Gaming: D&D Pt. 06

Was I really that shallow? Could I not have seen Parvani's beauty before now?

Another dream

The setting was straight out of D&D - some sort of medieval tavern - after hours, in the early morning. The place was empty.

Parvani was sitting across the table from me, wearing a low-cut dress that showcased the top halves of her creamy breasts. Her long hair hung loose, and her eyes sparkled as she smiled at me. She had perfect teeth. She also had fairy wings.

The table between us was covered with stacks of gold coins. There were far more of them on her side than on mine.

I was naked.

It took me a moment to realize that we were playing some kind of strip poker, and that I was losing - badly.

There was a third person, partially obscured by the shadows, sitting off to my right. It was Simran. She was dealing the cards.

My cards were crap, and I got nothing on the draw. I had to give up another stack of coins.

- "Are you actually trying?" asked Parvani. "Don't you want me to take something off?"

I did. I really did. I prayed for decent cards, for a winning hand. Simran never said a word, but she kept dealing me shitty cards. Six, seven hands in a row. I lost every time - but I never seemed to run out of coins.

Finally, I drew a queen, to go with the pair in my hand. I slapped them down on the table, triumphantly. Parvani just shook her head, sadly. She turned over her cards. Three aces.

The game went on. I got more terrible hands, and a few good ones - but Parvani always had better. I lost count of how many times I lost.

I snapped out of the dream, and came awake with a lurch. It was 4 a.m.. I couldn't get back to sleep after that.

***

I didn't need Freud's help to figure out that dream. I was attracted to Parvani, but still hesitant about acting upon it. After keeping her solidly in the friend zone for years, how could I turn around and ask her out just because she'd finally gotten her braces off? The mere thought of acting that way made me feel ashamed.

But if I didn't act ... other guys were going to see the 'new' Parvani - and they wouldn't hesitate. How would I handle it if she started going out with somebody else?

I didn't get a chance to dwell on it. Life intervened. Cherie, just turned 17, got involved in a love triangle, and came out on the losing end when her girlfriend stole the guy she was interested in.

It was her first serious romance, and she was devastated. Losing the boy was bad enough; but her friend's betrayal hurt her deeply. Having some experience in that area, I was able to sympathize, and help her through it - to a point. 'It gets better' and 'This too shall pass' are of limited comfort to a 17-year old.

But Cherie knew my story, and she knew Nate and Parvani. If I had survived it, she could, too.

Then Parvani invited me to a party at her place, hosted by her parents.

- "What's the occasion?" I asked.

- "Simran's getting engaged." she said.

***

I shouldn't have gone. There was no way I wanted Simran to get married - and especially not to that condescending douche bag Arjun. Okay, I had no right to be jealous. I was trying to figure out my feelings for her sister, and I had absolutely no claim on Simran. What does that have to do with anything?

But I didn't want to spoil the party for Simran. Or Parvani. Or her parents. And Nate had been invited, too; I didn't want him to see my true feelings. So I smiled, and made nice.

I suppressed my gag reflex, and congratulated Arjun. He was smugly self-satisfied, and basking in the attention. He didn't even bother to patronize me.

Simran looked good, in a colourful dress, but she was wearing a bit too much makeup, in my humble opinion.

- "Congratulations." I said, trying to sound as sincere as I could. Simran leaned in, to let me kiss her on both cheeks, European style.

- "What do you think of Parvani's new look?" she asked, with one eyebrow raised. She glanced over in her sister's direction as she said it.

- "She looks amazing. That dress you got her for Thanksgiving was a knockout." I said.

Simran smiled. "I know getting the braces off was significant." she said. "But I think finally switching to contacts made an even bigger difference. Those big glasses looked terrible on her."

That was exactly what I thought, too - but I didn't say so. Simran introduced me to Arjun's parents, who were hovering nearby. They turned out to be nice people.

I congratulated Mr. and Mrs. D., who both looked extremely happy.

- "Have they set a date yet?" I asked. I didn't really want to know, but it seemed to be the thing to ask.

- "December 9th. In a year's time." said Simran's father.

Great. Simran would be getting married on my birthday.

***

Most of my 3rd year classes were pretty good, but one was excellent. It was a course centred almost entirely on World War One. The prof, Dr. Welsh, was English, with one of those accents that made everything he said just that little bit more interesting.

I loved it. The readings were a breeze, and I really enjoyed writing a paper for Welsh. When I got it back, I searched every page for comments or corrections. He had circled two typos and a small grammatical error. On the last page, there was a big 'A', followed by 'First class work'. I was pretty pleased with that.

In December, I was in the library, doing research for my last essay, when I ran into Dr. Welsh. He saw me with an armful of books, and quickly scanned the titles on the spines.

- "Professor Jennings' class?" he asked.

- "Yes." I was surprised that he knew what one of his colleagues taught.

Welsh surprised me even more when he reached out, and touched the second book in the pile with his index finger. Then he looked me in the eye, and winked.

- "Thanks, Dr. Welsh." I said, appreciating the hint.

- "I'm curious, Ian." he said. "Where are you planning to do your Masters Degree?"

I was taken aback. I had never even considered postgraduate work. It was flattering, though, to find out that a prof I respected thought I could.

"Because if you did it here," continued Dr. Welsh, "I'd be honoured to work with you in some capacity. Even as your thesis advisor - if you were interested."

- "Thank you, Dr Welsh. That's very kind of you to say. To be honest, though, I hadn't even thought about doing a Masters."

- "You should." he said.

***

How do you solve a problem like Parvani?

One of my best friends had gone from caterpillar to butterfly almost overnight. Okay, maybe the signs had been present earlier, but I missed them, or failed to connect the dots. The problem was still there: how to switch from close friendship to romance, without having it seem that I was doing so only because of the way she now looked.

Simple, right?

I usually saw her several times a week. We gamed, of course, but Parvani was already at the centre of my little social circle. If I wanted to ask her out on a date, I would have to make it explicit. And that was precisely what I was afraid to do.

We had lunch at the Mexican restaurant. I tried to steer the conversation towards 'us' - without being too obvious. But Parvani wanted to talk about Simran's engagement.

- "I'm so pleased for her." she said. "And my parents are so happy, too."

- "Have you two always been close?" I asked.

Parvani took out her wallet, and pulled out a small photograph. She passed it to me.

The picture showed two little girls, posing against the side of their house. They wore cute little summer dresses. The taller one - Simran, had her arm around her little sister's shoulders, while Par had her arm around her big sister's waist.

- "Aww ..." I said. "That's really ... beautiful." I was going to say 'cute', but it was more than that. I noticed, too, that both girls were slender, at that age. Parvani's 'baby fat' had to have come later. "How old were you - in this picture?"

- "I was six. Simmy was nine."

- "Simmy?" I repeated.

- "My pet name for her when I was little." she said. "So, in answer to your question: we've always been close - for as long as I can remember."

I got her talking about her childhood for a while, but Par eventually realized that she was doing all of the talking.

- "How is Cherie?" she asked.

- "Better." I said. Par knew all about my little sister's tribulations.

- "And how are you, Ian?" she said. "You've been awfully quiet about what's going on in your life, lately."

There it was - an opening. I could have said 'I have the hots for you, Parvani, now that you've lost the braces and ditched those awful glasses. And lost a bit of weight. I didn't see you as dateworthy, before, but now I do. Want to go out with me?'

- "Uhh, you know - school, and stuff." I said. I told her about running into Dr. Welsh in the library, and what he had said.

- "Really? He thinks you should do a Masters? That's so cool."

I chickened out, and never raised the subject that was on my mind. There would be other opportunities, I told myself.

Like after a D&D game at Nate's place - I could walk her home. It was a Saturday evening, and I had put together a pretty decent story, if I do say so myself.

Coop was practically vibrating with excitement as they tallied up their experience points.

- "Fifth level!" he shouted, throwing his arms in the air. "Finally! Pew-Pew-Pew, baby!"

We all laughed at his antics.

"And I have the fireball scroll! Oh, mama!"

If there's one spell that wizards love, it has to be fireball. Hollywood directors feel the same, obviously. There are probably more useful spells in D&D - like Haste, which speeds up the entire party - but it's hard to match the visceral delight of launching a fireball from your fingertips, and wreaking havoc on your enemies. And it just gets more powerful as the character gains more levels of experience.

I let my players enjoy levelling up, just before the climactic battle of this storyline, against the Big Boss villain. Parvani had her magic bow, and Nate was armed and armoured. But Coop was just dying to use his new spell. I gave him the opportunity.

- "Oh, baby!" he said. "I fireball them!" For added effect, he stood up, and took up a duellist's stance. Then he extended one arm, and with the other hand, dramatically threw his three dice on the table ...

Three ones.

"Nooo!" he wailed.

- "Oh, no!" said Nate. "Coop - you could have done more damage if you'd thrown your spellbook at them!"

We laughed about it for the rest of the night. I have to give Coop full marks: after his initial disappointment, he laughed just as hard as the rest of us.

The fight - and the treasure - went our way, but Coop's triple-one roll was definitely the highlight of the game. Nate made us all another cup of tea, as we discussed our characters, and the adventure so far.

Coop was the first to leave, as usual. I waited only a little while; I didn't want to seem too impatient.

- "So, Par ... can I walk you home?"

- "Umm ... thanks, Ian. But Simran said she'd pick me up on her way home." She glanced at the clock. "She shouldn't be long, actually."

Indeed, Simran arrived within the half hour. She came in for a while, and sat down with us. We talked politics, international events, and Christmas plans. The sisters left a little after midnight.

- "Tea?" asked Nate, offering me another cup.

- "Sure." When he did that, it was a clear invitation to stay longer. Most often, we talked about gaming. Sometimes, the subject was my love life, or lack thereof. We also discussed school, our friends, history and politics.

But tonight, Nate seemed to have something on his mind.

- "I'm glad you stayed, Ian." he said, handing me a mug. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

- "Shoot." I said.

Nate hesitated for a moment. "I've wanted ... to talk to you about this for some time now. I just ... didn't know how."

- "Just say it, then." I said.

- "I want to go out with Parvani." he said.

I was struck speechless. I'm sure that my mouth was hanging open.

"Romantically, I mean." continued Nate. "Boyfriend-girlfriend."

Inside me - deep inside - a tiny voice was wailing, just like Coop after his first fireball. Nooo ...

I was still stunned. But I knew - absolutely and unequivocally - that I was completely fucked by the bro code. Nate had stated his intention, loud and clear. I had never said a word to him about my new feelings for Parvani, because I was embarrassed and ashamed.

Now he had spoken first. I couldn't object, or claim precedence. 'I saw her first' wouldn't cut it. And it wouldn't be fair to either of them.

How would Deuce act, in this situation? I already knew the answer to that.

- "I've had a crush on her for a while." said Nate. "I just couldn't tell if you did, too. I know how close you've been, all these years. But when Coop asked her out, my heart nearly stopped."

I nodded. I knew that feeling.

"I don't think I could stand it if she went out with someone else - other than you, I mean. Ian - if you really want her, I'll ... I'll step aside." said Nate.

That was the most noble, self-sacrificing thing I'd ever heard. And it came from my best friend. I was so proud of him, at that moment. How could I take away his chance at happiness?

- "No, Nate. You two would be great together." I heard myself saying. "You ask her."

- "Really?" he said. "You're sure?"

- "Absolutely." I said.

Nate kept looking at me oddly, as if he suspected that I wasn't 100% sincere.

"I've had years to make up my mind, Nate. It just comes down to this: I was too afraid to wreck my friendship with Parvani by making it a romance. I'm comfortable with that decision."

"You and Parvani are my best friends. If you became a couple, I would be happy for both of you."

He hugged me, before I left.

I walked home, through the dark, quiet streets of our suburban neighbourhood, lost in thought. It was all up to Parvani, now, I realized. If she wanted Nate, I would step aside, just as he had offered to do for me.

When I reached home, I didn't go in. Instead, I sat on the front step, and looked up at the moon.

I didn't deserve Parvani. I could've asked her out at any point over the past few years. Would she have said yes? I thought so. Would I have screwed up our relationship? Probably.

The question was whether our friendship would have survived. And that friendship was worth more to me than anything - except maybe Nate's friendship.

I found myself hoping that Parvani would say yes to Nate.

*****