Feeling Good

I shook my head.

"Well she plans to sign this condo over to you. She has very little money invested in it. You'll need to pick up the payments of course."

"All right," I said warily.

Rachel saw my skepticism.

"She's trying, Brandon. She trying to show you how sorry she is for ruining things."

"But not enough to admit what it is that she's done, right?"

"No, I understand how frustrating it must be, but Brandon, there are other considerations as well. My understanding is although the video implies there were other occurrences, there was reasonable doubt."

I started to reply but she cut me off.

"Brandon, like I said I never saw the video, however, I know that reasonable doubt is the only thing stopping Brad from divorcing Meredith. If either were to confess to more than a single mistake, it could very well cost her brother his marriage.

"There is another thing Candice has to consider as well. Would her confession even matter?"

"What? Are you saying the truth doesn't matter?"

She shook her head.

"No, but I'd ask you to honestly answer a question for me. Even if she admitted to everything you suspect her of and was truly sorry for her actions would you consider taking her back?

"I—"

"Please answer honestly, Brandon."

I knew my answer. I'd considered it on the flight coming back from Florida that day. Well I'd considered it only briefly.

"No," I admitted, "I don't think I could even then."

"I know," she smiled sadly and nodded in understanding. "Unfortunately Candice knows it as well, although I doubt she'll admit it. She knows she loves you and that she's messed things up. But she hasn't accepted that what she wants doesn't matter anymore since you've given up on your relationship.

"I've no doubt she's still planning a way to talk to you to try to get you back. If there is one thing to be said for my daughter, she is tenacious."

I knew she was right I just didn't realize how stubborn Candice could be.

After I'd dropped Racheal at the airport I called Dave. My greeting probably gave him the impression I was angry.

"You ASSHOLE!" I shouted.

"Yeah I'm an asshole!" he said, trying to defuse my anger. "Umm, so why am I an asshole this time?"

"You dumb shit! I never told you to go blackmail my ex-fiancée and her family!"

"Whoa, whoa now, I never blackmailed anybody!"

"Are you telling me you didn't go to Florida and meet with the Whitmores?"

"Nah, I did that. What I'm telling you is that I didn't blackmail them!"

I was stunned. More importantly, I was silent. Dave took advantage.

"Look Sven," he laughed evilly, "all I did was show them the video. Well that... and tell them I was doing my best to secure the other copies I knew were out there. I told them I knew of at least two but there were probably more. It wouldn't stay a secret forever but I thought I could hopefully give them at least a year before they would have to explain it. I thought that would give them plenty of time to spin things any way they'd needed to in order to do damage control."

"And what did you want in return, Dave?" I said, trying to get a handle on my thoughts.

"Funny that's what the father asked too. Is that a coincidence? I don't think so! I told them I'd do it for free as a favor to you. However, I'd sure appreciate a show of good faith by seeing those bullshit lawsuits go away. And presto! Look what happened!"

I could hear him smiling through the phone. He was so pleased with himself I had a hard time maintaining my anger.

"Man, I didn't tell you to do that."

"And you never would've! Dude, you've always been so hung up on Candice's mother you'd never do anything to hurt her. Let's face it, if she would've been twenty years younger and single you would've fallen for her instead of Candice!"

"I always saw a lot of her in Candice. I wish Candice would've taken more after her mother than her father."

We were silent for a moment.

"What about the video?" I asked. "You know the one you stole off my cell?"

"Yeah, about that," Dave sighed. "Look Sven, I'm sorry but... DAMN! Those two are smoking hot and that was so hot!"

"How many copies are out there?"

"Just the one your lawyer has and my own personal copy."

"I'd tell you to erase it but you'd only lie to me and tell me you already did."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he laughed. "Look dude, think of it as compensation for my air fare and time. It's not going anywhere other than my own private collection. Well that is unless we want it leaked after a year or so."

"No," I said calmly, "just make sure it never sees the light of day. And Dave?"

"Yeah dude?"

"Thanks."

****

I'd thought my time in hell was over when I went home for Thanksgiving... I was wrong.

When I arrived at my mom and dad's farm in Indiana I knew something wasn't right. I'd looked forward to spending the holidays with my three older brothers and their families however I noticed the tension with my parents.

On Thanksgiving Day, Candice showed up for dinner. She was invited, of course, by my mother. They said it was an early Christmas present for me. I asked them about the return policy on their gift.

I suppose it was partially my fault, I hadn't told my parents the grisly facts of my breakup. I'd only told them Candice had cheated on me and the wedding was off. Stupidly I'd let them know we hadn't spoken in person or over the phone since that night she'd returned after Labor Day. I also made the mistake of telling my mother I still loved her even though we were through.

I realized they were doing what they thought was best for me but I'd also been very clear I didn't want to talk or see my ex-fiancée ever again. Her appearance here was a betrayal of my trust with my parents. That was something I'd need to address at a later time. Those were the thoughts going through my mind when Candice arrived.

She was greeted by my parents and then said hello to me. Her eyes pleaded with me to welcome her. I turned my back on her and continued talking to one of my brothers.

A few minutes later I was cornered by my parents.

"That was rude," my mother started.

"We didn't raise you like that, son," my father added. "This is our home—"

"Yes it is," I interrupted, "and if you'd like me to leave just let me know."

Neither one said anything so I walked away.

Thanksgiving dinner was interesting. Basically I acted like Candice didn't exist; ignoring any attempts she made to draw me into talking to her. I believe my parents now understood the situation was precarious, unfortunately my oldest brother didn't. He decided to call me out in the middle of the meal after I'd ignored Candice for the tenth time.

"Bro," he stated, "that's just rude."

Yeah, it sounded familiar to me too. I suppose I should've just grinned and stayed quiet but I was more than a little annoyed my Thanksgiving with my family had been ruined.

"Nah," I sneered. "What's rude was inviting my ex-fiancée to a family gathering without any warning. You know to be fair they need to invite some ex-girlfriends and maybe even an ex-wife to our next family holiday!"

I saw my oldest brother close his eyes and drop his head, while his wife looked like she was going to hit someone. I noticed both of my other brothers seemed to pale and then found their plates very, very interesting.

Candice stood up, excused herself and went into the kitchen. My parents glared at me and I glared right back. I seriously thought about leaving but I'd done that in Coconut Grove. Back there I was trying to respect her family but this was my family.

I excused myself and followed Candice into the kitchen. When I got there she was wiping her eyes, obviously crying. Surprisingly I didn't feel as bad as I'd expected I would.

"What are you doing here, Candice?"

"Your parents invited me."

"You shouldn't have accepted."

"Well it was better here than with my family. Even with your cold reception, it's still better than the atmosphere at the Whitmore house this holiday."

"And whose fault is that?" I sneered.

"Oh trust me," she said sadly, "both Meredith and I are reaping the consequences of that day."

"Still only acknowledging the things that can be proven, huh? And you wonder why I don't trust you?"

"I'm sorry, Brandon. I know it seems that way but with everything happening in my family right now... I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."

"Well counselor, if you were speculating hypothetically? How many times would you guess my ex-fiancée had cheated on me?"

"Only that one time and that's not hypothetical! You have to believe that."

"You've got to be joking. I don't believe anything coming out of your mouth."

She lowered her head and fought back a sob.

"I can understand that," she said softly, "but it's true. And it's true that I love you."

"Funny way to show it," I sneered.

"I know. I'd have a hard time believing it too if the roles were reversed."

"How many times, Candice?" I said flatly.

"Hypothetically? Four. Three times before you and I were exclusive."

"Was she the only one?"

"No. There were several in college and one in law school to go along with the men I dated."

"I didn't know you were bi. You should've told me."

"I... I didn't want to scare you away. I knew I'd found the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I was afraid you wouldn't handle that fact very well."

"Well honestly the bi wouldn't have bothered me as long as it was in the past like your old boyfriends. However the fact you were helping your sister-in-law cheat on your brother... yeah I wouldn't have handled that well."

She stood there silently staring at me. Even with her eyes red from crying she was still beautiful. I fought my instinct to go to her and hold her.

"I mean damn, Candice! He's your brother! I know he's an ass but even he doesn't deserve that."

"I know, I know!" she sobbed.

"I can't believe he's using reasonable doubt to hang on to his marriage. Brad doesn't seem the forgiving kind."

"Well right now their marriage is hanging on by a thread. Although I doubt it'll survive."

"And why's that? Are you and Meredith moving in together?"

She winced and more tears came.

"No, I was with Meredith only those few times. It was a sexual attraction nothing more. Even if Brad and Meredith divorce, Meredith and I will never be a couple."

She paused to allow me to comment. I refrained.

"No," she continued, "I suspect if my brother isn't already having his own affair, he soon will. Once it's discovered then they'll either tear each other apart or decide on an open marriage. To be honest I don't know which way it'll turn out."

"Well I suppose all's well that ends well."

"Not hardly," Candice snorted. "I know Dad is doing what he can to keep everyone from each other's throats. Even though I never had a great relationship with my brother what I have now is caustic. I've no doubt he'd enjoy hurting me in any way he could right now."

"Can you blame him?"

"No," she said softly. "I betrayed him as well as you. Brad is certainly not a saint but I've no excuse for doing that to him. I'm trying to find a way to make peace with him but I doubt that'll ever happen."

We sat there and stared at each other. There were several things left to say but I doubt we knew how to begin.

"I'm also trying to win back the heart of the man I love," she said, gently trying to break the uncomfortable gridlock.

"Never going to happen," I said flatly.

"It could if he'd give me the chance."

"Really?" I sneered. "Tell me then, how would you possibly begin to restore the trust in the relationship? After all, you lied to me from the very start. Then you cheated on me before we'd even been engaged four months. You cheated on your own brother so obviously family doesn't mean much to you. Hell Candice, how could you even begin restoring any trust when there's nothing to even build on?"

I found myself getting louder as the anger and hurt started pouring out.

"Given time I know I could earn your trust," she pleaded.

"And why would I give you the time? What's in it for me, counselor? Years of suspecting my girlfriend is cheating on me every time I turn around? Let's face it, I sure don't trust you now!

"Damn Candice! I can't trust you alone with any man or woman now! Even worse, I can't trust you alone with any of your family members! I mean, what's to stop you if were curious about some cousin or uncle or aunt?

"And what was your reason for cheating on me again? Oh that's right!" I was shouting now. "It was because little Candice didn't get her way! So what happens when you don't get your way the next time, you just go fuck the mailman? Hell Candice what are you thirteen years old?"

Candice was sobbing quietly when my parents intervened.

"Brandon! That's enough!" my father barked.

"No! No it's not! Why is she here, Dad? Mom, what did she say to you that convinced you to betray my trust and bring her here to ruin my family holiday?"

I watched my mother wince at my words while my father glared at me.

"She said," my mother stammered, "she said she just needed the chance to apologize to you and to tell you how much she loves you. Oh Brandon, we can see how much you're hurting and how you still care for her. We were—"

"No!" I interrupted. "This is all about what she wants. She wants to apologize. She wants to ambush me in front of my own family. She wants forgiveness. She wants us to get back together. Never mind what I want!

"At almost thirty years old I can make my own decisions. And my decision was to stay away from her and to have no contact. But apparently my parents thought otherwise. Of course my ex-fiancée manipulated them to get what she wanted, again. But let's be real, she's good at twisting the truth to get what she wants. The real reason I broke off the engagement—"

"No Brandon, please," Candice begged.

"The reason I broke off the engagement was because I caught my fiancée having sex with her sister-in-law!"

My mother gasped and I saw my father's face pale.

"So basically, Mom and Dad, you invited an incestuous, bi-sexual, cheating slut to Thanksgiving dinner so that she could try to manipulate your son into giving her a second chance to break his heart again! Gee thanks!"

Candice rushed out of the kitchen sobbing. She grabbed her purse and coat before slamming the door behind her. My parents followed me out of the kitchen as I steadily went and began gathering my things. My brothers and their families were still sitting at the table silently watching us.

"Brandon?" my mom's wavering voice called out.

"I think it's time for me to leave, as well. This was a blast, let's do it again real soon!"

"Son, we're sorry," my father said calmly.

"Me too," I replied.

"Will we see you at Christmas?" my mother asked with tears in her eyes.

"No, I'm sure I'll have a deadline to meet. Besides it's too soon. I need some time. I'll call later."

With that my Norman Rockwall Thanksgiving thankfully came to an end.

****

"So what'll it be then, Sven?" came the low sultry voice behind the bar.

I looked at the pretty face of the bartender and smiled. She looked like she was in her forties. She was attractive but it was obvious she'd once been stunning. She had that worn out look, like a Vegas showgirl who'd danced ten years past her prime. I took a brief look at her name tag.

"Well Betty, what are you offering?" I joked.

She flashed a smile I knew must've once slain a hundred guys' hearts.

"Well Romeo," she laughed, "it's Becca."

I took a closer look at the name tag and smiled.

"Sorry, I was trying not to stare at your tits."

She snorted a laugh.

"Yeah right. You've been checking out my tits and ass for the past hour."

I just smiled.

Caught!

"Relax," she laughed, "it comes with the job. It's the same with the pick-up lines."

"So that's a no?" I said, feigning innocence.

"I think that would be a very bad idea," she laughed. "I'm sure my girlfriend wouldn't be very happy."

I flinched as memories of Candice and Meredith filled my head.

Becca's smile disappeared immediately.

"Trust me," she said coldly, "it's not contagious."

"No," I replied sadly. "It's not that. It's..."

I sighed heavily.

"I just lost my fiancée to another woman."

"I'm sorry," Becca said softly. "Sometimes it takes us a while to figure out who we are and what we want."

"I guess so," I replied. "I ended up catching the two of them together."

"Shit. She was cheating?"

I nodded. She stared at me for a moment with a look that reeked of pity.

"That really sucks, I'm sorry. Cheaters are pieces of shit regardless of who their bed partners are."

"So tell me what you really think, Becca," I chuckled.

"Well since you asked!" she said, grinning.

"By the way," I said, holding my hand out. "Brandon."

She shook my hand and I held it for a few seconds.

"Rebecca," she said, smiling, "and you can let go of my hand now."

"But it was the only way I could think of to touch such a beautiful woman without her calling hotel security."

"Oh my god, you're so full of shit," she laughed as she started wiping down the bar. "You're not in sales or advertising are you?"

"Marketing."

"Same difference."

Becca noticed someone's glass was empty and went to take care of them. Several minutes later she returned.

"Relax Brandon, you'll get through this. I'm sorry about the girlfriend. That happened to me years ago. It was a real bad time in my life."

"Seems you got through it."

"Yeah, it was a real struggle but in the end I got tired of living in the mess that bitch had made of my life. It took a bit but I moved on."

"Trust me," she said, smiling at me. "You're a good looking young guy that's in decent shape with a decent job and a good sense of humor, you'll survive."

"But not cute enough to take home?"

She barked out a laugh.

"Not to burst your bubble stud but I'd be more likely to take your friend home for the night."

"Thank you Becca, you've certainly boosted my ego for the night," I replied sarcastically.

She chuckled.

"The reason is simple; you're dangerous and he's not."

"All right," I said putting both elbows on the table and resting my chin in my hands. "You got my full attention now."

She smiled and looked back over her shoulder to make sure her other patrons were doing okay. When she was adequately convinced, she turned back to me and grinned.

"Okay. Your friend... Dave?"

I nodded.

"Well he's basically a heat seeking dick looking for anything warm and wet that's on a female's body."

I snorted and nodded.

There's more truth in that than she probably realizes, I thought to myself.

"Hell, I bet if I took him home so my lover and I could play with a real dick for the night, we wouldn't even be counted as notches in his belt. He probably stopped doing that, years ago. Now it's all about the hunt and the sex with him. It's just a fix to get to the next time.

"My girlfriend and I could play with him with no strings attached because he'd be gone before the sunlight hit his ass. So like I said... he's safe.

"Now you," she sighed, shaking her head. "You're a whole different animal. You're the kind of guy a girl could actually fall for. Although you wouldn't be a threat to make either myself or my lover turn to the darkside, you'd be a threat to make our relationship more complicated than it already is. Even if you didn't intend it, there could be strings. So like I said... dangerous."

"How come I feel like I was just rejected?" I said softly with a small smile. "It was done gently but still... rejected."