All Comments on 'Dreams Can Come True'

Not bad but you really need an editor to iron out all those little things that makes the store less enjoyable to read. There are plenty of good ones on Lit that are more than happy to lend a hand and they will make you a better writer in the process.

I look forward to a more polished continuation...

Thank you for taking the time and sharing it with the rest of us

You've got the makings of a good story there, a very good start. You do need to get some help to polish it up though.

good but you obviously didn't read it through to check that it made sense - in many places, as written, it doesn't.

For instance - re-read the last sentence. Why does it suddenly change from 'I' to 'he'?

As someone else said, get an Editor to help with the story and a Proof Reader to help sort out the errore in spelling, grammar and punctuation. There's a list of volunteer Editors in Literotica Index.

Sounds like my ex boyfriend and his best friend. Almost to a t.

It could have been great, but UGH! get fucking editor!

lo and behold, not 'lone behold.'

It is very hard to create the aura of romance, the yearning of a soul in writing. I love these characters you have created and I want to know more. Thank you!

Ok don't feel pressured but.....WRITE THE NEXT DAMN PART FASTER.....and maybe add a page 2. I have a feeling you are gonna be a great writer!

tbh, i enjoyed it, but it was quite cliche and moved too fast. slow it down, add more conflicts.

This is a pretty good story, and I really want to know when part 2 comes out. It's been awhile since this part, and really want to see what happens next