All Comments on 'Domination Pt. 01'

Not Upton the standard of your newer did but still think you should continue this and maybe rewrite.

Please let my suck.

This story is just a string of tired plot points and conventions from a hundred previous stories.

This story seems to be about self gratification, I find i boring. It is a greedy fantasy where everything goes the way HE wants, no difficulty = no conflict = no story.

There is nothing about relationships, nothing about caring for another, just me Me ME!

It is less exciting than reading the newspaper.

... it doesn't work too well, even as a fantasy. Everything is way too quick, no build-up, no real explanation... just a bit juvenile.

I'm a realist. If someone was in coma, Waking up is very disorienting and there are tubes everywhere, including one to evacuate your bladder. Also, ERs are very busy and open areas. I know, it's fantasy, but distracting to me. Wake up, take a day or to recover and yes, then discover the power.

But I don't want to be discouraging. Please, continue and develop the story.