All Comments on 'Family Visit Ch. 01'

Not a bad start. Seems promising and hoping you will add more of your fetishes to future chapters. Hope the next one comes soon.

If the author cannot be bothered to re-read his story and correct inadvertent errors, why the heck should we read it?

Who is it telling this story in the first person? I quote: "my cousins were playing" (para. 2); "worried about my mom" (para 6).

There may be more examples, but I gave up at that point.

i would like t o see Aunt Jen get knocked up as often happens when sex occurs spontaneously. also mom needs to get cornholed by a real man. But Aunt Jen really needs a baby in her belly/

The wankers probably love this but I found the poor grammar and spelling to be a big distraction. Either take some time to proofread or get an editor to help you.

"Travis had just turned 18 recently and had graduated college with a full scholarship to the local State College."

Wait, what?

"He was excited about it, but at the same time, he was worried about my mom."

WTF?

do not listen to the spelling / grammar police ! This story has at least another 4 postings to go :)

Travis noticed how things changed... then it starts to gather quite quickly from snatches of observations and conversation that changes are about to happen. Also, you didn't waste anytime getting into the story and kept the details to essential facts. My only little peeve is that I found it too short just when it gets interesting. Let's see what you can produce in Chapter 2.

Editted things to fix the commented problems.

Is it that their own English usage is equally substandard? Being able to create a storyline is a gift, but turning that into a readable tale requires care, application and multiple rewrites. Anyone unwilling to invest that effort shouldn't claim to be an author.

Not enough build up, it's to unrealistic

I like characters that are developed in depth and breath. Likewise, plogt and subplots should be logically developed. Subplots should seamlessly merge with the main plot. If this is just a mutually consensual incest sex story it is okay. If it is a love story (sex with meaning) than this chapter missed the mark.