All Comments on 'Family Vacation Ch. 01'

While the story does include incest, I think the overwhelming theme is more to do with the belly fetishes than the incest - and therefore would think that this story (and any following chapters) would be better served in that category.

While it's not my fetish, I can appreciate the effort in the writing of this story and will give it a 4/5 (minus 1 for wrong category) - making it a final of 3/5

I have yet to read, as I save multi-chapter stories to read at one time for my own continuity. As to tense, my comment is really for other authors who may read this and has to do with consistent tense in many stories. What seems to occur is someone will write a description of a character, in past tense, when the sense or tense of the story is present and the character/person is still presumed to be living and present. I find putting that person's description, "was..." highly disturbing and hope I don't find it here.

I make this comment since you mention tense in your remark at the conclusion

I'm very confused by your note about tense. You stated you were writing it in third-person, past-tense, yet it was clearly written in first-person and drifted back and forth between past- and present-tense. It's sometimes difficult to follow a story that changes perspective like that. I also agree with the commenter who wrote that this story should probably be categorized as fetish.

This story blew me away!

Will you be doing a part 3 to this storie