First Kiss

"Okay, you ready to hit the road?" RoseAnna asked her at 9am after showing Faith the spreadsheets she'd created to track her progress.

"Can't we take one day off?" Faith pleaded, her legs stinging even as they stretched before starting the walk.

RoseAnna smiled politely then took off signaling Faith to follow. She wanted to quit before the first quarter mile, but RoseAnna wouldn't let her do less than the day before. "I won't push you to go farther, but we never go backwards, okay?"

By the next morning, Faith wanted to quit so badly it seemed hopeless. Nothing was working. Not the dress, not the video, not even 'the word.'

"You've hit your first plateau," RoseAnna said. "In order to succeed, you have to push through them. I can't tell you how often they'll come or how long each one will last, but I can assure you they will come. If they win, you lose, Faith."

Faith knew if she was on her own, she'd have given up that morning. Only having someone else to push her got her to follow through for the rest of the day. And the next day and then the next.

On the seventh morning, RoseAnna told Faith it was time to weigh her.

"Once a week only," she'd said the first day and repeated again today.

Faith was 207 pounds a week ago. Today, she was 202 and she weighed herself twice to be sure.

"Oh, my goodness!" she said. "I lost five pounds already!"

Faith was downright giddy with excitement, a feeling RoseAnna knew was often fleeting. Even so, she told Faith what a great job she was doing and how proud she was of her.

"And I don't hurt anymore!" Faith announced. She turned to RoseAnna and hugged her. "Thank you so much! You're the best."

"Thank you, Faith, but you did this. You. Not me. Now keep in mind the first pounds are the easiest to lose," RoseAnna told her.

"They're what we call the 'low-hanging' fruit. Also remember, you're going to hit those plateaus, Faith. You can't turn back if you get stuck for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks at the same weight somewhere down the road, so start mentally preparing for that right now. But five pounds your first week? That's outstanding! Give me another hug, girlfriend!"

A week later, Faith weighed less than 200 pounds for the first time in many years. She was 197 pounds, having lost five more that week. She knew that once this so-called low-hanging fruit had been picked, two pounds a week was typical if exercise was included—just one if diet alone was the only change. Still, the thought of having lost ten pounds was exciting, and she could actually see and feel the difference.

"These sweat pants were tight when we first started," Faith told her. "Now look!"

She pulled on the waistband to show how much slack there was.

"You see! I told you you could do this!" RoseAnna said smiling brightly and offering her a high five.

In spite of the recent gains...or actually...losses...it had been a constant struggle to stick with the program each day. Having RoseAnna around had kept Faith on the straight and narrow. Her biggest fear was going it alone from here on out.

"Your insurance will only pay for one more week. I can stay the additional week now or come back a day here and there as needed. It's your call," she explained to Faith.

They'd walked a mile for the first time two days ago, and that had taken them way out of Faith's comfort zone as they walked down a long, two-mile road called 'the parkway' that ran through the housing development where Faith lived. Many people passed them in cars and even a few bicycles had gone by. No one, thankfully, had made any kind of negative comment.

"Are you up for your first solo walk today?" RoseAnna asked as she got ready to leave after watching Faith make her own breakfast.

"Honestly? I'm a little freaked out about it, but... I am going to do it. Beyond that, I don't know."

"That's my girl!" RoseAnna told her.

"Just keep that image in your mind at all times, okay? No matter what else happens, SEE it and believe it. Can you do that for me? For yourself?"

Faith took a deep breath and felt like she might cry. The thought of losing her new friend, the only friend she'd had outside her mother since childhood, was indeed frightening and it made her very sad.

"I can try," Faith said fighting back tears.

"Come here. Give me a big hug, okay?"

The two embraced and RoseAnna said, "I believe in you, Faith. Just keep believing in yourself, okay?"

Faith wiped a tear from her eye with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and nodded her head. "That's my girl. Okay, I've gotta to get going, sweetie. I have other people to help! Stay strong!"

Faith walked her outside to her car and waved goodbye. She wanted to run back inside and empty the cupboards, but there was nothing tasty to eat. Everything was 'twigs and bark', so for now she decided to start walking as RoseAnna pulled away.

"Don't give up!" Faith heard her call out as her little sedan drove off.

Faith waved and forced a smile as she strode down the sidewalk. Her pace was already quite a bit faster than it had been the first few days. She felt confident until she got to the parkway and realized she was now all alone.

"Size 14 or bust," she said quietly as she turned the corner and turned onto the parkway.

*****

"You ready to rock and roll, former principal of mine?"

"Almost. Let me take a leak and we'll be...on the road again," his friend sang in a country twang.

Rob Monroe retired from the King County school district at the end of the last school year, a little over a 14 months after his wife, Beverly, had passed away from breast cancer. He had just short of 30 years service with the county, and even with the early retirement, he'd have a decent, steady income for life. He and Bev had also taken out modest life insurance policies—$100k on him and $50k on her—and Monroe still had a little over $40k of that money plus what they'd saved over the years. Financially, he had no real concerns. The bigger problem was staying motivated when all he felt like doing was staying in bed—or worse.

He'd always enjoyed teaching, and he'd loved being an administrator, but work had become nothing but a horrible grind since the day his beloved wife of 21 years died. It was just an endless slog of paperwork, dealing with behavioral problems, angry parents, and the school board. What had always been an enjoyable challenge became a hellish nightmare, so he'd called it quits never stopping to think that full-retirement might be worse than working full-time.

He was truly grateful for his best friend of over 20 years, Kevin Hoffman, who spent as much time with Monroe as he could. Since it was summer vacation for students, both men were free to do any kind of activity they enjoyed and for now, the only one Monroe could stand to do was bicycle riding.

He'd always loved most sports, but cycling had been his passion. But since Bev's death, he rarely played anything or even watched sports on TV. Kevin had pushed his long-time friend to ride with him, and it was the one thing Monroe still looked forward to each day.

They were getting ready for a 50-miler and for some reason Monroe was feeling better than usual. He drained his lizard, picked up his water bottle and iPod, and told Hoffman he was ready to go.

They headed out of the subdivision where Monroe lived then made their way down a couple of busy streets to a road that ran for several miles out toward a small former mining town. It was lightly traveled during the morning hours and the scenery was beautiful; something Monroe never tired of seeing.

They averaged about 15mph which wasn't all that fast, but for two guys in their early 50s, it was more than adequate. They cruised along for a good three hours taking just one quick break to drink some water—and pee again—something that was really starting to well, piss Monroe off.

"You need to get yourself some FloMax, buddy," Hoffman kidded but Monroe was thinking seriously about doing just that. Going more often during the day was no big deal, but getting up 3-4 times a night every night was getting old fast—like him.

"Let's 'get some' on the last five miles. What do you say?" Hoffman asked issuing a challenge.

"It's on," Monroe said mounting his metal steed and clipping his toes into the pedals. They got up to close to 25mph on the flat terrain and let it rip until they hit the city and had to slow it down. They cruised into the development then picked up the speed again.

They were about a mile from Monroe's house when they saw a young woman, a very large young woman, turn onto the parkway. Hoffman slowed down and as they passed her he said rather loudly to Monroe, "Damn, that chick could create her own gravitational field!"

Monroe rarely got upset and even more rarely got angry. But that comment set him off.

He looked back at the girl then waited for a few seconds before speaking. "That was pretty low, Kev. What if she heard you?"

"So what if she did? Maybe it'll motivate her to keep walking. Lord knows she needs to."

They hit the brakes as they pulled into his driveway, and when they stopped Monroe said, "People respond to positive motivation. That kind of thing does nothing but inflict guilt and pain. That was really...fucked up, Kevin."

"Okay. Jesus. Hold your horses already. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Apologizing to me won't help."

"What? You want me to go back and tell her I'm sorry?"

Monroe just glared at him.

"Seriously? You want me to...."

He could tell his friend was deadly seriously. "Okay. Fine. I'll stop and say something on the way out."

He looked at Monroe, hung his head slightly, then said, "You're right, you know. That was pretty low budget."

"Just go make it right, okay? And Kevin? Don't say anything to make it worse. Please?"

Hoffman felt like he was sitting in the principal's office getting counseled for having done something he knew he shouldn't have done. The fact that Monroe was also his best friend made him feel very small indeed.

"I'll be good. I promise. Oh, I can't make it tomorrow, by the way. I gotta take Gabe to baseball camp, remember? In fact, I'll be gone until Thursday or Friday. Think you can handle things without me that long?"

Monroe grinned and said, "I'll try and limp by...asshole."

Hoffman laughed, grateful his friend seemed to be doing better then said, "Okay, brother. See you then and thanks for the ride today. Not too bad for a fellow old man!"

With that, Hoffman turned around and headed back to his house which was about three miles to the east.

On the way out, he saw the girl and circled back and got her attention. For a minute or so he hemmed and hawed before he fessed up, then felt like crap when she told him she had indeed heard his comment. He apologized profusely and let her know his best friend had shamed him into finding her doing the right thing.

"He's had it pretty rough with his wife dying, and yet he's still a really great guy, you know? Me? Well, obviously I've got a lot of work to do. I really don't even know why I said it and again, I'm very sorry."

Faith had managed not to cry or even get angry at Hoffman, but his comment had fed into her growing anger at herself. A part of her wanted to lash out at him for being a jerk, and yet her better self won out.

"It's okay. I've heard it all my life. It's no big deal."

"Yes, it is a big deal. That was a terrible thing to say, and I'm very, very sorry. Just please don't blame my friend if you see him out here again. It was all me. I'm the dick."

Faith actually laughed when he said that.

"You are a dick," she agreed as she kept walking.

"You won't get any argument from me," he said sheepishly. "And for what's it worth, I admire you for getting out here and doing this. I think that's pretty incredible."

Again, Faith wanted to make a snide remark about what could have been a very condescending remark about how 'incredible it was a fat chick like you has the nerve to walk in public' but she held her tongue and thanked him instead.

Hoffman felt slightly better when she laughed so he let out a nervous laugh, too, before apologizing yet and again and wishing her well.

"It's none of my business, but I really admire you for getting out here and doing this. Stay strong, okay?" he said before turning around and headed home while Faith reached her turnaround point and did the same thing.

She didn't have time or the inclination to mention he'd just said the very thing she'd been thinking. The good news was he'd said it in a very positive way, and by the time he left, her...determination...was back in full force.

"Stay strong," she said to herself remembering that was the same thing RoseAnna had just told her.

Another car passed her just seconds later then it was quiet for a minute or so before two more passed one after the other.

"Okay, I can do this," she said out loud trying to convince herself. A few more cars passed and one woman who went by quietly said, "Lookin' good! I need to join you!"

Faith smiled and waved. "Anytime!" she called back picking up the pace slightly.

She walked an extra half mile and felt better than she ever had by the time she got home. She showered then made herself lunch choosing a meal RoseAnna had put on her list of suggestions. She did her weight training that night and made it through dinner without a slip.

She struggled the next morning but got through breakfast which was oatmeal with a small amount of brown sugar and a tiny bat of butter and a glass of orange juice and yet another glass of water.

"Time to walk, girl," she told herself. The sweatpants were even looser than before, and that gave Faith the boost she needed before heading out to walk.

She was almost to her turnaround point when she saw someone on a bicycle heading her way. He was way down the road, but by the time she turned around he was right beside her.

"Mornin'!" she heard the rider say in a friendly tone but not too loudly. She knew he was there, but he still scared her.

"Oh, my gosh!" she said grabbing her chest.

He slowed to match her speed and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?"

She quickly glanced his way before saying, "I'm all right. I just didn't expect you to say anything."

She recognized him as the other guy's friend; the one who'd convinced him to apologize to her.

"Sorry, I can't help myself. I see a pretty girl and I've gotta say hi," he said smiling at her.

Faith felt a flash of anger at having been insulted after thinking he might not be such a bad guy. Were it possible, she'd have willed herself to be back home away from his stare.

"You don't have to be mean," she told him. "Your friend said you were different. He told me you were the nice guy."

The man on the bike was genuinely confused.

"I wasn't being mean," he said as politely as he could. "I was being friendly. If I offended you, I'm very sorry."

Faith took another quick look and saw the man was maybe 50 or so. He was wearing a helmet and sunglasses so she couldn't really be sure. He was obviously thin and had no idea what her life was like.

"I'm trying to lose weight, and you have no idea how hard it is for me to even be out here. When you say things like that, it just makes it harder. Just letting people see me walking is very difficult for me. Being mean doesn't help."

The man stopped his bike and said as kindly as he could, "I don't know what you think I meant, but I was not being mean."

Faith stopped but didn't turn around. She wanted to run, but knew she couldn't. The man pushed off with his foot and coasted until he was next to her.

He took off his sunglasses and said, "My name's Rob Monroe." He was holding his hand out and waiting for Faith to shake it.

Faith couldn't bring herself to even turn toward him, but she did speak. "I'm Faith...Palmer."

The man lowered his hand then said, "I recently retired from being a high school principal. I stuck with it for a while after my wife passed away, but got to where I couldn't stand being around other people so I kind of understand how you feel. I've always love bicycle riding and after a long period of time where I didn't want to do anything but stay in bed, I got back to it as a way to take my mind off of her."

He paused then said sincerely, "Faith? I was not in any way trying to be mean. I really was trying to be friendly. So could we maybe start over here?"

"I'm sorry," Faith said still not looking at him. "It's just that no one has ever called me pretty before unless they're being cruel so when you said it, I just assumed you were getting ready to say something else. You know, about my size."

"I know people can be cruel. That's why I asked my friend, Kevin, to come back and apologize to you. Also, I taught high school for ten years before becoming an administrator and did that for nearly 20 more before retiring two weeks ago. I've seen and heard kids say the meanest, cruelest things imaginable. But I would never, ever say anything like that to you or anyone else."

He stopped talking for a few moments, and Faith turned slightly his direction. He seemed to be pinching the top of his nose and that's when she realized he was fighting back tears.

"I know what it's like to feel pain. No, no one's ever really given me a hard time about the way I look, but I watched my wife suffer terribly her last two months, and I was helpless to do anything for her. The last thing I'd ever do is intentionally inflict pain of any kind on anyone. I've never been alone before, and it's worse than I imagined so when I pass by someone...anyone...I like to say something nice. Obviously, it came across the wrong way. Again, I'm very sorry."

He put on his sunglasses then said, "For what it's worth, I think you're incredibly strong to something that's hard for you to do, and I hope you stick with it. And when I said I thought you were pretty, I meant it. So I guess I'll take off and let you finish your walk."

He clicked his toe clip into one of the pedals and got ready to leave.

Faith finally turned toward him and said, "I'm sorry I overreacted. It's just that I have a lifetime of negative experiences so I really don't even know how to react when someone says something nice."

Monroe smiled at her then told her, "You could try smiling and saying 'thank you'."

Thanks to the braces she'd worn from 13-15, Faith did have a beautiful smile. She just rarely let anyone see it. As she looked at Monroe, who was still smiling at her, she found herself smiling back.

"Okay, um...thank you, Mr. Monroe."

His smile widened and he told her, "You're very welcome, Miss Faith. Maybe we'll see each other out here again sometime."

She didn't respond so he asked, "Do you have a regular time for your walk?"

"I've only been walking for two weeks and I usually come out an hour later. I only got here this early today because I was really feeling good this morning."

"Well, I'm out here around this time every morning—unless it rains—so if you wouldn't mind the company of a lonely old man, I'd he happy to ride alongside or even walk with you. No pressure. Just offering."

"Oh, I don't walk that fast," she said. "You'd get bored rather quickly, I'm sure. Besides, I don't go that far, either so...."

"Okay, I haven't dated in um...many, many years, but I still know when I'm getting the brush off," he said with a smile. "Okay. I just thought you might enjoy the company. I know I would. My friend—Kevin—is taking his son to a baseball camp over in Wenatchee, and I don't do so well alone. Then again, I'd probably talk your leg off. We never had children so other than a brother who lives out in Iowa, I don't really have anyone to talk to and I get really get on a roll."

He stopped then said, "Um...like right now."