All Comments on 'Fugitive'

Would have giving you five stars, but you didn't have an ending. Hope this is only part 1. Anyway, I gave u 4 stars for the effort...looking forward to the "2nd" part! ;-)

There's got to be a follow up - you can't leave it there.

More please

This was a great short story. Please finish it

I would like to read the next part - nice change from the usual cheating wife stories with the added drama.

Damn! You have me totally engaged!

I sure hope this wasn't the end of it.

Get a good editor.

Otherwise it will be filed under "Good story with no ending."

Keep going.

Let's see where you go with this. And don't you dare leave us hanging like some other authors ;-)

Love your writing and this one was no exception BUT....I would really like to see you continue this one. Too much left hanging!

If this is the entire story, it disappoints. If it is a chapter, it is too short and it should be so labeled. I am interested, but have no idea if there is more or not. If this is a chapter, it should have been two or three times as long. If it is a story, well, it was brief.

Continue with a scorch wife policy though steve boy has been eating shit sandwich for a while migh be pleasant to find out how they survived . Like all of your work good start 4 * due to the incomplete nature.

I really like the premise, it is excellent, however;

This reads like a "preview of coming attractions", not a complete story or even a chapter of one.

Rather than belabor it, I fully agree with HDK's comments.

Thank you

M1

I didn't hate the writing, but there is no closure. And it's awfully brief also.

All in all, I'd say a fragment of a story.

Hope you've got it in you to come up with an ending.

Good luck. M.

Good stuff wineman, look forward to the ex and the asshole lover being incarcerated for conspiracy to commit murder and insurance fraud.

That story was written 1 year ago. My editor at the time, Grogers7, told me that the story was good but I needed to flesh it out. One week-end, I got in the groove and fleshed it out to twice the lenght and on my final save poof! my memory stick had a problem and I lost the complete document. I was never able to recreate the groove and I sat on it for months, trying to make something more out of it. I was unable.

As for a sequel, I might come with one but I find nothing that could do a good interesting job. The only plausible outcome is that the police finally caught up with him and there is no statutes of limitation on kidnapping. If you have a nice idea about a sequel take the keyboard or PM me.

I had not realized that the Canadians were into this no fault business.

Basically it does not pay for a man to get married under those conditions! I guess that declaration will get me defined as a misogynist twerp.

The funny thing is that when I first defended the equality of sexes it was so the gals could be engineers and scientists if they wanted to.... but now I would have to defend turning adultery back into a crime, etc. I really do not get it why can't I defend my space? I paid for it!

1. Good romantic revenge story (RRS), it deserves 5 stars.

2. In JPB's story the husband blackmailed the wife with the video of the planning murder.

3. I think it is very difficult to disappear in the nowdays. You are right a sequal is very difficult. Forsyte's excellent thriller's (The day of the Jackal) method for the ID change does not work at all.

For the amount of action going on this tale just seems too short for me. You could have made it more complex story for what was going on. Don't get me wrong, I liked the story and would like to know what happens next.

I hope you or someone else comes up with a chapter two. Myabe Stangstar can help you? Or maybe HDK? anyway what you have written is good thank for writing.

its terrible when its family. TK U MLJ LV NV

It explains the husband's side. I am hoping there is a second chapter, from the wife's point of view.

but I only gave it 4* because it was left unfinished. You need to give the wifes side of what was goingl on and how he and the kids did after running again. Let the kids snail mail her about there feelings about how she had treated there dad. Just some type of closer for dad and the kids.

Well worn plot but you hit it running, and never lost control. I liked the - he came three times - quip. The protagonist may have acted despicably taking the kids away from the mother but we don't really give a fuck, though having to produce the vids was the laziest get out. Still, sharp tight writing, thanks.

Something Bruce22 said struck me about how it's not a percentage winner for men to marry in a no-fault state. Good point, but apart from the obvious angle of that counting for women, I think most of us still marry for lust, sometimes mistaken for love! Karma's a bitch, too. You fuck a girl you've just taken from a guy (however big a jerk he is) and then marry her??

It's a shit happenstance of human nature that rejection hurts and is worse if the rejection comes with betrayal. It'll happen to most of us in a lifetime. It's how we deal with it.

Who said anything about me writing a second chapter? I suggested Stangstar Or HDK but you are right your two suggestions would be good, I am sure they would write a very good second chapter.

He finds his wife cheating, collects his assets and runs away with his kids. That's the formula for a lot of LW stories. There is no confrontation whatsoever, no justice visited on the arrogant Steve, and not much on his faithless wife. The rest of the story is about having to come clean with his kids and that's pretty easy because he had the evidence.

Why would he think he couldn't run again? He has fake IDs that the cops are probably not aware of. He has significant assets, Buy a used car with the fake ID, get across the border quickly before they post it. Switch IDs once more to disconnect the car purchase and border crossing, travel a little ways and get another used car, drive a ways and dump the old car in a lake, and then meander across the country. Look how long Whitey Bulger was in hiding (17 years) and he was a most wanted felon. The kids know enough now so as to not give themselves away. No one is going to look very hard for an on the run husband who could be almost anywhere.

that an ending would be appreciated. A high profile northern mobster was caught recently after fifteen years. He and his wife were living in a condo in California. If he had chosen a rural location he would probably not have been caught. A famous newscaster said that he walked by the place everyday and had no clue. Interest in cases like the one in the story wane in time, especially with with the ton of new stuff that happens everyday.

Your character seems strange, is got the brains to make money etc but does not have the intelligence to go to the police with a murder plot...

Courts might give no fault divorce but would they really give custody to someone plotting murder?

"I'm thinking that we would be better off if Mark had an accident, you know, like a car accident or a hunting accident. It could be arranged you know. You would have everything, including a good pay-off from the insurance."

would the above look good in a custody dispute....

Simple go the police with your solicitor and get them to place surveillance on them..

At best it would cause difficulty for her in a custody depute, at worst they can be looking at jail time

more then likely she would settle out of court to his advantage

The story itself is very good

Great story but it begs for a sequel. Please someone add a sequel to this tale.

Thanks for sharing!!

got his creampie :)

Well written as a very tight story. I made it one of my favorites.

...with 5 * - now you owe me an ending, likegoodwine!

make this a series of close calls and in the end he meets a nice woman and life goes no....great story

Great idea ruined by pedantic and uninspired writing. Stop pandering to uni-brows and exercise the writing talent you've displayed in other stories. Build more tension, add more depth to the characters, more natural dialogue/less boring narrative. C'mon Man!

Timing, even when leaving a place/situation.

I want to know how it ends:)

I agree with th rest of the pack, this is a great opening. give us a great ending. the guy below is right a series of close calls would be great. You' re a great writer, we know you can deliver the goods. all you have to do now is be the mailman.SS06

I decided that I wasn't going to read the "Sultan of the Endless story" 's offering today! So I go to read one of my favorite author's stories instead. Guess what? I get a story that doesn't have an ending! C'mon Man!!!

jasonh nailed it when he mentioned in his comment that there was no confrontation scene. These stories just come up short when the cheaters are not held to account.

In any event, thanks for sharing the story. If this one is ended, then I guess so be it. I will read your next one.

I am still not going to read the 'Sultan of the Endless story" 's offering for today.

MissouriUSA

LOL-that was cruel to tease with a story like that!

Fine story-you can bring back the ending!

not a full story --- despite the brief recount of what happned 8 years in the past --- but it is better than 98% of the junk here these days. <p>

of course, I wish it were longer.... but that could have ruined it, too. So, it's short and bittersweet... more sweet than bitter... so I'm totally for it. <p>

what helps the snippet is the humor in it; short as it is, it has a tinge of dark humor in it; the REVENGE was so raw and simple but also so CLEVER --- on both the first escape from the law and wife as well as the second, done BY THE KIDS --- it's very satisfying....

Liked it - but would like to see them get away with it and the slut ex-wife have a fatal accident on the way. Stupid bitch!

there's more...........and some from HPV after he left.

You that leave coments about the evidance aparently dont have a clue on how the real world works. This is most likely thee most accurate story I have read in a long time. the evidence I had on my ex wife was almost the same and the courts still gave her half of everything and my kids, wich I only get to see for 2 weeks in the summer. If i had this guys money and resorces i would have done the same thing he had.

Great story hope for many chapters to follow.

Great story it begs for more chapters

Yes we do live in the real world.. let’s try other real world out comes..

Bitch arranged to have her husband killed had her lover stab him repeatedly.. she now in jail for attempted murder..

Real world second example man fled to Mexico with his kids, he told his kids wife died in a plane accident (sounds like this story) he changed his name and his kids moved back to California where he lived for decades.. Until he was caught because of his kids found out she was still alive has now serving jail time with buba and the kids will not speak to him..(Great win).

Case three the Jacqueline pascarl

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacqueline_Pascarl

she divorced she got the kids, he snuck them back Malaysia were his a prince the stayed there until the kids contacted the mother in this case it went in his favour ie he was a prince in Malaysia

His approach to solving his problem was a good one for both himself and his kids, but illegal. Had he told them the truth before they discovered part of the truth the story might have been quite different. The stuff of perhaps another story?

Lookign forward to more chapters.

Loved it! More, please.

i agree, a good start but too short and unfinished.

I would have rated it 5 stars if it was longer and wasn't incomplete. Instead I rated it 3***.

A novel story. The way it was left, I'm hoping to see where they end up even if only after another sic months have passed.

I find it really hard to believe all the comments about how good this story was. It is inconceivable that the wife was screwing her ex BF the entire time with the in-laws knowledge and consent and hubby had no clue. This story was chocked full of bits and pieces of over used lines from other stories. The outline could have been a good one if it had original writing.

I do not think it means what you think it means."

and strain the bounds of credulity; that isn't the problem with this one though. LGW had a good idea for a story, maybe it sat around for a year, then got submitted without the requisite work to make it really good.

Where's the rest of the story?

Well written and edited, with good solid characters.

Thanks for the read

Very Good and more please!

Got the kids on his side - home free; but the murder plot would have saved him.

please ... as long as it does not end up as a Cuck/Wimp tale!!

That's it? Story has absolutely no closure. Write an ending at least.

I wonder if you will ever finish a story?

turns stability into runners. TK U MLJ LV NV

There are many ways to end a story, and this is one. It ends at the start of another part of his life.

This is almost the ultimate LW male running away rather than dealing directly with a problem. Sad.

No finish. The bad guys won this one

I wouldn't mind a sequel for this. Fun story though.

It needs to follow through to a completion of some sort.

It has an ending

You all act like you want someone to do all the work for you by writing in down

You want a sequel or ending write it yourself

Yes indeed, I can come up with an ending. Several in fact. That is not the point. You would not eat a half cooked steak. No one drives a car with only two wheels. Half a candy bar stays on the shelf. If you publish a book with an open ending but never come out with a sequel or series then word gets out an you're never published again.

I have thought of this option myself. Except, I was planning on a trip to a country without extradition.

The question is, What is the outcome?

It is time to change the law that automatically gives the custody of the children to the mother. In the case of adultery, the offending spouse should lose all rights to contact with the children. Any contact should be at the will of the other spouse.

Having gone through this but in reverse (she took my son away from me). In this story, the court has not made a ruling before he left. Therefore, he is not kidnapping his own children. Until he is in court and there is a court order, nothing will be done about it. And even if he had been to court there was a case of a woman from Toronto who vanished with her kids to B.C. for over ten years and nothing was done when she was found. The law is not equal by any stretch of the imagination but they still will do nothing until they give you a summons. Ignore the summons and be found in contempt of court and a bench warrant for your arrest and thirty days in jail. A far cry from kidnapping though. I gave this a ***** for originality.

This has such a rich storyline. Too bad it was not more fully developed. Well done.

And open ended - you could work more out of it later - Nice work -

Short and oh so sweet. Usually less-talented writers try to pad their stories and stretch them out for 8-10 pages or several installments. In this case, a talented writer pulls the plug too soon. There is enough meat in the plot to allow for at least a Part Two (her relationship with the asshole, the cross-country chase, the kids, maybe a love interest, a final showdown, etc...). How about it, LGW?

Where's the rest.

This story could use part #2.

This is good enough to deserve a part 2

Little things like how is she supporting herself and the boyfriend.

But really needs a second chapter and more info on what happened to the wife.

But NOT to tell how cheating wife has been doing, don't care, she should only rot in hell!

But I'd like to see how he and kids make out, maybe they can leak his evidence to at least get the authorities off his back.

Not Quite but ALMOST....tk u mlj lv nv

Your stories are good but only seem to be one page long? Take another day, week or month but please finish the story...we need to know of the wife's misery....what happened to "Steve" and how the family got revenge on the wayward mom!

Where's the second part? You can't leave it here!

A very nice story but you need to finish it

A father disappearing with his kids is no crime unless there is a court order for him not to do so. No police force would waste time and resources tracking the father down. The US immigration authorities may deport him as an undocumented (the new PC term for illegal) immigrant but the RCMP wouldn't be interested.

Thanks for the offering.

You heard me. Finish the damn story. Other than NOT FINISHING, it was a very good story.

Needs an ending. Please!

Nice story about a man with no options raising a couple good kids.

@Dubby

You are right up to a point.

Yes a parent can leave with a child BUT

The other parent can file for emergency hearing to get a court order to make the other parent return the child.

Remember, he never left any proof of anything, he just took all the money, the kids, and ran.

She could EASILY get the emergency order to return. At which point, then the police would be able to get involved.

There are so many stories on Lit that are unfinished it cause one to wonder why. My guess is the authors of these unfinished stories start out with a pretty good idea about the plot and start writing. They then hit a wall because they never thought the story through to end, and are just flat out clueless about how to smoothly end the story.

I usually favour BTB, vengeance and payback themes and I always seek some sort of closure at the end of the stories. However, this one here ended perfectly for me. He has the love, loyalty and custody (not in legal terms but in reality) of his children, he has the money and he has his health and abilities. He has already burnt the bi*** and is still ahead of her. The hope and possibilities in the last passage is way more satisfactory than any other endings one can easily find in LW section stories. Great work.

Yet another 'writer' on this site who can't finish stories. 1* Also needs to fin another editor.

This has the makings of a really good story. Unfortunately, a story, by definition, needs an ending. Something this little tale lacks. It should never have even been posted. It’s incomplete. 1 star. D

Now finish it.

more...!!!

...to stop here!