by Kinkycouple2017
Probably one of worst and most poorly written stories on this site. 0 stars
You switch viewpoints constantly, making it very confusing. It also rambles a lot. It's not a bad premise, just needs a lot of work.
Gotta agree with the rubbish comment. This was awful. Bad grammar, bad dialogue, switching viewpoints. Really horrible. Maybe if you get an editor. Try again.
This is a good start, but also not your first story. As others said, get yourself an editor. You switch perspectives too abruptly and it creates confusion and breaks the flow.
Good premise. I'd love to see this fleshed out a little more and turned into a decent blackmail series. Just be careful not to do too much too soon. If she "willingly" submits to a gangbang on her first night blackmailed, there's not a whole lot of room for you to expand from there.
I appreciate the fact you took the time to write this story, but its got lost, switching view point, and at one point you had 4 dogs then it was 6 dogs. I agree with most here try getting an editor, to be honest when you switched view points I stopped reading. good luck next time
Your right i will get better my mind writes faster then my hands and i wander. The rest of you,when you get the balls to comment under a screen name then i will care what you say. Satin if you have an editor for me i will be glad to use one . Btw i noticed no one cared much about grammar with my illustrated stories featuring my hot wife...
Good grief, what has public school done to you? They are not I. She is not me. Your story has the coherence of a methhead eating the moon is made of cheese is good on a Burger King sucks like a Hoover dam was built years ago it started. Look! I can write like you!
You would not be anonymous nor even bother to comment, let's face it you are just a silly troll.
You can't change the narrator mid story without making very clear what you are doing.
I'm sure you will do better next time.