Dirty Bitch: A Novel

'You just flipped out Darren. I think it's those pills. That's the 5th one you've had since the train ride. They're making you act crazy.'

'Bitch, you should have seen me when I was on coke. Now that was some mother fuckin' crazy ass behaviour.'

Victoria shook her head again. 'Oh Darren,' she moaned.

'Blame it on the drugs, why don't you Victoria, use the classic 'drug blame' on me why don't cha.'

I could hear the woman start to snivel a little next to me, and while I registered each teary, emotive sound, I kept my eye out about the place, glancing at all of the visible houses and buildings.

'Now, where the fuck is this shithole of an apartment or whatever the fuck you call it?'

A short while later, we finally found the apartment, and it was after we'd unloaded our bags and shit, including some recently purchased bottles of Heineken, that Victoria and I decided to share our first fuck together in the kitchen, Victoria bent over the sink and myself fucking her from behind while at the same time swigging from a beaut of a bottle. Yes, me and Victoria had settled in to the rather dainty, and surprisingly unfuckingdepressing apartment in no time – a basic studio one – but with great furniture like a comfy sofa and bed included, it was just perfect for a young couple to fuck on a regular basis.

I'd needed that Heineken to calm myself down – as the val tablets had definitely made me feel and act a little odd – and as I swigged and swigged at it, my trousers right down to my knees, I fucked a panting Victoria hard like some champ of a gorilla.

'Dar ... Dar... Darren?' said Victoria, her lustrous black hair swaying like a sheet of pristine silk on a washing line.

'Yea?' I replied, swigging, adrenalin practically seeping out of my skin, and holding onto one of Victoria's hips with my other hand.

'Maybe we should close the curtains.'

'Hmm,' I pondered. And briefly, I looked out of the window and saw that the street was clearly visible with a group of young children, no more than 9 or 10, kicking a football about in the distance – quite like those cunts on the beach. I don't think they could see us, but even if they could they were way too preoccupied with that fuckin' ball. (What is it with kids and balls ay??)

'No, it's alright Victoria. No body gives a fuck. Let us give a fuck.'

'Alright Darren,' said Victoria, her voice quivering with a cacophony of pleasure-tinted tones – now, like myself, she really didn't give a fuck if anybody was watching or not. 'You gonna cum?'

'Oh yea baby,' I said; and it was just then that I let out a huge moan and leaned right forwards into Victoria, my free hand squeezing her stomach cleavage, and a beat in my cock flowing rhythmically to the spurts of jizz that I ejaculated. 'Just did darling.'

'Oh ... but I haven't though Darren.'

'Don't worry baby, I'll soon sort that out girl.'

Taking a huge swig of the remaining liquid in my bottle, I swallowed it all in a huge gulp and then moved my other hand from V's cleavage down to her soft, lithe-lipped fanny.

'Now, where's that lil button,' I thought cheekily as I searched for it, my latex-covered cock growing limp inside the woman.

Then, once I found it, I gave Victoria a fingerblasting to remember, my forefinger massaging that tiny, wet, seed-like object with this vibrating technique that I'd picked up many years ago from a Jenna Jameson movie I'd, at the time, been thoroughly infatuated with.

'Oh yes Darren, yes, yes, I'm so wet,' she moaned, her head raised up and the reflection of her gorgeous hazel eyes and angelically sculptured cheekbones clearly visible in the window.

'You like to be fingerblasted, don't you Victoria?' I said, vaguely obscenely, my voice sounding like Tony Curtis' impersonation of Cary Grant in Some Like It Hot.

'Oh, fuuuuck!' moaned Victoria some more; I was making her cum like a mother fuckin' train I tell ya.

'How fucking hard do you like it V?'

I rubbed harder and harder at the red fleshy button; I could feel my finger become hot from the friction; and I could mentally picture Victoria's clit in my head: it lit up in a reddish orange colour, like some Christmas-tree bulb or something.

'Hard,' she moaned.

'Well don't take all day, ay, my hand is getting tired.'

Just then, an almost thunderous ejection of resonant moans sprung from the woman's mouth, and I felt my hand become soaked in the most surapy of all cuntjuice I'd ever felt before, like a flood of coconut water combined with a thick, creChantelle sauce. It soaked my hand and filled the tops of my fingers nails. What a fucking CUM from Victoria!

'I see you liked that Victoria,' I said, slowly moving my hand away from her cunt and proceeding to lick the juice from my fingers. 'You taste like a peach, you know that.'

'Oh Darren,' she said, exhausted from panting so much. 'That felt soooo good.'

'I can see that. Well, I am the fingerblasting king, aren't I Victoria,' I said, putting my bottle on the side and then beginning to pull my trousers up.

'You are the fingerblasting king,' said Victoria, laughing.

Man, just to hear her confirm it made me all excited like, and while Victoria pulled her knickers up those Russian legs of hers I leaned forwards towards the window, opened it, and bellowed out into the street with all my vocal might, 'Woooo! I am the mother fuckin' fingeblasting king!!!' My voice echoed down the street, and I could see the children who were kicking their ball about glance briefly at me in their enfant curiosity. 'Haha,' I thought, grinning cheekily at them.

'Darren, you're so cheeky,' said Victoria, rubbing my cheek playfully.

'That's my girl. Hey, you wanna drink baby? I'm gonna have myself another, mmm mm.'

Victoria pondered, but then she delighted me by saying, 'Ok, might as well.'

'Haha, you right on girl, good sex requires a good drink after.'

And then with a great feeling of sexual gratification, and also a potent euphoria induced by the alcohol hitting my opiate receptors, I headed off over to the fridge and took out a couple more bottles of some fine-as-a-mother-fuckin'-bitch beer.

'You know, it's so good that you're less stressed. I was worried about you earlier,' said Victoria.

'Don't worry baby. I'm feeling right as rain now. I admit I acted like a bit of a pill-poppin' prick earlier, but I'm all good now. Right as mother fuckin' rain I tell ya.' I flipped the lids off our bottles with an opener from the kitchen draw, handed Victoria hers, and grinned as I poured the fizzy delight in my mouth, my head already in a pool of mild merriment.

'That's good to hear,' said Victoria.

She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

7

My eyes were closed and so were Victoria's as I thrust back and forth into her sleeping body. I'd made the effort to rub quite a bit of saliva on my cock to enable relatively smooth penetration into her body, and it seemed to be working a treat, like thrusting my cock into a pot of low-grade Vaseline.

'Oh yea Vic, let me fuck you in your dreams you dirty bitch,' I said, our stomachs touching, my body really experiencing true lust, the lascivious, unmatchable kind. I could imagine myself in her dream right then and there, fucking her on an intergalactic spaceship hovering by the pirouetting rings of Saturn. 'Oh yea Victoria; oh yea baby.'

I was exhaling intensely out when I heard a small shriek come from beneath my face and then opening my eyes I suddenly saw Victoria staring at me, her eyes wide and her mouth ajar as if she were a frightened pensioner in fear of her abusive carer. Nevertheless, I continued fucking her until a look of real discomfort dominated her sleepy face.

'Darren, what the bloody fuck are you doing?' she said, a concoction of emotions taking hold of her.

'I ... don't know,' I said.

I suddenly stopped and pretended to be all casual like, like how an American rapper would say, 'Supp dawg.' And soon I decided to do a little reverse psychology. 'What are you doing?'

There was another small shriek from Victoria before she pushed me to my side and got out of bed in a massive huff. She was more annoyed and frustrated than shocked, kind of as if she felt like she was being left out (well that was the vibe I was getting anyway).

'I can't believe you were doing that,' said Victoria, disgusted. She reached for a robe and swung it on over her nude body, all out of view of me so that the only shot I had of her was her pert arse and the pearl shaped outlines of the sides of her breasts.

'Well ... I think it was quite romantic,' I said, rather positively.

'Romantic?? Having sex with me while I lay sleeping, that's romantic?'

'Well, hell yea, I mean this shit's coming into fashion girl. It's some real erotic shit you know. But of course, you being from Russia with your straight-ass views and shit, you wouldn't understand that, would you.'

'I guess I wouldn't.'

'You know, I don't know why you're acting so shocked Victoria,' I said, lying back in the bed, my cock now losing its sturdiness.

'It would just be nice if you would tell me that you were planning to do that, that's all.'

'But fuck Victoria, that would ruin the exhilaration of it. You know something girl, if you really wanted, you could do whatever you liked to me, you know that?'

Victoria just huffed a little, as if exasperated, and folded her arms.

'You'd let me fuck you while you sleep?'

'Of course Victoria. You could even stick a cucumber up my arse if it made you happy, or a courgette.'

Now I've got Victoria looking like she doesn't believe what she's hearing; but it's a good look, a kind of humorous one.

'You'd let me stick a cucumber up your arse?'

'Hey girl, I'm all for it.' I almost wanted to give her the thumbs up, but I didn't, I just placed my hands around the back of my head, and gazed cheekily at her, pure dimple revealing style.

'Well, I don't really want to stick a cucumber up your arse.'

'Hey girl, now I'm vaguely disappointed. For a second, I was looking forwards to it. S' dam shame.'

Despite me trying to 'joke' myself out of it, there was just no getting round it, I was going to have to grovel and apologise to my wife, something I really never liked having to fucking do.

'Look, Victoria, I'm sorry ok, I really am; I really won't do anything like that again unless you tell me to, I promise girl, honest I do.'

'You mean that Darren?'

'Yea, Victoria, I do. If I'd known that you were going to get so darn upset, I wouldn't have done it. I'm a dick, and an idiot, all in one.'

I could really see that my shite excuse of an apology had worked – it really had, so simple too – and in no time at all Victoria began to smile, that look of forgiveness so prevalent and thriving on her face. And soon she was walking back over to the bed, sitting by me, and placing her right hand on my cheek, the perfect warmth I needed.

'Oh Darren, I'm sorry for being so uptight. I really appreciate you saying that though. I really do.'

'Hey, I'm all about pleasin' ya girl. I'll never do that again. Cross me heart and hope to die.'

'Thank you Darren.'

Very shortly I was receiving a hearty hug from her, and as she rested her chin on my shoulder I smiled discreetly to myself for managing so effortlessly to get my missus calm like that; fuck, if I'd known that all I had to do was to say a hearty fucking sorry, I'd have said it on every occasion I'd fucked Victoria off.

'You sure you don't want to shove a cucumber up my arse to make you feel better?' I said. 'Or a courgette?'

Victoria leaned back, smiled, and looked me in the eyes. 'Haha, maybe sometime.'

'Of course, we'll need to stock up on Vaseline if you want to try it, lube it up good an' proper.'

'Haha,' said Victoria. Then she took her robe off and as she got into bed I leaned forwards and kissed her on her lips.

'Beautiful angel Victoria. Hey, you couldn't do me a favour, could you?' I said, running my fingers down her neck to her chest.

'What's that?' replied Victoria.

'You couldn't maybe ... finish what I'd started?'

There was a glint of disapproval in Victoria's eye, but within the space of 30 seconds I was receiving a thoroughly good hand job.

8

Our first morning at the apartment was like a breath of fresh air in both mine and Victoria's lives. Not to have to wake up to the sounds of Norwich wankers driving down streets on mopeds, nor the sounds of sawing and pneumatic drills from some bunch of builder cuntfaces was somewhat of a luxury for me, and as I sat at a round table in the kitchen, eating a slice of marmite-covered toast, I felt like this was the start of my second life. The old Darren Speck, lone wolf of Norwich city, was dead and gone, and now alive and kicking was the superiorly virile Darren Speck, 24 years old, and with a dangerously sexy Russian wife, the only official girlfriend I've ever properly had, a woman who taught me that you could have it off with a woman without paying her, and I was certainly lovin' life then and there. I'D HIT THE JACKPOT ALL RIGHT.

'Darren,' said Victoria, walking on into the kitchen where I was sitting at the table.

'Yes my sugar plum fairy,' I said, crunching into a slice of my toast and then turning to look at Victoria.

My eyes practically bulged out of their sockets when I glimpsed Victoria in just her kinky red knickers, with no bra to conceal those sensually elegant breasts. And by gonorrhea, what a sight! What a bloody sight I tell you! She was practically oozing sex out of her breasts.

'Wow Victoria, you are lookin' dam freakin' sexy this morning girl I must say,' I said, swallowing my toast and at the same time feeling a massive boner protrude up out of my boxer shorts.

'Thank you my gorgeous husband, all to please you.'

At those words, I had to close my eyes in bliss as I took another bite of my toast. What a fucking fantasy come true to hear those mots from such a gorgeous woman, a woman so much better than all those limey brit-skanks out there, all those braindead, ugly little trollops who don't even know any other language. I was with a real woman, A REAL FUCKIN' WOMAN I TELL YA! And I didn't ever have to glance at some fucking ugly troll ever again. This woman was all I needed in life. If I wanted a blonde, I'd just get her a fucking wig, job done. If I wanted a schoolgirl, I'd just dress her up as one, JOB FUCKING DONE. All my sexual fantasies were there in one exhilarating package, like a state-of-the-art sex robot, a woman who'd given me a new, furious zest for life.

'Come Victoria, sit on my lap,' I said, tapping my thigh as I devoured my breakfast.

And smiling playfully, Victoria came swiftly over and after nicking one of my slices sat on my lap where she immediately sensed my stiff boner grinding against the side of her right arse-cheek.

'Darren, you're so naughty,' she said, tapping me on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her waist and gazed amorously at her glorious face: this was the closest to love I'd ever felt for a woman.

'I can't help myself Victoria, you're just so darn beautiful.'

Victoria took a few bites of the slice before putting it down and brushing her hands together to wipe away the crumbs.

'Oh Darren,' she said. And it was then that we both shared a brief, but ultimately, tonguetastic French kiss, my boner bouncing up and down in my boxers like a pogo-stick.

'So ...' said Victoria, annoyingly releasing her mouth from mine. 'What are we going to do today, our first full day in Lincoln?'

'Well ...' I said, and I have to admit, I didn't really know what to say: I mean, I'd never planned a day before in my life, and here was Victoria wanting to actually do something, wanting a planed mo-fo of a day. 'Um ...' I said, panicking for an answer. Then I said the first stupid thing that came to mind. 'Well, we could go to the zoo if you like.'

'The zoo?' said Victoria, surprised. 'What a spontaneous, but great, idea; I love it Darren.'

'Yes, well, I thought it would be an interesting experience.' Man, where the fuck had the conversation suddenly drifted too. First we were French kissing, and now we were talking about visiting a fucking zoo, how fucking very droll. I mean a fucking zoo, why did I say that? Lol.

'Then we should do it Darren. Let's just go to a zoo.'

Victoria couldn't resist the urge to give me another French kiss, and I now felt glad that I'd brought up the topic of a zoo; not only was it great to have satisfied my woman's needs, but it also made the French kissing feel even more intense, smuttier, and DIRTIER; the images of all those animals fucking lighting up in my mind like a flame to crystal meth: those lions and tigers doing it doggystyle like they DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL; although I doubted we'd come across any lions in a wanky UK zoo. But maybe some good rhino action! Mmm, mmm, mmm. 'Could do me some of that shit to watch,' I thought.

'Man I love your lips Victoria,' I said, as Mrs Speck sensuously bit my lower lip and pulled at it with her teeth.

'I know you do,' said Victoria. Looking down at my still hard cock, she smiled at me with a glint of the naughtiest, smuttiest lust in her eyes. 'So loverboy, when shall we go to the zoo?'

'Whenever you want baby.'

'We should go mid-day, I'll make you a fry-up first to make you feel good.'

Man, a fry-up: what a woman. She could really cook a good meal too!

'That sounds great Victoria,' I said. 'Oh girl, you really are so overwhelmingly sexy.' Then I started to kiss Victoria's neck, tasting it as one would taste a ripe, syrupy nectarine. Fruity!

Soon the urge to satisfy my yearning sexual needs took over Victoria, and she began to lower her face down to my cock. And before I knew it, she was taking my throbbing bat in her mouth in yet another 'sensational blow-job'. I guess blowjobs really were her thing: she must have sucked me off thousands of times since I'd been with her; fuck, that was the first thing we did together (it had been in a KFC toilet a couple of months before we ultimately got hitched).

But as she sucked slowly away, something surprising began to happen. All the vivid thoughts of animals fucking in my mind began to have an oversensitive effect on my sexual desire, and I soon, real fuckin' unexpected to my usual self, began to prematurely ejaculate in Victoria's mouth in huge, typical in the morning heaps, great starchy globs of the stuff, like that creChantelle substance in rice pudding. I desperately tried to stop it from happening, but with that gradually intensifying sweet sensation I fucking gave up and just let myself come deep inside Victoria's mouth, pushing my cock forwards and letting her tonsils tingle my bellend.

'Well ...' said Victoria, and she mumbled the words a little incoherently out of her cum-filled mouth, 'that was a surprise.'

I felt a little humiliated but willing to hold my hands up and admit what had happened.

'Man, I'm sorry Victoria, must be the weather or something; don't know what came over me ... or you if you want a pun lol.' Then I tried desperately to move the conversion onto something else. 'Well then, I'm going to have a look on the internet on my phone for a nearby zoo. Sound good?'

Due to Victoria's mouth still being deluged with my cum (she evidently didn't want to swallow that time) Victoria just nodded and mumbled a little seal of approval. But then she did swallow, and I felt reassured that she loved me.

'Right,' said Victoria, coughing to clear her throat, 'I'll make you the greatest fry-up known to man.'

'That's my girl Victoria.' And I proceeded to look on my phone for a good zoo. It really wasn't hard to find one.

9

So, I'd spent a couple of days with Victoria, there in the apartment in Lincoln, which was basically just a period of us fucking, sucking, getting stuff for the apartment, and pissing about in the city where we did pointless shit on Victoria's insisting, stuff like going to the cinema to see some shite fucking piece of Hollywood nonsense, as well as various trips to cafés where I had to endlessly try and make the effort to participate in a conversation with Victoria; and of course there was that zoo trip, the only highlight of it being when some vicious little fuck of a monkey tried to attack me – the little prick nearly pulled me through into its cage! MOTHER FUCKIN' SONGE.