All Comments on 'Dr Jeckyle and Horny Hyde'

what a bs story

Basic grammatical errors right from the start didn't promise well, and the storyline sadly wasn't any better. I don't really want to sound too negative but if you put it out there (ie: publish your work on line) you have to accept criticism, and this story is pretty ordinary.

The problem is, it's hard to read. An editor would have helped this one in a big way. Here's a couple of pointers, though, that would help.

The first paragraph should be designed to hook the reader. It should give us a hint of what is to come, and leave us wanting more. There are so many stories out there; the ones that hook the reader on the first paragraph are the ones that get read.

"Show, don't tell" is a common criticism, but usually doesn't address "how". In this case, though, the story could be helped by showing us the dialogue, in detail, instead of telling us about it. It's typically a series of short quoted sentences, and makes for a much more readable story. There are two spots this could be applied, just in the first paragraph.

There's more, but I'm not going to make an essay out of this either. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.