First Kiss

"No. Faith. It...it isn't that I don't want to, it's just that I'm afraid you might...."

His sentence was interrupted when Faith quickly moved toward him and kissed him square on the lips. It was one of the strangest kisses he'd ever had. It wasn't a peck, but it also wasn't an open-mouthed kiss. Faith had these very soft, puffy lips that just sort of pressed against his for maybe a second and then pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I'm...so sorry, Mr. Monroe. I don't know why I did that. I...I feel so...embarrassed. Can we please just leave?"

"No. No, we can't," he replied politely. "Not until you look at me again."

"Please don't scold me," she said on the verge of crying again.

"Scold you? Faith, I'm not upset," he told her as he waiting for her to turn toward him again.

When she finally did he said, "I'm not upset at all, Faith. And even though that was rather...unexpected...it was actually very sweet. But...well, people don't just kiss each other like that without some kind of reason. So it was a little unusual, but it's nothing to feel bad about. Okay?"

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears again.

"Because I guess I just really like you," he told her.

"But not enough to kiss me, right? she said as she looked away.

"We only just met, Faith. And those kinds of feelings take time, right?" he said with a kind smile.

"If you don't want to do this again, it's okay," she replied.

"You mean ride our bikes together? Of course I want to."

He reached over and gently lifted her chin and turned her face toward him.

"I do like you, Faith. I enjoy being with you. I just never thought about you or...us...like that."

"Why would you? That would be disgusting," she said as she turned away again.

"No. It would not be disgusting. It would just be...odd. Faith, do you know how old I am?"

She shook her head without answering.

"I'm 51. Not 31 or even 41. I'm 51 years old. People my age...men my age...we don't...I mean, it's just not very common for guys my age to, you know, date a woman your age. But that doesn't mean I don't like you," he explained.

"I'm sorry I ruined our bike ride," she said in reply.

"Hey, you didn't ruin anything, okay?" he told her. "It's not every day a guy my age gets kissed by a pretty young girl. If you did anything, you made my day."

"You're just being nice again."

"I can't help it. I'm a nice guy!" he said cheerfully.

He saw Faith try and smile then said, "Right? I am a nice guy, don't you think?"

No guy of any age had ever been playful with her before, and Faith couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess you're kind of nice," she admitted, finally feeling a little less foolish.

"Kind of nice. Hmmm. Okay, I'll accept that!" he said in a happy, upbeat tone of voice. "You ready to head back yet?"

"Um, could we maybe ride a little further?" she asked looking at him for a brief moment.

"I believe we could!" he told her. "You just say 'when' and we'll turn around."

It took about six minutes to travel a mile and Rob was surprised when a half hour passed, and Faith still hadn't asked to turn back.

"You doing okay?" he finally asked.

"It's funny, but I was starving when we were sitting down back there. But that feeling passed, and now I don't even feel hungry. That's never happened to me before. I guess I was hoping to make the feeling last as long as possible."

"Wow. That's great, Faith. I'm happy to keep going, but we've come almost ten miles and we do have to ride back. Do you maybe want to turn around now?" he asked without being pushy.

"Um...sure," she said as they slowed down then lazily looped back around.

For once Rob didn't have much to say on the ride back. He spent most of his time thinking about what had happened and how it had made him feel. No, he hadn't kissed any woman since he'd asked his wife to 'go steady' nor had he been kissed by one. But as odd, strange, or weird as that unexpected kiss had been it really had been pleasant. He knew it wouldn't or couldn't lead to anything, but it had been very nice nonetheless.

As they neared the end of the bike path Faith said, "You've been very quiet, Mr. Monroe. Are you really not mad at me?"

"No. I'm definitely not upset, Faith."

"Then why aren't you talking? You always talk."

"I guess I was just thinking," he replied.

"About how socially awkward I am?" she asked. "It's okay. I've heard quite a few people say that about me before. They're right, you know. I don't really know how to act around other people. Especially someone who's so, you know...nice to me."

Rob smiled then told her, "Maybe I just forgot how nice it is to be kissed by a pretty girl."

Faith had been glancing over at him as they talked, but as soon as he said that, she looked away then never looked at him again until they stopped in front of her house.

Faith got off the bike and said, "I am gonna be so sore tomorrow!"

She almost said, "My butt is killing me," but refrained.

"Does that mean you're planning on riding with me again tomorrow?" he asked.

"Well, yeah. I mean, unless you don't want me to," she said assuming he was looking for a way out of riding with her again.

"No. I definitely want to do this again," he told her, still feeling confused about what had happened.

"Oh, okay. Well, then I guess I'll see you here tomorrow, Mr. Monroe."

"Sounds like a plan, Faith," he replied.

Faith smiled, turned the bike toward her house then headed toward the garage when he stopped her.

"Faith?" he called out.

"Yes?" she said turning around halfway.

"Um, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to...."

He stopped talking when he realized what he was about to say.

"To what?" she asked after a period of silence.

"Oh, um...would you like to call me Rob instead of Mr. Monroe?" he said shifting gears quickly.

"Well, sure. I'll see you tomorrow then...Rob," she said in a very sweet kind of way that only added to his confusion.

Before she went to bed that night, Faith did something she hadn't done in so long she couldn't remember the last time she'd done it. She undressed and looked at herself in the mirror. She could tell she'd lost weight, but even so, all she could see was fat. From her chin to her calves, she hated the way her body looked. The only positive thing she could say was that her face looked a little bit thinner than it had.

The temptation to go downstairs and eat everything she could find was almost overpowering. The only thing that kept her from doing it was something she was even more embarrassed to think about than her weight. And that thing was...the kiss.

Faith knew Mr. Mon...Rob...didn't want to be kissed. In fact, he was probably sickened by it in spite of his words to the contrary. But he hadn't pulled away or made a face or...thrown up. He'd just let her kiss him, and for the first time in her life, Faith Palmer wondered if some man, somewhere, might one day actually want to kiss her.

She laid down and found herself unable to stop thinking about the kiss or the man who'd let her kiss him. Suddenly aware that she was very wet, something that almost never happened, she did something else she rarely ever did.

As she did it, she fantasized about kissing him again and then about him telling her he wanted to kiss her—because she was so pretty. Faith never fantasized about sex. That was well outside her comfort zone. But she did fantasize about being kissed, and when she tried to imagine what it would feel like for her tongue to touch his, her body exploded in wave after wave of pleasant sensations.

For a brief moment, she forgot she was what one cruel boy had called 'a beachball with lips' and imagined herself in a white wedding dress as Rob placed a diamond ring on her finger. A finger that no longer resembled a Vienna sausage, but one that was as slender as her size four body.

It didn't matter that it would never come true. Just the thought that she might one day experience something similar to that provided the motivation to avoid breaking her diet and to meet her...boy who was her friend...the next morning for another bike ride.

Faith was more than surprised to see RoseAnna in the kitchen that morning.

"I totally forgot you were coming today," Faith said as they hugged one another.

"I'm here and...you actually feel smaller, Faith," RoseAnna told her truthfully.

Faith smiled and said, "You know what? I haven't weighed myself yet, but I feel...really good."

"Wow. And you're smiling. This is amazing, Faith," RoseAnna said. "Does that smile possibly mean you've met someone?"

Faith blushed heavily and turned away before saying, "Maybe."

"Oh, honey. Don't be embarrassed!" RoseAnna said. "That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!"

She continued working on the next two weeks worth of meals for Faith then in a low-key way said, "Do you wanna to tell me about him?"

"Oh, I don't know," Faith said feeling even more shy than normal yet bursting at the seams to tell someone. Her mom was still asleep, hung over as usual.

"That's okay. But if you ever want to talk...."

"He's really nice," Faith said all of a sudden.

"Nice is...nice!" RoseAnna said supportively and with a smile.

"We um...we ride bikes together," Faith told her.

"I didn't know you had a bicycle."

"I don't. Rob...that's my...friend...leant me his. Actually it was his wife's."

RoseAnna raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"No! It's not like that. He's...she passed away a couple of years ago."

"That is so sad!" RoseAnna said. "I can't even imagine. How awful."

"He said he started riding again to try and forget about her. Anyway, I was out walking and he rode by and said 'hello' and then he told me I was...."

RoseAnna was praying she wouldn't say something like 'heavy' or God forbid—fat.

"Pretty."

RoseAnna's face lit up as she said, "See! I told you you were beautiful!"

"No, I'm not," Faith said. "But I don't feel...ugly or...you know...when I'm with him." She didn't say 'fat' but RoseAnna understood.

RoseAnna walked over and without asking, hugged Faith.

"Listen. You are beautiful. Overweight is not ugly. It's just—overweight. And you're addressing that, and I'm so proud of you, Faith. Keep going and you'll start believing me because you are a beautiful young woman. Obviously, this young man sees it, too," she told her younger client and friend.

"RoseAnna?"

"Yes?"

"Is it...normal for two people to, you know, date...if one of them is maybe older?"

"Oh. Is your young man older than you?"

Faith nodded but didn't speak.

"Well, it's really no one's business but yours who you date, sweetheart. If you like him, and if he likes you, and if he makes you happy, what difference does it make?" she said having no idea just how much older this 'young man' was than Faith.

"He is nice to you, right?" RoseAnna asked suddenly worried that any man who paid attention to her could be using her for all the wrong reasons.

"Yes. He's very nice and he's...he's such a gentleman," she said recalling the kiss.

"Then I don't see a problem."

"No. I guess maybe there isn't one," Faith said almost absentmindedly.

"Okay, let's go over your meal plan then check your weight, and decide when you want me to come back again, okay?" RoseAnna said cheerfully.

When Faith stepped on the scale, RoseAnna asked her to step off then try again. For the second time it read '182'.

"Faith? Have you been eating?" she asked now concerned about something like anorexia.

"Yes. But not that much," she said. "And Rob and I went on a really long bike ride yesterday so I missed lunch."

"I'm sorry for sounding so worried, but that's a lot of weight, honey. Please make sure you're following the meal plan to the letter, okay?"

RoseAnna looked at her then said, "And please go buy some new sweats! Those look ridiculous on you!"

Faith actually smiled when she saw the way RoseAnna looked at her.

"Okay. I'll do that," she promised as her dietitian got ready to leave.

Faith was using a long piece of rope to hold her sweatpants up and it didn't always stay in place. It really was time to buy some more, but going to a store was still asking too much. She'd order them online and wait for them to arrive, making due until they did.

As she got ready to go outside she wavered between excitement and fear as she wondered if Rob would even show up. As she waited by the curb her emotions ran the gamut until she saw his bike come flying around the corner and heading toward her.

"Hey there!" he called out as he braked to a stop. "The weather is perfect today!"

"It's actually sunny," Faith said looking at the perfectly clear, blue sky, a rarity for the greater Seattle anytime of the year.

"You ready?" Rob asked hoping to put the events of yesterday behind them.

"I'm a little sore, but yes. I'm ready," she told him.

"Riding uses different muscles than walking, but because you'd been walking, it won't last long," he assured her.

Rob was back to his old self talking up a storm as they rode. That wasn't surprising, but what was, was that Faith was talking back.

"Someone's in a good mood today," he said as the zipped by the picnic area.

"I guess I am," she said with a smile. "You wanna race to that power line up there?"

"Seriously?" Rob said with a smile of his own. "It is so on!"

He could have beaten her by a couple of hundred yards but took it easy to keep it close. Just seeing her enjoy herself made him feel good, and there was no need to crush her spirit. He wasn't going to let her win. That would be too obvious. But he did keep it reasonably close.

"Woo-hoo!" Faith yelled as they coasted underneath the huge cables overhead.

"You gave me a run for my money, young lady!" he told her.

Faith was breathing hard but felt good as she said, "I know you let me win, but that's okay. I never expected to beat you. I just wanted to see if I could do that."

"You did and you did great," Rob told her.

"I need to rest," Faith said still breathing hard.

"Let's just ride really slowly back to the picnic area and we'll take a break," he suggested.

"Oh, I don't know if that's such a good idea," Faith said, nearly gasping for air.

"Oh. The kiss," Rob said.

"I still feel really embarrassed about that," she admitted.

Rob surprised her when he said, "I thought about that a lot yesterday."

"Me, too," Faith further admitted. "I honestly didn't think you'd come back today."

"You know, I wasn't sure if I would," he told her truthfully.

"I'm surprised you did. I mean, what kind of weirdo just kisses someone she doesn't even know?" Faith said now able to breathe normally again.

"That's not what I meant," Rob said.

"I'm sorry?" Faith asked not understanding.

"Let's sit down and I'll try and explain it," Rob told her as they pulled into the picnic area.

They sat in the same place, but this time Faith removed her helmet, too.

"Faith?" Rob began. "I'm not sure where to begin so if I ramble, please forgive me."

"That's fine," she said not knowing what else to say.

"Everyone, and I mean everyone, battles some kind of problem or issue. Male, female, black, white, Hispanic, young, old, rich, poor. All of us."

"You forgot fat or thin," she said with a faint smile.

"Sorry. Yes, weight is just one issue of many. Mine is loneliness. We never had children and my wife was everything to me. When she died, a part of me died. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, Faith. I'm trying to be honest."

"I don't think you're being dramatic," she said kindly.

"So...yesterday...when we were sitting here and...that happened...."

"I know. It won't happen again, Rob. I promise."

"Faith? You really need to let me finish, okay?" he said just as kindly.

She looked away and Rob felt bad so he put a hand on her arm then said, "When that happened, a part of me—the lonely part—was so happy that a girl as young as you cared about a guy as old as me in...that way. Am I making any sense?"

"It sounds like you're saying the rest of you thought it was disgusting."

"Please don't use that word, Faith. Please? It's so...wrong. Anyway, that's not what I was trying to explain. What I meant was, I'm so lonely so often that your kiss made me feel like someone cared again. Like...like someone loved me. I felt guilty the rest of the day because, well...because I found it so hard not to kiss you back, and I know how wrong that would be."

"Now I really don't understand," she told him as she was thoroughly confused.

"I don't know your exact age, but I'm probably twice as old as you are. You're so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm not saying you couldn't possibly be interested in a man my age, Faith. I'm just saying I would feel terrible if I acted on my feelings unless I knew you were. It would be like I was trying to...I don't know...rob you of your youth of something."

"I know you were a teacher and a principal, but I still don't understand. It sounds like you have some kind of feelings for me, but you're upset that you do. And robbing me of my youth doesn't make any sense, either," she said on the verge of crying again.

"I know. I've been struggling with how to say this all night and all morning."

"Then just say it. Don't sugarcoat it, okay? Just tell me."

"Okay. Here goes," Rob began.

"When you kissed me, all my years as a teacher and as a happily married man caused me to think how wrong that was. But the part of me that still hopes somewhere deep down inside that I could one day love again, made we want to kiss you back."

"Then why didn't you?" Faith said knowing she should know but hoping he'd understand that yesterday was the sum total of her romantic experience in life.

"Maybe it's some kind of protective instinct," he told her.

"Who or what are you trying to protect? I'm 26 years old and that was the first time I ever kissed someone, and I've still never been kissed, and I lay awake at night sometimes wondering if I ever will be."

"I'll kiss you," Rob said tenderly. "If...if you really want me to."

She looked at him for a brief moment then said, "Yes...if you really want to."

"I do," he told her. "I very much want to kiss you, Faith. I just don't want you to think I'm some kind of...I don't know...pervert or something."

"I don't. I don't think anything like that. I...I think you're kind and nice and...and...sexy," she said, her body aching to be kissed and held.

"And I think you're beautiful," he said as he touched her face. "So...may I? Kiss you?"

"Yes," she said, her heart beating out of her chest.

Faith closed her eyes as his lips met hers. Just like in the movies his mouth was slightly open while hers was closed tight.

As their lips touched, Faith parted hers to match his and was finally able to reach up and put her arms around a man. A kind, gentle man who wanted to kiss her. As she did, he put an arm around her still-very large waist and continued to kiss her.

Faith didn't know how long that real first kiss lasted. She only knew it was the happiest moment of her life. When he continued to hold her, she wasn't sure whether or not she would cry again. All she knew is she never wanted it to end.

When Rob went to pull away Faith said, "No. Please don't let go. I'm afraid if you do this will turn out to be a dream that will vanish and never come back."

Rob held her for a while wondering how he could possibly feel this way for someone so young and someone he'd really just met. He was willing to admit it might be nothing more some kind of yearning to have physical contact with another human being, and yet, in spite of all the reasons why he shouldn't be feeling this way, he was, and for now, at least, that was enough.

"Okay. I think I can stand it if you let go now," Faith finally said.