All Comments on 'Football, Sweat, Sex'

Technically, your writing is very good and thankfully devoid of the illiteracy rampant in many other stories here. I liked the early touch of humor when he says his name is Robert and everyone just calls him Robert. I would correct the numbers. If they're under 100, you need to write them out.

Other than that, the sex seems very rushed and lacking in details - description and emotions - that would make it sexier and more erotic. This is the first time this teenager has been with an older man - a MUCH older man, yet she behaves like an experienced hooker. Wouldn't she be at least a little nervous, hesitant, unsure? Anything? I kind of doubt she'd be taking note that his "boner" is "about 6 (SIX) inches long." We just get that he did this and she did that, and nothing of how she felt about any of it.

You have talent as a writer but this could be so much better!

"Robert, but everyone calls me Robert." Did you mean to say Robby or Bob because this dialog seems redundant.

Based on a true experience?