All Comments on 'First Time in Newquay'

Is it Jack or Alec? Your hero seems to change names every other paragraph. This is a silly mistake and spoils an otherwise promising story.

Is it Jack or Alec? Your hero seems to change names every other paragraph. This is a silly mistake and spoils an otherwise promising story.

Newquay is Cornwall not Devon. Other than that Great Story.

like the other guy newquay isnt in devonshire its in CORNWALL i cant stress that enought if you mention that to a cornish person you might get stabbed word of warning

As has been already mentioned, the mixup of character names makes for confusing reading. Likewise, when I came to this I was scratching my head: "he felt his hand on his arse pulling him further into her". Spellcheck is good, but is not a substitute for editing.

Your storyline, however, was very interesting. It's the details that make or break a story.

As the characters in the story, whoever they were supposed to be called, obviously couldn't keept their hands from each other, then why wait till finishing A Levels. How about writing your next story with the characters just finishing O Levels. The sex would still be legal under the local laws. Makes things all the more believable, you know.

A good story but really needs editing. The author has, several times, used the wrong names for some of his characters. There are, also, some missing and superfluous words in places.