Everything Looks Better Ch. 10

Silence. The longest expanse so far. "No."

Auron crossed his arms, looked down at his boots, the wet laces dragging in the snow. His knees felt oddly weak. He waited a long time to speak, when he was sure his voice wouldn't shake, and to make doubly sure, he cleared his throat. "Is this about the pilgrimage?"

"Do you think we don't have maps in Zanarkand?"

That confused Auron. "What?"

Snow squeaked under her feet. She was turning around to face him and he was glad to see her pale face in the available light. Now that she knew he was unsent, any look of disgust or repulsion from her would certainly unhinge him, but somehow, her lack of expression was almost worse.

"With all the excitement of being in Spira, I nearly forgot about seeing the Fayth on the train this morning until I saw him in the summoning book you gave me. But it was the map on the next page that really got me thinking. The map of Spira."

Understanding, Auron inwardly sighed. Perhaps he shouldn't have given her free reign of the book until he had gone through it more thoroughly.

"I didn't think anything of it, until I noticed a little area in the top eastern corner that was mysteriously shaped just like Zanarkand. Now how is that possible, if the Zanarkand I'm from is all there is? To us, Mount Gagazet is just a place kids go to make out, but according to the map, it's way bigger."

"Raine, believe me, you were going to learn—"

"That Zanarkand exists in Spira? Only in ruins?"

"I was going to tell you. When the time was right."

"So when were you going to tell me I was a dream?"

Shocked, Auron snapped his head up. "How—"

"Your Pyreflies gave me a sneak preview," she said, tone exuding both humor and sarcasm.

For Yevon's sake. His Pyreflies would have told her all the secrets of the universe if she asked. "What did they show you?" he asked carefully.

She laughed, a hard fleer. "You should first understand a woman never forgets the place where she got married."

"Hmph," he chuffed knowingly. "The Dome in Zanarkand Ruins."

"When Tidus asked you to bring me to Spira as a Summoner, he said something I didn't understand at first. He said, 'What will happen to Raine when the Fayth stop dreaming?' It took me a while before I figured it out. This morning, on the train, I had commented to the Fayth that sitting there with him was a dream and he said 'Precisely.' At the time, I thought he was confirming that I was dreaming him, but it's the other way around, isn't it? He's dreaming me."

"I forget sometimes how clever you are," Auron said, eying the edge of the gorge as a piece of it broke away, and he could hear the fade of its smashing against the canyon wall on its way down.

Raine didn't seem to notice.

Auron worried about the weather as he watched the water from the window in his room. No sign of Sinspawn yet, Tidus' vengeance trademark, but Sin was always aware of the happenings in Dream Zanarkand and Auron was not confident his marriage to Tidus' sister would go unnoticed.

The knock on the door did not pull his attention away from the window. "Come," Auron said.

He heard the door open and a woman's lively voice, which he recognized as the woman who escorted him to his room. "You told me to let you know when your bride arrived."

"She's here?"

"She's here. We'll get started in a little bit. You still have plenty of time to change."

"I'm ready."

"Oh." She sounded shaken, but remained in the room. "It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

Auron hadn't looked away from the window once. "It's windy."

"At least it's a warm wind."

Auron didn't respond and eventually the woman excused herself and closed the door.

He hated Sin weather.

"We're going to begin."

Raine hurried out of the bathroom and stepped into the silver pumps by the coffee table. Darlene was standing by the door. The wind had done a number on her hair during her walk over but it gave the curls a relaxed quality she liked better and she didn't think Auron would be too critical of her hair anyway. "I couldn't reach the back," Raine said, jutting a thumb over her shoulder. Her sheath dress was long and sleek, the only frill was a half inch piece of trim at the hem, and it showed a tasteful amount of cleavage. Most of all, it fit like a glove with the clerk's expert measurements and tailoring and Raine could breathe.

"Allow me," she offered and crossed the room. With a quick rasp, Raine's dress was completely zipped. She opted for a zipper this time. Auron didn't have patience for all those little buttons, anyway.

"Okay, I'm ready. Wait!" Raine froze, meeting Darlene's eyes. "I don't have a bouquet."

"What about those?" She nodded to the moon-lilies.

"Good enough."

"Be careful. There's water in the vase. I think there's a pair of shears in the bathroom."

Darlene disappeared into the bathroom. Raine heard the click of the light, followed by the rattle of drawers opening. Raine clutched the flowers by the stems, lifted them carefully out of the vase to let the water drip off the ends. One of the stems broke and the flower drifted finely to the table. Darlene returned with the scissors and held the bottom stems together as she gently cut the flowers to a manageable length.

"They're still a little wet. Try to hold them away from the dress."

Raine nodded and did so.

"Oh, you lost a flower," Darlene commented. She picked it up by the broken stem and made a motion to her hair. "May I?"

"Sure."

Borrowing a pin from her own hair, Darlene clipped the moon-lily behind Raine's ear, then gave Raine an approving wink, as if the flower was the final touch.

"Thanks," Raine said shyly.

Darlene tossed the stem ends into a trash basket by the door.

"Oh, one more thing," Raine said and dug into the bag her dress had come in, still hanging on the hook by the door. She took out a small ring box. "We don't have a ring bearer. Do I give this to you, or—"

"I'll give it to the priest," Darlene said and slipped the box into her skirt pocket.

Raine nodded. "He hasn't seen it. I'm not sure it will fit him."

She chuckled. "Your groom had the same reservations about your ring."

"Oh," Raine said and blushed. She didn't know Auron to be so detailed-oriented and she wasn't sure he would remember a ring. She didn't think he was the type to go jewelry shopping with her, so she never brought it up. She had Auron's custom made and figured she'd come back and buy her own if she had to.

Darlene led Raine to the door across the hall and made a motion for Raine to wait. She opened the door just wide enough to slip through and left Raine to wait alone in the hall for a minute or two, probably so she could give the ring to the priest. When Darlene returned, she swung the door open wide to reveal the chapel's slew of empty pews. Aunt Naya sat alone in the front row. The priest stood at the podium wearing a robe with too-long sleeves, weaved with an intricately graphic design of white, green and orange.

"Walk slow," Darlene instructed in a whisper. "Your groom opted for no music, so count in your head: one-one thousand, two-one thousand, like that."

Raine nodded.

Darlene stuck her head into the chapel one more time, turned to smile at Raine. "Go."

Pacing inside, Raine noticed the wall on her left had five enormous, A-shaped windows with stone frames, overlooking the Zanarkand River. She hadn't had a chance to walk down the aisle at her first wedding and it was a little strange without music, every footstep like a clangor in the austere room. The aisle wasn't centered down the middle like the wedding Mrs. Drake had arranged, but instead there were two diagonal aisles through the pews that converged into a center lane and continued on to where the priest was waiting. On the groom's side, Auron was coming down his passage, wearing his typical red cloak garb and high collar.

Aunt Naya shifted around in her seat and grinned at Raine. She had acted so strange when Raine told her she was marrying Auron. Her great-aunt had crossed her arms and cocked her head, but not aggressively, as Raine anticipated after announcing a second wedding three days after her first. Smiling complacently, Naya had nodded knowingly with her eyes narrowed and her lips twisted. "He's a little old for you, isn't he?" Aunt Naya had asked, but she said it boldly and immediately laughed, before Raine could respond.

Meeting where the aisles joined, Raine noticed Auron had considerately combed his hair down with an abnormally conservative left side part and while it didn't suit him, Raine loved him for his effort. His hand was poking out the front of his cloak as usual, but he had extended his elbow to her when she approached him, bowing his head respectfully to her. The little glass shields over his eyes lingered in her direction longer than normal and she couldn't help flushing to scorching degrees.

Through the turgid ceremony, Raine glossed over the priest's words, giddily apprehensive of her upcoming kiss to Auron, their first. Ever. Certainly that was also a part of the ceremony, since so far it was by the book. Soon she would be touching his lips with hers, a moment she had imagined since she was a little girl.

But first, the rings.

The priest brought forth the golden ornaments and said some magic words to bless them. Raine vied for a glimpse of the ring Auron had picked out for her, but the priest had them cupped inconspicuously in his hand. She was equally eager for Auron's reaction when he saw the one she'd gotten for him, but as the priest handed Raine's ring over to him, Auron had his sunglasses trained on the windows fronting the river.

Raine glanced back at her aunt, who was giving her groom a curious look.

The priest seemed to wait a long time while Auron stared out the window before he tactfully cleared his throat, bringing Auron into the present. "The ring?" the priest offered and Auron collected it and faced Raine.

The vows were standard and Auron repeated them briskly after the priest. He slid the ring on her finger with his free hand. It was a pear-shaped diamond on a gold band, simply beautiful. And suspiciously familiar. She had been ogling one like it at the jewelry store when she went in to order Auron's ring. Why did she have the feeling her jeweler had been interrogated shortly after she left the shop?

Her turn. The priest gave her Auron's ring and she repeated the vows, but before she could put it on Auron's hand, he snatched it first and held it close to his face in fussy scrutiny. Confirming Raine's notion he had been in the jewelry store after her, he revolved the ring to read the inscription and his eyes crinkled behind his sunglasses.

Raine smirked coyly and blushed.

Wrestling the ring on one-handedly, sliding it into place with his thumb, Auron reached over and squeezed her shoulder sentimentally.

Kiss time. Raine was noticeably trembling with anticipation, but her stomach took a dive when she realized she couldn't reach his lips through the collar.

That damned collar! All this time, she was so used to seeing him only from the bridge of his nose, it never occurred to her the collar would have to be pulled apart if she wanted to kiss him.

With a pang of irritation, Raine stuffed the bouquet in her armpit and began working the snaps of the leather straps and Auron patiently let her. Raine wondered when the last time they had been unfastened, if ever. Her fingers were not nearly nimble enough and the old priest tried not to notice how ardently determined she had become. When the last button came undone, she flattened the collar down against his shoulders. It was the first time she had ever really seen his mouth and she noticed absently he had not shaved for the occasion. She didn't care.

Raine rose to the tips of her toes, her fingers catching the fabric of his cloak for balance, closing her eyes as Auron bent down to her...

...and kissed her bangs.

"You said Tidus didn't defeat Sin for good because there were obstacles. I was the obstacle, wasn't I?"

Auron nodded bitterly. "Tidus was afraid if he beat Sin for good, the dream world would end and you would be lost."

"And if we beat Sin now, will I be lost?"

"I'm not certain. But I know you're more than a dream now."

"Like Tidus?" Raine said, unconvinced. "Real enough to become Sin, I suppose."

Auron stepped out of the light, into the veil of darkness where Raine was. The wind from the gorge was nasty and he feared it was strong enough to make Raine lose her balance.

"We've been over this, Raine. Becoming Sin was his choice," he said as softly as he could, but he hated wasting words on repeat conversations.

"You're wrong. He didn't have a choice."

He had enough sense to realize she had seen something in his Pyreflies to make her reach this conclusion, but as Auron tried to think back to events twelve years passed, to recall something he might have said to Tidus, nothing came to mind. "What do you mean?" he had to ask because her pregnant pause made it clear she wouldn't continue without prompt.

"What's nobler, Auron? Suicide or sacrifice?"

Auron opened his mouth but nothing came out. Did she want him to answer? He dreaded rash action if he gave an answer she didn't want to hear.

"Sacrifice, right?" she said. "Because suicide is selfish, isn't it?"

"Raine—"

"Right?!"

He stopped because she had never raised her voice to him before. Her voice actually lost its integrity from the shrill strain of shouting and the echo came back as: Righ?! Righ?! Righ?!

"Yes," he whispered. She didn't want his pretext. She wanted him to listen.

"You think Tidus sacrificed himself for Spira? He couldn't live without Yuna, he said it himself. It wasn't sacrifice, Auron, it was suicide."

Auron didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. Maybe it was suicide for Tidus, but what did that matter now? Was she trying to justify her own attempt? Somehow twist around the semantics to make it seem sacrificial? He wouldn't accept that.

"You told Tidus my father thought becoming Sin would give his life meaning. So you tell me...does anyone fight Sin with true sacrifice in mind?"

It was on the tip of Auron's tongue to say he fought with true sacrifice, but thought against it. "Yuna did."

"I'm not Yuna," she said ominously. "And I'm not you. Yunalesca turned you down the first time, but you want to try again, don't you?"

"Raine—"

"Don't you?!" she screeched with a demanding hop. It nearly gave Auron a heart attack as the ledge released another slice of snow with a soft poof!

Auron pressed his lips together and stayed quiet. There was that heartbreaking catch in her scream again that reminded him to speak only truths now. "Yes," he mumbled.

"You want to manipulate the odds in your favor. That's why we're doing the pilgrimage alone. That's why you married me."

Before embarrassing herself further, Raine flattened her lips from their expectant pucker. Auron stepped back, revolved a quarter turn to the priest to wait for the end of the ceremony. Beside herself, Raine did the same. Tears pierced her eyes, but she managed to hold her dignity together. At least the only people who saw her get burned by her own...husband...were her aunt and the priest of a temple she'd never been in before. And soon, they would be in Spira, where they would spend their honeymoon on a pilgrimage to Sin.

She just didn't realize how soon.

Grandly plethoric, the priest lifted his arms, apparently used to a much larger audience. "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

The floor vibrated under Raine's pumps. Auron felt it too and glanced down at her.

"Say goodbye to your aunt," Auron muttered, gesturing a thanks to the priest.

"Right now?"

"Right now."

Raine turned around and rushed to the first pew, where her aunt was already on her feet, looking out the windows inquiringly, alerted by the shaking. She smiled warmly at Raine when she noticed her approach.

"I guess we're leaving," Raine said casually. She did not yet realize the portal to Spira was already generating outside. She had misinterpreted Auron's impatience for anticipation of their wedding night and had she understood this, she would have given her aunt a truly proper goodbye.

"Okay," Naya said, suppressing a warble in her voice. "Why don't you come over tomorrow? I'll make dinner for the three of us."

"That sounds really great," Raine said, feeling Auron's hand come around her elbow and lightly tug.

Naya smiled at Auron and he responded with a curt nod.

Behind Raine, something clanked, some chapel paraphernalia falling off the stone ledges as the shaking increased.

Without looking back, Auron said, "We're expected."

"Okay, okay. Bye Aunt Naya," Raine called, waving as Auron nearly dragged her down the center aisle.

As they left the chapel, Auron let her go to shrug his arm out of his cloak and stopped by the last pew, where his katana was lying flat on the seat. He pried his wedding ring off his finger and stuffed it into a pocket on the inside of his cloak. Raine was baffled how something so simple could bruise her feelings so much. He reached over the side of the pew to grab his katana, tested the weight and ushered her out of the chapel.

"You were rude to my aunt," Raine teased.

Auron said nothing.

In the main corridor, paintings dropped off the wall and plaster began to sprinkle down from the ceilings.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic you don't come with a mother-in-law, but you still have to be nice to my aunt."

"I need you to focus," Auron said. "It might get dangerous when we get outside, so I want you to stay where I can see you."

"More Sinspawn?"

"Probably."

"I wish you had told me this was it, I would have told my aunt not to worry."

Auron stopped. Raine stopped.

"Forget about your aunt," Auron grated crossly. "Forget about everything here. You need to leave this world behind."

Raine bristled at Auron's asperity, but didn't argue and allowed him to pull her brusquely down the hall. How could she say no now? She had asked to go with him.

"I knew it." Another nerve wracking stamp of her foot, but at least it didn't loosen anymore bracket of snow. "I knew something didn't feel right."

Auron feared Raine was talking about him, but he didn't ask her to elucidate in case he was right.

"I never thought in a million years you'd agree to marry me. What does Sir Auron need with a wife, anyway? You wanted to keep sleeping in separate rooms and you evaded me every time I approached you and I just kept thinking it would be different once we were married. Who would have thought? Auron, Legendary Guardian, defeater of Sin, world class swordsman...liked to take things slow."

Auron smiled faintly, but it drained quickly.

"That's why I thought you wanted a quick wedding. I mean, I knew you had to go back to Spira soon and that probably had something to do with it, too, but you wouldn't even kiss me properly at the wedding and it was all business as soon as we got here. Then Rin said something about a honeymoon suite and I got my hopes up again. I tried to make it so easy for you, I even got the dress with a zipper, but when we were upstairs alone you wouldn't even...touch me." Her speech weakened at the end and her hand covered her heart, pressing on some internal wound.