Different Perspectives Ch. 02

This is a series of exchanges written by an aunt and her eighteen year old nephew following them having sex. It looks at that incestuous relationship from both party's perspectives, examining their doubts and concerns and their pleasure and thrills.

It is a complicated story and will be told in numerous parts. It is obviously advisable to start at Part 1 and read through each part savouring how their relationship develops and changes. However, for those unwilling to go back, each part does stand alone.

*

Was dinner as awkward for you as it was for me? I wondered. I knew I was rumbled and wasn't sure if I was the mongoose or the cobra. Either way I was in a no win situation. On one hand I'd been caught, caught with an erection, a hard on that was full and thick in front of my aunt. You may be Cat but you're still my auntie, my mum's sister. On the other hand, if I tried to give an explanation of why, what could I say? 'I saw you having a wank and that has turned me on so much I get hard every time I look at you.' So it was with a bit of a glum feeling that I sat at the table with you. I suppose "Glum" wasn't a real way to explain it. It was a sense of foreboding, I'd tried to be an adult and I had failed.

"Matt, I think we need to talk, don't you?" Your question dragged me back from my brooding. "Don't you want your pasta?" I hadn't realised I'd been pushing my food around my plate for a while.

"Hmmm... Oh sorry aunt err I mean Cat"

"Matt" you seemed to struggle inwardly, I just assumed you were about to inform me that you had spoken to my mum and I was on my way home. I had that real ball in my stomach.

"Matt, what did you see this afternoon?" Was your surprising question. I was fazed for a moment. As my mind struggled you stayed silent. Oh fuck, what was I supposed to say? I'd been brought up strictly to tell the truth yet if I did I was sure to be in massive trouble. Getting an erection in front of you, looking at you was pretty fucking terrible, but saying that I had spied on you in your shower was totally cataclysmically terrible.

I felt your gaze rather than saw it, and feeling it made it somehow worse. I struggled with the words and with a sinking feeling...

"I'm sorry... I err...um.... I came back early. I didn't, I mean to.....how was I to.....I mean I saw... Oh please don't tell them" I was desperate, pleading and knew I'd fucked up like never before. I saw no way out of this. This wasn't fobbing off the youth worker, teachers or police. I was rumbled, caught and about to be fucking well roasted!

You sat pensively for a while, I stole a glance and quickly looked away, to be honest I was, as crude as it sounds, "shitting" myself.

"Well you still haven't told me what you saw, so tell me, now!" There was an authority in your voice similar to the teachers at school who we didn't "fuck" with, the teachers who held and commanded respect. "Well?" You repeated, fairly sternly.

I couldn't tell you, I couldn't say it, I couldn't form the words. I knew you'd tell them, tell my Mum and Dad their son was a pervert, their son spied on his aunt.

I could still feel your gaze, intent, questioning, hard and firm.

"I....." I sighed, it was a sigh of resignation, what could I do? I couldn't look at you, with my eyes fixed on my quarter filled plate, my throat dry yet I could feel perspiration on my forehead.

Suddenly I blurted out.

"I saw you in the shower, I didn't mean to. I just, well... I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I promise but please don't tell them." Images of you naked came to me, and that was something I really could have done without. I recalled your breath ragged as your fingers rubbed and cajoled you to an orgasm.

"Matt.... This is the last time I'll ask you," Your voice was steady and calm, "Tell me exactly what you saw or I will certainly be telling your parents in the morning!"

And so I told you, told you everything. Our eyes never met as I rambled on digging myself into ever larger holes.

****

I guess it was my own stupid fault; sleeping dogs and laying came to mind.

Ok I had seen your erection, ok you had seen the outline of my nipples through that inappropriate top. Big deal, big fucking deal, that's life. Teenage kid getting off on youngish aunt with big tits, happens all the time both in fiction and fact. So, I should have just gone on as if nothing had happened. Up until that meal, nothing had happened, had it? It was only when you told me that I realised the enormity of what had happened.

"I saw you in the shower," crashed into my mind.

Oh fuck, it was worse, far worse than I could possibly have imagined in my wildest dreams. The odd moan or groan through the open window I could probably get away with. Say it was the TV, or I always make those noises when I towel myself dry. Flimsy, true, but then hey, I am the grown up!

I mumbled some inanity like. "How," or "Why," which elicited some garbled explanation that you hadn't meant to.

"What do you mean didn't mean to?"

"It just happened."

"What did?"

"Your bedroom door was open."

Shit, you were right. I tend to leave it open so I can hear the intercom, with the door shut and shower running I can hear nothing.

"Oh," was all I could summon up as a response.

I realised immediately that there was a direct view from the hallway, through the open bedroom door, through the open en-suite bathroom door right onto the see-through, glass shower cubicle; bad design I guess.

It can be odd how the dynamics of a conversation change so quickly and dramatically, how the emphasis and the apportionment of blame can alter so significantly. One moment you were the 'guilty' party. You were the one that had got a hard on in front of your aunt, you were the one that had got excited, not me. I was aunty, the adult, the blameless one!

I had been trying to help. I felt sorry for you. I appreciate the sexual anguish of teenagers, the not knowing what to do, how to think and the way to act. The enormous learning curve they have to go through in those few years of puberty. I could empathise with you and I was trying to make things better for you.

I guess it was a stupid question. It was even more stupid to talk about telling your parents, where the hell had those ideas come from? I didn't know that you had seen anything, I thought you may, just may, have heard something, but not seen, I had no reason at all to think that, well not in the near cataclysmic way you explained it. I think what I meant, in retrospect, and what I was asking in a very unsubtle way was about seeing my nipples. In my confused, quite embarrassed, but caring and empathetic way I was trying to give you a way out, not give you a fucking great hold over me.

Although badly thought out, my 'strategy' was going to be: explaining that I understood the difficulties of puberty; moving onto how I was dressed inappropriately, for I had forgotten you were staying with me and hadn't expected you home for ages; that I understood, I had planned to say "I was flattered as well" hoping for a smile to lighten the situation, that men, and I would have used that term, do get turned on by such sights; and that it was perfectly normal so you shouldn't worry.

I was in the right, I had control, I was in the driving seat.

So, to then be hit with you seeing me in the shower was a bombshell. But, there was still a chance. Slim for sure, but a chance. As calmly as I could, and that was difficult, I said lightly, as if it didn't matter what you replied.

"Oh yes you can see from the hallway right into the shower, can't you?"

"Yes," you mumbled not looking at me.

Now for the big one the sixty four thousand dollar question. I leaned back in my chair, took a sip of wine and said, again as lightly as possible.

"And er.....what Matt did you see?"

"Everything," you, almost grunted.

"Everything?" I repeated rather lamely still hoping that all you meant was that you saw all of me.

"Yes."

"You mean you saw me naked?"

"Yes, I did."

"And that's what you mean by everything is it?" I asked ambitiously

"Yes but also....."

"Also?" Christ I needed a cigarette, but this was not the time to stop the flow.

"I saw what you were doing."

Shit, fuck, bollocks and fuck again ran through my mind. I was a dead duck.

I knew then that you had seen me masturbate. All the circumstances and the look on your face told me. They indicated to me that you had seen me pleasuring myself. It went through my mind just what my sister Janis and her prudish husband Rob would make of that.

"Where were you?"

You didn't reply at first.

"Matt, where were when you saw me?"

Almost in a whisper, you said. "In your bedroom."

That annoyed me. I guess I could take you peeping through my opened door, that would be my fault, but coming into my bedroom that was violating my privacy, invading my space.

"What do you mean in my bedroom?"

"I couldn't stop myself when I saw you, I had to look closer."

"So you came into my bedroom?" I said sharply.

"Yes, yes I did, sorry."

"Sorry? So you bloodywell should be."

There was a short silence. Then I heard myself sounding like the grandmother in the, Catherine Tate show.

"What a fucking liberty."

"I don't know how it happened, honestly, but I couldn't help myself."

"How long were you there?"

"I'm not sure."

I was still clutching at hairs, hoping against hope that your huge embarrassment was due to your intrusion into my bedroom and seeing me naked, not at what had then happened. That was the key fact I really had to establish. If you had just seen my nudity by creeping into my bedroom, I was Ok, right was on my side. However, if you had seen me squeezing my tits, putting my hand beneath my legs and watched as I sank to the floor, the degree of rightness sort of went towards you and I was in deep shit. But how the hell can I find that out, I pondered?

"You must have some idea, Matt," I said softening my tone. I was realising that if you had seen everything then I had to soft soap you to prevent a family disaster. "A minute, five, ten?"

"I really don't know, I was so scared."

"Scared. Why were you scared?"

"Well I knew I shouldn't be there. I shouldn't be looking at you like that."

God this was getting awful. Not only was I embarrassed, scared as hell, worried that you would tell my sister or, worse, Sara, but also something else was happening. I felt the stirrings of arousal. I couldn't believe it. I was getting worked about you watching me, about thinking of you seeing me masturbating. Fuck what a head case I was becoming over sex.

I got up and went to the cupboard. I got the pack of Marlboro. I smoke occasionally, but hadn't had one for a few days, I'm not a proper smoker. I lit one and saw you looking, I recognised the smokers desire in you. I smiled as I walked over and put the ciggies and lighter in front of you.

"Well I've helped you be naughty other ways Matt, so you might as well have a fag if you want one."

You quickly lit up.

"You won't tell Janis and Rob will you?"

"No of course not aunty, er Cat, of course I won't"

"Not about the smoking?"

"No."

"The beers?"

"No."

"Or the wine?"

"No."

"And what you saw in the shower?"

"Fuck no," you said, making me smile at the passion in your voice. "And you won't tell them either will you?"

"No, of course not. Look shall we sit outside? Sara will kill me if she smells cigarette smoke."

Moving outside broke the mood a little. We sat side by side on the swinging sofa thing I had just bought and looked out over the docks and the Thames towards South London straight ahead and the City to our right. We finished our cigarettes.

"Would you like another glass of wine or a beer?" I asked, standing up and stumbling a little as I got up from the moving seat. I fell against you. You caught me. Your hands held the tops of my arms and for a moment you were supporting me as I fell forward, the black, silk blouse gaping alarmingly. I recovered.

"Wow that's bloody dangerous, thanks Matt."

You just smiled.

I went inside, picked up the half-empty bottle of red wine, two glasses, the cigarettes, lighter and ashtray.

"Well Matt?"

You smiled. "If it's ok a glass of red please and a ciggie, if that's ok?"

I smiled back thinking we are now co-conspirators, you scratch my back and I will have to scratch yours. But still, I wasn't totally sure if you had actually seen me masturbate.

"So how long do you think you watched me for?" I ventured to ask as we both lit up and sipped the wine. You were relaxing a bit, probably the wine was helping you. You smiled and said, rather cheekily I thought. "Long enough."

I was probably too quick with my response, but then maybe it was for the best, it certainly opened things up. Smiling and taking a deep drag I quipped.

"Long enough for what?"

You didn't reply for a moment. Then, averting your eyes from mine, you said.

"To see the most exciting thing I have ever seen in my life." You paused and then blurted out. "Sorry Cat, I am sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry. Have you ever seen a naked woman before?" I asked, pushing things a bit.

****

Why did I blurt it out? Why couldn't I just shut up, bury my head in the sand and hope it went away? Was it a "flight" mechanism or just a reckless streak? Whatever it was I felt stupid. Oh the rage that was in me, blood coursing through me as I realised the enormity of my confession. You didn't see it but my fists were clenched and knuckles white as I metaphorically kicked myself.

My mind was just repeating "Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, why didn't you shut up? Idiot! Fool!" and then it'd go through my head again.

I glanced at you, you looked aghast, shocked, horrified and confused. All you did with those looks was compound my desire to go and hide where no one would find me and I could live out the rest of my existence as a hermit. I didn't need to be told I'd gone red, I could feel my cheeks burning and I knew I was in some serious shit!!!

"What a fucking liberty!" You'd described it as and it was a fucking liberty. How could I have done it? I asked myself. I answered the question, "Fucking easily mate, it was the biggest blast of my life."

At that moment I thought I was going to cry, I could feel the emotion building up.

"I don't know how it happened, honestly, but I couldn't help myself," I groaned knowing it was a half hearted reply.

"How long were you there?" The way you asked that question was like a lead weight falling through my stomach, Not only was I angry at myself, frightened at what was going to happen, embarrassed and maybe about to cr, but now your full realisation just put the icing on my very big, and hugely messy cake!

"I'm not sure." It was half truth and half lie.

What I didn't realise and didn't think about as the conversation went on, was the thoughts and emotions that were affecting you. I had little thought for that, I just knew my arse was in a sling that was big enough to fling me all the way back home to my soon to be mortified parents.

When you got up I was sure you were off to get the phone, I could almost here the conversation.

"Rob, It's Cat. Come and get this pervert son of yours and never let me see him again!"

My dad would reply "Why, what's he done?" Of course, you'd tell him, well you'd have to wouldn't you? You couldn't brush this one under the carpet. Then there'd be the long agonising wait for him to arrive.

Instead, you came back with some cigarettes. At that moment I wanted one, needed one and when you offered me one that kinda surprised me. It didn't fit, why were you doing that?

"You won't tell Janis and Rob will you?" I was confused now, on the edge of emotional overload and then you asked that. Why? I didn't understand. I mean, I was in the wrong and now you're saying that.

"No of course not aunty, er Cat, of course I won't"

"Not about the smoking?" Different thoughts started to run through my head, was I off the hook?

As I said "No" I felt a weight lifting, this was not what I expected, the cigarette and the situation diffusing a bit was having a major impact on how I felt. I had no idea where this was going and I still felt mightily uncomfortable.

"The beers?"

"No."

"Or the wine?"

"No."

"And what you saw in the shower?" You added softly.

You saying that brought mixed emotions, you're my aunt and I saw you in the shower, I masturbated and came at the sight of your fingers plunging inside your cunt. Here you were just mentioning it, admitting you knew that I had seen you. A moment before I was as scared as I had ever been and now you're asking me whether I'll tell mum and dad. My response blurted out without thought but with a major "slice" of feeling.

'Fuck no, but where did I stand?' I thought.

"And you won't tell them either will you?" My mouth ran dry, a moment of truth. Now I would certainly know my fate.

"No, of course not. Look shall we sit outside? Sara will kill me if she smells cigarette smoke."

Oh the relief. It drained out of me like water running from the bath when the plug was pulled. I could feel myself breathing again. The relief and the cigarette smoke gave me a light-headed feeling of euphoria like you wouldn't believe.

Gazing out across the river in the early evening darkness gave me a chance to just relax, something I hadn't done since my tube and DLR journey back to yours.

When you asked if I wanted another fag or drink I felt like your mood had totally changed, I felt almost as if you considered me an adult now and not a pervy kid or childlike nephew that I had been to you for so many years.

Although I was aware of you getting up, it was just reaction when I caught you, otherwise you would have fallen face first onto me. As it was I caught not just you but a glimpse of your cleavage as you were held momentarily in my grip.

'Not now, not again,' the thoughts raced through my brain, 'Get a grip of yourself, come on just get a grip.' I don't know what you said so I just smiled. My mind was concentrating in a vain attempt to be chivalrous and I was hoping not to be rumbled yet again.

As we sat and chatted more you asked that question, the question. The question I really didn't have a clue how to answer, I wasn't so worried as I had been. The beer, wine and cigarettes were having a boldening effect upon me and that plus the fact that I knew you weren't going to tell my parents made me feel better. Well I felt more confident but still couldn't just say "Well Cat, I saw you cum in the shower and it was the best thing I'd ever seen!" No, I had to come out with something better than that! And so it was, with a considered reply, I replied.

"To see the most exciting thing I've ever seen," the realisation of telling you that hit me in a way I hadn't expected. I must have embarrassed you so much. "Sorry Cat, I'm sorry Cat" I continued, and I meant it.

"There's no need to be sorry, had you never seen a naked woman before?"

I could feel my face flushing, I suddenly felt like a child again. The alcohol had taken an effect on me, enough to make me feel a little bolder but not enough to not care about my answer. Taking a swig of wine and almost draining my glass, I was acutely aware of the fluid flowing down my throat, the light breeze blowing across your balcony and most of all, your closeness and intense gaze on me.

I looked briefly at you. 'Were you enjoying this?' I wondered. You had a slight smirk on your face, was this my punishment? You had unwittingly displayed yourself to me, I had been less than the gent my mum and dad had tried to mould. Now you were going to make me squirm and show myself to be what I was, a sexually uneducated kid.

"Not really, erm. I..I ..I" I was stuttering, trying desperately to find an answer that made me sound grown up. If I could, I would have explained that I'd had tons of girlfriends, seen them naked, had sex, but I hadn't. Not even one! I was a kid that was shy around girls, I fancied enough girls but courage was in short supply where they were concerned. Sure I had friends but I was "Matt, their friend" whilst they went out with other kids at school. I stammerd feeling so inadequate.