Entertaining at Large Ch. 12

It was a great summer that one. The next day I had a good wank before we set out and after the game there was five of them in the front room. Stan was a bit pissed off 'cos his girl wanted to stay as well. Two of them sat next to me and there was another sat on the floor. I made them show me everything before I pulled my shorts down. By the end of the summer I'd shagged them all. Started with them letting me finger them and them tossing me off. The girl whose house it was found an old tea towel to catch the cum. She hid it from her mum and burned it in the end.

It was the fat one who told me to get some johnnies and she'd let me screw her, all private like, but I can't honestly say if she was my first. The ugly ones tended to step aside if their prettier mate wanted first dibs. I had to get money from them to pay for the condoms, I'd spent all my pocket money. Even ended up shagging the woman in Boots. Couldn't go to the barber's, he was a mate of my old man's. Chemists was the only other place. Got the first lot from a spotty Herbert who worked Saturdays. But when I went back mid-week and asked for extra large there was only a woman there. Snooty cow.

She starts giving me what-for so I offered to show her if she didn't believe me. She only took me to the stock room, didn't she. She gasped when I pulled it out. Next thing I know we're shagging away me standing up, her sitting on top of a couple of crates of deodorant. First time I saw stockings and suspenders, remember it as if it as yesterday. Had to fuck her every time I went in there, but she used her staff discount and I got a nice Xmas present if I remember. Didn't have loyalty cards in them days. Magic.

Only time I ever shagged more than that summer was when we had the band. Me on vocals and guitar, Stan bass and Alan on the drums. What times. Played all over the place. Three- sometimes four-times a week. That's when I got to know Jack real well. We always did Wednesdays at the Crown. Tried putting us on on a Friday once, but the punters started chucking stuff and shouting for the girls. We were crap. Didn't think so at the time like, but Tracey found something posted on the internet last year. Literally wet herself laughing.

But the girls. Had to beat 'em off with Alan's drum sticks. You'd do the first half, mostly covers, a few of our own. Get a drink at the bar and nip towards the toilet. At least one girl would follow you out, guaranteed. Here you had to shag them on the bins outside. Hope their shoes banging didn't make so much noise their boyfriends came out to see what was going on. Bigger places with car parks, we had a mattress in the back of the van. Sometimes have two in the interval then. Alan was always hanging around for sloppy seconds. Said by the time they'd had me they were gaping so wide they didn't notice him slip into them. Dirty devil.

Second half, mostly our own stuff. Always went down well whatever Tracey says. After, load the van, another drink and then either same routine or maybe back to someone's house. Get a spliff going, a few more drinks, then let the good times roll. Woken up the next day with two birds whose names I can't recall more than I care to remember. Four once. Might have shagged them all, might not. We had a good few years, then one day the van and the amp blew up on the same night. Alan had just got a day job on the buses, had to work shifts. Stan had got some bird pregnant. Can't remember if she was one of the ones he married. Neither of them wanted to lay out for new stuff though and that was that.

Can't remember where I was working at the time. But Jack offered me extra nights in here. There were more women going in pubs then so I was still getting it regular. Jack turned a blind eye to the extra breaks. Got to keep the customers happy was his motto. Only got to fuck the strippers after Jack was done, though. That was our arrangement and I honoured it to the letter. Even towards the end when he could only manage a blow job or having one of them toss him off, I still hung back 'til he'd done. I think that's mainly why he gave me the pub. His wife had gone with the kids years ago. They never came to see him. I remember the shock on their faces when the will was read. Stormed out threatening courts and all sorts. Never did though. Good job our agreement not to change anything was only verbal or they might be back.

Carpet'll be gone tomorrow. That fuck with Susan's costing me a fortune. Few hundred quid on the football stuff - I'll make the bastards pose for a team photo in their pink shirts, that'll stop ' em laughing. Be more than a few grand in here once JD and the carpet layers have finished. Have to arrange a special re-opening, show them I'm not bothered. Get Susan up on stage again that'd be good for business. Might even get some postcards made of those photos she did of Mandy's shoot. That'd bring in a few quid, punters are always asking when she's next on. Everything'll be right.

Got to admit, it is getting harder to pull these days though. Suppose it's 'cos I'm older. And fat. Even Mandy's started complaining about my size. Not allowed more than four pints a night, no crisps, chips once a week. Purgatory. Could say it's my dick that let me pile the weight on when you think about it. If women had turned their noses up when I started getting chubbier, maybe I'd have done something about it then.

Those days I was cruising. Woman I shagged always came back for more. Then she'd be in here with one of her mates all blushes and nods in my direction while they whispered behind their hands. I'd saunter over; emptying ashtrays, collecting glasses, whatever. "My break in five minutes, fancy a bit of rumpy-pumpy?". The mate'd be there, knickers off already like as not, her friend holding her handbag and keeping an eye out for peepers. Do her an hour or so later, fair's fair. Never really had to go looking. And of course with Mandy at home, she's a full-time job on her own. When she's not off wildcatting with the likes of Mr J, that is. Come to think of it, it was Susan who brought him down here as well first time. I'm going to have to have further words with that young lady. She's definitely straying into smacked-bottom territory.

You look back and you can't put your finger on when you started getting fat. Definitely not when you had to get rid of the twenty eight inch waist Levis. But then a few years later you're up to forty two and bursting out of them. And that was a time ago. This place hasn't helped. Eight or ten pints a night and living on crisps, nuts and the odd bag of pork scratchings. Course cholesterol hadn't been invented back then so it was chips with everything. And calories were something only women got.

And what have we here? Two likelies just come in looking a bit lost. Not slags, nothing like an old slag if you fancy a shag, but not exactly beginners either. I remember them. What am I saying, I remember every punter who ever came in. They were in here at New Year's. Had their gobs all over Susan's tits. Couldn't get enough. Taking photos on their mobiles and everything. Right couple of goers given the right encouragement. Things are looking up.

'Ladies. The usual? Or are you looking for something a little different tonight? Something a bit more daring?'

Giggling. I like it. Drives some blokes mad, but I like to hear a woman giggle. Couldn't live with it, of course, but for a one-off, shows they're a bit frisky, looking for something but not sure how far they want to go.

'You mean you remember us? We've only been in here the once.'

Pretty blonde one doing the talking, some things never change. Her brown haired mate is looking around to see who else is in.

'Course I remember you. New Year's Eve. Bodies like those, what man wouldn't?'

Give 'em a moment to take it in. More giggling. Good sign.

'You were rum and coke and your beautiful friend with the big knockers, you had Malibu and coke. Right?'

Always flatter the ugly one. Page one of the Beginner's Guide to Shagging. Charge them for singles but put in a double. Need to get them a bit lubricated. Small one's got a pretty face and a lovely figure. But her mate's more my type. Big tits, big arse, plenty to get hold of. She's looking me over now, smoothing down her jacket to make sure the tits get more attention.

'Let me take your coats. I'll hang them round here with the staff's. Some right dodgy geezers in here sometimes and those are just the workers.'

Laughing while they take them off. Worried glance towards the boys playing pool. Bit of a walk on the wild side for them. Not that those little scrotes wouldn't dare nick anything in here, broken fingers make it hard to hold a bottle.

But I have to say they've both put some effort in tonight. Small one's dress shows her curves off nicely. Big-tits doesn't have to work at advertising. Good blouse, and she's only undoing the top button already, rearranging the goods in the shop window.

'Mind if I have a pint with you? I was just thinking I could do with a quick one, but I'm a big lad and I can always take two if the opportunity arises. Cheers.'

Get 'em laughing, always helps.

'You in here on your own? Or are those lucky lads you were with the other night meeting you?'

'Them. They're in looking after the kids and watching the match.'

'Kids? You don't look old enough.'

We all laugh. She's got a hefty wobble on her that one. Even though they know it's bullshit they're all smoothing their hair and pulling their clothes tight. Letting the world know they've still got it.

'Bet they're still recovering from the time you gave them when you got them home that night, eh?'

Can tell from the quick look they give each other that wasn't the case. I raise an eyebrow but say nowt. Let's see what they have to say.

'Hers spent the night throwing up. Mine, well.'

She stops. Realises she's straying onto dangerous ground.

'Yours?'

Her friend's ready to chip in, probably a bit miffed about her spelling the beans on her bedroom secrets. I smile at her to give her the nudge.

'He came while she was giving him a, you know, blow job and then fell asleep.'

They're both giggling again. I hold out my hand.

'I'm George, by the way.'

'I'm Sadie, this is Charlene.'

'Lovely names for lovely ladies.'

Bend over to kiss their hands. Women like that. And get a better look at the big one's breasts. Real whoppers. Jiggling like jellies while she laughs. I put on a serious face.

'I'll tell you one thing.'

They both settle down a bit and look at me like I've got the winning numbers for next week's lottery. I take a glance around and lower my voice.

'There were more than a few blokes in here tossing themselves off in the bogs after the little show you put on licking Suzette's tits.'

I nod for emphasis and they crack up again. The both go red and look at each other. I lean in making like I'm going to whisper.

'Straight up. They were chatting round the bar once you'd left. One bloke even offered Alan ten quid for your addresses when he came back from dropping you off. Big handsome lad, the one who looks like David Beckham. You must remember him.'

'He didn't.'

'Oh yes. He was most put out when Alan said he couldn't remember.'

Sadie looks a bit shocked, Charlene's grinning all over her mug.

'I think I remember him. He was a bit of alright.'

Better than I do then love. I just made him up.

'Don't worry, I told 'em they'd have no chance. With girls like you lying next to them to your blokes'll be waking up with knobs like broom handles every morning.'

Charlene isn't having any of that.

'Huh. Chance would be a fine thing. I've not had any since Xmas.'

She realises what she's saying and it's hand to mouth and the giggles start again.

'You're having me on. With those puppies. Talk about wearing your medals on your chest. You should be ashamed of yourself making fun of a trusting soul like me. This one.'

I nod at Sadie.

'I might believe. Deep-throating her man's todger and sucking him dry with those tight little lips every day.'

I reach out and stroke her chin. She doesn't back away. Alert the cavalry, I think I'm in here.

'She's already cost me a fiver.'

Charlene's still protesting she was telling the truth, Sadie's joining in. But they both want to know what I'm on about.

'You know what men are like.'

And I make out I'm going to leave it at that. They're giggling away. Looking at each other. But now they really want to know what I'm going to say next.

'We were all a bit far gone. It was New Year's. A group of them were round the bar. Talking crap, you know. Scarlett's arse this, Suzette's tits that. Don't tell me you don't know what we're like.'

They're looking at each other and laughing some more.

'Charlie, he's the lad we were talking about. Charlene's friend.'

'I don't even know him.'

I give her a wink. Like, well if that's your story who am I etc. Then look at Sadie.

'Bet she whips out the goodies all the time, eh? There was a fair few claiming they'd seen 'em.'

Sadie's nodding behind her hand until she gets an elbow in the ribs.

'Well anyway, Charlie starts on about the two lookers giving Suzette's boobs the serious tongue action. Fancy another? I know I fancy you both.'

Start making up a couple of triples before they have a chance to answer. They're definitely sticking around to hear the end of the stories and they drain off their glasses while my back's turned. Just the one piece of ice and a bit of extra cola to disguise the strength. Big smile when I present them nodding at their empties.

'You both like to swallow, I see. Good news.'

Give 'em both a cheesy grin while I wait for the next round of giggles to finish.

'So you're here for the auditions. By rights you should have rung up, rest of the committee're not here. Still, I'm sure I can squeeze you both in.'

They're falling over themselves now to get a word in. Sadie's obviously keen to hear more about how a bunch of piss artists came to be talking about her cock-sucking skills. Charlene still wants to set the record straight about her tittie-flashing times.

'Auditions?'

'Don't worry about it. You'll do fine. Only take five minutes. The crowd in here always give beginners a lot of support but they expect, you know, that the management have checked the basics. I'm sure you understand. Still, where was I? Oh yes, Charlie and that stupid bet.'

Take a long pull on my pint while giving them both the eye.

'You'll have been around blokes talking crap when they've had a few.'

We all share a knowing laugh at that one.

'I was a bit the worse for wear myself. Otherwise I'd have put a lid on it when he starts this long explanation about how you can tell a woman who knows how to give an expert blow job by the length of her tongue.'

I shrug my shoulders and look a bit sheepish. Like I was embarrassed even to be present at such a conversation. Charlene's trying to touch the tip of her nose with her tongue; makes her go cross-eyed. Sadie's nodding like I'm just telling a scientific fact.

'To cut a long story short, one thing leads to another and Charlie's getting all heated and saying he knows for a fact your old man'll be spraying your tonsils before he gets the old John Thomas anywhere near your juicy pussy.'

I shake my head with a sad look. Charlene's almost wetting herself laughing. Sadie just manages a little grin.

'I bet him a fiver he was talking rubbish mostly to shut him up. He gets a bit, you know, when he thinks people are calling him a liar.'

Sadie asks the obvious question.

'How were you planning on finding out then?'

She sits back looking like she's just revealed a winning hand at poker.

'Oh, that bit was easy. We'd already told Alan to make sure you came down for the old audition. I said he could check with you then.'

Now they both have what to say.

'Alan didn't say nothing about coming down here.'

'What're the auditions?'

I give them one of those innocent, confused looks. Shaking my head like I've been badly let down.

'You mean he didn't? He should've. I'll have his guts for garters.'

I slap my hand on the bar frowning like I'm suddenly livid. Being nice girls they straightaway try to go to his defence.

'We were a bit, you know, preoccupied on the way home.'

'Her bloke's mitts were all over my boobs, and mine was trying to stick his hand up her skirt.'

'And you let them? No wonder old Alan got a bit put off. He can be terribly shy. Can I ask you a personal question? Say "no" if it's a problem.'

I lean my arms on the bar. The two of them come closer. Bit of cheekiness never goes amiss. I look round making out I want to make sure no one is listening. They push their heads forward. Charlene's big 'uns are pressed against my arm, Sadie's got her arms under hers so they push out a bit.

'Do you like licking each other's tits as well? It's just a bit of lezzie action always goes down well and it helps the first timers get much bigger tips.'

Just reach out a couple of fingers and tickle their nips to underline the point. Neither of them pull away, they're too busy going red and looking at each other with that 'don't you dare tell' look that gives me my answer. Run up the flags, get the old trumpeter tooting, it's shag-time at the Crown tonight. Time to move to the back room. I take their glasses.

'Just freshen these up a bit then we'll go to in the Snug. Bit more private like.'

The looks turn to "should we?". I gives them a wink and talk like it's a done deal. Wave Scarlett over.

'You remember Scarlett, girls? One of our big stars. Mind the bar will you love? This is the beautiful Sadie and the gorgeous Charlene. They've come down for the auditions. We're just popping in the back for a bit.'

I give them their drinks and nod towards the door. Be a gent and hold it open for them and just give a little squeeze of Charlene's bum to help her on her way. There's a bit of a commotion over at one of the tables. The lass with the purple shirt and the big tits is having a set-to with her husband. Susan's giving me the old two-fingers indication that my help's not needed. Good job, shagging three's biting off more than even I could chew.

And in we go. Them whispering to each other. Still giggling. Good sign. Me trying to just let "Happy Days Are Here Again" run through my brain and not fall out of my mouth. Fire's on. Stick on the old CD player. Good, it's one of those stripper-song compilations the girls make. Move the tables around a bit to give us some space.

'Budge up then. Make a bit of room for a little one.'

Pint on the table, sit in between them, arms round their shoulders. Let's get this party started.

'So you given it any thought? You want to go on together, or one at a time?'

'What exactly are you talking about?'

Sadie's taking the lead. Little chin sticking out. Very cute.

'The striptease. I know this is just the audition, but it's best to think of how you want it to go on the night.'

'No. I couldn't. We're not like that. My husband.'

I just laugh. Got a hand on one of Charlene's tits. She takes a big swig of her drink. Gives me a bit more room. Little tart.

'Course you could. Loads do it. You already told me Charlene gets 'em out all the time.'

Another little squeeze. She's giggling fit to burst.

'Bet your husband'd be dead chuffed. I saw how the two of them were egging you on the other night. Any roads this is just the try out. See if you're good enough. You can ask him after. C'mon, you don't want to disappoint Charlene now do you?'

'Well.'

She leans forward to give her mate a look round my belly. I let my hand slip down to her bum and give it a little pat.

'Good that's settled. Don't worry I'll talk you through it. Whadja think of this tune? Think it'll do?'