All Comments on '"Forever in My Heart" Pt. 04'

I´ve enjoyed every part of this story and voted a 5 for each. Thanks for writing this.

Stories like this are the heart and soul of LW...A tremendous story...Jedd Clampett is a master and for sure this is one of his best stories. And being so, 5*

Had made a comment about your prologue and realized misread three stories meaning three chapters

Re-read and realize you will be posting two more stories. You indicated they were almost finished.

You mentioned dqs

Hopefully, unlike his promises about WWWM, you will keep yours

The Social Security Bureau cuts off aid to Chelsea who has lifelong congenital medical condition because she's just turned 18. Madeline is probably the smartest and most productive lawyer in her backwater firm , but has to render full oral services to have chance of advancing. Colt is mucking horse droppings because he wouldn't submit to university establishment , lost his engineering scholy. Alternate grants or Sally Mae loans don't exist in Carovhi's Orwellian America.

The author drives you to canyon border just like Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon did in 1966 Thunderbird convertible and asks you to suspend belief and go forward into the void, to trust him and as he shifts into drive and introduces accelerator to floor. This is a bold gambit . I didn't care for it . Others will . More power to them ( along with carefully packed parachute).

you did your job well. a tear came to my eye and the empty feeling in my chest caused me to breathe funny. even my wish that the mother die horribly came true.

Poor Maddie.

"I know I already got screwed over on the partnership thing...well, may as well suck the old guy's dick anyway. I hope Colt knows how much I'm in love with him!"

"You just sucked my dick to try and advance your career, and did a damn fine job. Swallowed my cum, too. I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell your father what you've done, young lady."

"Are you going to mention it was your dick I sucked?"

"Of course not. I don't want an ass kicking from your old man!"

"Damn. What other way could he possibly learn that tidbit? Guess I'm screwed again!"

Such a brilliant woman.

This dragged on and on. Not a great storyline or characters. nelow your usual quality.

A pretty good read, although, there has to be a chaper 5. This one leaves us hanging. Don't worry about the anonymous comments. They only like one or two types of stories.

Some good character development, but way too many loose ends to tie up. Needs one more chapter.

It will earn the five stars, right now its only a four. I acknowledge that you want to leave some of this up to the readers imagination. However in this case with the history and your personality it would be better for you to finish it.

Thank you

You had a great story going and then you just mailed this chapter in. Terrible.

It wasn't the guy she sucked who was going to tell her father!

What I don't understand is why Mr. Schilling, who was so disappointed in her, didn't put a stop to her whoring for the company!

My mistake, she wasn't being punished for the whoring, it was for the antique business.

She still should have told him about the other partners using sex to get business.

I'm flummoxed. You had the plot, you had the characters, you had great emotion and drama and suspense and a compelling story line. And you botched it. The strong clever calculating woman becomes a stupid weak cum dump chump. The mysterious devoted self-sacrificing knight becomes a clueless dithering joker, chasing a hopeless sex-based relationship doomed to embarrassing conflicts between class, status, and professional image. She'll fuck Colt until she finally settles down and finds a partner of equal social status and shallow character. And neither she nor us will really care how Colt ends up disappearing from our lives.

What you really ran short of was not talent and not imagination, but time, and dedication. You gave up on this story. Too bad. It could have been a great one. Here's a 4 for your time and trouble. It still was better than most of the dreck that litters this site. How's that for praise? I'm embarrassed about the glowing comments I made of previous chapters.

Trying to understand the reason behind killing off poor Chelsea. Besides being an unfortunate, somewhat incestuous love interest; was there really a point to killing her off and not having her recover more; removing bullet, etc.

The ending did leave for wanting more closure; but, I guess that's the old adage: "always leave them wanting more..."

Also, as with others; wonder why this wouldn't be in another category, like non-erotic; as towards the core of the story.

I don't know why but, I cannot rate this above a 4. Probably would've given it a 5 if Chelsea had survived but, found another love interest; possibly an often overlooked, not overly handsome orderly during her recovery... Just a thought but, that's the romantic in me.

We (readers) can only imagine that the reason why this is in LW category is because Madeline & Colton eventually get married; otherwise where is the "wife" in the story?

At the end you used Chelsea's name in place of Madeline's. "Chelsea met her Dad and yes he was terribly disappointed!" Talk about a bone-headed mistake! This was a miserable, depressing story. And you left it completely unfinished. You tried to be cute in the end and failed miserably - again. Colton would very likely be facing rape charges for his actions with Chelsea. And for a big, tough lawyer, why didn't Madeline simply tell Mr. Schilling the whole truth if she felt she was done? I usually like your stories but this was simply awful. And you really need an editor. I had to laugh early on when "God" made an unexpected appearance. Please post a better story soon so I can get the bad taste from this mess out of my mouth.

1 star

And I agree fully with the ending. This was Chelsea's story, not Maddie's, and is]t was exceptionally told, yes, there is a thread the author can follow with Maddie and Colt, but I'm not sure that it would remain as deep. Thanks for this story.

This story seem to be dragging. I'm a little unsure where the story is going. I don't like Madeline, she's nothing but a whore--a cheap stupid whore at that. Will they marry? Are you serious? She has no morals, she's "in love" with Colton😕😕😕 so --- why is she going around sucking multiple cocks? Is this suppose to be romance, a type of captain save a hoe type story? The best character was Chelsea. The story doesn't really have me wanting more, or wanting to know where the characters are going. I'm done. 4 series of really nothing.

If I were to rate this story according to traditional creative writing standards then I would have no choice but to score it high. Creativity, originality, plot development, and characterization are all exemplary. . But I will not rate it high or low or rate it all for the author has broken my heart. I have cherished Carvohi's writing from the time I first encountered it. If, however, this is the type of story he intends write in the future then I shall not read him again. I know he must write in accordance with his own inspiration but my heart is too old and too damaged to bear the loss of another Chelsea.

It's hard for me to believe that the readers of the story did not understand the text. It was obvious to me the Colton and Chelsea were married in God's eye. A piece of paper issued by our lousy government does not mean someone is married, just that they live together. Colton and Chelsea loved each other and Colton would have cared for her forever. Take a good look at the Title to this story. Loved it!!!

The characters were well drawn, but not very appetizing. Still the protagonist of

erotic literature are not usually that attractive. It is the tale that is told that is important.

For those who appreciated the whole tale and then had a hissy fit because it did not end as they would have it, grow up.

You are in my favories and I often read your old stories when nothing good shows up in the new stories. Your writing is both crisp and well thought. This was no exception. However, one must suspend expectations of reality to believe the characters. If you intended parody, you disguised well. Easy and entertaining it was, one cannot ask for more.

I don´t think that was a mistake. I think you´ve just failed to understand it.

so wonderful that she can whore around AND get her happy ending. so progressive.

Thanks for your story!

Boyd Percy

This story is over,that is sad. There is another life here to. Live. What happens to the whore and does he get to become something . This was a sad story. I don't see how it was in loving wives section.

Thought this was a very satisfying read by a very talented author. The ending as written fulfilled the story of Chelsea and her dream. There is at least an implied promise that the story of the other characters will at some point appear. Great work!

5*s

Very few stories bring tears to my eyes. Thank you so very much. The depth of emotion astounds me.

- Nice Smile, Chicago

WTF is wrong with the previous anon douchebag. You've done better? I hope you get over your stroke? I think higher forms of slugs are equipped with more empathy and have less shit for brains. Jeez, my faith in humanity is perturbed every time I read crap like that. Back to the story: I think this is my favorite of any that you have written. It was powerful, complex, and moving. Don't pay attention to people who didn't get their "wanks per minute" or whatever the hell they are clambering for- this was a wonderful set piece that you should be proud of.

Read this on the other site. Very sad story but you did leave the possablity of more to come. I liked it s lpt.

I'm sorry I had to delete your comment. It was addressed to me in a personal way. I'm sorry your had a stroke. My injury was related to an accident on the farm, and I'm fully recovered. No there won't be a rewrite of this story. I am completely happy with the way it worked out.

There might be a sequel of sorts. This story occurred in 2010. That gives me nearly seven years. A lot can happen in peoples lives in that amount of time. The next time we hear from Madeline and Colton would be in a more contemporary environment.

I might conclude with this: read Mannicom's comment about the gist of this story.

Thanks for your remarks, but sorry no personal remarks directed about me. You could write another though. If you do, and if you choose to remain anonymous write a pseudonym.

Jedd Clampett

You had an awesome story going and then you ended it with no real closure. Ic1b

Why would Madeline, smart, tough as nails and a damn fine lawyer suck cick to get ahead then allow herself to be fucked over? Neither smart nor tough as nails. And you made a hige deal about her paying Chelseas bills but for what purpose? And Chelseas demise? What was the point?

Honestly, it seemed that you created intriguing amd well rounded characters just to do nothing with them and this whole part of Madeline begging for her job and to not inform her dad was ridiculous. It didnt fit the character you created.

In the end, this was worth only two stars.

You do need a revision if only to correct that glaring error at the end where"Chelsea" meets her father.

At the start of the final segment "The Whirlwind" The sentence said 'Chelsea' met her dad.' You're right, that was a mistake. It should have read Madeline met her dad. It turned out to be one of three errors I later found in part four. Maybe later, after everyone's done with this story I'll go back and fix them. Thanks for your pointing that out to me.

Jedd Clampet

Thanks for pointing that out.

Maybe that your story is a good one but for me its opaque why its postet at "Loving Wives"???

I like to think Chelsea did meet her dad and he was far from disappointed.

On balance the series was so-so. I rank as two stars for the entire set.

Well written and all, with some tragic bits. Yet it went no where particularly interesting, with characters I didn't even like getting a new start in another place.

Like Maddie went from heel to face and lost her brain. The first two installments were 5ers but the last one was jumbled. Maddie couldnt figure out a way to get past a lease or a gang bang? Did Colt just fuck a hospice patient to death on her hospital bed? I tried to see it romantically but just couldn't.

An enjoyable reading time. I saw Jedd's note! I didn't see 4 typos but I assumed the whirlwind section was supposed to Madeline (made sense that way). I will admitt Chelsea and Colt in the hospice bed did throw me some. If a couple and one was in hospice and the patient wanted sex I don't see Not happening! Especially since I assume Chelsea was talking to nurses and staff about Colt and he was there all the time and talked about loving her. Ok I am putting more thought into it - just I could see it happening in a private home! Less likely in the setting in the story but it was a nice touch since its what Chelsea wanted. Of course this is from the mind of carvohi /Jedd so all laws are void!

Thank you for sharing!

Please keep writing and I will keep reading!

Brian had cause given the way she treated him.

But dot had no reason to set her up with the nazi.

Yes she was the ultimate bitch, but still, what kind of friend sends you to the wolves.

And her boss, Hanlon, reneged on the deal, sex for a partnership. He deserves more than just a change of location. Payback is due.

Enjoyed the read.

Aside from it being a complete downer, this chapter was a bit of a mess, It's the final one, but there is no sense of completeness, of things being resolved, more like it ran into the sand.

It is obvious why this chapter was rated lower than the previous ones. I would strongly recommend a rewrite of some sort.

It doesn't necessarily need a happy ending, though I would have preferred it if Chelsea had survived.

Very sad ending with Chelsea, but well written story overall.

The things with Madeline's dad, Colt suddenly seeing Chelsea for being beautiful as she is. Madeline is what she pictured Colton desiring and in the end, he would turn back to her. Remember how she was trying to pay for Colt's college with her stories? I think it was no coincidence that Madeline started paying for everything about the same point. Madeline is invented as the type of woman she envies. The woman she wants to be, able to attract Colt and take care of him.

Did Chelsea actually live and this is just how she wrote the story in her teenaged girl way?

In any case, if that is not what happened, I could have used some closure to Colt and Madeline. People saying Madeline did not stay true to her character are wrong, in my opinion. I've known a lot of young women who put up a strong front to everyone, including themselves, but really want to be loved and accepted so badly they will do demeaning things to gain that.

I give 5 stars, despite the unsatisfying conclusion.

Far East man! Powerful story and I have shed so many tears! Why kill off Chelsea

AND NOT MADELINE?

Thanks for sharing this Fantastic story with us!

Love you all! GREG.

OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

Another 5* earned by his writing skills, creativity and character development. Clearly one of the better writers in the Literotica fold.

However, realism is essential for me to enjoy a work and there are two areas in this one where I have doubts.

The first is I had trouble believing Madeline allowed herself to be degraded and debauched to the extent she was during the scene where she assured her company of the contract. That she would use her sex to acquire the contract was never in doubt; the issue is the degree of the debasement to which she acquiesced in order to satisfy the requirement. That just didn't seem to fit her character in my view. But then, even real people step out of character now and then and do things inconsistent with their personalities. So, I can accept it.

The more serious affront to reality though is the scene where Colton satisfies Chelsea's life long dream. That this was going to happen was forgone in the context of this story and there was no surprise nor head-shaking when it occurred.. What is cause for head-shaking was the locale where it occurred. I have been in a number of hospice facilities over the last ten years or so, and I have never seen a situation where someone as near death as Chelsea was unattended to the point where this event could have happened without detection. But then, in the fiction world, the author is God. And if Carvohi decrees it, then so be it

Now, about Carvohi's opening statement about a trilogy of troubled wives stories where each focuses on parental training that caused later adult life actions. Well, I noted no troubled wife in this episode, nor any focus on parental training. But, it is the first of the trilogy, so we'll see.

Sorry! :)1* is all an unfinished story is all it gets.

....Although I felt some of the threads were a bit disconnected here and there. Still, I like the direction and depth of character you've been taking in your recent stories, and have just added you to my Favorites.

Looking forward to the next arc of the trilogy, and going back now to drop 5* on all the previous chapters of this tale.

Thanks for writing and sharing here!

You're wasting your time and talents here.

You should write books.

It's a very sweet story lovingly told. I like it a lot.

In any category, this is the best i've ever read in literotica. Chelsae, you had a grown-up like me crying. Thank you for writing this. Out of all the stories i read, perhaps there's nothing more human, real, catastrophic, gloomy, and despondent than this story happens. No silver lines, no, nothing, existence in all its ugliness. Oh, Chelsea, I love that girl. In a way he killed her, he could've married her earlier, and she would've lived.

Your sotry was emotional, well written and very original. I enjoyed reading it. I just didn't like the ending. It was rushed. She was a submissive slut. Not the kind of woman he needs in his life right. She was a good hearted whore I give you that, but a whore in any case. I needed some redemption for her to root for them to be together. Nevertheless a great story. Thanks for writing it.

Why did you have to make it end... I want more Colten and Madeline...

But.. sorry no sympathy at all for her, I realize people are flawed and that's life. She knew right from wrong and no psychological excuse short of paranoid schizophrenia would give her even a smidgen of wiggle room, its just a story and well written but she needed to be sent packing and he find someone who wouldn't be already prone to cheating on him. 4

Chelsea died, gripping story with interesting plot and characters, very moving.

Five stars of course.

You went off the rails in what started out as a great story... You are very good with the human element... But as someone told you on one of your other stories... You don't do your research... And it distracts from your stories... Ssi disability is based on ones ability to work... They don't cut you off because you're not getting better... With her health problems she would have been on ssi... Not just drawing her father's social security... And that wouldn't stop when she reached 18...

As has been said... You completely changed the character of madaline... While she would have certainly used sex to get the contract... She would have never have allowed herself to be debased again... That was an integral part of her makeup...

All of that said... The story of the cousins was excellent... And could have stood on its own... Without the side story of Madeline... You painted a perfect picture of the young cousin...

-jaye-

Really liked your story, truly sad ending for Chelsea - wanted her to fully recover but Hollywood endings are not always the best. Thanks for sharing your story.

5 stars.

Great story but needs an end or a “colt and Madeleine” story.

For chelsea, somethings in my eye dammit. 5

You made a grown 60 year old heterosexual man choak up and cry throughout the last paragraphs of Chelsea' holding Colton to his promises until after her funeral service was done!!! Happy now???

Masterful job of story telling and keeping me guessing about what was going to happen! Love your unique plots and unusual stories!!!

A sequel is mandatory. No one like this type of ending to such a wonderful story. 5 stars anyway. But please bring these two back for a bit!

You made a pretty good story out of a pretty weird one.

Brought back too many painful memories for an old man but that was the reason the story was so powerful for me. I agree with many that there should be a sequel. I also believe there should be a shit pot full of whoop ass on a whole bunch of folks who didn't get any vengeance meted out to them. Way past time to rectify that, revenge or justice it doesn't matter as long as it's deep and painful. Madeline and Colt are going to need therapy for a long time, perhaps forever. I could take you to task about how SSI and SSD work in the real world but I won't, it's just not that important. Besides it would change to whole arc of the story and that just wouldn't do at all... Signed: BTW

It was A5 til the end.

Interesting and very readable in places once Madeline had left her quest to destroy men and ended up destroying herself instead. We start with her exacting revenge and so called frat Bros who abused and raped her in college, I had figured she's raise up Colton in a Great Expectations sort of way, grooming him, getting him a better career and uplifting him to a point where he has a better shot at the good life and is in love with her and then BAM! knock him out by cheating an/or leaving him and making him an emotional wreck. At some point this tale shifted gears and became rather sad and slightly creepy with the cousin love angle. It's almost as if there are two separate stories here which merged together but if you cut them apart you'd have the the cousin lover story with Colton sacrificing everything to save his cousin from her mother (And his mother as well) and the you have the story of the rich city lawyer slumming around to Eliza Doolittle Colton into a proper gentleman so she could tie him to a trebuchet and watch him fly into the abyss to exact her revemge. I feel like neither is a fully formed story but I did truly enjoy the writing and the style and the fact that I've been to Chambersburg myself twice so that made it special. Yeah, I'd like to see a sequel this this for sure and I'd also love two new stories come out of this. Lastly the cousin love creeped me out but I also like the idea floated in some of the comments that this entire opus is from the pen of Chelsea who is totally healthy and okay but yearns for her cousin (Who isn't aware of her passions) yeah that works for me too making Chelsea the marySue of her own story!

Great story, but damn you for killing off Chelsea, the only truly decent character in the story. Colton is a good, decent sort of rogue. Madeline is a mercenary before with a good heart. The rest deserve what the Girty brothers got and more. I guess I just hate that I loved it.

Good characters, all flawed in their own ways

Very enjoyable story

Nicely done. Chelsea was so believable. Colt too. Thanks for sharing.

Great story.

A great story a very disappointing ending. Should have had a good ending not left in the air.

Totally fucked up by the last chapter! 2*s to end a 5* story. Pathetic!! As 26thNC commented, the only decent and lovable character was killed off. Damn!

This was a good story. i gave it 5 stars. Characters were very real and Madeline perhaps would permit herself to be happy for the first time in her life. Colton may get a degree and move on to being a productive citizen. They might have children of their own. This was a very interesting story but not erotic at all. It was like reading a novel. Carvohi developed his characters very well. They were real as i read the story. Great job!!!!

I knew Chelsea was going to die. But you could have made the ending a bit better. In my mind, they married. Both were faithful. They had a couple of kids and no Chelsea because no-one could replace that angel. Colt eventually found out she paid the bills and such and he was getting mad and she just simply says "I loved you and you loved her so that means I loved her. She was your happiness back then and I wanted you happy."

Wow...just WOW! I was in tears when Chelsea passed and, yes, I'de really love to know how it ends. 5*

Amazing story completely destroyed by a pathetic ending .

One star

A ttuly great story that would be tremendously improved by deleting the very last section and epilogue.

A really great story, great character development, though the ending was a bit abrupt. Would have liked to see one more chapter to see how Colt adjusted to life in Phillie.

Really??? A borderline personality disorder and a naive cuck that is a slave to his cock? That's just a master disaster just waiting to implode.

Well done. Great job

Incomplete story….finish the damn thing!

HUH?

Oh my god. Being a man i never that i would cry but i did. i cried a lot when read that chelsea died. i am not able to get the story of my mind.

but the epilog was disaster.

Dang, what a powerful story! The characters just jump off the page. I don't care who you are, this thing is a tear-jerker. Very well done.

It took a few days to absorb it...

Such bittersweet emotions echoes 'Annabelle Lee collage with the Bronte sisters plus a film nor version of Marlowe. It was disturbing and yet so frustrating.

How the lead protagonists could be so virtuous and yet painfully full of pathos, like a Dickenson story.

Where does character come from when parents act like selfish obtuse children and children abused and neglected try to attain moral and ethical standards not evident in their growth environment.

Still a smudged romantic aching of hope?

Despite the arbitrary unfair personal handicap, the 'kids' have to struggle the adult miasma of conflicting ethical and moral issues in a corrupt and compromised society. ( likened to abandoned innocents in a wilderness of ignorance)

Even Atty. Maddy has been badly wounded and seeks redemption from her magdalen choices.

If love is divine and can be forged in pain suffering and forgiveness, then the surviving couple can make thoughtful choices to move towards greater happiness. ( It seems tremendous sacrifices were made...)

Great story

But the ending has a lot to be desired and kinda spoilt it

Terrible story, Madeline is a whore and will always remain a whore. Colton could find better under a rock.

Tragic. Very good story. Of course I wanted him to get both Chelsea (healthy) and Madeline (after some major mental health assistance) and perhaps Colt and daddy wreaking some significant damage on the frat boy gang rapists and the three men in the room.

If I would have know the outcome I would not have read it. The four words bother me "Mmother your hurting me" It is a well written story. I gave it a 5 ☆ rating.

Excellent story. Should be a movie. A real tear-jerker.

Ed

What is wrong with the commenters? How is Colton a cuck? He and Madeline didn't even have a formal relationship. All three of them had tough issues in their lives. No empathy? Look they get married. Fill in the rest. I choose to believe that they healed each other. Madeleine has grown and needed help. Colton saved her. She saved him earlier. Poor Chelsea died. Madeleine got back to a relationship with her father. People are complex. Amazing characters. Again fill in your own ending.

Loved the story, but surely it was Madeline that met her dad at the end? Nit-picking I know, but the rest was so very good.

Disappointed that the bad boys in Madeline's original law firm did not get some comeuppance. They got to continue on in their abusive ways.

Apparently many of the readers here have never read the New Testament. Remember Mary Magdalene? People can be redeemed. Colt brought out the best in Madeline. Of course they get married. And I bet they make it.

Another great story from my favorite author.

A bad story in the wrong category. Then you killed off the only decent character in the whole story. I wish I had just moved on after the first chapter instead of skimming three more chapters hoping it would actually turn into a decent story.

What did I think about this story?

From the first chapter I sensed something..

What was it? A shocker? F@4k knows!

Surely not a happy conclusion.

Carvoli, you are a talented writer, but..

Just not my cup of tea.

well written. So sad overall

great story! i cried for Chelsea! never had much of a chance

your ending was a little abrupt, after all that drams and pain it

would have been fitting for Colton to have a happy ending.

i get it was implied. 5 stars

Wow, a 5 star story dropped to a 1 with that ending.