Gaming: D&D Pt. 05

- "Are you alright?" I asked again.

- "No." she said. "I mean, I feel better than yesterday. But I'm ... I'm not alright."

- "Jen - what can I do for you?" I asked, a little more insistent.

- "Nothing, Ian." she said. "Unless ... unless you can forgive me."

She turned, slowly, to face me. "I'm so sorry, Ian. But I can't see you anymore."

I heard her. But I felt like somebody had just punched me in the chest. I couldn't breathe.

- "It's ... a long story." she said, with her head down. "But Andrew - my ex - he's ... going through a rough time. He ... he needs me."

I wasn't able to speak.

"He never got over our breakup. To be honest, I'm not sure that I did, either." she said.

Jen looked up again. She must have seen the dull, stunned look of utter incomprehension on my face.

- "It's not you, Ian." she said, hastily. "You're ... a wonderful guy. I had ... such a great time with you."

"But Andrew - he's not like you. He doesn't have your ... your intelligence - your confidence. He needs me, Ian. I know that you want me - but he doesn't have your confidence. He needs me. Can you understand that?"

I need you, Yevgenia, I wanted to say. You have no idea ... but I didn't say it. It wasn't that I was too proud. Somehow, I just recognized that her mind was made up. There was nothing I could say that would change it.

We had spent almost a month together - the most incredible month of my life. But she had known this boyfriend since high school. I couldn't compete with that. And, somehow, I had fooled her. She thought I was confident.

- "I know it sounds awful - but I would love to still be your friend." she said. "I can understand if you ... if you hate me, after this, but ..."

I did a very brave thing, then - perhaps the most courageous thing I had ever done, to that point, outside of a game. I smiled.

- "I could never hate you, Yevgenia." I said. "I can't lie to you - this past month has been absolutely wonderful. I will miss you - desperately. But if this is what you have to do ... then ..." I couldn't finish.

A single tear ran from Jen's eye, down her cheek. She wrapped her arms around me, and pressed that marvelous body against me.

- "You're a beautiful man, Ian." she said. "I'm ... I'm so sorry."

I sat in the quad for half an hour after she left. I don't think that I had two coherent thoughts in a row.

Eventually, I got up, and walked home - it took me two and a half hours.

*****