All Comments on 'Family Loving Ch. 01'

Nice hot story but let down by typo's and other little issues. *Always* re-read the story a couple of times before posting, so you can spot them. And a few things to make it more believable, like shoving his 8.5" cock up her virgin ass in one go?! She would have screamed the house down! :) Only fantasy I know, but some belief is needed too...

Try to read your story like you're not the person who wrote it. Put yourself in an objective position and try to predict if a complete stranger reading this story could follow it. Frankly, I found the beginning more than a little confusing and a bit difficult to understand. "YOU" might know what's happening, and why, but I got the impression you'd edited it more than once, and in the process, you cut out details that would have allowed a reader to make better sense of what the hell was going on.

Good start just slow down,reread what you have wrote,some of it was confusing and there are some errors.Keep going it will get better.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't even finish your story. This category is one of my favorites too. The typos and grammatical errors made it difficult for me to concentrate. I appreciate the fact that you may have wanted to keep the story brief, but then you should have used words to formulate the scene in your reader's brain. You jumped from the mom and dad being completely in love and ravenous of each other to BOOM they're divorced. I had to read it again to wrap my brain around what happened to cause this happy couple to divorce. Keep writing! And proof read. I believe there are editors that volunteer on this site ... perhaps you could ask them to help you?

I mean this constructively. You jumped into the action we all know is coming way too fast. There is absolutely no psychology or motivation for this to happen. I cannot understand the reason anyone is acting out like this, except probably the twins wanting separate parties. I realize you plan more chapters but you really needed more exposition and back story to get the STORY rolling. At least another page give or take in this first chapter is needed. I won't star you for now as I consider the story incomplete. I WILL be back to read the next chapter, and then I will score.

JimC

The sex was hot, but they jump into it way too fast. The point of this category is that there's supposed to be some drama. Otherwise this could be coworkers, daughters friend, wife's friend, one night stand, whoever.

Making it an incest story makes it seem like a cheap way to generate heat. "I saw you had a hard on, so let's do it," between family members just had be rolling my eyes a bit. Still, it was well written otherwise and a good first attempt. You should definitely keep writing.

Jumped into it a bit too fast but still pretty hot... though I would have made me really wet if he filled his sexy daughter's pussy with cum instead... :$

Like the idea. More subtle handling required to bring out SOME realistic

dialogue and interpersonal relationships here. Could not finish due to

lack of writer's grasp of grammar, spelling, syntax,and inability to

replicate real conversations.Please,please,PLEASE have someone who

has had an education edit and proofread in the future.

I enjoyed this story very much. Considering this was your first story you did a great job! I would agree with the other comments about the speed of the story and need for additional editing. But in all fairness, you will hone your skills the more that you write. Someone people tend to be to harsh with their comments. Take those with a grain of salt. You developed a great first story..look forward to reading the additional chapters..

TJ678

I enjoyed this story very much. Considering this was your first story you did a great job! I would agree with the other comments about the speed of the story and need for additional editing. But in all fairness, you will hone your skills the more that you write. Someone people tend to be to harsh with their comments. Take those with a grain of salt. You developed a great first story..look forward to reading the additional chapters..

TJ678

I enjoyed this story very much. Considering this was your first story you did a great job! I would agree with the other comments about the speed of the story and need for additional editing. But in all fairness, you will hone your skills the more that you write. Someone people tend to be to harsh with their comments. Take those with a grain of salt. You developed a great first story..look forward to reading the additional chapters..

TJ678

Great story..

Don't keep a blank bio.

But I just don't understand the widespread preoccupation with ass-fucking. Fucking a female relative, mom, sis, or baby girl, up the ass is okay say as a change of pace. But here's a dad who's getting it on with his daughter for the first time (something plenty of dads'd love to do). He's getting his fat veiny daddy-dick up his darling kid's adorable little coochie, and right away he's got to get it up her asshole as well? Doesn't make sense to me.

Try "Typos". No apostrophes in plurals, only in possessives.

and you will do well.

So are the mom and son screwing too? Hmmm

It was arousing and enjoyable to read part from the spelling or typo issues, grammar problems, the quick transition into sex, and the ridiculous breast sizes. I was a petite and small young woman in my late teens and I had breasts which were larger than most of the girls in school. My bras size was 34 D, so I know breasts do not need to go into DD or larger sizes to be appealing or exciting. I didn't have DD breasts until after having children and my milk coming in. After I was done nursing and no longer had milk my breasts were between D and DD before going back to a D.

To the person who mentioned anal sex and questioned the appeal:

I am speaking from my point of view and realize there are many women who disagree with me. I love anal sex and there are times I would rather have my husband fuck my ass instead of my pussy. It feels incredible and I love how much he enjoys it. I didn't ever expect to enjoy it so much or to cum so hard during, and I truly believe my husband is responsible for how much I love it. I'd tried it before but it hurt and I didn't enjoy anything about it. My husband knew about my past experience from our conversations about sex, so he asked me to trust him to not hurt me. He made sure I enjoyed the first experience we had with it together, and I think I enjoyed it far more than he anticipated or even hoped for at the time. As for the anal sex in stories I can say this one handled it better than many up until she exposed herself to a potentially deadly illness. When a story goes from anal sex to vaginal sex or oral sex it loses me because I know what such poor judgement can cause. A severe vaginal infection and a life risking illness are not worth that, so I prefer stories not lead people to believe those things are okay and safe to do. The ass to mouth or ass to pussy which happens in pornos is not genuine, because the movies are edited and the stops and starts are made to look as if it is all consecutive.

To the writer: Please keep writing. Make sure to read your story outloud to yourself the next day after you finish writing it. One can catch many of their own mistakes by that one reading. Please also search for diagrams or drawings which show the actual location of the hymen before attempting to write stories with loss of virginity in them! Too many people believe the hymen is some liquid filled sack inside of the vagina instead of it being the extra skin covering the entrance. It is why one can lose it while riding a bike or horse. Some even tear while doing gymnastics or ballet dancing. That would not be possible were it not located at the opening. There are some great diagrams which show the different types of hymen and those show most clearly it's location. The easiest way is to look up the term annular hymen. Your writing will improve the more you do it. The sex portions of your story were very arousing and I enjoyed them.

Sorry for tldr.

Very good story please continue

keep telling their adventure, good story; keep on trucking and writing tenbears43

...who in the world speaks dialogue such as this?

Nobody!