All Comments on 'Dean & Erica'

You have a good start here, some interesting characters and ideas but you are in need of an editor to help you hone your skills.

You switch tenses all through the story and your paragraphs are so huge and blocky that the reader's eye switches off and can't digest what they are reading.

The story feels a little disjointed because I can't really understand Dean's position in the hierarchy of the cafe. He's the boss, the owner and yet his employees are getting in the way of him claiming his mate? There is no clear reasoning as to why they would be allowed to get away with doing that. The POV jumps around a lot too which could do with a little smoothing out to read better.

It's a good story and has the potential to be a very good one if you seek out some help with working on the actual structure of your writing. I did enjoy it and also appreciate the time and effort you put into your writing and submitting up for others to read.

Good luck with your future writing.

you should listen to Jaz. You do have a good plot but you need an editor. continue writing though, i think u will get the hang of it. :)

but i do agree with Jaz, try to find a editor and let him/her help you turn this into a great story, and it will be if you listen to the advice.

Donna

Like the others said you need some help honing your story but otherwise it is an interesting start to a good idea.

I absolutely agree with what you guys are saying! I know I need an editor, but it is hard to find one.

But I had written this story when I just began in 2006 OR 2007 I know where it is heading but I lost the thread or muse for this story.

I wouldn't mind giving this story up to someone who can do it justice. Also I will be posting stories I have written from long ago but haven't finished because I lost the thread or muse.

If there is someone who is willing to work with me or help me better my skill at writing or edit my story. PLEASE!!!! Feel free to drop me a line! I would appreciate it and so enjoy it. Gosh it would be my honor!

More please..... Find an editor and posting soon please....

loved it so far but by the title it sounds like just the one story not a series but you left the story with a cliffhanger PLEASE continue it please

great story but there's a lot more to delve into especially with that cliffhanger you ended with... Are you not planning on submitting the rest of the story?

Want rest of story

I really want to know what happens next, please write more!!!

This can't be the end, you have to write more and soon! I check back practically every day to see if theres another chapter. please write more!!!

Please write more I want to know what happens

To start, this story angered me. I respect your choice in ending the story like this, but this needs to be completed. If you leave it at this, words wouldn't even begin to describe... This is excellent work; please don't view this comment as a negative one. This story is just totally open for more... Good job!!!

I love how the story began but I dont like the ending. Do a chapter where he hunts his mate down and give them a happy ending!!