Girlfriend with Testing Device Ch. 23

"Oh my god!" she said, as though she didn't just catch me red handed. "Slut! I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been? What are you doing here?"

My fist shook. I wanted to lunge at her fucking throat. I wanted to rip out her hair and drag her broken body through the mud. This girl hurt me, betrayed me. I wanted to do horrible things to her. I wanted her to taste my fucking pain.

Instead I swallowed my hate and smiled.

"Elizabeth! Like, oh my god!" I put as much dumb-slut bimbo into my voice as I could muster, struggling to hold back the quivering rage in my voice. "I've like, totally been looking, like, everywhere for you too!"

Evan arched his brow in surprise.

"Wait, you have?" Elizabeth took a step back, one hand reaching for her bag while her body tensed. She looked like she was bracing for me to take a swing at her.

"Like, totally! I was thinking - and thinking is like, oh my god so totally hard, you know? - I was thinking, like oh my god, Elizabeth was totally right!"

"I was?" she questioned. "About what?"

"About everything! It's like, why even are we fighting? Why am I running?"

"You don't know?"

"Of course not, I'm just a silly little bimbo. You're the smart one, right?"

"I... uh..." She frowned. Her body relaxed.

Holy shit, she was buying it. Evan wasn't, but she sure was. Of course. I couldn't fool the cheer girls - they'd had years of experience with Slut, they knew full well how she acted, how she spoke. Elizabeth though? There was that time outside practice yesterday - as long ago as that seemed - and that was it. She had no idea how poor of an impression I was doing. I had to use this to my advantage. Maybe I could get closer to her. Catch her off guard.

"Slut was just saying she had something important to tell us." said Evan. "Something about a device?"

My heart stopped. Damnit Evan, why?

"Oh, was she now?" Elizabeth's hand went back to her bag. Her eyes narrowed.

"I..." I looked around. Panic washed through me once more. I had to think of something. I had to say something. Anything! I was smart, wasn't I? I could think my way through this. I had to.

Instead, the smile fell from my face as I looked down darkly.

"How could you, Elizabeth?" My voice was a reflection of my heart, hurt and joyless.

"Slut?"

This was it. There was no hiding anymore. Fine. Good. I was sick of hiding anyway. I couldn't bear to pretend to be friendly with this monster for one more second.

"How could you Elizabeth? You were my friend. I trusted you." My whole body was shaking so hard that I could hardly speak straight. "After all I've done for you? After everything we've been through?"

All of my emotions were fluttering to the surface, fighting for control. Fear, anger, hate, sorrow, disgust. After everything... everything this girl had done to me, now I had her face to face. My blood burned hot as the words flowed out of me.

"You... You killed me, Elizabeth. You fucking killed me and replaced me with some... some bimbo slut parody. But that's not even the worst, no. You took Evan. The one unconditional source of happiness in my life and you stole it. You stole it, desecrated it, and rubbed it in my face. How fucking could you?"

I needed to stop. This was bad. This was a worst-case scenario. I should just turn and run. Maybe I could get past her before she fired? But my legs wouldn't move. All I could do was let these feelings, this hatred, wash over me as I confronted the source of all my woes.

And she just stood there, hanging her head in shame and surprise in response to my tirade.

Evan looked between us, concerned, but he didn't step in. He didn't know what was going on but he knew this was something that we needed to work out between the two of us. Well, for now. If things got violent, he'd leap to her defence in a heartbeat, whether she needed it or not

"Elles..." Elizabeth looked up at me. Moisture sparkled in her eyes. "Is that... is that you?"

"Of course it's fucking me!"

"Elles, oh my god, I'm so sorry..."

"Sorry!?" I took a step back. "You're fucking sorry?"

"You were right Elles... you were right..." tears were streaming down her face "Goddamnit, you were right. As awful and as painful as it is to admit it, as much as I've hated myself every day that's passed because of it. You were right, and I hate myself because of it and it's been so goddamn hard to live with myself and I... I've been looking everywhere for you, trying to sit you down so I could try to fix this, but I was terrified - so fucking terrified - that I'd never be able to get you back."

"You... expect me to believe that!?" my fist shook.

"Its the truth! You're my friend, Elles!"

"How can you fucking say that? You're no friend of mine!"

"Elles..." I was furious. This bitch actually had the audacity to look hurt. "I just wanted to... no... you're right. I've been awful. I hurt you, stabbed you in the back over and over. I'm not worth calling your friend. I... I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I fucked up so bad that that expression doesn't even come close to describing it. But don't you see? I've missed you so much, Elles! That's why I've been trying to track you down. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want you to forget this whole fucking week and we can go back to being friends again, like we always have!"

"So what? You just put everything back and we go back to the way things were? Jesus christ, it doesn't work like that Elizabeth! Even if you swap things back it doesn't change what you've done!"

"But it can! I was just out fixing Sam and Emma. It's like none of it ever happened."

"That's not what I fucking mean!"

Poor Evan just kept looking between us confused.

"You want to fucking fix things, Elizabeth? Fine. Give me the device. We can start there."

Slowly, delicately, she pulled it out of her bag. Jesus, it fit her hands so comfortably. I supposed by this point, she'd used the damned thing more than I ever had. I took a step back as she brought it to bear.

She stared down at it transfixed, she took one experimental step towards me, holding the device out. For a moment, just one moment, I actually thought she was going to turn it over.

"No... I - I can't." She looked up at me with big regretful eyes as she clenched the thing possessively to her quivering chest. "I can't!"

"You see? You don't want to fix a damn thing!"

"No, you don't understand! That's exactly why I can't! I still have so much I need to fix. Evan wanted me to give it up too, but I can't... not until I fix things. Don't you see Elles? I can make everything right again."

"I've seen what you've done to all those people on campus, Elizabeth. You've had plenty of opportunity. You haven't fixed a damn thing! All you've done is left a trail of destruction in your wake."

"S-shut up! You don't think I realize how much of an absolute mess it is? But that's because I've been so focused on trying to find you!"

"Oh yeah? So you could what? How the hell were you planning on turning me back, Huh? I can't even figure out half of what you did."

"I... I was gonna swap back your smarts," she looked down at the device, "and then make you unaware anything had happened. I was going to have you go back to that for a little bit while I tried to track down all the people I swapped you with."

"So you were going to leave me an ignorant slut if not a dumb one. I see how it is, Elizabeth."

"Temporarily! And then I was going to turn you back bit by bit until everything was back to normal."

"Yeah, except I'm none the wiser, and you continue to terrorize the public whenever things don't go your way."

"No!" she shook her head desperately. "I'm trying to be better about that. Evan... he's been inspiring me to be a good person. It's been hard and I've made mistakes, but as long as I'm with him-"

"And what about Evan huh? You were just planning on just giving him back?"

"Yes. No... it's complicated. I intended to at first but... but you don't understand, Elles. I need him in my life. He cares about me. even when I do bad things, even when I fuck up he still supports me, believes I can be better. He makes me a better person, Elles. I- I need him."

"You don't fucking deserve him, you bitch! You think you can just turn me back piecemeal but keep Evan and the device? You think that makes things right? You want some chance to make amends, Elizabeth? Fine. I don't give a shit what kind of bullshit narrative you've been weaving inside your own head, but if you want to do the right thing for once in your fucking life, you can start by giving me the goddamn device!"

"Elles, if I had given you back the device, given you back your knowledge of it, made you aware of all I've done... You'd hate me forever. I'd never see you again. That's... that's the one thing I don't want."

"Of course I'd fucking hate you! You ruined my life, you crazy fucking bitch!"

A part of me should have known better than to insult the girl with the reality altering super device, but we were way past the point of doing the smart thing.

"I never wanted to ruin anyone's life!" she cried.

"Then give me the device, Elizabeth!"

"And then what? You can get your revenge? You can turn me into some kind of toad?"

"So I can get my fucking life back! Jesus, Elizabeth, I'm not a goddamn witch!"

"It's what I'd do if our positions were reversed." she was shaking. "No one would blame you. After what I've done."

"Yeah you demonstrated that pretty damn well. You say you're trying to be a better person? You're the same as you ever were."

"Damnit, Elles. What can I do to prove to you that I'm telling the truth!?"

I looked down at the little yappy dog. That stupid awful dog, wearing my clothes and bearing my name.

"Okay fine. You want to prove you've changed? Swap me and the dog back." I gestured down. "As a sign of good faith."

She looked down at the dog and then at my naked body. She blushed, as if only now realizing the predicament I was in. A wave of embarrassment passed through me.

She took a step towards me, adjusting the device. I shook as she pointed it in my direction. She stopped. She looked between me and the dog and then down at the device again.

"Nice try, Elles." she gave a half-hearted smile. "But I respect you too much for that. I'm not letting you get anywhere near this thing. You'd make a grab for it for sure."

She was right. I had planned on trying to grab it before she ever got the chance to fire. I wasn't about to trust for even a second that she'd actually try to turn me back.

"You see?" I said, trying to put on a veneer of courage "You don't want to fix a damn thing. I'm surprised you haven't already swapped my brain completely with the stupid mutt. Hell, for all I know you've already got something planned and you're just toying with me before doing the deed."

"Oh my god, Elles. I'm so sick of this. I'm not trying to hurt you. It'll be fine, okay? Look, you don't trust me with this thing, I get it. I'm waving around a gun right now in your eyes, but I don't trust you enough to hand it over. So look, we'll compromise, okay? Evan?"

"Sorry, what's going on?" Poor Evan looked completely lost.

"I need you to hold on to this, okay?" Elizabeth clutched the device to his bosom. "So that Slut knows I'm not going to use it on her."

"So, wait, hold on... what is this thing?"

"Don't press any of the buttons and don't let Slut have it, okay? Whatever you do. This is important. Please, for whatever love you have for me. I'll explain everything later, okay? I promise."

Evan nodded as he took the device. He held it delicately, careful to avoid any of the device's controls.

"There. Now you can see I'm not just going to randomly swap you, okay? Come on, let's talk."

"No!" I yelled. "This is some kind of fucking trick. I'm not an idiot, Elizabeth, despite your best efforts."

"Listen to me, Elles..." she looked up at me with shining eyes "I don't know how you got back to your old self, but I can't tell you how happy I am that you are. Swapping you was the biggest mistake I ever made.

This whole week, all I've wanted to do was to set things right. Please. I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I need you to believe me."

"N-no! I can't! That's the fucking problem! I don't believe you - I can't believe you. I trusted you and you betrayed me. You tore away at everything that makes me me until there was nothing left. And now you expect me to fucking believe that you're sorry? You fucking expect me to forgive you? It's not fucking happening!"

Elizabeth's hand began to quiver. The expression of hopeful genuineness on her face turned bitter with hurt.

"Damnit, Elles, I'm trying to do the right thing!"

"No. If you wanted to do the right thing you'd give me back the device. You just want to assuage your guilty conscience. You just want to be able to sleep at night knowing that your actions don't have any fucking consequences."

"Of course they have consequences! And I've been forced to live with those consequences! It's killing me inside. Swapping you away... I... I was angry! It was the worse decision I ever made. You were my only friend, Ellen, my only real friend. No one else understands me, no one else has ever accepted me as me except for you."

"Baby..." Evan put his hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Evan," she put her hand on his and gave him a soft look. "I don't mean to include you in that. I don't know how I'd have gotten through this without you. The truth, Elles..." She turned back to me. "Is that my life sucks without you, and deep down I can't get over the fact that you're gone. I sit down and see something funny and I want to send it to you, I want to make you smile. I keep catching myself wondering about what you'd think. I... I tried to be friends with you after you were changed... I had always intended it to be temporary, a lesson. But it was too hard. All I could hear was your last defiant breath proclaiming your hatred for me and I was still so angry. I'm sick of being angry. I don't want to be angry anymore. That's why I need to do what's right now. That's why I need to fix everything. I... I want my friend back."

"Jesus Christ Elizabeth, you're so absolutely full of shit. Are you even listening to yourself right now?"

"What?"

"How many times, Elizabeth? How many times could you have turned me back, huh? The next day? The restaurant? Any time that whole fucking week? How long did it take you to have this little revelation? You've already had every goddamn opportunity to set things right and all you keep doing is making them worse."

"No," she shook her head, "it's not like that!"

"You keep trying to double down on your fucking hold on the situation. punishing and memory wiping everyone who disagrees with you, everyone who can struggle against you. Just look at fucking Evan! He tried to stop you at the restaurant and rather than admitting that maybe you were in the wrong, you erased his memories!"

"No!" There was an edge of desperation in her voice now. As though she was trying to convince herself as much as me." That's the whole reason I've been trying to hunt you down! I was trying to turn you back, trying to come clean, and you ran! I looked everywhere for you! I told you... I'm trying to be better. I swapped away Evan's memories to spare him the grief over what I was doing, to keep him happy while I fixed things. I'm not trying to use the device to hurt people anymore. Look, that's- that's why I didn't swap those cheerleaders after they helped you escape! That's why I was out just now trying to swap Sam and Emma back! I'm being better!"

"I don't fucking believe you! Look, Elizabeth, I understand what it's fucking like to be tempted into doing things with the device. I've been there. But you know what? I looked at what I was doing, the damage it was causing, the people I was hurting, and I grew and I learned to stop using the damn thing. After that night at the strip club I never wanted to use it again. You? You haven't learned a fucking thing. You say Evan made you want to be better? That he reigned you in? With him unaware of the device all you've done is cut that chain loose. He's not a goddamn toy that you can just change at a whim. Is no one fucking safe from you?"

She turned to look at Evan, but couldn't meet his gaze.

"You think you've been doing better? You haven't. It's too little, too late."

"No! You don't understand!

"I do understand, Elizabeth. I understand better than anyone. You made your choices. Just because you can justify them to yourself doesn't mean you can justify them to me."

"Oh my god, Elles." her whole body was trembling now. "Here I am admitting to my mistakes, trying to make amends, here I am trying to set things right and you just keep throwing it in my face!?" she tightened her fist. "I just... I just wanted my fucking friend back."

"Well you should have thought of that before you killed her and shaped her living corpse into a sex-crazed bimbo slut-monster."

"That's not what I was trying to do! I was just... I was so mad at you... I was trying to apologize then too, at the party. That's why I had gone... and we fought and I was trying to, I don't know, punish you? I wanted you to feel what it was like for once."

"What what was like?"

"I just wanted you to understand what it's like to be... to be me." She looked up at me again, her eyes were welling up. She seemed to shrink. "I wanted you to understand what was like to be in love with your two closest friends and to have neither of them love you in return! To be looked down on by them because you like sex but can't find a good guy. To be this bumbling bimbo sidekick third wheel only good for getting into trouble. That's... that's how I feel sometimes when I'm around you, and I hate it! I hate always being a secondary character in your fucking story."

"Oh my god, Elizabeth." I rolled my eyes. "Fine, you wanted me to know how it feels to be you? Well you've got it. I know exactly what it's like, the pain you felt, that loneliness. And you know what? It doesn't justify any of your crap. It doesn't give you the right to trample all over people's lives like you've done.

Elizabeth looked away. I took a step forward as she took a step back.

"Elizabeth, I was your friend. Slut was your friend. And you... you stole Evan from me and turned me into some out of control nymphomaniac, and even then it wasn't enough. You stole from Slut her smarts. You made me dumb! An idiot! You took from me everything that was important, even when I was, as you say, like you."

"I -"

"But you know what? You know what?" I took another step forward. "I'm not like you. I'm nothing like you. Slut was a better person than you'll ever be. At least she treated her friends properly. At least she didn't try to steal her best friend's boyfriend, you colossal heartless bitch, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much she just wanted to be a part of their lives..."

I was tearing up. Shit. even the memory of that pain hurt. Why was that feeling so fresh?

"And how was I supposed to feel, Elles?" Elizabeth clenched her other hand into a fist and stomped one of her feet. "What was I supposed to do? The two of you were always flaunting your perfect fucking life at me. You - The only people in this whole fucking world who ever gave two shits about me, and him. Damnit Elles, why did it have to be him? Anyone else I could have been angry, but him... but him... I get it, he cares. He cares about what I do, cares about who I am. How are you supposed to go back to that pain, that loneliness after that?"

Damnit, Evan. Why do you have to be so fucking good?