Dirty Bitch: A Novel

I walked slowly passed her, that waft of the usual prostitute perfume invigorating my senses, and admired – well kind of – the walls, which were covered in blue aero-plane patterned wallpaper, like the stuff you'd get in some young lad's room, most bizarre I tell you.

'This way,' said Monique, swerving past me, that twinkle more alive than ever, and heading up the stairs while I followed her, behind. (Fuck I was looking forward to devouring that gorgeous, plump arse. I couldn't wait to see it; I couldn't wait to feel it; I COULDN'T WAIT TO FUCK IT.)

We got upstairs and the sexy senorita showed me into a nice, dainty bedroom. The very first thing I noticed was that there was a black cat on the bed, a feisty little creature that looked all dosed up on benzos or some shit, all fucking drowsy like.

'Shoo,' said Monique, in a sexy lil attempt at sounding authoritative over the cat. 'Shoo.'

The cat jumped off, meowed in a ridiculous fashion, and lingered by the windowsill, the window open with air blowing the curtains back and forth.

'You've got a fine lookin' pussy,' I said, smiling at Monique, pure dimple-revealing style.

'Yes, you like cats?'

I nodded, seeing that she didn't get my pun, and waited for the action to commence. Man, show some booty girl.

'Now, was I supposed to pay her right then and there, or after?' I thought. 'Hmm.' I always used to pay them at the start, so I took out some cash from my jacket pocket – the full seventy quid – and handed it out to the sassy mistress. 'Here is the 70 pounds, all there, in nice, crisp notes.'

'Gracias,' said Monique, taking the money and putting it on the bedside table where I instantly noticed the pack of Durex 'Extra Safe' condoms next to her Blackberry phone. 'Haha, good old Durex,' I thought.

Monique then looked at me directly and pointed at the bed, a nice, comfy looking one with fresh, clean sheets.

'Would you please take your clothes off and get onto the bed.' Man she was a pro at this shit.

'Wayhay,' I thought, 'take off has commenced.'

So, one by one, I flung off a piece of clothing, starting with my shoes and ending with my shirt, and soon I was butt-naked on the bed where, waiting while Monique went off to the bathroom to sort something out, I began getting my cock working with my hand, up down, nice and briskly. I could hear the cat purring by the bed, and I looked at it while I jacked myself from a semi to a full erection. The creature's eyes were narrowed, and it looked like it was genuinely enjoying the sight of me with my hand on my todger.

'You like this do you?' I said, jokingly, staring at those emerald eyes, and registering the purring. The cat certainly looked like it did. And I even began to get slightly turned on. But I brushed that thought from my mind and visualised Monique and what I would very shortly be doing with her. 'Mmm mm.' Where's the booty girl?

The lady soon returned and looked fairly delighted to see me kneeling on the bed with a great, sturdy erection tilted perfectly up at a 90 degree angle. I looked virile as fuck; and looking at Monique I let a conceited smile form on my face, one of those ones with a star sparkling on my teeth, one that said, 'Oh yea, I is ready to fuck girl.'

'Ah, senor, I see you ready for some fucky,' said Monique, walking slowly over to the bed. Then, before I could anticipate it, she flung her gown off her body, causing my mouth to open wide in a shudder of a shock.

'Oh my god!' I thought, gazing at an absolutely fucking divine body, one sensuous, plump, and soft figure, like one in a fine acrylic painting, with breasts exquisitely voluptuous and some wonderful stomach cleavage to go with it. And as I stared licentiously at her, my cock stiffened even more so that it ached and I thought for a second that I had priapism. 'Definitely will not be needing Viagra, that's for sure.'

I was going to say something humorous or silly when Monique smiled, leaned herself forward, and began getting onto the bed, pushing me forward as she did so.

'You have nice, firm chest,' she said, stroking it with her soft-as-fuck hands and smiling with glossy teeth. 'A manly chest.'

'Yes, I do the odd push-up every now and then, haha,' I said, idiotically, but lost in a whirlwind of mother fuckin' lust!

She continued to stroke my chest a little more and then got down to some real funky business by moving her face south and sucking my cock.

'Oh my ...' I uttered, as I felt my cock become warmly wet and sucked on slowly and sensuously. 'Oh that's great Victoria, I mean Monique.' The bliss I felt was fiercely strong and wild, and I placed my hand on the back of Monique's head, her hair plush in my palm, and pushed her face down my cock. 'Oh fuck that is gooooood.'

'You like to have your dicky sucked?' she enquired, temporarily releasing my meat from her mouth and rolling her eyes up at me cheekily, the dirty bitch.

'Very much,' I replied. I looked at her and then, closing my eyes, pressed her head back down on my cock. 'Very much indeed.'

The woman sucked and sucked away, the purring of the cat sounding loud and clear in my ears, and I started purring too, my cock so fucking hard I couldn't even feel her teeth as they slightly dug into my flesh, teasing me and sending me into a frenzy of priapic virility, nibbling the tip and gazing at me as she did so.

After a while I could tell that the woman was a bit tired of sucking because she looked up at me, met my eyes, and said, 'You want come in my mouth.'

'Um ...' I uttered, not knowing what to say; I really wanted to at least try some penetration with her. 'We could do it doggystyle first.'

'Alright,' she said, looking a little disappointed for some reason. It was almost like I was some boyfriend ruining a truly romantic moment.

Hastily, she got up off me, and as she moved over to her bedside table to get the packet of condoms, I playfully bounced my cock up and down with my hand.

'Haha,' I thought, watching it go, 'what a stiffy. Look at that beast bounce.' I glanced at the purring cat and smiled at it. 'Good, ay?' I thought, watching the cat's narrowed eyes, continuing to register its rather husky purring. But then the sight of it, for some reason, plus the purring, began to turn me on, and I had to look away. 'Snap out of it Darren, snap out of it mate,' I said to myself, shaking my head.

With the condom now out of the packet, Monique began rolling it onto my cock effortlessly like a real pro of a ho. It covered my cock well, and at that moment I thought how my stiff cock inside it rather reminded me of David Cameron's face. 'Haha, uncanny,' I thought, 'what a striking resemblance.'

'So darling, doggystyle, si?' said Monique, smiling at me and then turning around, her arse looking like a tasty fruit, one that I'd love to have slapped a bit of whip-cream on and licked off like some famished alligator. 'Mmm mm.'

'Si,' I said; and slowly I moved right up close to Monique and began positioning myself against her. Then I placed my hands on her hips and I felt very nearly giddy from the feel of her flesh. It felt so different to any British woman's flesh; fuck, it felt different even to Victoria's; this was like some full-on warmth I'd never experienced before.

'Oh your arse is soft Monique,' I said, grasping it, the latex tightening around my David Cameron.

'Very soft, and very fuckable,' said Monique.

'Pwoaar, that is some kinky shit.'

Then, suddenly loosing myself completely, I lowered my face and decided to perform on Monique an act that I hadn't even done on Victoria: The Crescent Moon. And with my face right up close to her arse-cheeks, I stuck out my tongue, slipped it in-between those fleshy cushions, which felt like two balloons filled with warm water pressed together, and licked, in true throbbing style, all the way up from her cunt to her arsehole. And what a fucking experience that was let me tell you. It tasted like some sweet dish from a fine waffle house; it tasted like the devil's paradise turned sweet like nectar.

Monique seemed to have enjoyed that and snickered a little like a schoolgirl as I raised my face back up and prepared for penetration.

'You is naughty girl,' I said. 'You is naughty, naughty, naughty.'

I was about to insert my cock into Monique's cunt when I thought about that tight arsehole of hers, that tight, positively delicious arsehole of hers.

'Monique?' I said, rather audaciously.

Monique made a little sound, which I took for a 'Yes?'

'I couldn't ... do it in your arse could I?'

'What? I do not understand,' said Monique.

'What I mean is, could I have anal sex with you, please?'

Monique seemed to ponder on it before saying, 'It is £50 extra.'

'What?!' I thought, outraged. '50 quid extra?? Outrageous!!!' I was absolutely frustrated by this. But then, thinking it over, thinking how horny I was, and how much of an experience it would be to come hard inside this Spanish beaut's arsehole, I nodded. 'Alright. That's good. I can pay you after can't I?'

'Yes, in cash.'

'Why of course Monique,' I said. 'Of course.'

Smiling, the feisty mistress turned her face back in front, and I exhaled in preparation for some true kink, grabbing my cock and preparing to put it in her arsehole.

'Man, this is going to be so fun,' I thought. Fuck, I felt 15 again, being in a classroom, and witnessing my English teacher bending over with that pert arse of hers wiggling beneath her black cotton dress; and oh how I would fantasise about shoving my cock deep into her anal orifice. Pwoaar!

So, parting Monique's arse-cheeks, I took a look at that rather pinkish hole of hers, and put the very top of my hard cock against it. It felt very tight, and I realised some lubrication was going to be needed.

'Bit of spit will do the job well,' I said, laughing.

I spat a heap of saliva onto my cock, rubbed it all over, and then began pressing it against her arsehole; and as it slowly began to go in, feeling all thick, warm, and moist, I suddenly let out a deep, intense moan, my mouth widening from the extremely sensuous feeling of it.

'Oh my god!' I said, pushing my dick slowly into her arse. 'Oh Queen Elizabeth the Second, this is some intense shit.' I couldn't insert it any faster or else I felt I'd come too soon in sickly bursts of the thick, yoghurt-like stuff.

'Oh yes, put it in me,' moaned Monique, giving me what I wanted to hear.

'Can't go any faster darling,' I said, panting and shuddering from an extreme bout of bliss. 'Oh I really, really can't.'

Once it was all in, I just let it lay there right inside her arsehole, stiff as fuck and surrounded by this thick, warm, gel-like substance.

'Oh that is lovely; that's just grand,' I said, like some horny version of Wallace from Wallace And Gromit.

I swallowed, completely overwhelmed, my eyes wide, before placing the palm of my hand on her very lower back and letting it rest there. Then slowly, when I felt I could, I started going ever so gently back and forth, trying not to explode right away.

'Oh yes, this is better than Victoria, this is so much better that Victoria! Fuck me, how could it be, but it is, it is so much better than going up Victoria's arse! Must be a Spanish thing I guess. Yes, I've heard many good things about Spanish women's arseholes.'

Monique didn't seem to give a fuck about what I was saying, she just moaned away, saying stuff like, 'Oh, oh, si, si, si, si.'

'Si indeed girl, si indeed.'

I went as fast as I could, and then, feeling my balls lose complete control, I yelled out, 'I'M COOMMMING!!!!', flumped over forward, and exploded like a grenade inside her rectum, my eyes closed and my muscles quivering. I could feel the hot cum at the end of the condom, and I thought it was going to burst from the amount of jizz that there was – metaphorical gallons of the stuff.

'Oh, fuck me, that felt good Monique,' I said, panting, my hand wrapped around her warm stomach. 'Like a ticket to Spain t'was that, haha.'

'Si,' said Monique.

It was gradually that I let my cock grow limp a bit and then collapsed down onto the bed, sweat covering my body, and my chest contracting and dilating from some kind of exhaustion.

'Fuck me,' I said. 'That was some serious arse fucking.'

Monique, sitting by me, looked a little lost for words, a little dazed if you will, but then smiling she said, 'So, £50, gracias.'

I glanced at her, a huge grin forming on my face, and nodded.

'I'll get my wallet.'

12

'There you go Tony my mate,' I said, handing Tony a bottle of Newcastle Brown before flinging myself down on the sofa next to him, my arms stretching out at the back in a relaxed fashion. Yes, Victoria had fucked off to do some shopping, and seeing that I had the place to myself, I thought it would be cool to have a have a nice social drinking session with me ol' pal.

'Ah, cheers Darren mate,' said Tony. He took the bottle and we both swigged simultaneously, the cool refrigerated ale refreshing our senses. 'Great shit this is, ahh, lovely jubbly.'

'The finest ale known to man,' I said, conceitedly.

'You know,' said Tony, 'I tried the anal thing with that fat girl I was telling you about.'

'Katy's the one?'

'That's right, kinky Katy. Yea, well, let me tell you Darren, it got a little messy I have to say.'

'Haha,' I laughed, 'how messy?'

'Well, let's just say it took about three washes to get them sheets cleaned properly afterwards.'

'Fucking nasty shit man.' I laughed, pretty repulsed, but also thoroughly entertained by the mental picture of shit-stained sheets, especially some fat bitch's sloppy faecal matter.

'Yea, I mean let me tell you mate, I came real hard in the arse, enjoyed it immensely, but when I yanked me thing out, this load of fucking shit went everywhere, loads of globs of the stuff. It was like some muddy disaster of some sort. Man I don't know what that fuck that bitch eats, but shit stank like crazy.'

'Fuckin' hell man, bet it was an experience though.'

'Fuckin' sure was mate, fuckin' sure was.' Tony laughed like a bitch, and I hit my knee hard a couple of times, laughing like a bitch too.

I was taking another hard swig of my ale when I saw the front door opening with Victoria's distorted, pixelated silhouette coming forward.

'Oy oy, your missus back I see,' said Tony.

Man, I couldn't help but feel glum and dreary at Victoria's return. It was strange really; although Victoria was this beautiful, big bosomed beauty from the fine country of Russia, she was also taking away a lot of my personal freedom and space; and her arrival was parallel to that of being a teenager alone at home and suddenly being struck by the unwanted return of your parents.

'Yes, Victoria, she's back,' I said.

At the sudden sight of Tony, Victoria grimaced, in no attempt at being discreet, and headed with a bagful of what looked like vegetables over into the kitchen.

'Hey mate,' said Tony, all excited like. 'Your bird just winked at me. Think she likes me.'

'Yea mate,' I said, smiling, 'she fucking loves you mate, she fucking loves you.'

Then Victoria called out from the kitchen.

'Hey Darren,' she said, 'you couldn't come in here for a second, could you?'

I huffed and ran the palm of my hand down the side of my face.

'Alright, just a sec.'

Tony, looking all depraved with his red, puffy, debauchery-ridden face, leaned towards me and spoke with sly words.

'Haha, reckon she's gonna give you a cheeky blowjob in there, ay, ay, do ya, ay?'

'Man I wish,' I replied, taking one last huff before slowly raising my body up and heading over to the kitchen, my bottle clasped in my hand.

When I got through into the room, I immediately received the sullen look from Victoria that I'd been anticipating.

'What is he doing in here?' she said, her hand on her hip in a somewhat ridiculous style – but it was very sexy, I have to admit, very sexy indeed.

'We, Victoria, are having a nice little drink in there,' I said, deciding not to take any more of Victoria's crap and moving intimidatingly forward towards the pissed off woman. 'And if you don't like it, then that's tough shit girl.' Now I was right up close to her and taking, what looked like, a drunken swig of my fine Newcastle Brown.

'What, you are drunk now?' she said, more disappointed and let down than anything.

'Um ...' I said, not knowing what I should say. Then I put my hand on my hip like her and let my eyes bulge slightly out of my face. 'No, I am not drunk girl.' Man, I sounded like a right poofter.

'You reek of booze Darren.'

'Oh fuck you girl,' I said, even more poofy than before. 'I'm having a good mo-fo of a time with my pal Tony mo-fo Tango.'

'I don't like you hanging about with that man,' moaned Victoria.

'Girl, just what you got against my pal Tony, huh?'

'I ... don't know. I just don't like him. He's creepy. He's got a real creepy vibe about him.'

'Haha,' I couldn't help but laugh. 'I guess he is kind of creepy ain't he, bit of a pedo look about him I guess.'

'Darren, I'm being serious. I don't like him. And I don't want him coming round here.'

I was still smirking from Victoria calling Tony a creep when abruptly my little humorous moment lifted and I began to actually feel quite violent, like Mike Tyson.

'Now listen here girl,' I said, my face scrunching up and my forefinger pointing sternly at Victoria. 'I'll have my friend round if I want to, and no woman is gonna stop that. You hear?' Then I started prodding the woman's shoulder. 'You hear me, ay?? Ay??'

'Darren, stop prodding me,' said Victoria, moving herself away.

'Fuck!' I said, feeling frustrated and running the palm of my hand down the side of my face again. 'Just give me a bleedin' break, will ya girl?!'

'All I'm asking is that you don't invite that ... man around here Darren. If I can even call him a man. He looks like some kind of elf for god's sake.'

'Dam it Victoria!' I said, slapping my hand down on the sink side. 'Can't a man have a good time around here??' I took a huge swig of my drink and looked grumpily at Victoria. 'You know, fuck you girl, just fuck you, I'll have who I want round, you hear me, who I want girl.'

Then, taking another swig, I stormed off back into the living room, sensing Victoria's hostile look behind and also the sound of her folding her arms.

'Bitch,' I said, as I flung my arse down on the sofa, Tony looking up at me all furtive like.

'The missus givin' you a hard time is she?' said Tony.

'Yea, the usual grief. Fuck, the bitch stresses me out sometimes.' I huffed and didn't hesitate to take a swig. 'Man she stresses me out.'

'You know mate,' said Tony, 'if you want something to help you relax, I've got something special you may like.'

'What, you mean like some weed?' I said.

'Yea mate, I've got some special shit called Blue Cheese at home. Some proper good shit. Destressalizes you and shit, gets you high as fuck.'

'Mmm, Blue Cheese, high as fuck, sounds good mate, sounds good.'

'Hey, I'm tellin' you Darren mate, this some quality fuckin' shit.'

'So what's Blue Cheese? That like special imported weed or something?'

'Just some good skunk mate.'

'Hmm Skunk, don't usually do that stuff, but could definitely have some of that shit to ease the tension.'

'I tell you Darren, it makes your head spin, the works. I mean you can get high just snifin' that shit.'

'Man,' I said, nodding and smiling, 'I bet it's a nice smell as well.'

'Yea man, like sage with a bit of mint and shit.'

'Mmm nice, very nice. Funny though, caus I always found skunk to smell like body odour for some reason.'

'Yea, well I'll get you some of the Blue Cheese mate, will get you some of that beauty.'