All Comments on 'Gamers Pt. 04'

Loved 04. I'm looking forward to reading about the next games night. Thank you.

But I find it annoying that the protagonist falls in love every time he fucks a girl. Pretty stupid.

Some authors write boring stories and some just describe endless sex. I think that, in your previous stories and this so far, you get the balance about right. You have the right number of characters that they can be remembered from one chapter to the next and I, at least, am left wondering at the end of each chapter 'What will happen next?'

I guess it is hard to define the formula for getting this right but you seem to have it.

btw: I am not worried about ultra realism as long as everything is feasible - as I am sure you will keep it.

As a long time gamer, I like that you don't shy away from the game portions of the story. It was games that brought them al together so it is only fitting they remain at the heart of the story.

Another great installment.

I do think you had one moment that was a bit out of character for the protagonist. It was the line, "See, books are good." His humor works in the rest of the story because we as readers trust that it is coming from a place of earnest naivete on the part of Dean. In this case, however, his humor comes across as a little too self-aware, which threatens to undermine his 'good guy' cred in the reader's eye (if it recurs too often).

It's an incredibly fine line between the two, however. As an example of it done right, just look a little further down with the line, "Every once in a while, I do know what to say." Perfect 'Dean'. The difference between the two is very small, but the latter example helps us as readers continue to buy in to our rooting interests for the protagonist and trust that he really is as honest as he seems.

Also, you have no idea how glad I am that there's a piece worth getting into this level of detail in feedback on literotica. Thanks for the great writing!

Thanks for the detailed feedback. It's good to know when you think I've struck a false note, or when I've done something you like. Your comments are much appreciated.

really enjoying the story.. Hope to see the next chapter soon

I have never really been into board games, but this is a thoroughly likeable (and believable) story. And though it isn't a major part of the story, it's really different that Dean finds out that he's the guy with whom Kasia cheated, rather than her cheating on him. I am looking forward to the remaining chapters. Why isn't Jazz girlfriend material? Does Dean end up with Jazz, or Kasia, or one of the other gamers? Great job!

Very grateful for the resolution between Les and Dean. That tension was killing me

This storyline reads really well, thanks! I'm really enjoying your characters, they are likeable, multi-faceted and quirky.

I liked this chapter very much. Instead of the usual one guys journey, its a realistic guy sharing life with his friends. I like how it didnt go BTB this chapter considering they are just teens.

...your writing is like watching a movie in my head...this is absolutely incredible as soon as i finish one part i jump right into the next....

It's a good story and you construct it properly, based on your characters' personality. Needs proof reading, there are some very basic errors, even accounting for the American English.

You half to have played a lot of games. I can tell you speak with authority. We had a lot of girls playing as well. Some of the best times of my life

Sorry but there’s too much gaming and not enough sex.

After whinging about his lack of consideration to the girls’ needs in the previous chapters, I take it all back. He’s growing up in many ways.

Still very good

Scores 5/5