All Comments on 'Domination in the Park'

Try this without passive voice.

I agree with the previous comment, passive voice weakens the presentation. I do like the story. It is a simple, believable and tingly scene. I especially like that you kept it at an appropriate level for people involved. Too many authors would have had them jump into life altering hardcore stuff. This provides fodder for a easy little me time. Thank you.

A surprising little story, crept up and enticed me. Naughty enough but not crossing the boundary set by the girl, which makes it free of guilt when reading it.

I didn't notice the voice used, so suspect it's not that important.

There are a couple of edits needed, but otherwise a great, compact read.