All Comments on 'Grief'

I read this first on my phone but didn't read any comments then after seeing the avalanche of five stars read it again on my I pad.

Firstly I loved you two previous stories and you are a terrific writer!

But for me this one didn't live up to the Equation or Balance. There was a lot of flab which could have been cut out and you would still have created the dark place you took the couple to. Also I didn't buy the make up scene after finding the picture.

Then again I am one of few dissenting voices. 3*

Simply excellent.

We lost our youngest almost 13 years ago - yet he's still part of the family, whether we comment about a movie he would have enjoyed, or in sharing the successes or less-thans of his friends and our family - we never forget (and his friends don't either.) The missing never stops, in time though the pain lessens.

And yes - when a child dies, 3 out of 4 marriages fail - it's a hard, hard time. Glad they made it.

Wow! Is all I can say.

<P>

Now, I have to find out how those invisible, onion-cutting ninjas got in. :-)

I'm so pleased so many other readers have the same opinion of this marvelous story. The story line is quite unique and craftily executed. So many good stories here suffer from a poor, hasty ending. Not this one, by a long shot. Its ending is masterfully done.

Just one negative reaction. Although not enough to alter a deserved FIVE score, where did "hot air balloons" come from? Anyone familiar with such would know they are not something you give to children, to be released on command. I'm certain the author meant helium-filled balloons. I wish he had simply said that. And commenting the balloons would "soon lose pressure and drift back to earth " might fit the poetic theme, but was just not technically correct, hot air or helium-filled.

But I repeat, this story is a winner!

I didn't think I would ever have tears in my eyes reading a story on this site.....but I do!

Whew! That was a REALLY good story. It brought back so many memories.

You crafted this tale very well, beginning with the strain on two people who were very much in love and committed to one another. The chronic illness of a child can rip the strongest of couples apart.

Here you have both seeking solace away from their spouses. It was smart of you not to have either party crossing the threshold into adultery. That would have muddied the waters and been inconsistent with the portrayal of each spouse.

Pediatric Leukemia is a tortuous, horrible disease. When we read of the child’s passing it rang so true, I cried without reservation. I knew it was coming, but hoped irrationally that she might survive.

However, the child’s drawing was a flight of pure fantasy that was only forgiven because the scene where her parents find it was very powerful and a great way to begin their reconciliation.

I also liked the treatment of the ancillary characters; they weren’t bad people and I’m glad you devoted time to the resolution of each.

Like any good work, I’ll probably read this story again in the future.

. . . close to impossible for me. I lived too much of it. I married the 5-10 lady I met in college even though she was two inches taller. Our first born, a daughter Amanda, was diagnosed with the Type 1 Diabetes that manifested as she entered puberty at twelve. I have an visual image imprinted mentally of her ER doctor in white coat, white background, telling her mother and I that Amanda's blood sugar was 1200 (100 is normal, 500 is dangerously ill, 1200 is off the chart catastrophic) and sometimes we lose them when they are like this. They and them are pronouns so impersonal; Amanda was our daughter. She later told us of her out of body experience that night in ICU of being in the white light above and looking down at doctors and nurses caring for her and the older lady in the ICU suite next to Amanda's. That night was not her night to leave.

Thirty-two years later, mother and I now well divorced, all transplants and exceptional medical care having failed, we had to make the same shut off the machines and let her go decision. The pain is still all too real almost four years later.

That living through this story by oshaw is what makes it all too real for me. Tears flowed reading the last few pages. I think the drawing out onto tablet of paper or stone, keyboard and screen, of all the emotions inside a reader and tying them in knots is the mark of a successful story. Good job author.

For bringing our emotions to the surface and turning around a tragedy!

As a bloke who has been around the block a few times, I never thought I would read a story that brought me to tears at the end. Well done.

The wife is a seriously cheating cunt. She locked her husband out of her life to play emotional fuck whore with her boss. She cost her husband a promotion by getting photographed playing suck face lover with her boss. She had the bad taste to let the boss intrude on Christmas with presents for their daughter from the boss, TWICE. She actually had the fucking worst possible taste by having the boss in their home with his dying daughter as the boss played white knight for the television camera's for the wrong damn station, when husband already won the case. That cost him a promotion too.

So on the day of the funeral they find some fucking picture, well two years cutting hubby out of her life, leaving him to dangle in the wind, us not enough. So he fucks the bitch once in two fucking years, big woowoo.

The day after the funeral he should have served her with divorce papers and said:

"When you meet our daughter after you die you can tell her that there were never any brothers and sisters because you were a cheating fucking cunt and I had no reason to put up with you once she died. I'm selling the house and getting you out of my life whore."

A very emotional story. Ohio has an interesting Reconciliation story, "Visiting Richard Gronier". In that story the daughter healed up totally from Leukemia. This story is a special rethink of that story to show a better solution.

keep on writing.

Regards,

-Pultoy

Interesting read. I agree with the idea you deserved 500 stars for this piece. In recent years I have become pessimistic when it comes to husband/wife relations. In my world view the fact they realized their mistakes and wanted to stay together is unrealistic due to the acid times. They would need professional help to remain together. The victim in me loves this story as it is yet another time of hell I lived through. My next older brother lost his 18 month battle and succumbed to acute mylocitic leukemia on July 30, 1974. Only a few weeks after my own birthday. He was treated at the KU Med Center in Kansas City. Studying him and those with the same form of leukemia led to the breakthroughs that in the mid-80s led to 90% plus remission (after 5 years) rates. His version of leukemia is for all intents eradicated. You can believe I wish he had been one of the survivors. RIP Ted.

Great story, very painful, sad but also realistic. Asking parents to watch their child perish after a long illness is suffering of a nature one can't know unless they have experienced it. Their life stopped for years while they did everything possible to help her - yet were ultimately powerless.

They lost sight of what a family meant, their daughter did not and her final gift to them was a simple reminder. The discovery of the drawing was one of the most powerful and emotional scenes I have ever read on Lit.

Powerful enough catalyst to trigger and reconciliation.

Damn you x

5/5

this is a wonderful story. very emotional very touchy. i got very emotional after reading it. good work of writing. i am a father of two kids. i can understand the pain of losing a child and how it can effect the life of parents.

A very painful, emotional, thought provoking story. There is not much I can add that other readers have not already commented on.

Keep writing.

A very painful, emotional, thought provoking story. There is not much I can add that other readers have not already commented on.

Keep writing.

Whose post begins: The wife is a seriously cheating cunt.

I hope you are either a stock broker or a sports bookie in real life. Someone so perfect in foreknowledge and decisive in absolutely correct action should be seriously rewarded for their brilliance.

Really does address what can, and often does, happen when losing a child. Well written!

which would have been my loss. Being the father of 5, I know there is nothing worse than losing a child. Even in fiction, just the thought is so deeply troubling I avoid stories that deal with the subject.

By the time Rachel's fate was revealed I was so engrossed in the story I couldn't stop reading, although I continued to do so through watery eyes.

My hat is off to oshaw for this fantastic portrayal of life, death, tragedy, triumph, and love. Fantastic Job!!!!

I believe the notes would have been tied to helium balloons, not hot-air balloons.

Not that hobbyist hot-air balloons don't exist, but a) helium balloons are generally used for this kind of thing, and he mentions losing pressure, which would be more of an issue with helium than hot-air.

Silent tears for one lost long ago.

Thank you for your story

RSKY

I almost never write a comment instead choosing to just rate the story. This story touched me deeply and I appreciate the time and effort of the author to write, edit and post this story on this site for others to read.

-RK-

Emotionally and spiritually moving .

Good read. Probably should have been in non- erotic. Or maybe not ??

Look forward to the next story.

AMerryMan

Thankyou for a marvelous story.... wonderful.

Wonderful story and truly heart felt. I've been here myself and no one should ever have to feel this kind of pain.

Thank you for sharing this lovely story.

The very best story here, by some distance. Truly touching.

cant wait for 'H'

can't wait for the next 5* from you

Loved it! Thank you for sharing your story with us! (^_^)

To how the rest of the alphabet plays out.

Top shelf all the way!!!!

Thank you

M1•••••

Love a happy ending

How I feel, I laughed, bitched and then cried....fab!!

Read a story on Lit that ran me through such a gamut of emotions--sadness, wondering, anger, sorrow.... I am typing this while looking at a blurry screen. Oops, it's not the screen, it's the tears of sorrow, loss, reconciliation, happiness, joy, love.....

I gave you 5 stars, but on a scale of 1 to 10, this story rates at least 1000. Wonderful story, masterful storytelling, great plot, just wonderful everything. If your subsequent stories are this good... How can you top excellence?

As another reader said it, all the emotions, plus a blurry screen. Great Job.

That is not a hint for you H story either lol

Wonderfully well done -

Thank you

It's so very well-written... Yes, I got tears in my eyes too... But is that what I expect the stories here to do to me....

But...a gem nonetheless... I know I would have offended a lot of readers who like me would have loved the story... But unlike me would have forgotten that they expected story to have enough erotic content... There's very little of that...

Your stories are great; very moving.

I look forward to your next story.

Thanks

I have read all of your stories including Grief which will haunt me forever. I can now say without hesitation that you are the best writer I have encountered on this site. Unlike far too many others you have recognized that effective erotic fiction requires more than introducing a lead male character by the size of his penis, a female character based on her breast size, and 6 or 7 pages of utterly implausible sexual activity. The best erotica relies on a growing passion arising between two believable characters. I applaud you for understanding how to tell a story that is both romantic and emotionally satisfying.

each time with your excellent stories. Wish I could vote 10. Thank you.

Wow, Wow and Wow again - You have incredible talent as a writer for someone who writes on an amateur site - I am truly jealous of your craft and depth - many, many more please!!!

Strangely enough, I quit reading at the bottom of the first page because I could not put up with where I thought the story was going (I do not like cuck stories). Today, after looking around for something worth reading and not finding anything except cuck stories I went back to this one because of the number of comments, and discovered that it is a love story. Thanks.

This is the second time this story has touched me deeply. Tears are in my eyes as I write this. Thank you.

Wonderful story, had me on the edge of my seat all the way through from the tantalising start to the supreme ending, which exceeded my expectations. I have loved all your stories A to G and feel inspired to join you starting from "A". Though you leave the bar far to high to match, I still feel grateful that there is a place and a category for real honest to goodness stories like this. Well done!

Like an earlier commenter I was concerned early on with where this story was heading. While short, this was a powerful story of love amidst a myriad of obstacles. The journey made the ending that much sweeter and poignant. My thanks for a great ending to a beautiful day as I get ready to go to bed and reaffirm with my own wife why I fell in love with her 38 years ago. Thank you.

It took way to long to develop this into a true story. It is OK to be ambiguous, but the first couple of pages were too random. After getting into it, things were handled marginally better. Thanks for writing.

It was like you were writing about our life. We are a surviving married couple who lost our 6 yr old son to cancer. A BIG percentage of relationships fail where there is a death of or a chronically ill child. Great story!!!!! Too many stars to count.

lots of tugs to the heartstrings.

but, as a pilot and balloonist, I refer you to the comments of KarenE.

Although we ave no children, I felt the emotions of both parents. The picture was a lump in the throat to me. Please continue to write. So few good stories anymore. I feel the cuck stories are not worth reading.

magnificently written ,heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time

Worthwhile read according to category "Loving Wives". It's understandable that relationships will have problems but it's nice to see some redeeming qualities where the couple 'right the ship' and a happy ending. TVM

I enjoy your writing...keep them coming.

It brought me to tears....

Awesome tale! Hits hard at your heart.

Many thx!

this is one of the best stories I've had the pleasure to read on literotica in the loving wives catergory

Considering what a truly heartfelt story this is. I am sorry Ohio.

Usually I enjoy mistakes and spelling errors and the wrong word in the right place can be quite humorous.

I have certainly lambasted a large number of commentators for their criticisms of inadvertent or heck even advertent word choices by the writers.

This error is so egregious and frankly made me cringe in self-loathing when I realized that I had laughed in the midst of the tragedy.

A girl child cannot be emasculated. I believe the word you wanted was emaciated?

Damn, I'm going to be fuming at myself in guilt over this.

Yes Oshaw.

No, not Ohio.

I will go over to the BDSM dungeon and take a dozen lashes in shame.

One of the best emotional story i have read not only on Literotica but any where else.

one of its kinds. Thank you for sharing this.

If this doesn't move you, you should call an undertaker. This story was very very real and it was prepared with expert sensitivity. The death if a child is beyond comprehensible emotional pain especially for the family. The author was extremely respectful and explicit in capturing in intimate detail the plight of the parents and their inability to handle this calamity. Fortunately, I never endured this plight but as a parent I could relate to this story. Thank you for an extremely well written story.

A emotionally moving story. A nice ending, b ut as a parent I think Rachel

would alwasys be missing

i really stuggled with pages 5 & 6

i found them extremely slow going.

very dificult to read.

No fault of the Author ,

i just could not see the words through my tears.

xxxhugsxxx

All I can say to this story is Wow. What a story, what a writer. This was such an emotional story that my eyes were very wet as I read the last few pages. At the beginning, I started skimming the page thinking it was another cheating wife tale. But did you stop me in my tracks. I had to go back and read those pages again. This is one of the best stories I read on this site. Thank You Very Much!

It was painful to read, as had a similar experience, though fortunately with a better outcome. Wife had stage 4 ovarian and successfully survived. Great author who has researched a variety of subjects and write thrilling stories from the heart. 5*****

This story has to be the number one tear jerkers ever written. Fantastic story.

The second time around I was disturbed by the vulturous behavior of Karen and John. In the midst of the suffering with a terminally ill child these two swooped down to attack the marriage of two tortured people! If they had really cared about them, they would have supported the marriage not try to break it up! Do not screw with people with a sick child - it will get you badly hurt and maybe killed. What the fuck is wrong with people?

PLEASE keep writing!

Amazing story! So well written ... I'm at a loss for words. Great job just doesn't seem good enough.

Please keep writing you are very talented.

A great story, can't wait for more!

great wisdom erupts, TK U MLJ LV NV

Kids fuck up a good marriage! Why would anyone want them? Kids are only good for 2 things, Eating (mmm, baby back ribs, yummy), and target practice! Now, where did I leave my Shotgun?

I do not have the talent to judge the story as some have done,or shared a similar loss as others have suffered. I want to thank you for Rachel's drawing and a beautiful ending instead of petty bitterness overshadowing her loss. Tom

A good writer........a great story.Samsiewamsie

I've read all your stories, and this is by far your best. I always rate, but rarely comment. This is one of the best on the site and I would have gave it a 6 if it would have been an option.

So, 1* .

Hey gutless, psychotic troll. After all this time, you are still fixated on me with your same old boring comment. Is this some sort of homoerotic thing with you? Trying to get my attention? It really is sad that you couldn't take up my challenge and post a comment on every story. Hell, it's been over a week to get you to write one. Too bad your inbred brain can't handle the strain to write more than one comment at a time. In case you haven't noticed I'm having a blast from your frustrations. In closing, I want to remind you that it is category; not catagory. You stupid fucktard.

And that is a good reason to take the cheating cunt back?

I had forgotten the details, so this story affected me just as much as it did the first time. Several commented about the balloons - I kind of think the author may have been thinking of the paper bag / candle constructs that float up and burn. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Agree with all of the positive comments - very moving story. Also appreciate those commentators who have had to bury their children and hence could really relate to the characters in the story. I don't agree with the BTB comments.

Really enjoyed this story. The characters were intriguing but each had their flaws which contributed to the imbalance. I became emotionally invested in the story and though it was obvious Rachel wouldn't survive, it was still a sad and moving event. I enjoyed the final reconciliation as well and wrap up. Thank you!

Right near the end I just had to stop at the end of every sentence to gather my self, 5 stars and this is just... I cant find a good enough word

To block or forbid anonymous comments. If they can't be identified they don't deserve a voice. This was one of the best stories on this site and doesn't deserve to be vilified by nameless no-talents who are disappointed because they didn't get their cheap thrill. Great story...ignore the anon assholes.

To temper my previous comment. I was referring to, apparently, just the one jerk who made a couple snide comments. After reading some of the other comments, however, I found many very thoughtful comments made by anonymous contributors...to those, my apologies.

The two parasites in this story need to die. If I were Ray, John would have disappeared into a septic tank along with a few gallons of HCL acid. What a piece of shit to fuck with someones marriage while their kid was dying. Killing him would not be murder, it would be justifiable homicide.

that is when the grieving commences, TK U MLJ LV NV

After losing my wife of 28 years to cancer on 02/02/2014, Your story hit home, There are so many emotions that someone goes through as you watch your spouse or child wither away to nothing. Your story brought that out. Some of the comments I read were made by morons. A very touching story.

one fine story well laid out and told with heart wrenching sorrow. gdjohn52 is being too charitable. the folks he is talking about give morons a bad name. wonderful story thanks

story. I can see how the impending loss of a child can cause extreme stress to the parents. In this case it is too bad the wife didn't honor her husband enough to consider his pain and loss before she began her disrespect for him. However, he should have confronted her instead of hoping she would reverse herself. Evidently she needed him to reconfigure her moral compass but that's hard to do when your world is collapsing and the one who is supposed to be showing her support for you is AWOL. He just didn't have anything left. Hard to buy the reconciliation after that.

Sorry, a very emotional read but I suspect she offered too little, too late. Seemed contrived, an RAAC tale after all was said and done.

THANK YOU ,WELL DUNE APRECIATED YOUR SENSITIVITY, YOU CAPTURED THE PAIN & FRUSTATION OF WATCHING THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD IN PAIN AS SHE WASTES AWAY .WHILE DO WHAT EVER YOU CAN TO EASE HER BURDEN . I COULD GO ON FOR HRS. HERE . BUT I'LL JUST SAY THANKS EVER SO MUCH ,DON

i must have something in my eye.....

The plot is awesome so the story is.

BUT YOU COULD'VE USED LESS CRUDE WORD TO DESCRIBE THEIR SEX.READERS WOULD MOURN AND CRY THAT TIME BUT THOSE CRUDE WORDS DESTROYS THE EFFECT.

Worthy of a look-see by a publisher, who'd put an editor on it to clean up your grammar. But a home run story, through and through.

I feel someone is cutting onions next to me

At the ending of the story it started to snow as they all left the grave sight, it could not have happened at a better time and I was so glad it did, Rachel's Christmas wish came true, a real shame she was not there with her family to see it happen, then again she was, flying close to the ground. Such a very good story, and a real tear jerker, made this old man cry. Thanks for writing this one...keep up the good work. Jim

A real tear jerker. The ultimate feeling of helplessness for any parent and the different ways people try to gain control and lessen the pain. An excellent portrayal of what grief can do to people. Thank you, personally this was a tough one to read. Excellent writing.

I LOVED this story. I have read it a couple of times, and every time I reach the end, someone starts chopping onions next to me.

Still a great story. When things get tough only have to read this to be reminded of how lucky I am. To the previous commenter, extreme stress and grief does strange things to people including relationships. Hope you never find yourself in this situation.

Which is to say, one of the best, period!

I'm reading my way through your work and this certainly stands out. Well done oshaw.

There are a few anonymous idiots who apparently not only don't recognize good writing but also don't realize what assholes they are. Believe me you are assholes of the highest degree.

I have a suggestion for you oshaw, keep writing and posting you work if for no other reason than to piss them off.

Thanks for your hard work and keep writing please.

Woodmanone

I have to say, I had tears in my eyes upon the conclusion of this story. The situations were very real and believable, the writing was superb, and it's one of those stories that remind one of the power of commitment and children in a relationship. Absolutely fantastic. I will be sharing this with my friends.

this is one of those times

good work :)