All Comments on 'Finding a Lost Puppy Ch. 01'

Intriguing story, really want to see what happens to Ricky and Jen. Only issue I had with it was that the rapid POV changes got a tad confusing at times. Hearing what each character thought is nice but maybe find a way to tell the reader who's thoughts they were?

Good intro and the first half wasn't too bad. Once the narrator gets Rikki to his apt, though, the story becomes confusing with two intimately-mixed first person dialogs. I stopped reading at that point.

it was a good story but very confusing with different people talking and don't know where it came from. very confusing.

An interesting premise (which happens to parallel one of my own fantasies,) but the narrative flow was irreparably damaged by the frequent, abrupt and unindicated flip-flopping of the POV; an omniscient 3rd-person narration could have told the story far more smoothly. This chapter only gets 2/5, but I expect the next chapter to score considerably higher.

anxiously awaiting chapter 2

I agree with earlier comments about the POV but once I got used to it though it was not so distracting and the story is really rather promising. Please, do continue...

1. Try doing a full scene in one POV, then the same scene in POV #2, rather than alternating with almost every paragraph.

2. If you prefer to change POVs every one or two paragraphs, give us a hint. It can be as simple as a partial divider line typed with hyphens, or as blatant as putting each character in a different font.

Also:

--please be mindful of the Autocorrect Gremlin, which seems to like to switch cognates: assent /ascent

--Please brush up on punctuation, sentence phrasing /structure, compound sentences vs. run-on sentences. You seem to under-punctuate. There are many Web resources for written-English conventions (grammar, spelling, punctuation, word choice, sentence structure, etc.)

such a good idea but holy hell what a mess. Please get someone to help you w/editing on pov, tense. Such a stronge beginning but its lost in the verse.

Unfortunately, it was let down - badly - by its presentation and wasn't very easy to read.

You must get to grips with editing - or find someone who can assist you with the job; writing is just the beginning of the process; there is a lot to be done, with any story, to lick it into shape and make it a winner.

You have the imagination, but that won't stand on its own. Please continue writing and submitting your stories here but do try to polish them up a little - no, quite a lot more - before sending them in.

I have decided to mark this one on its content rather than its presentation, so it is a four from me. Thank you for writing for us.

I like your telling of it from both points of view. I also like that it involves a (possible) dominant helping a submissive, rather than just using her. I think you should spend a good amount of time on his education as master. It's a good start, please keep writing.

Just to be clear, when I said, "I expect the next chapter to score considerably higher," I also meant that I expect there to *be* a next chapter. :)

if look over to where it says similar stories anf scrol down to also in serie the second chapter is there

Once I caught on to the "two (or is it three?) points-of-view the story gained a TON more interest. Perhaps if the author had used some kind of indicator to show when the speaker changed?......now I have to go back and re-read a bit ;(not that that's a bad thing...)

I am really interested in this story, but I would rather read it in third person. I am having a hard time following who is talking when.

Would have given it five stars if not for the switching. Please write in the third person

This is hard to read. You need to stick to the third person from of writing if you are going to include another person thoughts.

This is exactly the kind of story I like to read with the sudden submissive/slave appearance and the white knight reluctant Master to the rescue. Its hard for me to find these types of stories and I can recall 2 or three from the past that I regret not bookmarking. What throws me off is the constant perspective changes without anything to indicate the change. Its so hard and confusing to read. I'm going to keep reading a little more hoping the author will adjust/fix the writing style.

Was great, up until the 50 Shades of Grey reference. Nobody, and I mean nobody, in the community would have that as recommended reading. (Sorry, it pisses me off every time I see that touted as BDSM, that's just abuse is what it is).

Also, the transitions between characters points of view is a little, well, jarring and sudden. Just my two cents, feel free to ignore.

I wanted to leave a note on my thoughts but amusingly found them mirrored in the previous comment.

BDSM -Safe, Sane and Consensual. Yes absolutely.

50 Shades - oh dear god no! Christian Grey aka abusive stalker arsehole. Probably mentally unstable too. Referring to 50 Shades as recommended reading, um no, just no....unless you want to know what to avoid?

Finally editing, it does need some reviewing, it’s difficult to work out who’s saying what as the perspective changes rather rapidly. Repeating the same paragraph twice but from different perspectives doesn’t really work well, for comedy value it can work to occasionally state obvious things; “I thought she was putting on a show of it for me...” followed by “I was trying to put on a show for him....”

Ricky comes across as a bit naive, any man visiting a woman in hospital who been assaulted would have to know that unless told directly otherwise that he’s a prime suspect. It’s common for men to state the relationship making it clear that they were the one who helped her/chased off the attackers. It’s not rocket science.

Okay, so this was fun, a couple notes, people are harping on the 50 shades reference and I agree BUT it was a lot of people's first introduction to pseudo BDSM so I understand that when you talk to a lot of people outside the lifestyle their first thought is "oh like 50 shades?" So while I don't agree with the reference I do understand it.

Second note would be to maybe break up the first person perspectives. Just some indicator that the perspective gas shifted, like their name in bold above the paragraph or something. While it's generally easy to tell the shift after reading a bit, it can be a little jarring initially.

Overall I think it's a fun, light bdsm story so far, it's always kind of fun seeing a new Dom being subtely taught by an experienced sub.