Everything Looks Better Ch. 10

Something unraveled in him and he hoped it was too dark for her to see his bleak expression. Auron couldn't dispute it. His marriage was more of a gesture to Yunalesca than it was to Raine, more or less to auspicate the pilgrimage.

Raine told him flatly this wasn't the married life she envisioned and it had occurred to him he should have indulged her with an appropriate wedding night before thrusting an Enchanted Rod in her hands and shoving her into the battlefield. I've always thought actions speak louder than words, he had said after their first round of consummation, which had been a pathetic way to avoid telling her he loved her, but it was all he could manage at the time. He knew she was willing to go the distance with him, he surmised it when she brazenly inserted her finger into her wedding ring to make it known she intended to stay married. She expected him to be a husband to her, but it was more than getting over that first stumbling block of physical contact; he had to keep their honesty and trust intact.

"I'm committed to you, Raine, please believe that."

"You're committed to the pilgrimage as my Guardian," she said with an edge. "It's always been about the pilgrimage. It's why Tidus sent you here, you said that. You made me love you so I would come to Spira with you."

Auron wanted to laugh at that, but didn't dare. He hadn't the faintest idea why she loved him and he had been fighting it for as long as he could remember.

"It's more than that," Auron said. "After tonight, you must know it is."

She shook her head, smiling without humor. "Even Yunalesca knows an unconsummated marriage isn't really a marriage."

"Raine, be reasonable. Marrying you had multiple benefits, for me and for the pilgrimage."

"Multiple benefits?" she repeated, both words said with derisive emphasis.

Nothing he said was right, so the next thing out of his mouth was out of surrender. "Do you want me to quit? Is that what this is about?"

"No, I don't want you to quit," she mumbled.

"Then do you want to quit?"

"No!" She bounced from foot to foot for circulation and another clump of snow dropped off the cliff side. "That's my brother out there! I can't quit."

"Well, I can't quit either."

Raine sighed unsteadily. She spoke slowly to keep calm. "I'm not asking you to quit. But when I choose you as my final Aeon, are you going to do it as a sacrifice? Or suicide?"

Auron felt his brows coming together. He wanted to ask the difference, but he knew already. What he really wanted to ask was what she thought the difference was. "Sacrifice. But you know I would give my life for you."

"Because it's your duty, right?"

"Right," he said with conviction.

He could tell by her deflated body language it was not what she wanted to hear, but Auron didn't understand what she wanted. Was it not enough he would protect her with his life? He married her, didn't he? He didn't know how to give more. Damn Yevon, if she would just step away from the gorge, he could think straight. The fearless way she stood by the edge put him at great unease, as if falling would be a happy accident.

"I found my mother when she died, did you know that?"

Auron lifted his chin in concern. He didn't know that.

"Tidus had gone to school early for Blitzball practice. You must have gone with him. I woke up for school at the usual time. Mother was asleep. She usually slept late, but she would wake up enough to tell me to have a good day at school before I left. I went in to check on her, but she must have died in the night. Later, the autopsy showed no real cause of death. She just...died."

Right. Broken heart.

She's strong like her father, but she loves like her mother.

It consumes her.

Auron wasn't even sure if he knew what that meant. To be consumed by love.

"When you left and didn't come back, I think I just lost it. I blocked some of it out. I don't remember anything a couple weeks before I...you know."

Auron saw her rubbing her wrist with her thumb and he nodded.

"I hoped you were dead," she said, talking in monotone as if she was dead herself. "I mean really dead, not just unsent. That was the only way I could move on. I agreed to marry Jory, but he said if he ever saw you and me together again the marriage would be off and that was fine with me. You know what he used to say to me? He used to say that you always got the best of me. I'm still not really sure what that means. But that night when you returned, I knew I couldn't go back to just being friends and that's why I told you had to go. I guess I was hoping for some kind of grand gesture."

If you aren't able to be consumed by her, then you should let her go.

Auron rolled his eyes and wondered if asking her not to marry Jory would have counted as a grand gesture. He speculated the gesture would have to be a lot grander now, but there was nothing he could think to do. They were already married and it had been legitimized. The only thing left was....

"Raine, you know I lo—"

"Don't say it." In the hazy light, he could see she was shaking her head. "I don't want to hear it right now."

Then there was nothing he could do or say to make it right. Maybe Aunt Naya was right. Maybe he should let her go.

Raine sniffed from the cold. Her elbows came up and Auron realized she was pulling on her finger.

"What are you doing?" Auron asked.

She flung something into the gorge, but it made no sound. Her ring.

Auron stomped forward once. "Raine!"

She stuffed a hand into the front of the red cloak, first the right side, then the left. She was looking for his ring. He'd put it in his coat this morning after the ceremony.

"Don't, Raine."

She must have found it because her arm swung forward again and Auron felt a tug in his chest, like she'd thrown his heart into the ravine. I love you indubitably, it read on the inscription. It was a worthless ring without a single magical property, yet the finality of it was unbearable. His legs ached and he fell to his knees, forming craters in the crust of the snow.

"If you're going to be my final Aeon, I want it to be on our own merit," Raine muttered.

Auron was slow to nod until he wrapped his head around what she was saying. He was confident their bond was strong enough without trinkets to prove it, maybe not as solid as Raine wanted, but it would be enough to appease Yunalesca. It sounded like Raine wanted to finish the pilgrimage, but Auron didn't like the widening wedge between them and he had only himself to blame for it. "I can live with that."

In the distance, there was the faint crackle of ice as the frozen lake of Macalania shifted. It was a remote sound and it seemed to accentuate the silence between them. Raine sniffed again, but he couldn't tell if it was from the cold.

"I hate it when we fight," she whispered.

He scowled. Is that what this was? A fight? If this was a fight, he really didn't want to know what a failing marriage was like because that's what he thought was happening here. He dreaded this was only the first of many encounters to come, him explaining why he'd left out some key detail, her frustrations with his resigned intimacy. It seemed this was a battle they'd been having forever. She aimed to complicate, he strived for simplicity. "Me too" was all he said.

After another long yawn of quiet, Auron was about to ask her to come inside, but he was stopped by a tiny giggle. Auron looked up with a frown. "Raine?"

She answered with a light laugh, loud enough for the canyon to throw back at them in echo.

"What's so funny?"

"You are so stupid," she laughed.

Auron failed to find the humor. "Why is that?"

"I'm sorry," she said, but what she said next was broken with uncontainable snickers. "What kind of unsent...teaches his wife...the sending dance?"

He tried to remain stoic, but her giggles were infectious. He gave in to a snort. "You're enjoying this."

"That's just asking for trouble, don't you think?"

"I suppose you're right." He smothered a grin, but a chuckle snuck by.

"You had best get used to walking on eggshells, my dear. You don't want to make me mad and send you to the Farplane!"

Auron laughed at the stars and the gorge could not keep up with tossing back their mirth. Raine covered her face with his red sleeves to hold in her amusement, but those sleeves suddenly shot out sideways for balance as the earth shook. It was a single, lurching tremor that Auron felt through his knees and had to catch the snow in front of him as if to steady the world with his own hands. Raine's equilibrium faltered as a chunk of ice under her foot crumbled away from the cliff, but she saved it, teetering on one foot. She looked up at Auron and sagged with relief.

Enough of this. "Come to me," Auron said, clipped. "Quickly."

Auron's arms floated away from his body to accept her, but when the tremors started again, Auron could hear the ice snapping far away and heavy snow broke away from the ledges, including the cornice directly under Raine.

Raine shrieked and Auron launched headfirst, but she dropped into the dark gorge, leaving just the clawing tracks of her fingers when they had raked though the snow.

"I thought you said there would be Sinspawn," Raine said, outside on the Dome steps.

"There should be. Keep your eyes open. And stay by me."

It had darkened stormy-gray since she was last outside. Some Dome employees on their mid-day breaks had stood, some remained seated, but they were all staring to the western sky at the white goblet of light and in a strange illusion of refraction, the skyscrapers around it seem to lean into the glare. Chunks of stone, brick and plaster broke off nearby buildings and flew up the bright vacuum and as Raine followed the debris into the sky with her eyes, she realized a massive anomaly had entered the atmosphere, shadowing all of downtown Zanarkand in a great eclipse.

"It's so high. How will we reach it?"

Her husband smirked down at her. "You'll see."

They ran down the steps together. There was panic in the streets, traffic backed up on every block, trains stopped, and citizens fleeing their machina vehicles, darting indoors. The streets were clear of Sinspawn, but it was the sky aberration they were afraid of because they had all seen it before, twelve years ago, when Sin destroyed the Blitzball stadium and slurped up half the skywalk system in its wake. Auron weaved through the gridlock, squeezing between cars. For a moment, the buildings blocked sight of the portal, but as they sprinted down the avenue, the portal came back into view. Auron stopped short and grabbed her arm to wrench her back.

The city block of 400 and a corner of 500 had been completely leveled, the buildings crushed and the rubble sucked up into the bright white pillar. Even the dust had been filtered. Across the street, a couple parked cars jerked from the gravity, their wheels screeching on the brick street, until they surrendered and cartwheeled up into the gateway and were gone. Raine could feel the magnitude of the pull and—of all things—it was her toes and calves that ached, her body resisting the compulsion to fall forward, the balls of her feet combatting for balance.

"All those people..." Raine gasped, staring at the empty space where there was once a building full of occupants.

"Forget about them." Auron swung her around by her elbow so that she faced him. "This is it. Once we're in the portal, there is no coming back. The experience might be different for you than it is for me."

"Why?"

Without the cover of his collar, Raine watched as his lips parted indecisively, but when words didn't come out, he pressed them together again. Finally he said, "It just will be. Listen, we might get separated." Something in her face made him hold up his hand to either shush her preemptively or to calm her. "I will find you, I promise."

"What should I do?"

"Just...use your best judgment. Go where there are other people and stay there. And whatever you do, don't tell them you're from Zanarkand. Tell them you lost your memory if anyone asks questions you don't know how to answer."

Raine nodded and they began to walk towards the light. The closer they got, the more Raine had to fight to stay on her feet, and she crept forward, leaning back, like walking down a steep hill. "Should I tell people I know you?"

Auron seemed to give that serious thought and a moment later he shook his head yes. "That should be fine. It might help us find each other."

She staggered forward uncontrollably and pulled herself back, gravity fluctuating, pulsing, and she felt like she was on a conveyor belt that kept switching directions. The portal throbbed with sonic energy, pulsing in time with the sound of its own drive and it pressed through her ears and squeezed her brain. It smarted to look directly at it.

Auron led her to the middle of the empty street and as the fear of going through the portal swelled, she resisted his tug without meaning to. Her husband glanced down at her, and she forced a nod, even though her whole body was quivering. She clutched at the fabric of his cloak as she lost her footing and they turned sideways to edge closer and Raine's legs shook as her feet levitated off the ground, like she was standing on an invisible, wobbly tight-rope just a few inches off the street.

"Auron, Auron!" she shrieked, panicking, her fingers digging into his arms.

"I got you," he said and yanked her back down. He squeezed her against him, planted a quick kiss on her temple. "Now go."

Moving swiftly, Auron clasped his hands around her waist and flung her into the portal's orbit and Raine's limbs windmilled as she watched in horror as the ground—and Auron—soared away from her.

Auron was right. Her experience in the portal was different than his.

Someone was calling for him, but it was faint compared to Auron's own screaming as he shouted Raine's name down into the frozen canyon. Not until someone shook his shoulder did it occur to him to stop.

"Sir Auron!"

The Guardian was on his belly, reaching down into the chasm with one arm, holding a spike of ice jutting from the ledge so that he didn't slip down. For now, the tremors had stopped.

Beside him, Rin kicked a flurry of snow into Auron's face as he dropped onto his knees. "Here, use this."

The innkeeper clicked on a machina hand light, accidentally shining it in Auron's eyes as he handed it over. Fumbling with it, Auron trained a shaky beam down into the darkness. The light didn't reach the bottom and showed only the dusting of snow flakes suspended in dark empty space. Rin scooted close to the edge on his hands and knees, staring straight down.

"Raine!" Auron shouted once and listened.

"What's that?" Rin said.

"Where?"

Rin pointed and Auron shifted his elbow on the ground to aim the light vertically along the gorge's icy wall.

"I don't see anything," Auron said with a chord of distress.

"Hear that?" Rin asked, facing Auron suddenly so he could tilt his ear into the gorge.

Auron didn't hear anything in the chasm, but he did hear the bell over the door back at the inn, followed by the crunch of boots on sidewalk salt.

"Did you feel that quake?" someone asked.

Rin left Auron's side to attend to his inn guests, the low mutter of conversation fading into background noise as Auron continued shooting light in every direction. A slow build of fear choked him and as the notion of leaving the Travel Agency solo became real, it left a bitter taste on his tongue.

His name, mousy and faded, came to his ears and he flicked the beam around the chasm faster. "Raine?"

"Down here!"

Two sets of boots approached Auron's left and right. "What happened?" asked one.

"Someone fall?" asked the other.

Auron didn't recognize them, but he assumed they were Guardians.

"Hey, you're Sir Auron, aren't you?" asked the boots on his left. "Is that your Summoner down there?"

Auron growled, irritated with both of them. Footfalls grated along the walkway as more agency guests came to investigate.

"There's nothing to see here," someone else said and Auron dreaded more onlookers to see what a failed Guardian looked like. "Mind your own Summoners."

Auron glanced up as the two Guardians walked away, replaced by another. Auron was relieved to see Barthello. The squinty-eyed Guardian lowered to one knee next to Auron, laid a gloved hand on his shoulder.

"Keep calm," Barthello said.

"If anything happens to her—" Auron said, finished with an impatient jerk of his shoulder, trying to shake off Barthello's gesture of comfort.

Barthello dug his fingers into Auron's shoulder. Auron looked up at Barthello's perpetual glare.

"Panicking is not going to help," Barthello said with an exaggerated poignancy Auron didn't appreciate at first.

When it clicked, Auron lowered his eye sheepishly. "Guard your emotions, then guard your Summoner," Auron said, recalling advice he had given Barthello during his last pilgrimage, when Dona was lost to the Al Behd. Auron had nearly forgotten.

"Shall we search?"

Auron gave him a determined nod and focused the light on the place he heard the sound, inching the machina lamp around in concentrated circles, a flash of his red cloak entering the scope for a split second. Trembling feverishly, he leaned further over the side, searching with the light and when he found her again, his vision blurred with hot tears of relief.

Crawling forward on his belly, he kept the light trained on Raine. She was on a ledge about 15 feet down, sitting stiff with her back to the wall. He couldn't believe he had missed her during his first few passes with the light, but a flustered search was not a very good search at all.

"Step aside, please," Rin said, squeezing through. He kneeled down to Auron's other side and snapped the price tag off a coil of rope and handed it over. "No charge."

Auron scowled. "Thanks," he mumbled. He untwisted the rope and reserved one end of the rope for the bow-tie as his fingers nimbly made a loop for Raine to put around herself when he lowered it down.

Rin looked down into the gorge. "She's saying something."

Auron kneeled forward. He couldn't hear anything but the chatter behind him. A throng of Summoners and Guardians had gathered in the snow yard and it seemed everyone was interested in the Legendary Guardian's Summoner and how she fell into the chasm.

"What, Raine?" he called down to her.

"...is...ear...."

"Did you hear that?" Auron muttered to Rin.

Rin shook his head.

"...in...is...ear...."

"Quiet!" Auron barked over his shoulder.

Everyone stopped yammering on about the tremors and the lost novitiate Summoner and looked over curiously. Auron peered over the side of the chasm again.

"Say it again, Raine!" Auron waited, holding his breath to hear. In the crowd, someone coughed and someone else sniffed, but otherwise the area was quiet. A gust of wind came out of the gorge. Through the rustle of agitated Pyreflies behind his eyes, Auron abstractedly thought about how warm the breeze was and he instantly knew what she was saying.

"Sin...is...here!"

Auron and Rin looked at each other and the ground began to shake.

"Wake up, Raine the Brain."

Raine found herself flying at night.

Not flying, she realized.

Swimming.

The air moved like water, suspended her afloat like water and shimmered like water, but there was less resistance and breathing seemed optional. For her, swimming lessons had been more suggestive than instructive. She was no offspring of Jecht if she didn't at least know how to swim underwater and her breaststroke kick seemed the most efficient, gliding her forward longer and faster than any sphere pool she'd been in, before she had to restart the catch of propulsion. With boundless energy, she paddled not unlike a frog, swimming upwards, until she realized there might not be a surface. So she angled downwards instead.