All Comments on 'Embracing the Night'

Imaginative plot, but awkward delivery and phrasing. Story needs some polishing and better punctuation, but the writing skill comes from much reading and from writing practice and editing. Good luck.

Many phrases need a comma for separation and improved understanding.

Specific comments:

"She had been the student of a local community college until one faithful night" --> one fateful night

"She felt humiliated, especially considering there was some drunken frat boys earlier" --> there were some

misplaced adverb: "hold off from her hunger for long as she soon planned to feed." --> she planned to feed soon (She did not soon plan it, but planned to feed soon)

creations way of giving humans some sort of chance --> creation's way

ever present hunger which seemed to flair to life --> flare to life

feel that way towards other females --> toward other females

found she was unable as her hand slide slowly --> her hand slid slowly

Slowly her hands slide down her body coming to the rise of her chest. --> hands slid down

I thought it was a great story. Sure, the punctuation needs a little help, but I loved the way the story was told. I figure the puctuation and phrasing are secondary to whether or not it's a good story and this definitely was.