Golf-India-Romeo-Lima Ch. 03

"My pleasure," I smiled and turned around to enter our home while he addressed Sasha same way.

"Thank you too, Sasha," he said after pecking her, "It was the most wonderful day of my life."

I heard her answer as I already opened our door. "It was indeed wonderful, Manuel. See you soon, hun."

"See you soon, hun," my mind echoed. "HUN!"

Unnoticed even by me a feather fell from my wing and spun down from the heavenly heights I was flying. Unnoticed a seed was dropped and settled down into my heart waiting for its opportunity to strike roots. The needle piercing my heart was so thin that I did not feel it, nevertheless it injected the nutrition the seed would need to grow. Especially because I was immune to jealousy, as my dogma enforced.

"HUN!", was still ringing in my ears.

"Are you coming?" I urged Sasha uncommonly impatiently.

Manuel waited until we vanished into the house and the door closed behind us before he drove away. I hurried up to our flat and was quick to have my time in our bath. Tomorrow was Monday and I would have to rise early for my classes was my excuse. I did believe it myself.

The truth was, I had to gather myself and was eager to be on my own for a while. As I brushed my teeth and prepared myself to sleep subconscious took over and raised my defenses.

If you go into martial arts you do the same movement over and over again. It becomes an automatism stored in your muscles memory and at a certain impulse the program gets executed. These are moments you act and afterwards you look at yourself astonished how fast it was.

If you strive for love from a sociopathic asshole who thinks his duty was fulfilled with simply throwing you on earth - if you get rejected again and again you develop similar automatism. You build up walls, towers and fortify your heart against any foe trying to intrude. It eases you, prevents you from pain and makes you survive.

You feel safer but you do not understand that those walls meant to protect you in the first place, do imprison you as well. You lose the ability to look into your own face with an open visor, to understand what is really moving you. And you learn to chant the ever repeating mantra: It does not hurt me!'

A thousand repetitions make one truth until you start to believe it yourself.

I was settled as I left the bath and went to my room. After a while Sasha came in and slipped under the blanket snuggling close to me as ever.

"Thank you," she whispered and kissed me tenderly, "I owe you something."

"You don't. It was a wonderful day today."

"Yep! Do you like him?"

"It's hard not to like him," I admitted though subconsciously I had started to consider him a rival.

"That's great," she sighed. "I also like him a lot."

I could not help the image of a beam balance to appear in my mind. The more she liked him the lighter my own scale became. It would have been the best to confess it to her right now right here. But it would need my ability to understand it myself clearly first place. And even if I understood it, I must had been prepared to confess it to myself on the second. Something I surely was not prepared to. Denying uncomfortable truth had become one of my specialties.

"Better get some sleep now" I yawned and she nodded at my shoulder hugging me tightly.

A poisonous parasite had entered: jealousy.

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The next chapter will be released soon. I thank you for your interest as you made it that far and I sincerely hope you will like to read further though it will become less mellow in the following chapter as you might already guess.

If you have criticism, suggestions or remarks I would appreciate any of your comments very much. Your vote is also very welcome.

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