can state otherwise.

Sadly though this was the literary version of a hospital surgery ward....sterile and hard to enjoy being in. The end was a shock but if the characters felt real, it would have helped. It lacked any emotion that is needed for this type of story to draw us in.

The wife seems unreal, too cold and calculating all the time, not even a likeable character. The story was told from her person POV most of the time, but sometimes switched unexpected to his POV. Then there was the high school swim coach stuff thrown into the middle, without any scene break or indication of his remembering the past, ... just there as if it's part of an ongoing scene.

You put a lot of effort into writing this. But I can't say I liked it. So, I'll give it a 3.

If Tennessee Williams were still alive and publishing on Literotica....

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This is your trifecta piece. Your stuff is that good. 5++++/5.

Its good to see a piece that looses itself in serious thoughts that accompany any situation like this.

I lost interest after the cuck stayed with the cheating whore of a husband and started skimming

Loved the ending

Terribly sad and dark, but a very good read!

Thank you!!

I felt 0 connection with characters.

Its a pure headache.

A psychological monologue, No emotions at all during the entire story.

It was a glimpse of depression.

Seriously something is wrong with your head.

You are making quantum improvements with each story. The psychological aspects have made your stories worthwhile from your first here, but your narratives have made definite improvement each time. I doubt that you will reach the point that we will read your stories for the story itself because your relating the insights slows things down, but in your case, that is a good thing. Reading a thoughtful story is more satisfying, albeit not as much fun.

In spite of the nice things I just wrote, I will not vote because I never liked endings like this. I call these writer's endings, not reader's endings, but I don't feel that it is fair to downgrade a story because of taste rather than the quality of the story.

Again, I look forward to your next work, even more eagerly than before.

That was rather flat only for Betty to commit a murder/suicide... chances are that's the insurance claims screwed too.

Given all the psychobabble she spouted, Betty would not have done something so spur of the moment and if she'd been planning it it would have been more than it all fading away that same evening, it would have been weeks or months coming. Not only that she would have thought of the other consequences - the effect on her kids, the effect on Erin and her son and would have carried on for all of them, maybe in 2 years when Erin was ok, it may have been different... she seemed like the closest thing to a child of hers within the story.

There needed to be far more emotion in the interactions between Betty and Ron for this to have worked better for me.

I read the stories here for entertainment, often to relax before going to sleep. The ending on this one is not going to help me sleep. Excellent story but one needs an understanding of peoples mental issues to appreciate.

Gooseflesh crawling end ! This is a hell of a story , it’s message clear ! I’m gonna have to admit to myself my own flawed character spelled out in print , so blatantly obvious once you read the words and the fog lifts from your inner eye ! Thank you profusely ‘ desecration ‘ as you have given me insight to what I was once blind to !!!

Man, this one was deep. Excellent writing, not exactly psycho babble, but intelligent in-depth analysis and dialogue from someone with much more between the ears than most of us.

I started out liking and appreciating the intellectual analysis, but then it became pretentious, presumptuous, and ended ridiculous.

You have a very very narrow and shallow concept of life and people. Its evidenced mostly by your effort to make yourself and your characters appear very complicated and deep and nuanced. You reveal your own indoctrination and cool aide drunken enrollment into the Hive of arrogant self anointed Woken Ones. The revelation is through a vocabulary and recitation of life that is inscrutable and unfathomable because it is absurd and detached from reality. Betty and Ron's marriage failed due to very simple and very common lack of effort and interest, good old everyday preoccupation and neglect. You don't need a college degree to understand it or make it happen, but apparently you think it will help you explain it. Your writing style and psychological emphasis turned your story into Sophomore on Pot term paper for her sociology 201 class. She probably titled it The Pathology Of The Modern Marriage. She got a grade of C- because Betty did not go off to fuck the tattooed muscle guy at the bar. She would have gotten a D- if she hadn't killed Ron.

From me you get a B- in recognition of your effort. It really does have great bones, but you just couldn't restrain yourself from making it so full of psycho babble that it was not at all difficult to understand, just impossible to agree with. Ron got tired of being married, and Betty got tired of living. Happens all the time, but I'm not sure if you understand. Still, thanks for the effort.

But the fallout a never nice. This is more LW then other stories. To real but good written.

He sattletramp you have to be happy the cheater are dead. Ooh excuse me no party from sattletramp the cheater was a man, you only are happy if it's a woman.

No one is more fucked up than councilors and mental health specialists. Good story and well done

weird, boring and confusing... but opinions are like assholes

A _little_ uneven, but the characters were real .

I wanted to like it and probable would have except it was just to dark for me. People who kill themselves don't end the pain they just pass it on to those they leave behind.

Wow! Fucking great! Expect you're going to be slammed in comments though. Didn't see that ending coming, but no other would work with these characters, I think. Definitely one of the best writers on this site, my opinion.

WTF.... sick!

OMG, what a story! I only wish there weren't so much rememberences, etc. Just let this story flow. I never expected this ending. I loved the twists & turns; every time I thought I knew where the story's going, I'm proved wrong. Having said that, I totally agree with "JustOneMansOpinion" about people who commit suicide.

She was her parent's daughter!

5

That was dark.

As before desecration bombards us

with all kinds of interesting ideas

and possible solutions.

But what is the writer's dark fire supposed to tell us?

I don't think it's about love not gotten.

I think it's about love not given.

But either way, there's a piece of the puzzle missing.

In Rob and Betty's four children.

Did they receive love or did they not.

The point I'm trying to make, is if Rob and Betty

didn't just not give love to each other

or didn't give love to anyone.

I find that important to the story.

That's why this story only gets 4 out of 5 from me.

Having said that, I still think this is a good interesting story.

I found it funny that Rob wanted to be a hero for himself.

Which, of course, is impossible.

A hero is someone who does something special for others.

I also paused at one of Betty's thoughts.

The one that said "Most people weep for themselves".

I wonder if it applies for people mourning loved ones.

Do you weep because you lost someone,

or because that someone is gone?

Anyway, thanks desecration for a good story.

Wow!

Love that you bring wit and inventiveness to the LW category, a category which too often defaults into played-out tropes. The Roald Dahl/John Collier conte cruel model seems to hold some LW promise, though I prefer a story that opens out into an emotional expansiveness, rather than close down into an "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" macabre relish.

Sorry not for me⭐️⭐️

Load of crap.She should have dumped the arsehole and made him pay by taking half the company.

For me, this was a five-star story until the last five paragraphs. The character development, the growth of the characters, and the inner dialog came right to the edge of a brilliant realization for both characters that carried hope for the future. Instead, Betty just gave up. After expressing so much hope - and competence as a professional to work through it - the story just shut down.

It was dark, indeed. I'm sorry. While the story was well-told, it feels like the author gave up, too. And I'm sorry for that, too.

Utterly masterful story crafting...and the ending wasn't a give up as some lightweights think it was....more like a woman scorned who finally found her own power to take the only route she had to the happiness she wanted.

Sad, poignant and a morality tale all rolled into one.

Five stars plus.

Um, WOW! OK, so that's 5 Stars. Uh, normally I give a five meaning I could not put it down. But in this case I had to walk away about three times reading this story because I needed a break from the emotional maelstrom. This was -masterfully- crafted! I cannot stress enough how good this story is. I mean it's heart wrenchingly painful. But phenomenal!

Did they survive the crash? Its amazing the amount of damage these new cars can take.

She should have just tossed him off of the bridge and moved on with her life. I know a few couples just like them and they help me realize we aren't all marriage material

Some gave glowing comments, while others not so. While the story was well expressed; the author most talented, I am not in favor of the failure of human survival. It ended as a "cop out." Both highly intelligent people, yet could not think past their corrupt states of mind. I give it a five for writing talent and a 1 for content.

Much too long and boring, with an awful ending!

So I just finished reading all of your 'Loving Wife' stories. I read them all because I was absolutely amazed by some of your insights; And then the complicated, but real interpretations of who we are as humans and how we tend to respond (psychological 'theory') to various events happening to us--either by our own construction or responding to someone else's construction that affects us.

I have never commented on a story in Literotica, but I just had to respond to yours. Very Good! and 5 stars. I don't know who you are, but thank you for fulfilling my reasons for this form of entertainment: curiosity, stimulation-both physical and mental, and more that I can't pinpoint nor do I feel the need to explain. You do a great job!

Also there is a thread that runs through all of the stories and pops up occasionally that reveals to me a deep understanding/revelation of the God of the Bible--who just happens to be Lord Creator.

Any way, thank you. I look forward to future works of yours.

PaulJoe11082

I just finished reading all of your stories posted here on Literotica. I have never commented on a story until I was just compelled by your stories. I appreciate the maturity of thought you display. I am amazed by the real life aspects of your characters--they actually think. I also appreciate that they are flawed. You write well and it is not lightweight. The depth and complexity of your stories is very satisfying emotionally and intellectually and you don't seem to be constrained by the typical templates that so many LW stories are forced into. Thanks for the refreshing entertainment your stories provide because they are filled with thought provoking events and not the standard fare.

I need to mention the thread of insightful comments and profound statements appearing sporadically throughout your writing that seem to reveal to me that you are pretty familiar with the God of the Bible and recognize that He is Lord Creator and all that that implies.

So thank you! and 5 stars of course.

Wow, your focus on flaws grew and grew until the final human flaw, death was inevitable. What an intriguing premise. Dark fire is indeed in the wrong place in Loving Wives. It needs to be published in a literary review. Bravo, and thanks for your story.

Wow! All problems solved........ Forever.

My God I'm so sad I'm crying..

The story was a bloody great tragedy.

He's beautifully written and depressingly so in the dimensions of the cover Have each person's faults faults and how they came together to destroy each other.

So tragically sad.

Wow! Nothing like becoming a fatality statistic! Great ending, you didn't have much choice. He was all fucked up, broken, and no doubt irreparable, right? She on the other hand, didn't want anyone else, cornered, she made up her mind to take him to the one place they would be happy together. In death we don't part. Looks like mot of the commenters got it, so I'll end by saying saying 'great job, keep Writing'.

XYZ

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I fear this story will get low ratings due to the nature of LW readers (seeking to masturbate); NOT appealing to the few thinkers that read for more. Few stories on L require insight into deep philosophical meanings or require a dictionary to decipher or require college 101 Psychology.

/

6*, Hooyah, Salutes for getting me out of my comfort zone

Sad and dark! Excellent story but so sad. She finally figured it out for the both of them, so sad!

Excellent writing skills for 5 BIG STARS. Thank you.

Great..and so a sad ending ! 5+ stars....

uff now thats a tragedy. Well done

Do I venture into reading his other works? I have decided to hold off for a while before I do. What a great, but sad, story. Keep writing, please. 5 Stars

Then life turned bright and beautiful, where life and love endured at the sassafras road bridge. A good story, a life story. But mostly, a love story. The tale is dark, as is love all too often.I enjoyed it. LP

Couple should have figured out how to proceed in a way that wouldn’t hurt the rest of their family. If hubby is too shallow to do so, wife should have dumped him and moved on.

Two highly accomplished egg heads of our 'modern family'. Their shitty parents got the FULL BENEFITS of a depression era parents, but willingly choose to ignore family rearing traditions. Traditions that have developed kids for THOUSANDS of years.

So instead of soft nurturing love and hard knox love, their baby boomer parents imparted shitty modern thinking and mostly neglect. The kids grew up to be successful career driven idiots. No common sense. No idea how to make their marriage survive. Not even an inkling of how to divorce and move on. Constantly talking inside their own heads, and doing...well...nothing. Letting the worst baser human instinct drive them forward.

It's a modern tragedy. Cultural Marxism in full swing.

UH, did she steal the Uber car? Remember, her car is at home in the garage.

BigDee44; no jackass, uber is akin to a taxi.//// sounds like 2 overeducated democrap elitists? they know all, can plan for all, have no common sense, cant face reality and absolutely fuck up and destroy all. Any future they imagine and plan for wpont work. rk

A few LW stories serve as winnowers separating the wheat from the chaff allowing everyone that reads the comments to see for themselves. The comments for these stories are all on one end of the spectrum or the other. One can then safely assume that comments made by the chaff are chaff in every other comment that they make. Of course, the chaff see themselves as wheat and comment only to display their wheatiness.

This is novel, a LW yarn with a cheating husband rather than a cheating wife. The writing style is very different from the usual Literotica template, but I loved it. The ending was dark, but only if wifey crashed into the bridge. But did she? BTW why has it been tagged ‘cheating wife’ when it should be ‘cheating husband’? 5 stars and thanks for sharing.

So deep so dark so sinister.

Awesome