F6: Bliss

"When I grow up I want a cowboy

With dust all over his jeans

With a horse named Jack

And a ten-gallon hat

He is nice but looks so mean."

Lisbeth joined in tentatively at first but seeing Kasey's reaction of happy surprise she began to enjoy singing and harmonising with her. By the time, the song finished she had found she was disappointed that it was over.

"I think we found your duet partner for the awards night," Eric said cheerfully, "You two sound like you were meant to sing together."

"Oh Honey! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! How clever you are," Kasey said excitedly. "Bliss baby we are going to be spectacular! We'll need a new song and we'll have to head back as soon as possible to go and see Collette about costumes. There is so much to do!" She went to pick up her phone and begin making calls when Eric brought her back to reality.

"Darling, slow down, we have plenty of time it's not for another month or so," Eric soothed.

"Exactly we need two or three months to pull this together, and we only have a month to do it in," Kasey exclaimed.

"Let's get out of the way of the hurricane," Eric laughed and pulled Lisbeth over toward where he stood. "Let's get you some more music to listen to and see if you can pick up a few more tips from the master over there, while I go and talk to the captain about our change in plans.

From that moment on Lisbeth was swept up into other people's plans. She couldn't remember agreeing to sing with her grandmother in public. She certainly never agreed to change her look or the style of clothes she liked to wear now, not that she had a style exactly. She loved jeans and soft cotton blouses and after being made to change into a variety of glittering gowns that seemed to cling and slide over her body she finally spoke up, al-be-it quietly.

"Kasey, can't I just wear my jeans? I'm not comfortable in this," she admitted picking at the silver sequins of the dress she wore. She had thought she would love all the new clothes and new experiences, and she did to a point. She liked the freedom of the shorter skirts or jeans and thin blouses and even the soft T-shirts, but she also felt very exposed, more so than she thought she would have. New foods and new experiences every day kept her feeling off balance and overwhelmed. She was enjoying the life she really had nothing to complain about but it always seemed in the darkness of the early morning hours that something was missing.

She wondered what her mother had said to the council about her sudden departure to a city hospital as was the cover story, and why she had said she hadn't gone with her. She wondered how long she could stay away before being deemed a runaway and excommunicated. Most of all she wished she knew what Gabriel had thought and done when he heard the news. She wondered if he waited in the vain hope she would return. She couldn't imagine returning in the near future. She still had so much to see and do and learn. Guilt swept over her again as she remembered the promise she had made to her mother about returning to the commune.

Sitting up as the thoughts tumbled in her head keeping sleep from her tired eyes she turned on the music that she had been listening to night and day since her grandparents had decided that she should sing at an even with her grandmother. She let the music lull her into slumber as she sang along letting the words and melody overtake her thoughts.

It seemed like she had been asleep mere minutes when her alarm went off heralding the start to another rigorous day. Groaning she slid from the crisp white sheets and padded softly to the bathroom. She looked into the mirror with bleary eyes and tried to recognise the girl there as the girl she had been less than a month before. Her hair although still long now had unnaturally bright highlights that even if she had lived on the beach for a year never would have come to her hair unbidden. It was also straightened to lifelessness and even in her sleep tussled state it hung perfectly down her back.

She smiled at the thought of having to hide wisps of hair that escaped her braids as a child. The impulsive, ragamuffin who always seemed to find trouble and leave mayhem and chaos in her wake was gone. In this world, her inappropriate need to touch others was welcome. Her joy over small pleasures didn't have to be hidden in case she was seen as being overemotional or spoilt. No one judged her here in this world. She could do as she pleased within reason, ask for anything and receive it.

She stepped into the hot shower and scrubbed herself down again. It didn't matter how many times she showered in a day now she never felt clean of the perfumes and potions her grandmother insisted the stylists use on her. She could hear rustling in her room as she turned the water off and grabbed a towel. Sighing she wrapped the towel around herself and went to sit in the chair of torture.

Once her hair and makeup were done, she went down to breakfast. Her diet was supervised and while she was never denied anything she wished when she put two pancakes on her plate rather than just one a small click of the tongue and flippant comment would come from Kasey.

"Gosh I wish I could eat like that but if I ate pancakes every morning I would be as big as a house," she would look meaningfully at Lisbeth.

"Don't be silly Darling," Eric would chime in. "You are just as beautiful as the day I met you and she is so young she needs the energy."

"Bad habits are hard to break," she would maintain her stance and Lisbeth would choose to eat the fruit and yoghurt that her grandmother favoured.

After breakfast, she had a guitar and voice lesson with a music coach. This was her favourite time of the day. She loved music and would endure all of grandmother's passive aggressive behaviours for the mornings spent with David. He made the music fun, and she quickly picked up the basic cords of some of the more well-known country songs. At the end of each lesson, she would strum along as she went through vocal exercises and honed her natural talent as a singer.

The afternoons she spent with her grandparents in practise and preparation for the event. The costume seemed the hardest obstacle to overcome. It seemed the outfits that were most flattering to Kasey did nothing for her or her complexion and vice versa. She overheard the wardrobe mistress with the makeup artist once complaining about temperamental has been artists trying to reclaim their youth through their children, and she felt sorry for Kasey, who she had never considered as old or has been. She had never known her when she was a rising star, so she had just assumed that she had always been this famous and universally adored by all.

She began to look more closely at the relationships her grandparents had with the people who constantly surrounded them. There was no doubt they loved each other which was evident in how they spoke to each other and how they touch constantly. A gentle but reassuring hand on the shoulder or back told of their closeness. It was their relationships with the others in their world that surprised her when she looked at them critically. These people were employees, staff, they neither loved nor hated Eric or Kasey, they were indifferent at best and complained often about Kasey's demanding nature.

Eric and Kasey lived in an isolated bubble for two and as much as they tried to bring her into their world and their bubble she had to admit she was different. She had grown up in a place where no one was isolated if anything the bubbles that people lived in overlapped too much. Everyone knew everyone else's business. There were few secrets in the commune and those that were kept by the council everyone knew about anyway. There was no chance of social isolation there but also no confusion about who you were and where you belonged. People may not have always got along but if there was a need everyone would help regards of their personal feelings. She wondered who would come to help Kasey and Eric if a disaster befell them.

Each day Lisbeth watched as Kasey seemed to alienate the very people who could and she thought would be her friends if she just took a little more time to talk to them instead of treating them as the hired help they were. As if to make up for her grandmother's lack of regard for them Lisbeth put in an extra effort with everyone, learning names, asking about their lives and loved ones. It didn't take long for the people who worked for them to begin to smile when she entered the room and offer to do little things for her that were generally outside the scope of their jobs.

The closer it came to the event in which they were to sing the tenser Kasey became, snapping at everyone including Lisbeth. Eric came to the rescue where the costumes were concerned bringing up old video clips of well-known duets where the women did not wear matching clothes just complimentary colours. With the costumes decided upon the final song list had to be agreed upon including their duet.

With time being so short, Eric suggested she practise two songs only, and Kasey could choose which she wanted to perform. He mediated between the two of them at every turn when Kasey's demands threatened to overwhelm Lisbeth. On one particular day when nothing Lisbeth did seemed to be right Eric seemed to reach breaking point himself.

"Bliss, could you go and see David I think he has a surprise for you?" He asked in measured tones as if holding something back.

"We are in the middle of something here!" Kasey yelled at him. "No, she can't go and see David until she gets this right!"

"She can and she will," Eric voice became stern and brooked no further argument. "Could you all give us a moment, please?"

Lisbeth was one of the last to leave as the people in the room hurried out of t door. As it shut, she could hear the argument that had begun.

"Do ou want her to run away too? Can't you see that you are pushing her too hard? She has no experience, and you are treating her like some seasoned backup singer!" Eric's voice seemed to be rising in volume with each sentence.

"Come on sweetie, you don't need to hear that," Kasey's assistant wrapped an arm around her shoulder a guided her away from the room to where David sat with the other members of the backing band. Tuning a guitar made from dark wood than usual with lighter coloured wood inlaid in a pattern she couldn't quite make out while his hands draped in front of it.

"Hey there sweetness, I thought you andKasey were practising with the backing track," David smiled as the two women approached.

"We were, but I was messing up, so we are taking a break. Eric said you had something for me?" Lisbeth tried to smile, but her thoughts worried at the argument she had heard. He looked inquisitively at the woman beside hr who nodded pulling a face and rolling her eyes heavenward.

"Sure do," He said happily. "Come over here and take a seat." He moved from the bar stool he had been seated on to tune the guitar. "Now hold this," he held out the guitar to her. "That's perfect," he watched her critically as she found the finger holds to strum a few basic chords.

"It's beautiful," she said softly enjoying the feel of it in her hands. "It seems smaller than the one Eric gave I am sure Kasey will love it. She often says the one she holds feels too big and heavy."

"It's not for Kasey, it's yours," David chuckled. "Its got your name on it."

"It's for me?" Lisbeth pulled it away from her body and looked at it properly. The inlaid lighter wood on the front depicted the stylised form of an angel and the word Bliss written in a decorative script. "It's so beautiful," she said her amazement at receiving such a gift evident in her voice.

"Kasey's old guitar was fine to learn on, but you need your own if you are going to appear on stage with her," David explained. "A buddy of mine made this for you. In record time I might add," he chuckled again.

Lisbeth slid from the chair and hugged him tightly before thinking about what she was doing. "Thank you so much! I can't believe you did this for me. I am just a girl from the country I am not a star like Kasey!" She shook her head as she left the embrace. "I'm sorry," she murmured. I didn't mean to..."

"Hug me? Sweetness you can hug me anytime you want," he continued to chuckle. "In fact you could hug anyone in the band that they would think themselves lucky." There was a murmur of affirmation, and she turned to look at them all blushing slightly with embarrassment. "Slow down there fella's the cue starts here." David joked.

"I grew up in a pretty strict place. I guess I am just not used to the freedom to do stuff like that yet," she said softly to deter and further shows of affection. She wasn't sure why had explained but felt it necessary. She had always been the one to go to far, but here she was seen as a conservative young woman. She hadn't realised how hard it would be to adjust to life outside the commune.

* * * *

"I wish to go and see the world and seek out Lisbeth Firestone. If she is beyond help, I will be there for her, and if she is recovering well I will bring her home," Gabriel said in a strong voice as he stood before the council. "It is my right as a man of this Assembly."

"And if she has been tainted or ruined by the outside world?" The pastor asked.

"Then we will know the answer to that question, and I will return to my family. I must know I'm heartsick at the thought of her being beyond help and alone in a strange city," Gabriel said earnestly. "I will take letters from her parents and friends, if sh is able she will return with me."

"You are among the best of us. We cannot risk you to the outside world. I vote no," Councillor Goodman said without sympathy.

"I have four strong sons who are equally skilled. We can spare Gabriel for this time and take up the slack left by his absence," Frances stepped forward.

"We do not help our community by alienating this young man. Each of us was young once and filled with the ardour of first love," another Councillor smiled. "I say yes."

The vote went on with each man saying their piece before voting.

* * * *

The days that followed the argument had been different with Kasey being less demanding and slower to become angry about the details that didn't match her wishes exactly. Lisbeth worked hard and practised continually to try and be all the things Kasey needed her to be. Her grandmother seemed to become more aloof though and aside of staged rehearsal barely spent any time with Lisbeth.

She harmonised easily and even when Kasey changed something mid-song was able to adjust seamlessly so as not to cause any further rift between her grandparents. It seemed she walked on eggshells now, and all the enjoyment she had found in music and singing seemed to drain from her as she became tense anytime she went near her grandmother. Even Eric's constant present seemed to disappear from her life, and she ate meals with the staff at the house or with the band members. She had never felt so distant from everything that was going on around her.

She began to feel homesick. Not so much for the place itself because she had never felt like she had belonged there as the others did but for her friends and family, and the knowledge that they believed she belonged there and with them. She knew she had a place in that community and though she may not have wanted or liked it at the time, she realised that she had belonged in a way shouldn't fathom until now and she had a man who had loved her for exactly who she as. She tried not to think about Gabriel, and who he was now courting, it hurt too much coupled with the homesickness and she felt caught between the two worlds feeling like she couldn't live happily in either of them now.

The final dress rehearsal had gone well Lisbeth thought, but Kasey mood had soured as the day went on. Even the magic little white pills that Eric seemed to feed her often were not helping the stress that seemed to radiate from the woman. Lisbeth knew now that this would be her first and last appearance with Kasey, she wasn't sure what she would do after it was over, but this world of stardom was not what she wanted. She missed choir and singing as part of a group. Maybe she could go to the Assembly in Miles and beg Pastor Phillip for a place there. She shook her head knowing that was unlikely. She had no desire to return to a dormitory for young women.

Keeping her thoughts firmly on what she would do after this was over, she went through the motions of what she had to do to prepare for the evening ahead. She barely recognised herself when she looked I the mirror and it saddened her to think she had changed so much. She found the realisation that she had traded one cage for another and the freedom she yearned for had never been hers hard to take.

She had walked the red carpet with David several steps behind her grandparents who stopped often for photographs and autographs. No one knew who she was nor did they seem to care as she stood patiently time after time again to wait for Kasey to have her moments in the spotlight. Once they got inside the theatre was filled ith row upon row of celebrities who paid little attention to who arrived. They made their way to their seats. Lisbeth couldn't help but look at the amazing gowns and suits that the other people wore and she suddenly felt self-conscious amongst these glamorous people.

The evening went in a blur of performances and applause for awards. It seemed no time at all before her grandmother was called onto the stage to be inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, with a Lifetime Achievement Award. Her short speech became longer than expected as she thanked a myriad of people and final at the end she thanked her husband and dedicated the song she was about to sing to him. Lisbeth waited for Kasey to call her up to the stage and became increasingly nervous a he watched her move to where her band was already set up and take up a microphone.

"This was my very first song to be played by country music stations around the country. I'm afraid it's been far too long for me to be able to sing it like I did back then so I would like to invite someone very dear to me to come on up to the stage to sing with me. Could you all welcome to the stage my granddaughter, Bliss."

She stood from her seat and the spotlight immediate shone into her eyes almost blinding her. As she had rehearsed, she looked ahead of her at the ground and walked carefully knowing that to trip would be one of the biggest blunders and would infuriate the woman she was trying so hard to please.

"This is her first ever performance, so please make her welcome," Kasey reiterated as she finally went up the steps to stand on the stage beside Kasey. A microphone and stand were brought out and placed before her, and she stood like a deer in headlights looking out over a sea of faces. Taking a deep breath, she blocked out everything but the band listening for her cues.

"Walk in the country with me

Watch the sun sinkin' down on the trees

It's gonna do us some good

To get back down to the wood

Take a little walk in the country with me."

The applause a the end of the song was deafening, and they exited the stage arm in arm.

"That was amazing, can you hear that applause?" Kasey bubbled at Lisbeth. "What am I saying, of course, you can, it's deafening!" They were guided to a publicity area for photos and questions and the rest of the night went in a blur for Lisbeth, who along with Kasey never made it back to their seats.

She was handed glasses of champagne that she sipped at not liking the bitter liquid and hoping for a coke or even water at that stage. She became so thirsty that she ended up drinking the champagne that seemed to be in abundance backstage. Lisbeth had never felt so relaxed and by the time David found her she was giggling helplessly as a man chatted to her about how wonderful she had looked on stage and was troking her ribs as he stood with an arm around her.