Embracing the Night

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Mai threw her head from side to side in building frustration. Tension had built within her body, the tingle having built into a violent tide that was ready to burst from her skin. She was lost within these intense feelings brought on by this stranger yet she yearned to be led deeper down the rabbit hole that Elaine had opened for her. She raised her head to look down into Elaine's eyes and was able to let out a soft," Please," between unsteady breaths.

The words were soon followed by a long slow lick against Mai's parted lips. Her mind seemed to shatter and be carried away in the crushing tide that burst from her skin. She lost a few moments in time as her body shook in violent tremors. After a few moments her mind was able to gather together for a few thoughts surrounded in a warm haze. A firm pressure was on both sides of her head and it took her a few moments to realize what it was. Elaine's thighs rested against Mai's ears, and above her was Elaine's opening. Without thinking she brought herself upward to take a taste.

Gasps escaped Elaine's lips as she fed from the sweet nectar of her lover. Fair was fair and she wanted some of what she had been giving, and Mai seemed to know how to give it. Elaine had been slowly building the whole night but was now rushing towards a crushing peek. She was glad she had ventured into that club. The discovery of this wonderful young woman had definitely changed her night for the better.

The pleasure in one woman's body simply pushed her to work harder at her oral manipulations. Together they formed a circuit of sliding bodies, caressing tongues, and cries of excitement. They both built towards an intense burst of energy that was soon approaching. Both woman peeked within moments of each other, and joined within a moment where time seemed to stop. As they seemed to soar higher a sharp gasp was torn from Elaine's lips as fangs sank sharply into her leg and began to feed. Mai did not even realize she had done it as the two slowly began to sink into fuzzy warmth. Mai fed for several moments as there hearts began to beat to the same rhythm. She pulled her head back and licked the wound to stop the bleeding. Her body was sated, and the lust that had burned within her body suddenly fell away and she was enveloped in darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later as the sky faded into pre-dawn, Mai began to stir. The first thing she noticed as awareness returned to her body was that she was naked and alone. The blankets felt warm from the presence of a second body but no life was within the room. It took her mind a moment to recall the events of the fading night and quickly she sprang to her feet looking for a clock. The hour was approaching that of dawn and she knew her time to return to His apartment was short.

She hurried to dress seeing no signs of Elaine. She hurried to the front of the house letting out a sharp hiss at the growing light outside. She went to the window shading her eyes and noticed Elaine's car was gone. As she was trying to piece together what happened the night before a presence was felt behind her. Quickly she turned and was met by the gaze of Him. She felt her body freeze under the weight of his gaze. She did not know how he had come to be here but she knew he must have seen her failure.

"Hello there youth of my Flesh," He said in a soft British accent," It seems you have finally awakened. It is late and the sun approaches. You are fortunate to have come to, as you were about to be carried home. Come we must hurry."

Mai's mouth hung open in disbelief. Her scattered thoughts took a moment to form into a thought and even then words did not come for a few more moments. "How did you come to be here? And where did Elaine go?"

"Elaine?" His voice containing a cool anger as he spoke," So that is the name of the one who you vanished with. It was surprising when you left so quickly after knowing her for such a short time. It was good to see you were finally going to feed, but to find you naked after she left! That is a disgrace!"

She flinched at his harsh words, finding it hard not to drop to her knees and beg his forgiveness. He always became like this when angered, which seemed to be brought on easily by her mistakes. A voice in the back of her head could not help but comment about the gentler treatment from the Elaine. She hushed the inner voice, knowing the night before only happened because of the power of the Lust. "I assure you, this is not how I intended things to happen. I fell to the folly you had warned me of. I ignored my hunger for too long and found that it overwhelmed me. I did not mean to do those things of the night before."

Within the instant that her eyes blinked a powerful blow caught her across the cheeks and took her to the floor. "You are an insolent whelp, trying to discard your own guilt with twisted truths. The 'lust' as you call it was simply an expression of your inner desires. Do not try to blame it on what you have become. Do not dare!" He looked down upon her and turned heading towards the door. He did not look back as he knew she would follow.

Slowly she pulled herself to her feet, her head spinning from the blow. Even though her body still shook from the abuse she did not even think of leaving him. He was the only hope she had of learning about her new existence. She had no where else to go. Besides, at the moment her mind was spinning from what she had just learned. She had never dreamed of doing such a thing with another woman. And now to learn her inner desires that caused the events of the night before. She said nothing as she followed after Him, her mind filled with too many swirling thoughts to even notice the painful throb of her cheek.

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Edge23Edge23over 18 years ago
Very good

I thought it was a great story. Sure, the punctuation needs a little help, but I loved the way the story was told. I figure the puctuation and phrasing are secondary to whether or not it's a good story and this definitely was.

mBrowmBrowalmost 19 years ago
enjoyable, but needs polish

Imaginative plot, but awkward delivery and phrasing. Story needs some polishing and better punctuation, but the writing skill comes from much reading and from writing practice and editing. Good luck.

Many phrases need a comma for separation and improved understanding.

Specific comments:

"She had been the student of a local community college until one faithful night" --> one fateful night

"She felt humiliated, especially considering there was some drunken frat boys earlier" --> there were some

misplaced adverb: "hold off from her hunger for long as she soon planned to feed." --> she planned to feed soon (She did not soon plan it, but planned to feed soon)

creations way of giving humans some sort of chance --> creation's way

ever present hunger which seemed to flair to life --> flare to life

feel that way towards other females --> toward other females

found she was unable as her hand slide slowly --> her hand slid slowly

Slowly her hands slide down her body coming to the rise of her chest. --> hands slid down

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