Falling Down

I couldn't help the smirk that crawled onto my face, "No you don't. I mean, I don't, how could you? Love is just one of those things that crawls up on you."

She smiled, setting her plate on the table next to my bed, as she got up. She went to her bag, and pulled out a small book, a leather-bound journal. It was full, the pages bulging, a leather cord wrapped the book, keeping it closed. Coming over to where I sat, she kneeled at my feet, unwrapping her small book, like it was a treasure. Once she had gotten the leather cord undone, she opened the book to the first page, and handed it to me.

I took the book from her, confused, though interested. The first page had a poem written on it, one by Lord Byron, She Walks in Beauty...

She smiled at me, sad and shy, "Will you read it to me?"

All I could do was nod,

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

As I read to her, I could feel my voice take on the singsong quality that it always took on when I read poetry aloud. Lessons that I had picked up since the first drama class I had taken in seventh grade began to take over. Lessons I had sharpened as I took additional classes every year. I had always had a soft spot for classical literature, and performance...

When I finished, I looked up at her. Her face was filled with wondrous joy...

She smiled as she let herself drop from her knees to a cross legged sit. "That was perfect."

I smiled back at her, feeling a fool.

"Do you remember the first time you read it to me?" She asked me sweetly.

Feeling terrible, I shook my head at her, I mean, I knew the poem... in fact I knew it very well, "No..."

She licked her lips, a lopsided smile on her face, "I've always noticed you. And we've had a lot of classes together. At first, you were just a cute boy. I loved your jaded exterior, your quick wit. All those things you describe that are the mask you show to the rest of the world. Even when I was with Mike, I noticed you. I remember how jealous I got when you started going out with that horse faced girl Rebecca our freshman year..." She shook her head. "And I remember how you used to flirt with that short girl, Darcy in our English class every year."

I rolled my eyes thinking about that, Darcy was a cute little button, and one of the kindest people I had ever known. I mistook that kindness for flirting, and asked her out. She was horrified, and it was obvious from her reaction that she considered me no more than a friend. I had misread the situation badly, and embarrassed the hell out of myself in the process...

"So last year," Karly's voice interrupted my woolgathering, "We had Mr. Oman for Honor's English. He had that U-shaped classroom, where all the chairs faced into the center. I sat right across from you, both of us in the front row. I used to love that class, 'cause I could stare at you the whole time. He did a section on poetry." She smiled at me, her face lighting up sweetly, "And he would go around, and each person would read a little snippet, just so people couldn't fall asleep." She shook her head, "I was so fucking bored. I hated it." Her eyes found mine again, "And then he called on you, and he had you read that entire poem. I can still remember, holding my textbook and following along as you started to read. By the second line in, I could feel the heat in my chest..."

She nibbled on her lip, her gaze falling from me to the floor, and I saw once again the sweet, shy creature that I loved. It made my heart sing to see her like this...

"And then my eyes were on you, and it was like the whole world fell away. All I could see was you. All I could hear was your voice. There was so much in that voice, so much sadness, so much hope. That was the first time I think I ever really saw you. I had seen hints of it before then, but then, in that moment, I saw how much I wanted you, I mean I had wanted you before that, you know, physically, but then, in that moment, I wanted to have all of you..." Her eyes came back up and found mine...

I smiled at her, feeling a triumphant sense of glee...

"And I remember, as you finished the poem, you looked up, right at me, and I felt my heart lock in on you..." She finished.

The memory of that day slipped to the front of my mind, and all I could do... was crack up...

I tried to swallow it, covering my mouth with my hand...

She smiled, her white teeth shining, "What?"

I shook my head, "Nothing. I don't want to ruin the illusion for you."

She jumped up and put her hands on my legs, "Oh, you have to tell me now!"

I shook my head, putting my hand over my eyes, "It's so embarrassing..."

"What?" She demanded.

Looking straight into her eyes, "I remember that day too. You were wearing a white, button down dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to your elbows. Black shoes, with high, plaid socks. The winner for me though, was the black and green plaid skirt you were wearing. It was super conservative, cut off at the knee, but when you sat in that desk, it would pull up, and where I was sitting, I could see straight up it, unless you crossed your legs..." I gave her a big shit eating grin, "You didn't cross your legs very often..." I shook my head, "I can remember finishing reading that poem, and the first thought that crossed my mind was, 'I wonder if Karly has her legs crossed?' and I looked straight up your skirt." I let my head fall back, remembering the erotic picture... "Those white panties drove me insane... and I remember looking straight at them, and then realizing how quiet the room was, and I thought I was so busted, so I looked at your face, and you looked so happy... I thought I got away with it!"

Her eyes rolled at me, "You perv!"

I smiled, reaching out and taking her hand, "I know, I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."

She leaned in, rubbing her nose on mine, "I used to do that specifically to give you a show..."

Putting my hand on the back of her head, I pulled her in for a deep kiss, "I'm so sorry I didn't make a move on you sooner. I wasted so much time..."

She pecked my lips again, "Don't worry about it. We've found each other now, and we still have our whole lives ahead of us. One day, we'll get married, and we'll have lots of babies, and a happy life."

I smiled at her, "You know, I won the State Drama Competition with that poem that year? After that reading Mr. Oman made me compete..."

She nodded, smiling and grabbing her little book off my lap, "I know. It's right here..."

She flipped through her little book, finding a page and showing me. I looked at the book, fascinated, to find a newspaper article, culled from an actual newspaper, pasted onto one of the pages of her little book. It was a write up about me, winning the competition. I looked on her with horror as I glanced at the next page and saw another article, this one printed on a printer, pasted in about me, as offensive lineman of the week...

"You little stalker!" I jeered at her.

She put her face in her hands and dropped her head in my lap, "Don't look at the other stuff in there! It's private!"

I tried to twist away from her, feeling pain in my ribs, as I quickly flipped through the book. Most of it was newspaper articles, some of it was handwritten, Karly's writing obviously. I didn't have time to read those, as she snatched the book away from me, stuffing it up her shirt. "Private!"

I laughed, "If you think sticking that book up your shirt is going to stop me, you're in for a surprise! That's like a bonus! I'll make sure I feel you up generously as I take it out!"

She got a mischievous look on her face as she nibbled on her bottom lip... "You mean like this?" She asked me as she started to slowly pull her shirt up...

The hem got to her bellybutton before I forgot about her little stalker book...

By the time it got to the bottom of her ribs, my mind was in a completely different place...

I sat there, a look of dumb wonder on my face as the bottom of her breasts slid into view, "Oh, that is so unfair..." I whined, knowing that there was no way that I could have her right now...

Something in my tone must have made her take pity on me. She dropped her shirt and took her little book back out. I held my arms out to her, letting her know I wanted her to sit on my lap. She smiled, sitting on my right leg. Holding her little book in her lap, she smiled at me shyly, "Do you really want to read it?"

I pulled her a little closer to me, "What is it?"

She rolled her eyes, flipping through the pages a little, absently, "I call it my love book."

That was so sweet...

She opened the book to a place she had a bookmark in, reading absently at whatever was on the page...

She put her head down, leaning into me a little, "That day, the day I fell in love with you, was October second. I got this book the next day, and I admit, I went a little crazy with it. I looked you up in the newspaper, and got all of these articles about you. I wrote the poem in the front, and my thoughts about it on the next few pages. Sometimes when I read it I feel like I was a little girl, just obsessed with a boy, but mostly I feel like I do now, like I love you more than anything in the world. I write about you, and us... I collect little snippets about you, I put pictures of us together in it... it's kind of silly."

She smiled at me sweetly as I told her, "I don't think it's silly. I'm honored."

I pulled her in and hugged her, just to tell her that I loved her just as much as she loved me, "And you can keep your little stalker book. You just share with me what you want, okay?"

She smiled at me, "Okay."

Kissing my forehead lightly, she smiled, "Now finish your dinner..."

We ate, chatting and sharing each other's company.

Finally, as we finished, I asked her the question I had been dying to ask her since I had gotten up, "Have you talked to your family since this morning?"

She pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "Yeah, I talked to my dad a few hours ago, while you were sleeping..."

I felt a rush of shame at that, having been so soundly asleep I hadn't even woken up... "How'd that go?"

She shrugged, "He's pissed. I told him to suck it."

That night, we lay together on my bed, watching a movie. One we had watched before... and recently.

I need to get a better selection of movies... I thought to myself. She's going to get annoyed watching the same movies over and over again...

Karly had her back to me, my arm around her. I nuzzled her neck, luxuriating in the scent and feel of her against me.

Remember this moment... I warned myself. This is one of those moments that makes life worth living. Treasure it, and remember it.

Her hand wandered over the top of mine, "Can I ask you a question?" Her voice, sudden, filled with sadness, surprised me.

"Anytime baby girl." I told her, snuggling my face into her hair.

"Do you like having me here?" Her voice was quiet, filled with doubt.

I pulled her tight, ignoring the pain in my ribs, "I love having you here, more than anything in the world."

She took a breath, "Do you remember when you asked me to move in?"

I kissed her head, "I remember..."

She cleared her throat, "Can I?"

I ran my fingers through her hair, feeling the shape of her head, tracing my fingers along her ear. I thought about what she was asking. Really thought about it. I thought of how people would react. How angry her father would be. How hurt her mom would be. I thought of how people at school would react. I worried about how hard it would be to afford two people living here, under my little roof. How cramped it would all be. We'd be tripping over each other constantly, always beneath one another's feet.

Every challenge that stood between what she was asking me, and what I had now...

And then I thought about the one thing, the most important thing that Karly had ever taught me. Sometimes, none of that mattered. Sometimes, you just had to do what you wanted. You just needed to react to the moment and follow your heart. All of the conflict. All of our discussions. All of the guilt that surrounded my attitude towards what she wanted in our sex life. All of that came down to one thing. My worry. My constant, nagging thought that what I wanted wasn't as important as what everyone else wanted. What was proper. What was right.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I didn't fucking care about any of the reasons that said I shouldn't. That said we shouldn't.

I pulled her around, pushing her to her back so I could see her perfect face. Letting my fingers trace lightly over her brow I looked at every line in her face, searching for just one thing. Doubt.

Looking to ensure that she was one hundred percent sure that this was what she wanted. Desperate to ensure that this wasn't one of those things she was doing just to make me happy...

She smiled at me, and that final doubt was gone...

I closed my eyes as I kissed her, soft and tender...

When I came up for air, she looked at me, a half smile on her face, "So is that a yes?"

I gave her a broad smile, "There are so many reasons that I should say no. That I should make you go home. Should make you mend bridges with your family."

"And?" Was her only reply...

I shook my head, "And I don't care about any of those fucking things... not even one little bit. All I care about, is you here, with me, forever..."

Her smile got brighter, "That's a yes?"

I ran my fingers from her brow, down her chin in our private little salute, "No. That's a fucking hell yes."