All Comments on 'Forbidden Love Ch. 01'

I started to read this but I was unable to get very far into it because of the very bad grammar and spelling. The story seems to have a lot of potential though. I highly suggest using a spellchecker and have someone proofread it before posting.

But it could use a good edit to clean up some of the errors.

I enjoyed the fact that they both were in love with each other and had sex.

I would like to read what happens next. What do they do at the family reunion? Do they act like brother and sister or do they act like lovers at the reunion? Do they stay together after they leave to go home, since they have found that they are in love with each other, or do they go their separate ways?

There's a lot more to tell yet.

Thanks for the read.

Not a bad start, I hope you will continue with this story.

You never know who is reading your story and for you to point out black guys it seemed so stereotypical. If you are going to point out race then the race of the characters need to placed in the story. I also think that it is a good story but find it hard to believe that standing up for his sister is the only motive for wanting this relationship because that is what brothers do. For the next chapter think about some of these things before writing.

... but you're either no native speaker or you should really get help with spelling and grammar. Even as a German I've been aware of a bulk of errors which made it hard to finish reading.

Anyway I'll be waiting for Ch. 02!

Grammar and phraseology (you know what THEY are, don't you?) made it difficult to go past the let's dance lines. Sorry, I could not cope with this story even with its seemingly v.g. potential

Loved the way this story is headed. This is a public site for all to submit, if you are that commited to spelling and grammer stick to the fucking newspaper ya bunch of wankers.

A nice start. Some errors, but not bad. You will get better with practice. Keep writing.

Good story but the grammatical errors really make it difficult to read....Find an editor/mentor to help you out...

For those of you that can't leave a comment as yourself and have to hide as an anonymous user shut the hell up please. It may need help but help give constructive help where they as the writer can talk to you and if it bothers you that much offer to help... goodbye. By the way to the writer awesome story line very well written sweetie!

Good detail, nice composition, all-in-all a good read.

If you don't like people being anonymous, what the fuck are you doing in the internet? Does your slam extend to the positive comments? If not, than, in addition to a moron, you're a hypocrite.

Proof read your story. If it still sounds good, go back to school.

its crotch NOT crouch

I post this anonymously because I get tired of assholes sending me comments via my "page" to tell me I'm an asshole for posting anonymously. These are the babies who say us anons are idiots for posting anonymously. Once you post with your username, you get hammered for being a critic.... whether it's constructive or not.

Fuck off.

You truly are an asshole anyone who would try to justify their ugly comments by saying "it" was scared they would get slammed is just to self righteous. Your just a jealous hater with no talent . If you had any talent you would post your name and be proud of it. So just leave this site to those who aren't like you and can stand to read whats out there without being assholes. I'm sure I know who you are so just back of or.

"At least the mold did not form a political system yet."

made my day, amongst other things.:D

I mean come on, compared to: 'God, why do you have to such as bastard?'

Your's actually makes some sense :)

You have a good storyline. You DEFINITELY need an editor though. There are so many little mistakes that distract the reader from the otherwise good story.

this reads like it was written by a grade school dropout. there are words missing and extra words added when they aren't needed. the best thing the webmasters can do is DELETE the series and run it through a good editor. IF the webmasters were smart (and we all know they aren't) they would demand that all stories go though EDITORS BEFORE BEING POSTED. this first draft never should have been allowed on the site.

OK, but you need to find a native English speaker to proof-read and edit this for you.

Suck her milk kiss her vunt lund vagina psussy suck saliva kiss lips, breast milk heaven

Started out oretty well but dissolved into the 'usual' trite story.

Learn to spell 'crotch' as crouch never works!