Guilty

xx

Two endless months after my arrest, the guard granted me a few minutes with my mobile phone again. I switched it on, but had no idea any more who I wanted to call. Everyone had abandoned me anyway. Maybe I´d just check the news sites to see the latest truths about my past and the newest predictions about my future. I had never wanted to be a celebrity and I was not really enjoying the status right now.

Right after it had started, my mobile beeped and indicated an incoming message. The first incoming communication at all since the nightmare began. Maybe not everyone had abandoned me, which gave me a little hope. It was from Tim, which was a slight disappointment. But I was glad someone wanted to talk to me at all. So I immediately opened it. And I felt the blood drain from my face and my body starting to tremble.

It was a photo. Megan. And Tim. Both naked. Fucking. Megan seemed to be unaware of him taking it, but he grinned into the camera. I was devastated, humiliated, defeated.

It also contained a text message.

"always had the hots for her. your loss, my gain, asshole".

I didn´t bother to answer. Everything was crystal clear. I was completely alone now. I was even glad the divorce was already on its way.

xx

Four months after my arrest the divorce was granted, completely on her conditions. The judge was obviously convinced that I was a child molester too. I had tried to get shared custody at least, but failed. Megan also owned everything now. I had lost her. I had lost my daughter. I had lost my parents. I had lost my house. I had lost my savings. I had lost everything. My whole life as gone.

xx

Five months after he rupture in my life, something surprising happened. My lawyer requested a meeting. I dreaded those because nothing ever came from them. But I dreaded the isolation in my cell even more.

"Hi, Curt. I have great news." He made a spectacle of revealing some big mystery and I had to remember my parents´ looks when I had opened my Christmas presents.

"Go ahead, please. Don´t torture me."

"You won´t believe this. The other culprits have suddenly changed their strategy from pleading not guilty to guilty. One of them seems to have confessed and now they all suddenly want deals. And they are extremely talkative and eager to ease their sentence. More than one has already testified that you were not involved at all. That you were just the plumber. I've always known it, Curt. Congratulations."

Sure, he's always known it. Bastard. But that didn´t really diminish my happiness or the weight that was lifted from my shoulders. The constant feeling of hopelessness was replaced by anticipation. Things will finally turn out right now, I thought.

But will they? How could things be repaired? I was officially divorced. I officially didn´t have a daughter any more. If this could be reversed, would I even want it? After the massive betrayal my beloved ones had committed?

I didn´t know. And I unsuccessfully tried to prevent these thoughts from soiling this joyous moment.

xx

To my surprise, I was released almost immediately. Nobody apologized. Nobody explained. Nobody tried to help me. I was more or less just unceremoniously shoved out of the door.

So I stood there in front of a closed prison door. The street was completely empty. No one waited for me. I felt almost as abandoned as I had in my prison cell.

Okay, time to take stock, I thought. I had 152 dollars and 32 cents in my wallet, 50 of those from the damn last job. I had a working and charged mobile phone. And I had the keys to my old truck, which was hopefully still parked at the damn house.

So I called a taxi and waited. The cab finally arrived and the driver seemed to recognize me instantly. Shit, I had forgotten to anticipate how life as some kind of negative celebrity would be outside the prison walls.

"Hey man, I don't drive child molesters."

And with that I began to have a taste of my upcoming life.

"Do you think I´d be standing here if I was one?"

"I don't know."

"I've just been released as innocent."

He pondered the new information for a few seconds. "Okay then, hop in." He wasn't overly enthusiastic but probably had decided he needed the money and he was too old to be molested by me anyway.

Well, if that's how my life would be, I surely wasn't looking forward to it.

I was a little surprised to find my truck still parked near that damn house. Obviously no one had connected it to the case, otherwise it would surely been burned down by then.

Things were continuing to get better. My tools were still inside. Apart from the few I had lost inside the house and during the arrest, of course. And the good old thing even started. Marvelous old truck. The only thing in my life I could rely on, obviously.

To my surprise, almost immediately after driving away from this damn address, my mobile rang. It was a number I didn´t recognize so I took the call. It turned out to be a customer that had heard of my case and was sorry for me. He had some work for me to do. Well, why not? I needed to make a living so I thanked him and started to get on the way. Obviously, the news stations had been very quick to announce my innocence. Probably to minimize the legal shit-storm coming their way.

The next incoming call was the dreaded one. Megan. I pondered if I should take it, but before I could make a conscious decision, curiosity seized control of my thumb.

"Yeah?"

"Um, ah... Hi darling. It´s me... Megan. I'm... I'm so glad that this dreadful mess has cleared up." She sounded quite tentative. And she had every reason to.

"Darling? Really? You're calling me darling? If I may remind you, we're divorced. You chose to refuse to even talk to me. You took me to the cleaners. I even lost custody of Lara. Which turns out to be okay because she told me she's not my daughter any more anyway. You even fucked Tim to add to my misery."

I heard her gasp just as I hung up. My mobile rang again immediately and cruelly showed me the picture I had assigned to her contact. Her laughing at the beach, looking so very happy and beautiful. But I decided to ignore her further calls. No sense in prolonging a failed relationship. If your horse is dead, get off.

The following calls were announced by a picture, showing my former parents in their living room, in front of a Christmas tree. Or by a picture of my former daughter, smiling. I ignored those too.

Instead, I decided to find a lawyer. Not the douche that I had to put up with during the last few months. But some real shark to sue the shit out of every paper and TV station that had soiled my name and helped to destroy my life.

Right after my first plumbing job I searched the internet using my smartphone and decided on the biggest and most prestigious law firm in town. It turned out that they were already hoping to get this case and were pleased to see me. They said that it´s a quite sure thing. None of the news corporations were supposed to use my picture and name while outlining my guilt as a certain thing. Great. I managed to reduce their quite optimistic payment ideas and left in a good mood.

xx

The following months were dedicated to three main tasks. First, a surprising amount of plumbing work that kept me from starving. Second, successfully avoiding to be contacted by my former family. Third, hanging around mindlessly in the cheap apartment, trying to keep myself from thinking about anything serious, especially about the past.

As run-down as the place was, it still seemed like a palace to me after so much time in this parody of a prison cell. I enjoyed decent food again, mainly eating out. I enjoyed my freedom and not being pushed around by the guards. I enjoyed the absence of the terrible fear that had dominated my life for so long. The complete loneliness was something I enjoyed less, but it was a feeling I was used to meanwhile.

My lawyers sued 23 big and small news companies for amounts between 50,000 and 5 million. Most of them wanted to settle this case quickly, without much fuss. Three didn´t want to settle and would be sued. The other settlements summed up to 14.3 million. After lawyer fees and taxes I had 10.5 million. Not bad. I was a millionaire. A millionaire with a destroyed life, without friends or family. Overall, it was a bad deal. But my situation was a whole lot better that a few weeks before, that much was clear.

The incoming money from the media companies dispelled any worries about immediate starvation and removed the need to continue my plumbing business. The big advantage was that I didn´t have to keep my old mobile number any more, which was mainly misused by my ex-family and ex-friends anyway. As none of them had ever shown up at my apartment, this removed their only way to contact me. I thought that this was the best for all of us. We needed to move on.

xx

One of the last calls on my old number turned out to be a bad surprise. The number was none of my stored contacts, so I assumed this was a customer.

"Curt Walters speaking."

"Ah, Curt, our lovely child molester. How are you? Miserable, I hope?"

"Tim, what do you want?"

"Hey man, do you miss her? Being separated from Megan must hurt you terribly."

"You asshole. Why are you doing this? You've been my best friend for years."

"No... no, that's just what you thought. I've always hated you since you got Megan. I was just good at hiding it. At least good enough for a moron like you. I just needed to stay near you so I could stay near her. You know... I had wooed her for quite some time. My future with her was almost certain, I just knew it. She knew it too, although she was too modest to show it openly. We wanted to marry, have children, grow old together. Then you came along and she foolishly fell for you. I... I still can't believe it. It hurt so much. You snatched her away from me, wrecked my life with her. And... I had to sit there for years, watching you two pretending to be lovey-dovey and all that shit. Even having a child that should have been mine. You asshole, you've ruined my whole life with this. You've selfishly taken what should have been mine!" He was getting quite agitated now. His voice changed all the time from being calm and calculating to very upset and back. He was obviously telling the truth, at least how he perceived it. "But I had to be patient, wait for you to slip up. I had to be calm. I knew you would disappoint her at some time. You are just too much an asshole not to. And then you did it. You did it so much better than I had ever hoped to. Our Mister Perfect being a rotten child molester, imagine that. I'm still laughing when I think about it. You're just shit, you never deserved her. She should always have been with me. I'm in love with her for an eternity. I loved her before you even knew her. She's mine. Understand? Mine!"

I was stunned. I had never known any of that.

"Anyway, asshole, I finally have her. She's sucking my cock right now. You want to talk to him, darling?"

I heard some muffled voice. No way Megan would suck his cock while he demeans me on the phone. She had too much class for such a stunt.

"No, she doesn't. Too bad. You probably know how good she gives head, right?"

I just hung up. I had my doubts about his little show but I could not be certain. Shit. The slim possibility that she had actually just sucked him really hurt for some reason. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? And why did I even care?

Well, at least his call clarified why Tim insisted on being such an asshole. He had always been in love with her? Megan and I were history. So was it okay for me if he got her? No, not really, I had to admit. Anybody but him. I realized that I had started to actively hate him, which was quite out of character for me.

xx

After I had received the majority of the payments and my financial worries were definitely a thing of the past, I decided to move to a minor coast town and buy a small but luxurious house directly by the sea. I also purchased a nice, but unobtrusive BMW SUV and decided to take my time with the decision how to proceed with my life.

One thing was for certain though. My old plumbing truck was the only thing that had stood by my side. I liked it and I would never sell it. Apart from that my life was an almost completely clean slate and I was trying my very best to convince myself that this was a good thing. No family, no friends, no worries, no responsibilities, no strings. The past still hurt a lot, but I needed to get over it and move on. I had to prevent the shitty past to soil my future. As much as I had loved my former life, it was a thing of the past. Buried and gone.

After I had settled in my new house, I began to explore my surroundings and decided that I liked the area. It was a calm and cozy town. Everybody seemed to be very relaxed and friendly and if someone recognized me, nobody let it show. My life was almost carefree, apart from the small problem that I just had no idea what to do with it. My days were as luxurious as they were feeling empty and lazy. After two weeks of aimless slouching, I decided to start a small plumbing business again, but in a relaxed way. Only jobs I liked. And only to be among other humans and maybe to meet a few people.

It turned out that I did most of the jobs for free. As soon as I liked someone or had the impression that they were short on money, I omitted the payment. I quickly had a fabulous reputation in town, apart from one less than pleased competitor in a nearby town.

xx

About three months later I was hanging around on my deck, nursing a beer, watching the sea and feeling a little bored. My phone rang and after seeing that it was a local caller ID, I was glad for the diversion.

"Curt Walters speaking."

"Hi, my name is Karen Andrews. I live a stone's throw up the street, in number 26. I've heard that you occasionally accept plumbing jobs."

Her voice sounded nice. I had a very pleasant tingling feeling while listening to it, which surprised me. After the disaster with Megan I had not shown any particular interest in persons with an double-X chromosome. I had treated everyone as some kind of sexless entity. I had the suspicion that I had somehow transferred my mistrust from Megan to all members of the female half of the world's population. Which might have been a little unfair and overreacted.

"Yes, I can do that. I´ll come around right now."

"Oh, wow. That quick? I had hoped to prepare some lunch first."

"Oh, that would be great. I've eaten out for quite some time now and a nice home-made meal would be really appreciated."

"Okay, I´ll fix something."

"Great."

xx

At the given address the door was opened by a very pleasant looking woman. She was no raving beauty, but I was overwhelmed by her warm and welcoming smile. It was somehow impossible to keep a glum mood while facing that friendly and glowing face. My own facial musculature reacted before I even had the time to act consciously. It came as a surprise that the muscles responsible for the facial expression were still working after months of disuse. And it was even more surprising that my mood actually lifted just by seeing this woman.

"Hi, I'm Karen. I'm so glad you had the time to come immediately. Please come in. Coffee?"

"Ah, yes, thanks." Where are your manners, Curt, I thought. "Um, I'm Curt."

I followed her into the kitchen. The leak she showed me was so small that it led me to the assumption that she was living alone. No male owner of an alligator wrench would have called a plumber for that. The thought didn´t exactly made me feel sad. I was still contemplating why I felt that way when I heaved my body onto my back under her sink.

"I'm a widow."

"What?" Yeah, that's the kind of eloquence women want to hear, I thought.

"You're probably wondering why I have to call someone for such a small leak, right?"

"Uh, yes. Sorry. Busted."

I lifted my head and took a good look at her while she knelt by my side. She didn´t look like a widow somehow. She was too young, a few years younger than me probably. And somehow too pretty. Although that thought was complete nonsense - how could anybody be too pretty to be a widow - it seemed somehow wrong that this warm and nice woman had experienced such a grief.

During the twenty seconds it took to fix the leak, she began to tell me her story. Somehow I didn´t feel embarrassed to hear her spilling the intimate details of her life. The leak was already fixed while she told me that her beloved husband had been killed in an accident. I stayed in that position, totally captivated, while she told me how she had tried to cope with the grief. Financially she was well off due to a proper insurance. But she had only recently managed to get her life into a balance and be her true self again.

Suddenly she laughed and the view was melting my petrified heart a little.

"Hey, you poor man. You not only have to listen to my boring story, but also have to lie by my feet while you do it? Come on, I do have chairs. Have a seat, I will fix some lunch for us." And she extended her hand to help me to my feet.

"No, no. It was really... well, I don't know. It was touching. I enjoyed your story. It´s been quite a while since I've felt such emotions. It was really nice. No, wait. Not your story, but listening to it."

She just laughed again. "Oh, stop it. I'm not that complicated. I know what you wanted to say. Here´s your coffee. Now it´s your turn."

"My turn."

"Yes. Your story. I think you need to tell it or you'll explode."

"How do you know?"

"Come on. You're so tense that I could to bang in a nail into you. And you talk about not having felt many emotions for a while. And everybody knows you're well off, but still do plumbing jobs. There is a story behind this and I have the impression that it is mostly untold. Spill it out, I'm a good listener."

She was right. I desperately needed to tell someone my whole story in one go. And boy, was she a good listener. Asking the right questions from time to time without interrupting me, nodding sympathetically, smiling encouragingly. But mostly looking incredulous. As I related how I received the divorce papers, I began to cry a little, but was for some mysterious reason not in the least embarrassed. She left her task at the stove, came over and gently caressed my face. Even that didn´t feel awkward, it was just consoling. I began to realize how much this woman helped me and how much I enjoyed her presence. I could really get used to be around her. She gave me a warm, pleasant and safe feeling.

After I had ended my sad tale, she just looked at me sympathetically.

"You know that she will come back, do you?"

"I doubt it. She has made her choice. And even if she regrets it, I have made mine too."

"Sure." But she looked a little strange while she said it. "Okay, let's have lunch. The plates are over there, you set the table."

Perfect. The way she avoided any awkwardness was just perfect.

Time flew by and although I spent almost five hours at her place, it was over way too soon. We parted with the promise to meet again. My mood on the short walk home could only be described as fantastic. For the first time since an eternity.

xx

I spent a lot of time with her in a casual and amicable way afterwards and my somehow dulled existence of the past months suddenly changed completely. I felt like a statue that came to life after shaking a huge layer of dust. I suddenly felt awake and alive again. And now that the bad feelings started to leave me a bit, I realized how much frustration and sadness I had still carried around.

xx

A few days later I was sitting at Karen´s table after having finished a delicious lunch. My mood was relaxed, I was thinking of - well, mostly nothing. My main problem was if I wanted to have another beer or not, which said a lot about the general level of trouble in my life. I was idly looking around when I suddenly noticed that Karen was looking at me intently. Oh, had I maybe missed something while I had let my mind float around aimlessly? Some subtle female remark or gesture? But she seemed quite content, so I had probably nothing to worry about. She kept looking into my eyes though, which unsettled me a little. I thought it might be impolite or weak to avert my gaze as her look somehow seemed meaningful.