Drummer Boy - Secret Origins Ch. 03

"I am aware that some of your prudish kind think poorly of the profession," Granny said. "In addition, some males of your species take offense to other men lusting after their females."

"You don't belong to me, Granny," Jason said. "And ain't nothing wrong with dancing."

"Nonetheless," Granny said, "I dared not take the chance. Ska-masz required me to safeguard your well-being, which included protection from spiritual harm. I trust you understand."

Jason shook his head. He did not understand. Demons, man.

"Regardless," Granny said, "This alleviated the immediate currency dilemma. However, after our encounter a few days ago, which I'm certain you recall..."

"Yeah, I recall," Jason said, looking away, suddenly bashful. Memories of the two of them in his bedroom, he straddling Granny's great big boobs, and she practically commanding him to do his worst. "Not exactly my best moment."

"Agreed," Granny said. "Thus I came to understand the extent to which the soul of this thrice-damned world had affected mine own soul. I concluded that, lest I find myself engaging in activities detrimental to our combined fortunes, I would need to find some way to sate those unpalatable urges."

"Geez, Granny, I get it," Jason said. "You needed to get some strange so you didn't end up raping me to death."

"Tactless," Granny said, "but factual."

"And you picked Thumper?" Jason said.

"He was convenient," Granny said. "And fortuitous. Without the aid of seeker spells I had to rely on my own mental acumen. I had counted on the atmosphere of Rick's Sugar Shack to bring the necessary sexual aspects of its clientele to the fore. However, I had not foreseen that my search need go no further than my fellow employees."

"So you and Thumper have been...?" Jason said.

"This was our first encounter, actually," Granny said. "I found him to be quite potent. His essence production was substantial, more than sufficient to replenish my magical energies."

"You're such a romantic," Jason said.

"Not in the slightest," Granny said. "His refractory period is somewhat longer than I had expected, though. I had hoped to revive my beast before morning, nourishing him upon my matchless bosom."

"Yeah, um..." Jason said. "Good stuff by the way."

Granny's eyes flashed. "It is the best 'stuff'!" she said. "Ska-masz or no, I have given you an incredible boon in allowing you to partake of my nectar. Just as I have done for this beast. This delectable beast..."

Granny turned her attention again to Thumper. She stroked him openly now, savoring the sensation of his dick stiffening in her grasp. This seemed to make Thumper suck more intensely on Granny's nipple, and Granny sighed and beamed at him.

"Jesus, guys," Jason said, "come on..."

Granny started. "Yes! Well!" she said. Regaining some of her composure, Granny continued.

"Like the rest of you humans, Thumper is a very filthy beast," Granny said. "Only interested in penetrating the peerless succulence of my forbidden flesh with his brutish prick. I merely needed present myself, in cladding designed to inflame his bestial desires, as a potential mating partner."

"I'm guessing you came on a little strong," Jason said.

"I do what is necessary," Granny said. "This beast took considerable animal delight in exploring, deeply, thoroughly, and vigorously, the many carnal wonders laid before him. Only after he had sated his lust, shamelessly anointing my voluptuous form with several volumes of his male essence, did I note that he was in need of some recuperation."

"You chicks really don't do pillow talk, do you?" Jason said.

"I ask that you contain your jealousy," Granny said, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Jason held up his hands. "Done," he said. "I think I've got enough my plate anyway."

"We shall see," Granny said, smirking. What was with her? Her scowl-to-smile ratio was way off.

"Regardless," Granny continued, "I was preparing to revitalize my beast when I felt the quavering of the aether. I immediately suspected the perpetrator of such foolishness, and took wing here as quickly as possible."

"Well what took you so long?" Jason said. "We were at it for like..."

Jason faltered. What was the right word here? Hours? Centuries?

"...a really long time!" he concluded lamely.

"Not so," Granny said. "From the first detection until my arrival here, scarcely ten minutes had passed."

"That is not how I remember it!" Jason said.

"You may credit Purleen," Granny said. "With the energies at her command, I suspect that she took significant liberties with time as well as space."

"I don't know, though," Jason said. "I don't think it was just Pearl. She and Kristin were kinda ... thinking together, it seemed like."

"All the more significant," Granny said. "What you experienced in those scant minutes of actual time may or may not have happened entirely in this dimension. I find it somewhat remarkable that any of you remain intact, after showing such reckless disrespect for natural and magical laws."

"Yeah," Jason said, "I guess I should be glad we made it through in one piece. Although the living room got pretty trashed."

"Indeed," Granny said. She looked around the room. "Telly is going to lose his shit."

"I was thinking the same thing," Jason said. But at the same time he had to hide his astonishment: since when did Granny start using human slang?

"I could not help but notice," Granny said, "that Telly is presently in his room. With his female." This last part Granny said with a barely-concealed sneer. "Pray, tell me that the one human beast for whom I have an inkling of respect was not involved in the folly you have wrought."

Jason shook his head and said, "Naw. They slept through the whole thing. Pearl put a big-time whammy on 'em."

Granny sighed. "Another transgression," she said. "Yet in this case, perhaps for the best."

Jason flashed briefly to the Granny-whipping episode from earlier, and blushed. "Yep, no Telly in this whatsoever," he said.

"In that case," Granny said, "and in light of my child's actions, I suppose I must offer some small amends."

Before Jason could ask another question for Granny to summarily ignore, she began chanting.

"Sko tantalla ... mu'usta fantalama ... pirwan ad pantaba ..."

And a whole bunch of other gibberish. Jason had heard the demonic language spoken before, but now it sounded like Granny was busting out the "special occasion" vowels and consonants.

Granny's eyes started sparking something fierce, and the room began to repair itself. The entertainment center jumped right up. Pieces of furniture got back on their legs and straightened their backs. Kristin's broken tools snapped back together. The TV and Xbox jumped up, whole again, into their spots on the mended entertainment center. Finally, the puddles of cum dried up, and then misted away, leaving behind the fresh scent of ... well, not pine, but at least it didn't smell like Bob Guccione's sex dungeon in there anymore.

Satisfied with her work, Granny allowed her eyes to power down.

"I was working from memory," Granny said, "so it is not exactly as before. Nevertheless, this should be sufficient."

"Yeah, no, that's fucking cool," Jason said. "If you ever get tired of stripping you could make a killing doing maid service."

"Your chauvinism betrays you, beast," Granny said. "Besides, I suspect mercenary work would be more lucrative."

Jason had had that thought before, and it never failed to make him shudder, so he changed the subject.

"So, Granny?" Jason said, "you seem to be pretty mellow about all this."

"'Mellow'?" Granny said. "In what sense?"

Jason shrugged. "I just figured you'd be all 'dire consequences!' and go rushing off to stop Pearl," he said.

Granny considered for a few seconds, before saying, "I think not."

"What?" Jason said. "Really?"

"Aye," Granny said. "Purleen has chosen this course for herself. Should she succeed or fail, she must live with the consequences of her actions."

"What about Kristin?" Jason said. "She didn't exactly choose to get mixed up in this."

"Didn't she?" Granny said. "I am sure even you appreciate that there are several layers of culpability for the situation in which we find ourselves."

"Yeah, but-" Jason began.

"I am confident in my ability to manage my portion of that culpability," Granny said. "You would do well to look first to your own affairs as well."

"Damn, Granny," Jason said. "That's ice cold."

"Nevertheless," Granny said, "I shall be returning to Tarterus, to resume my duties as Grand Wing Mother. Upon giving a full report of my activities, I will monitor the fortunes of Purleen and your cambion mate. Should your erstwhile paramour remain among the living, I shall inform her of your concern."

Jason eyed her suspiciously. "And you'll get her ass back to Earth," he said. "Right?"

"There are certain to be consequences, perhaps beyond even my exalted rank to mitigate," Granny said. "I make no guarantees."

"And what about Pearl?" Jason said.

Granny frowned. "There will be consequences," she said.

"Pearl hates consequences," Jason said. "Dammit." He slumped back against the wall and sighed. "I just hope to hell this Palladia is worth it."

Granny's eyes narrowed. She stared very hard at Jason, and the yellow sparks around her eyes flickered with new life.

"What did you say?" Granny said.

"Before they left, they said they were going to 'take Palladia'," Jason said. "What is that, like a big Spine fortress or something?"

"No," Granny said. "Palladia is the Regent of the Spines."

Jason shrugged. "So...their capitol?" he suggested.

"Palladia is one of the Three, you doltish beast! The rulers of our world." Granny said. Then, to herself, "Pearl, you damned fool!"

"Oh," Jason said. "That's pretty ballsy, even for Pearl."

"It is more than that," Granny said. "None have ever dared attack one of the Three directly."

"Why not?" Jason said. "Seems like taking out the boss is a smart play."

"Because, in terms of raw power," Granny said, "they are as far beyond me as I am beyond you. In addition, they are the eldest among our kind, with millennia of experience in the wielding of that power."

"That does sound pretty bad," Jason conceded. "Still, you didn't see 'em in action. Pearl's on some next-level magical shit. And Kristin's right along with her. They're gonna eat this Palladia for breakfast....right?"

Granny pondered. "Unlikely," she said. She pondered some more, and then said, "Perhaps..." She continued to ponder, idly stroking Thumper's cock, while he made soft, sucking sounds on her breast.

"My head hurts," Granny said. "This situation is ... complicated."

"Shit yeah it is!" Jason said. "But we can't just sit around breast-feeding randos while Pearl and Kristin are tits-deep in mega-demon!"

"You are correct," Granny said. She repeated herself, more forcefully this time. "By the Three, you are correct! If fate has pushed us into this circumstance, we shall do what must be done to ensure the greatest victory!"

Granny hefted her breast away from Thumper, disengaging the latch he had on her nipple.

Thumper whined, and his mouth sought around, looking to slurp up more of the delicious milk, but Granny simply moved his head off of her lap. She pulled her mesh shirt down to cover her breasts (although "cover" was way down on the list of things a shirt like that was made for), and stood up.

"We will return to Tarterus immediately," Granny said. "We must seek the aid of my sisters, and even that of my own Regent, if we are to succeed against our hated enemies!"

"Right the fuck on!" Jason said. "Back in the saddle! Go big or go home! Wait...did you say 'we'?"

"Of course," Granny said.

"Uh-uh, sister, no way," Jason said. "Last time I went there I lost a whole week. Hell knows what I'd lose this time."

"This is not open for debate," Granny said. "I insist."

"Insist all you like," Jason said, "but I don't wanna."

Granny stared him down, saying, "If, as you profess, you care about your mate, whichever of them you have decided to sully with that title, then you must also shoulder some of the responsibility for their situation, which, need I remind you, you are complicit in engineering."

Jason thought about protesting some more, but he knew Granny was right.

"Dammit," Jason said at last. "Fine. I'm in."

Granny nodded. "Perhaps there is some nobility left in your species after all," she said.

This time Jason rolled his eyes. "So how are we gonna get there?" he said. "You got enough juice for a ... demon-world portal-thing?"

"Not quite," Granny said. "Fortunately, I am not wholly unprepared."

Granny walked over to the closet where Jason and Telly kept their winter jackets, the vacuum cleaner, and few other rarely-used items. She moved a few jackets aside, and withdrew her sword.

"Holy shit!" Jason said. With all that had gone on in the last week, he'd totally forgotten about Granny's huge, freaky-sharp blade. "I thought you lost that or something."

"Nonsense," Granny said. "I merely took the liberty of placing it beyond notice."

"You hid a deadly magic sword ... in my closet?!" Jason said.

Granny smiled. "Admire my perspicacity, she said. "Now, if you please, I must concentrate."

Which Granny then did, staring hard at the weird-feeling spot in the room. Brandishing her sword before her, Granny got busy speaking in her weird demon language. After quite a bit of that chanting, the weird-feeling spot became a weird-looking spot, limned in blue flame and chock full of portal-ey goodness.

"There," Granny said. She let out a breath, and stretched. Then she addressed the slowly coming-to Thumper.

"Rise, beast," Granny said. "Attend your mistress."

Thumper, like a zombie who'd had too many shots at the afterparty, lurched unsteadily to his feet.

"Okay, bringing me I understand," Jason said, "but what do you need Thumper for?"

"Insurance," Granny said. "I might need a snack."

"Like I said, no romance," Jason said. "As long as I don't have to watch."

"Afraid you might enjoy it?" Granny said, a saucy grin on her face.

Jason left that one alone. He was getting little freaked out, seeing glimpses of this side of Granny. She was starting to sound like Pearl, and that was multiple levels of disturbing.

"I shall enter first," Granny said, and then to Thumper, "Beast, come!"

Thumper, who was still way out of it, nodded dumbly. He reached down to grab his penis, and started jerking himself off. Jason snorted. Granny rolled her eyes.

"Beast, no!" Granny said. And then softly, "Later. For now, stay close behind me."

Thumper, naked and groggy, formed up behind Granny.

"I advise you not to not linger, Jason," Granny said. "This portal will not long remain open."

"Shouldn't I put some clothes on or something?" Jason said.

"Unnecessary, where we are going," Granny said. "Besides, clothing on humans always looks ridiculous."

Then Granny, dolled up like the Grand Hoochie Mama of the Aerie, turned to face the portal and entered, with her obedient Thumper-zombie in tow.

Jason stared at the portal. It was indeed closing, the blue flames around the edges drawing inward as he watched, millimeter by millimeter.

"I don't wanna," Jason said to the portal.

The portal only shrank a little bit more in response, but Jason couldn't help but feel that it was judging him. Then he shook his head, trying to clear away his significant misgivings.

"Fine," Jason said, "Let's do it, then."

Thinking of the last time he visited Tarterus (kidnapped, but whatever), he quickly went to his bedroom. He got his wallet out of his jeans, checked to make sure there was still a bunch of cash in it, and went back to the living room with it.

Jason placed the wallet on the XBox. "Just in case," he said. Then he turned to face the portal.

Just as he was about to step through, though, he paused, and took one more look around the room.

Despite everything that had taken place here tonight, it looked as mundane as any living room in Texas. That was encouraging, wasn't it?

"Just...just stay normal for me, okay?" Jason wasn't sure if he was talking to the room, or the world in general. "I could really use some normal to come back to."

Jason stepped through the portal, and disappeared from both the room, and from the Earthly plane of existence. Right after, the portal quickly irised in to a point, flashed brightly, and then was also gone without a trace.

The living room was silent for a time. Outside, dawn was breaking. The living room became less dark, and then, slowly, more bright.

The first few orange fingers of sunlight were weaving their way into the room when Telly's door opened. Lillian, groggy, with one of Telly's flannels buttoned loosely around her top, emerged from the hallway.

Lillian went to the sink and filled a green water bottle from the tap. She took a long swig from the bottle, and idly surveyed the living room.

"hmm," Lillian mumbled. She refilled the water bottle, and then went back down the hallway and entered the bathroom. She peed, flushed, and went back into Telly's room, closing the door behind her with a soft click, so as not to wake the still-sleeping Telly.

The living room was silent once more. A few minutes passed. Then, in the place where the portal had been, the air began to shimmer with a familiar blue flame.

The shimmering irised open, but weakly, as if it were barely holding itself together.

Something came through. A dark shape. Indistinct, but clearly feminine. The shape grunted with the effort of pulling something large and heavy behind it. Once they were through, the portal wavered, shrank, and then vanished.

New lights appeared in the dim living room, then. Green, flickering sparks, outlining pure black eyes.

End of Chapter Four

[There will be a short intermission.]