All Comments on 'Daughter Finds Father'

This has great potential as a story, however you tell it too clinically. Not much real emotion shown. You need to flesh it out, give it more body and let things develop more slowly, so as to give the read time to get lost in the story. This comes across as almost a dry recounting of details. Let me say again, I really liked the plot and where it eventually ended, you just need to work on your story telling.

There was no dialog. You need dialog.

You marked chapters after two or three paragraphs. That wasn't necessary.

The mother/girlfriend goes from being Nancy to Susan. You need to fix that.

This needs to be expanded - you've basically got no more than an outline.

I liked the over all concept. I just wish each paragraph wasn't considered a chapter

Now go write a story using your notes.

I though it was an awesome story wish it was Longer

...by the carelessness of the name of the ex. This takes away the authencity of the story, thus render fake. Fake stories can't touch people.

I want more!

Thank you, this is a beautiful story, about the way people could live happier and more fulfilling lives. For themselves and for their family.

When family members(siblings or f/d or m/s) are separated at birth and when they meet when they are adults, they are attracted to each other very strongly. this is natures way to bring together a lost family. also since they will be like minded and have same tastes it is not a wonder they fall for each other. study states that this attraction is reported in 50 %of reunions. any way a nice true story 5 stars.

Like the story a lot. AAAA++++

If I were him, I’d hunt down that prosecutor and make him disappear. He was railroaded. If it was self-defense, he should never have been prosecuted. Torture such as flaying alive followed by a bullet twist his eyes is what that prosecutor deserved. Him and his progeny. You know they’ll be just as arrogant as their father. Better to rid the world of them.