by Wulfwinter
Hah, this slip made me laugh. :-)
"I work all day, slaving away in the orifice"
Please continue, would love took see you progress more detail on what is going on in her mind. Nervous but embarrassed as her body betrays her. And ultimately, you take her backdoor to her absolute and utter shame.
Don't listen to the naysayers unless they give constructive criticism. As you sharpen your writing skills, work on accuracy and truth in your story. Details are important. For instance, I grew up in the Catholic church, and now belong to a Baptist church. Cahtolics kneel. Baptists don't kneel in church. Very hot story, great idea. Keep up the good work.
Through the church? This has to rank right up near the top as one of the dumbest fantasies anyone ever wrote about. I couldn't even read it all.
You write extremely well as far as mechanics go. Personally, I didn't like the story as it seemed--well--a bit childish. Maybe it was just not my type, so I shouldn't be too hard on you. It is, after all, your fantasy. Other readers liked it, so there you go. Perhaps a deeper plot would pep things up. I, too, have no objection to using your writing abilities to grind an axe with religion. I, too, think it is a fertile ground for sex. But like others, I would focus on the older females and their allegedly unfulfilled sexual desires. Debasing the minister's wife or debasing a female minister would both offer possibilities. In this story, who gives a shit about Ted. He seems almost irrelevant to your intent. If you want to write a rape story, go for it. Don't get lost in intrigue or it you do, make it plausible.
Like far too many writers on this site, you right a good start and leave the readers hanging.
Great start and n o finish!
I really like stories about sex in church, and this one was great. Do keep writing.
When I was in my teens, years ago, I went to youth fellowship regularly at the local Baptist Church, not for the fellowship but because there was one girl there that would let me play with her ass.She was the type that you wouldn't mind fucking but did not want to be seen with in public. A couple of buddies and I offered her a ride home one Sunday night. We told her that we wanted some pussy and that if we didn't get it that we would tell the entire school that we had fucked her. We didn't get rough but had to coerce her a little bit. The three of us got some of her pussy that night and several other Sunday nights.
I really enjoyed your writing, and hope to read more! I can just imagine being that girl and having the pleasure of being eaten, mixed with the humiliation of sucking off some stranger forcing her.... that just plain does it for me. Hope to hear more from you.
Please write about him taking her cherry. He can take the sister's cherry later on when she is older.
So, if Cindi wants to stay a virgin why can they not get spotted by Martha who can teach her the pleasures of lesbianism while taking all the cock on offer. The vision of the pair of them 69ing with Martha on top with copious amounts of cum dripping into Cindi's mouth sound great
Great, and better than the prior stories you wrote. Each shows improvement. This one was hot and I would love for it to continue a long, long time
1st i hope he leaves her virginity and spears her tight young virgin ass in the next chapters, second maybe he can somehow work in an older, puritanical snooty type married woman to work over... I love it when the holier than thou types get it!
....what the fuck are you doing on Lit? Doesn't that make you a hypocrite, bitch? Shut up and find some other pulpit! If you don't like smut, don't read it!
Your writing is about a 7 on a 10 scale, but your perverting Scripture to get away with sin is like Rosie O'Lesbian Donnell paging the Bible each night trying to get away with her sin too.
Sin is sin and your writing is more about degrading women and trying to make immorality immoral.
I have been involved with enough Baptists to know your work is based in fact, but it isn't the kids it is the adults out whoring all week and then sitting the front pew giving good Christians a bad name for you to slander here.
Your enticing people to take the step with this story is worse than the adulteress and God will get you for a load of things including taking His Name in vain.
Incurring God's wrath is not a smart thing to do, but you have for your own spiritually suicidal reasons.
The story was pretty hot. I've always had that fantasy, but on the opposite end. Only thing, don't pick on the young ones, it's usually the old folks that are the hypocrites.