F6: Bliss

"Milk the beast?" Lisbeth gasped wide eyed at the lewd expression. In the end, she turned to her mother who had sat quietly to the side smiling at the women who were enjoying the rare night they had to discuss such things openly and without shame.

"The last time we had one of these gatherings old Rowena told me to get down and kiss it, even suck on it like a nice piece of honeycomb," Ruth divulged to the small group who remained late into the night. "My husband thought I had become possessed of the devil but he enjoyed it so much he didn't care if I was Satan himself," she cackled loudly.

The chiming of the Assembly bell noted the hour to retire, and the women quickly gathered themselves and walked piously from the small cabin they had been allotted for women's things. Children were birthed in this cabin, women's health problems were seen to, and girls on their coming of age spent a day here with their mothers before being taken to the dormitory. As the women began to file out of the cabin, her mother held her back.

"Do not put much stock in most of what they have said," she said quietly. "Let your husband be your guide and you will not find it a totally unpleasant experience. In fact, you may quite like it. It will hurt the first time but only the first time. There is nothing to be afraid of, trust me."

"Thank you mother," and in an impulsive moment she hugged the woman to her.

"Even as a small child you could not help but show your emotions physically," she smiled. "I am proud that you came from me. You will be a fine wife, and I am sure a good mother. I wish you sons so you will not have to give them up as I had to give you to the council." Her face clouded momentarily. "Promise me that you are happy, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy," there was genuine anguish in her voice, and she looked around furtively. "Not everyone belongs here, you must be true to yourself, or you will live a life of misery." She turned then and fled from her daughter knowing she had said too much.

Lisbeth watched her go with an incredulous look. On the eve of her marriage, that was not the advice she had thought to receive from her quiet, pious mother. She went to bed with visions of trying to milk a beast between the legs of Gabriel. It was hard to imagine despite the lurid descriptions given to her that something so big could be hidden in their trousers. The longer she tossed and turned in wakeful wondering the more curious she became, and she found she was quite looking forward to her wedding night, but she was also scared of what being married would mean for her.

She needed to talk to Gabriel, not in the strict formal way they carefully observed in front of everyone but really talk to him about what it was he dreamed doing with his life. She knew he would be content here with a family and community but maybe just maybe, like her he thought about the outside sometimes. Looking out of her window, she could see dim light radiating from a dying fire behind the meeting hall where the residences lay. Of course, the men would have had a similar evening to prepare Gabriel as she had enjoyed with the women.

Telling herself that they couldn't punish a married woman, and it was only a matter of hours before she would be beyond the reach of the dormitory mistresses Lisbeth pulled on her coat and tiptoed from her room. Filled with adrenaline, she kept to the shadows and skirted the buildings heading toward the dim light of the dying fire. Not even in her wildest moments had ever snuck out at night, and she felt more excited than nervous as she crept on silent, bare feet unfeeling of the cold as the adrenalin pumped through her body.

Lisbeth peered around the corner of a darkened house and saw two figures, one the large muscled torso of Gabriel, his handsome profile made more so in the flickering firelight, the other his father who seemed to sag under the weight of the night sky. As if sensing hr presence Gabriel turned to look in her direction his eyes widening as she stepped out into his view and signalled to him.

"Well father I think it must be time for sleep, you go on in, and I will put this out," he said amiably.

"You're a good man, my son. I am proud to be your father, and I know you will have sons to be proud of now too," Frances murmured his voice heavy with exhaustion. "I should stay to put out the coals."

"I will not sleep much tonight, Father," Gabriel smiled self-consciously. "Let me take care of it, there is no point in both of us being awake all night."

""Okay, okay, try and get some sleep, my son," Frances got to his feet and kicked a boot of dirt over the glowing embers to help them cool off faster. Gabriel too got to his feet and walked his father to their home before returning to the coal pit and kicking more dirt onto the glowing embers. Turning his back on where he knew Lisbeth stood be unbutton his trousers and pissed on the coals willing them to die faster because he did not want to walk away before they were sufficiently doused.

Lisbeth watched and waited for long moments leaning against the wall in the shadow and watching the man who would be her husband by the end of the day. She didn't want to hurt him, but she had to be honest with him about her yearning for a taste of the freedoms of the world outside their small community. She wouldn't tell him all of it, though, definitely not the part about her escape plans, but she wanted him to know what as in her head and heart before he took her to be his wife. She needed him to understand and accept who she was, the good and the bad facets of her personality.

"What are you doing here?" Gabriel whispered as he finally approached her and took her hand pulling her into the darkness behind his home.

"I needed to talk to you," she replied suddenly unsure of herself in the face of his obvious disapproval.

"We have a lifetime to talk that is a promise ring on your finger, not a wedding ring. What would the council say if they caught us?" he demanded.

"I dunno, what? Make us get married for being together without a chaperone?" She realised how absurd that sounded and laughed softly.

"I have always known life with you would be unpredictable, but you take such big risks," he sighed giving a half smile enjoying the sound of her musical laugh. "You are not like the other women here, you were always some kind of wonderful, even when we were kids."

"I was?" Lisbeth was taken aback. She remembered being in trouble often for bending the rules or going into area's children were not allowed. She never paid attention to her lessons and the only things she managed small successes in were music and singing.

"Yes you were," he said softly. "I think I fell in love with you when you found that big lizard and brought it to lessons in your coat pocket."

"No one would have even known it was there if it had just stayed put," she said defensively. Then she looked up at him, "I got in a lot of trouble that day, and you fell in love me?"

"I think it was the way you cared more about what would happen to the lizard than you did about what would happen to you," he smiled and lifted his hand as if to touch her but withdrew it again.

"Gabriel we are going t be married in a few short hours," she took his hand in her own and laced her fingers through his. "I certainly hope we will be touching often today," she smiled up at him in the moonlight, and he seemed to relax.

"It's all I can think about," he admitted. Sure that he as blushing Lisbeth reached up her other hand to touch his cheek feeling the heat in it.

"Me too," Lisbeth laughed.

"Is that why you came?" Gabriel seemed shocked by her words.

"No, well not exactly, I wanted to talk to you about the stuff that makes me different from the other girls I guess. I needed to know you understood that I couldn't be like, well like Selena or Mina," she said measuring her words.

"I'm glad about that," Gabriel said quietly. "I have already told you that is exactly why I love you."

Lisbeth felt the pressure to respond, but she couldn't say it, how could she say she loved him when she still planned to leave him. She hadn't let herself think about love here in the commune. She knew to stay here would mean marriage and she knew deep down that she was lucky that to have caught the eye of this good and strong man when she had a reputation for being a bit wild and unruly. Still that seemed to be why he loved her. Without thinking, she reached up and kissed him, brushing her lips over his softly and feeling them part in an audible gasp.

"You go too far," Gabriel groaned, but his arm curled around her waist. He looked into her eyes searching them and bent his head to kiss her harder wanting to taste those lips and feel her body against his.

Surprised but not frightened by his sudden ardour Lisbeth kissed him back and leaned in against him as he pulled her closer. She could feel all of the muscles in his arms and chest pressing against her making her feel small and fragile.

"I just didn't want you to wake up tomorrow expecting me to be the perfect wife and mother. I mean I. . ." she whispered breathlessly when he broke the passionate kiss only to have her words cut off as he kissed her a second time.

"I know you," he groaned softly. "I know that life with you will be anything but ordinary, but that is what I want. I want you, like this, more than anything right now, but I want you as my wife, first of all, so we have to go now before we ruin what promises to be a wonderful wedding night." He took her hand then and looked around walked with her in the shadows back to the dormitory.

"See you in a few hours," she whispered reaching up to kiss him one last time. The kiss was shorter but ended in a tight embrace. "I love you too," she said in hushed, nervous tones and then fled across the small gap and quietly went into the door. On silent feet, she stole up to her room and climbed into bed lying there staring at the ceiling and wondering why she had said she loved him and marveled at the bulge in his trousers that grew each time they kissed until the first rays of dawn stained the sky.

She sat up and looked at the dress that had been created the night before by the women of the commune. The yarn used in its weaving was bleached a brilliant white and looked strange to her in comparison to the dull blues and greys of the tunics that were everyday wear in the commune. She took the contraband pages from the hollow post of her bed and looked at them for the last time.

"How can I love and want to marry Gabriel Blackman when I yearn for the freedom of a life away from here," she asked herself looking at the pages showing pictures of men and women wearing brightly coloured clothes and strappy shoes with heels rather than the utilitarian boots, she had known all her life. "What choice do I have?" She knew that to refuse would mean hurting a man who loved her with all her faults as well as possible sanctions for being seen as too ungrateful, too fussy or even too vain. She couldn't risk being held back from the trip to Pastor Phillip's Assembly. She just hoped Gabriel would not go back on his word and try to stop her from going on that trip. She had forgotten to ask him about that, but she didn't think he would now.

The curiosity laced excitement she had felt with the dawn of her wedding day quickly evaporated as she saw the future freedoms she yearned for evaporating in the same way in the cold light of morning. Still she knew she had to go through the motions regardless of how she was feeling, so she got up and went down the hall to the bathroom to prepare herself.

"I knew you would be here early to take all the hot water," Selena hissed from behind her as she walked through the bathroom door slamming the door shut making Lisbeth jump and squeal in surprise. "You always take the best of everything without a thought for the rest of us, not even your only friend Abigail. Poor thing, whatever will she do now that you are to be married to the boy she loves."

"Oh and I thought you might be here to ask to be one of my maids today. Too bad I had such a pretty dress made with you in mind," she seemed to consider Selena as the girl fought for words. "Oh well, I am sure with a few pins Emily will fit it quite nicely."

"You liar," Selena spluttered.

"You said yourself I only take the best Selena. Are you telling me you are not the best of the girls here?" Lizbeth stripped off her sleep shirt and turned on the hot spray of the shower. "Go away Selena you have upset me enough already on the morning of my wedding." Lisbeth moved under the spray and closed her eyes blocking out the girl from her thoughts.

The slap that hit her cheek came without warning, hard and fast, knocking Lisbeth from her feet and causing her to hit her head hard against the wall. Dazed and confused she lay in the bottom of the shower stall watching the bare feet of Selena Goodman flee the room before everything went black.

Abigail had been roused by the chaotic noise in the corridors outside her room, and she padded to the door to look out sleepily at what was happening. A small group of girls hovered around the door to Lisbeth's room, and she panicked that her friend had fled during the night rather than face being married and chained to this commune for the rest of her life. She felt disappointment at having been left behind, then anger softened with the knowledge that Gabriel would remain a bachelor.

"It's her word against Selena's," Mina said in her high pitched whine, trying to protect her friend from muttered accusations in the small group.

"Give it up Mina you were both seen leaving the bathroom before Becky found her and got help," Lucy groaned and rolled her eyes. "You'll be in as much trouble as her if you don't start telling the truth about what happened."

"What happened?" Abigail cried her anger replaced by anxiety.

"Yeah Mina, what happened?" Lucy asked, her arms folded across her breast and a scowl on her face.

"I don't know I was only the lookout," Mina said in a tremulous voice.

"Heavens!" Abigail exclaimed and pushed her way through the small group to see Lisbeth lying prone on the bed a large egg continuing to swell on her head and the side of her face turning blue. "Liss!" she cried and fell at the side of the bed clutching her hand.

The medic held her other hand at the wrist and consulted his watch. He frowned and turned to the window. He made a few gestures with his fingers to whoever was waiting below. Then he returned to his contemplation of her pulse.

The dormitory mistresses moved the girls away from the room and herded them towards their normal morning duties and breakfast.

"There is nothing you can do here Abigail," the medic told her gently. "I have called for the ambulance she will be well cared for, I promise." He helped her to her feet.

"An ambulance?" That was almost unheard of in their commune. The medic could heal most things and set broken bones.

"An x-ray is all, just to be sure," he reassured her in a soothing voice. "Now go and do what is needed before you get yourself into trouble." He lied easily to the girl. He was concerned that Lisbeth wasn't waking up and prayed it was just a severe concussion and not anything more sinister.

Abigail had barely had time to dress before hearing heavy footfalls on the stairs, peeking out of her room she saw two men walking into the room in which Lisbeth lay with large bags and what looked like a large silver sled. It was barely more than two minutes later when they left again carrying Lizbeth's lifeless body on the sled. Abigail rushed from her room to follow them down the stairs to the waiting ambulance, tears streaming from her eyes. A large figure loomed before her blocking her view and stopping her in her tracks. She looked up into the ashen face of Gabriel Blackman.

"What happened to her?" he demanded.

"I don't know Abigail cried, "The girls said it was Selena and Mina. She won't wake up Gabriel! She won't wake up!" She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

* * * *

Lisbeth woke up in a strangely white room. Tubes ran from her chest and wrists to stands beside her both foreign and frightening in appearance. She gasped and tried to sit up alerting those around her to her wakefulness and was immediately hit by a blinding headache and a wave of nausea she had not expected. She felt rather than saw the hands encouraging her to lie back again. Her head sank back into the pillows gratefully.

"Relax Liss, lie back you're in the hospital," the soothing voice of her mother sounded in her ear as footsteps hurried on hard tiled floors. Slowly opening her eyes she looked at her mother, trying to comprehend what was happening and why she felt like a horse had kicked her in the head.

"I see you're awake," a man in a white jacket said approaching her bed. "Can you tell me your name?" He shone a small light into her eyes and studied her waiting for the answer.

"Lisbeth Firestone," She said uncertainly.

"Do you know where you are?" The man, who Liss presumed was a doctor now, asked.

"In a hospital?" She sounded as unsure as she felt.

"That's right," he smiled gently. "Can you tell us how you got that nasty bump on your head?"

"I ... I don't remember hitting my head," Lisbeth blinked and lifted a hand to her face feeling the swelling.

"It may come back to you," he said kindly. "You've been asleep for a while, so it's only natural you are still a bit foggy." He checked her eyes again, and she couldn't help notice that his friendly demeanour with touched with an edge of concern. "What do you remember?" he asked pleasantly as he stood and went to write on the chart at the end of her bed.

"Well," she considered the question. "I couldn't sleep because... Oh gosh, Gabriel!" Her eyes flew wide, and she looked at her mother.

"He waits for you," her mother said softly squeezing the hand she held. "We can talk about that later, answer the doctor."

"I couldn't sleep," she repeated, "So I got up early to shower and wash my hair." She took a breath and frowned finding that the movement hurt her face. "Selena Goodman came in, and we argued. I told her to leave me alone and put my head under the water," she stopped thinking about what happened next. "She slapped me," her fingers touched the unbruised cheek, at least that's what it felt like and then..." she concentrated willing her memory to show her more but after some time stopped and looked up at the faces around her bed. "Then I don't remember anything until I woke up here just now."

"That fits with the story we were given when you came in," he nodded. "The slap probably knocked you off balance on the wet floor causing you to hit your head." He continued to nod and spoke as if to himself. "We'll start you off on a light diet and keep you under observation for a few more days before sending you home," he continued with the conversation that seemed more with himself than her.

"Thank you, doctor," she said softly feeling fatigue creep up on her again.

"Rest now while I talk with your mother," the doctor looked at her and gave her an encouraging smile.

Lisbeth watched as her mother stood and squeezed her hand before following the doctor from the room then closed her eyes to sleep again.

Over the next two days, she found that Selena claimed to have done nothing to her and that Lisbeth had probably slipped after she had left the room. With Lisbeth in a coma, there had been no one to argue with her story except Becky, who had found Lisbeth and saw the glowing handprint on her cheek but hadn't been in the bathroom when the argument happened to say for sure how Lisbeth fell. Lisbeth's recount of the argument, however, had pulled apart Selena's story, and she was now house bound until Lisbeth returned to face her attacker.